What should children do if their parents get divorced. Child and Divorce: Important Tips for Parents Psychology of further communication

Such a short question - and such an important one for the destinies of three people. And every time you have to decide what is more important: your own life or the psychological (and sometimes material) comfort of the child.

What worries most of all in such a situation those who turn to you for help?
Is there a difference in the male and female approach in this matter?

Of course, psychologists do not give advice. But we can pay attention to the most important points that must be considered when making a decision.

What does it mean to save a marriage for the sake of children?

For clarity of understanding, I will clarify what I mean by this.

This means that there are no other reasons for a woman / man to be around, or now there are none. In other words, these are the cases when marriage makes a woman unhappy - this man, once chosen by her as her husband, makes her suffer and endure her family life day after day. In this case, definitely, and especially for the children, do not save the marriage and cling to the illusion of a family.

Such an unambiguous negative answer to the question of this round table allows me to give knowledge of the following axioms of psychology:

• Axiom #1.
  If a child, being financially secure, grows up in a family where mom and dad are unhappy, then he will grow up into exactly the same unhappy adult, and it is far from a fact that he will be just as financially successful.
• Axiom #2.
  And if a child grows up with a happy mother (and, preferably, a father, but his stepfather can successfully replace him, and it is also a good option when cooperation is established between divorced parents to raise a common child), then he will be able to achieve everything in life himself.

In the latter version, it does not matter how materially the child was provided in childhood, because his psyche will be equipped with a model of a happy person - the model of his parents, and it will be a trifle to achieve financial success for him ...

Provided, of course, that all methods of preservation have been tried and have not led to anything, a disorganized pair of parents will not show anything good to children.

How often does this question come up in consultations?

Although sometimes it does not sound like a question, but rather a labored statement: "Well, for the sake of children, you need to save your family!" Whether it is necessary?

Option A.
Of course