Old and young lover. Why do aging women choose younger lovers?

Romeo or gigolo?

Why mature ladies get young boyfriends

Ilya Brushtein © / Syda Productions / Shutterstock.com

Today you can often find couples where the man is 10–15 years younger than his girlfriend. What does such an alliance rest on and does it have prospects?

Our expert – psychologist Artem Nikolaev.

I found my son!

Despite numerous examples from the world of show business, public opinion is still skeptical about the situation when an experienced matron casts her lot in with a young gentleman. When a forty-five-year-old college professor introduces a twenty-three-year-old graduate student as his girlfriend, this is perceived as completely normal and even approving. Such couples often create families and give birth to children. But if a forty-five-year-old female professor does the same and chooses a twenty-five or even thirty-year-old man as her soul mate, then she will certainly become the object of gossip, gossip and ridicule. “I found myself a son! I bought myself a gigolo!” - these are the softest characteristics that fellow citizens award such couples.

Not a mommy, but a perky girl!

Women who start dating younger men are often called mommies and nannies to their young boyfriends. At the same time, men are certainly accused of selfish intentions. Next to experienced matrons, they are allegedly kept only by material opportunities, as well as business connections and comfortable living space of the patroness. However, the ladies in the middle life path, least of all want to play this role. “For my Zaya, I’m not a mommy, but a perky girl!” – notes 46-year-old widow Galina, who met 32-year-old builder Peter six months ago. Galina's husband was 18 years older than her. Three years ago he died of a heart attack.

“The most important thing is that with Petya I don’t feel the age difference at all,” says Galina.  – We both love to dance, we visit discos and nightclubs. Petya often takes me for rides on his motorcycle... I feel twenty years younger!”

The appeal of youth

What do world-wise ladies strive for when seeking the favor of young men? It is no secret that in such unions the intimate side of the relationship plays a huge role. Often, ladies after forty are disappointed in the love potential of their peers and older men. Stress, poor diet, alcohol abuse, sedentary lifestyle and many other factors adversely affect male potency. At the same time, it is quite natural that middle-aged women are not going to give up intimate pleasures. Therefore, many of them turn their attention to the young.

Article on the topic Unequal marriage. What motivates women who choose young husbands?

However, the fair sex is attracted not only by the almost limitless intimate possibilities of young gentlemen, but also by their character. “Young guys are capable of spontaneous actions. For example, Petya may come home from work and... unexpectedly invite me to go riding a motorcycle around the city at night, to watch the sunrise together, although he has to go to work again in the morning. Older men are no longer capable of this!” – Galina shares her experience.

Live for today

Does Galina see prospects for her relationship with a man who is fourteen years younger than her? “This question doesn’t bother me,” the young woman answers confidently.  – I live for today, enjoying intimacy with a young, energetic man. If in the future Peter wants to exchange me for someone of his own age or another young lady, then I will understand and accept his choice... Love presupposes respect for each other.”

Why are young men attracted to the hot embrace of experienced matrons? “When dating an older woman, a man does not necessarily pursue any selfish goals,” emphasizes Galina’s friend, Peter.  – Experienced women often turn out to be wonderful lovers and wonderful friends! Women’s sensuality sometimes reveals itself only after forty years.” Peter believes that older girlfriends accept their young gentlemen for who they are, with all their weaknesses, mistakes and minor shortcomings. They do not try to correct a man, change his character. “Young girls are often overly demanding, including in material terms. Many of them regularly expect expensive gifts... Relationships with a lady after forty are psychologically more comfortable,” explains the builder.

What about the wedding?

Couples where the woman is significantly older than the man are less likely to formalize their relationship than lovers where the man acts as an experienced mentor. But still, these days such marriages are no longer an exception. “My husband Vyacheslav is nine years younger than me,” says Karolina, a 43-year-old accountant from Tver.  – We got married three years ago. We recently had a daughter, Oksana.” According to Caroline, a young husband is the best motivator for a woman. She constantly strives to keep herself in shape and watch her figure. Is Caroline jealous of her husband towards young women? “I am confident enough in myself not to make my husband jealous. In the end, he chose me and proposed to me!”

Experience in exchange for youth

Psychologist Artem Nikolaev is convinced that when choosing young boyfriends, ladies strive to prolong their youth and actually copy men's style behavior: “When there is an age difference between partners, an experienced patron or patroness is fueled by the energy, passion, naivety, and romance of his counterpart.”

Personal opinion

Antonina Komissarova:

– It’s great when one generation can pass on experience to another. But if we talk about long-term relationships, then couples in which the woman is older than the man seem unpromising to me. Because in most cases it is always a “mother-son” relationship. At some point, a man will inevitably want to become a leader, which is almost impossible in such a relationship.

Nowadays, more and more often, adult women, whose age can be defined as “40+,” enter into relationships with young men who are old enough to be their sons, at a minimum.

If previously such a connection was an exception to general rule, then today you won’t surprise anyone with it. Why do such relationships arise? What attracts a woman and a man to them?

Young lover as entertainment

Life is so structured that freedom, independence and independence come to a woman only in company with age - rarely do any of the fairer sex manage to achieve success in life and profession in their youth.

But by the age of forty, she gains, if not everything, then a lot: she has a wonderful job, money and children who have grown up - or, in any case, grown up to an independent state. But, most importantly, she is confident in her attractiveness and ability to captivate any man she likes. Why not allow yourself such pleasant entertainment in all respects?

A young lover as a solution to problems in the intimate sphere

According to sexologists, male sexuality reaches its peak at 20-25, maximum at 30 years, while female sexuality reaches its peak at 35-40 years. By the time the fair sex finally begins to feel the full gamut of feelings in intimate relationships, a man’s sexuality is already on the decline - after 45 years, persistent erectile dysfunction is observed in twenty-five percent of men, that is, in every fourth. Of those who are younger, 20% of men experience various difficulties in the sexual sphere.

It turns out that it is very difficult for a woman to achieve harmony in the intimate sphere with her peer, about men older speech and it doesn't work at all. The most best lovers women consider men under the age of thirty.

Young lovers are energetic and relaxed, they do not have chronic diseases that weaken sexuality bad habits, undermined nervous system and negative life experiences. There are no taboos for them in bed; unlike an adult man, they are ready to support any sexual experiment.

Young lover as a way of rejuvenation

Relationships with a young lover have a positive effect on a woman’s appearance. Moreover, it is so strong that such an effect is sometimes compared to plastic surgery. French doctors assure that such “hormonal therapy” gives a woman the opportunity to look younger by ten years, no less. In addition, such a relationship obliges you to look good, take care of yourself, play sports and dress stylishly - in general, look your best.

And she is always in a great mood: happy people, as a rule, want to make the whole world happy. If you come across an angry vixen in transport or a store, you can be 99% sure that this person has an intimate life (if she has one at all). big problems. Satisfied vanity should not be discounted either: since a woman is attractive to a younger man, it means that time has no power over her.

An adult mistress as a way to gain freedom

But what does a young man get from such an unequal relationship? Contrary to popular belief, such relationships are very attractive to him. Like women, for them this pleasure is associated primarily with a feeling of freedom. An adult woman is wise and experienced, therefore she does not claim the freedom of her beloved man: she does not control him, does not ask where he was and with whom he spent free time. He, in turn, values ​​relationships that give him the opportunity to receive pleasure in its purest form - without any obligations.

An adult mistress as a way to avoid responsibility

In our world, a man is pressed by a sense of responsibility everywhere - at home, at work, even on the street. Men constantly owe something to someone - genetically they have a sense of responsibility for a woman, home, family and money.

It’s scary to think: he still couldn’t put two words together, and you were already reciting “Borodino” by heart. He rode around the yard on a tricycle, and you ran to school discos. Heplayed “war games”, and you defended your diploma. Although... Maybe it's okay?

At the age of 21, Marina gave herself the following instructions: “Dating a man younger than me? Never!" But some 10 years passed, and her opinion changed to the exact opposite. “Why am I worse than Demi Moore?” - Marinka asked, preening herself before going out with another “student”. “At least check your passport. What if the next one will be a minor?” - Sveta’s friend made fun of her. Well, I was joking. The current boyfriend of 30-year-old Svetlana is barely 22. As soon as the young man Vitya graduates from university and finds a decent job, they will get married. Unless, of course, by that time the disadvantages of this union outweigh the advantages.

Sex

Plus

Peak male sexuality occurs between 18 and 23 years old. For women - for 30-35 years. Therefore, Sveta and Vitya have complete understanding in bed. “What to take from a peer? - Svetlana reflects. - Here's mine ex in the morning I ran to a meeting, talked with clients until 10 pm, then tossed and turned all night - worried that the deal would fall through. I slept on the weekend... We had sex on major holidays, and even then “on the go.” Now Svetlana has a holiday every day. “Oh, we do this to him,” she admits, blushing. - For Vitka, I am a goddess. And for the ex she was a nymphomaniac.”

But!

After the peak of activity comes a decline. If the union is based only on “age” sexual compatibility, then the result of such a relationship will be a break. Not in a year, but in two. Yes, and the banal “Should we talk?” from young lover much more difficult to achieve. After the third orgasm, he will most likely pass out instantly.

Finance

Plus

You won't have to complain that your boyfriend embarrassed you by giving you diamond pendants or inviting you to a restaurant where one shrimp costs more than your usual full meal. With a young boyfriend, you can feel independent and independent. No one will blame you for sleeping with him for money. Where did he get the money, for mercy's sake? “Vitya once spent half of his scholarship on a bottle of champagne, a chocolate bar and a rose,” Sveta says with emotion. - And then I fed him lunches for two weeks. Well, shouldn’t Vitya die of starvation because of his generosity? And it’s okay that he’s poor now. But promising. In a few years he will earn more than me.”

But!

Not every woman has the patience to wait these “several years.” And then, by protecting your young companion from financial difficulties, you risk raising a typical gigolo. To prevent this from happening, psychologists advise each partner to make an appropriate contribution to the overall budget.

Life

Plus

It is much easier to accustom an easygoing young man to the obligatory washing of dishes and cleaning the territory than an obdurate 35-year-old bachelor. “I’ve already trained mine to make dumplings,” Sveta boasts. - And he runs to the store for bread, like a little darling. You don’t have to ask three times like your ex. He generally confused me with a coffee maker and a food processor. He couldn’t open his eyes until I served him coffee in bed. I thought that since he earns money, I should wear his slippers. It’s like I’m not making any money!”

But!

Psychologists say that the willingness to take on household responsibilities depends not so much on a man’s age, but on his upbringing, character and innate desire for order. Sveta was lucky in this matter. But with the same probability she could run into a mother’s boy, who was used to being fed, washed and served.

Communication

Plus

It is believed that being with an older woman is easy and pleasant for a young man. He doesn’t need to spend a year trying to persuade her to have sex through cakes with whipped cream, while listening to endless monologues about platonic friendship between a man and a woman. “Victor once admitted that he never felt as easy and calm with anyone as he did with me,” says Svetlana. “With girls his own age, he had to strain, constantly solve some complex psychological puzzles. And he can just live with me!”

But!

Infantile, psychologically immature men often fall in love with older women. They don't want to take responsibility for how the relationship will develop. But again, this is a hypothetical danger. Psychological age often does not coincide with the biological one. It is possible that in a man who is 10 years younger than you, you will meet a “peer”, and a gentleman with whom you were born on the same day will turn out to be an “eternal boy”.

In any case, psychologists advise communicating with a younger companion as equals, and not as with an unreasonable baby. Let your “boy” feel that you perceive him as a strong and equal partner, ask for his opinion more often. And then the role of “second mother” will not threaten you.

Children

Plus

Your young macho man is unlikely to immediately begin to persuade you to procreate. He first needs to get on his feet, build a house, plant a tree. And only then you can think about your son. “My ex-boyfriend terrorized me with my children,” Svetlana complains. - He said that by the age of 30, any normal woman should give birth. Yeah. Now! I'm at the peak of my career. But with Vitka you can relax. Both of us are in no hurry to have children.”

30-year-old women who dream of quickly fulfilling their “biological mission” see completely different advantages in a younger partner. The sperm of a 23-year-old man is many times better quality than that of a 32-year-old man. At a minimum, the young fighter will provide the baby with healthy genes. And this is already a lot.

But!

Let's say you are not one of those who are ready to give birth to a child “for yourself.” You sleep and see that your lover will one day offer you: “Darling, let’s become three of us?” Then wake up quickly. According to the observations of sociologists, modern men grow to conscious paternity by the age of 30-35. And recently, it has generally become fashionable to “delay” the joyful moment of procreation until the 40th or even 50th anniversary. If motherhood is still included in your plans, and a potential dad is 10 years behind you, then there is a possibility that he will mature too late for his parental mission. For you.

Public opinion

Plus

A young husband is prestigious. You automatically fall in line with stars like Demi Moore, Madonna, Gwyneth Paltrow, not to mention Alla Borisovna Pugacheva, whose each subsequent favorite is younger than the previous one. And if the age difference is completely invisible and everyone around you considers you the same age, then this increases self-esteem in the best possible way.

But!

Despite a lot of “star” examples, unions where a woman is older than a man still cause gossip, envy and discontent. Although, it would seem, who cares? But no. Parents (his and yours), cousins, neighbors, co-workers and even close girlfriends and friends are capable of bringing you back to earth in a moment with a tactless question: “And why do you need this young man (this old woman)?” “I was lucky with Vita’s parents,” shares Svetlana. “They accepted me right away, they said that the main thing is love. But my mother hoped that I would find a more respectable groom. She's still mourning my ex. I suspect they even call each other.”

Appearance

Plus

The young gentleman will definitely not let you drop to extra pounds and a suit a la “an accountant from the village council.” You don't want to be mistaken for older sister your companion, right? This means that, willy-nilly, you will have to cut your hair in fashion, dress stylishly, visit beauty salons, swimming pools and fitness clubs. Moreover, as research shows, in itself life together with a young partner has a rejuvenating effect on the body. A young lover improves cardiac activity, raises tone and even slows down the aging process of the skin.

But!

Even the most the best exercise machines and creams will not help if there is a fear in your soul that you are too old for your companion. “When I see Vitya with someone his age, something turns inside me,” Svetlana complains. - No, I understand that it’s stupid to be jealous and that this girl still has time to grow and grow before me - both in terms of experience and in terms of taste. But she has the main advantage - youth. She can party all night at a disco and in the morning look like she came out of a beauty salon. What about me? I have to constantly monitor what I eat, what I drink, how much I sleep...” It is the fear of losing a loved one due to an age difference that often causes the breakdown of “unequal” families. Doubts are a direct path to scandals and mutual reproaches. The only correct way out is to forget about age. And believe that you are loved for who you are.

Naked facts

• In the 1960s, only 15% of women married men younger than themselves. Now their number has increased to 28%. When concluding a second marriage, the brides are in an overwhelming number of cases older than the grooms.

• Most often, women who are constantly among young people—teachers, coaches—marry “mustacheless young men.” Research shows that 16% of high school teachers have had sex with students at least once in their lives. However, such contacts rarely develop into long-term romances.

• One of the reasons that prompts a mature woman to have a young lover is an unconscious fear of aging.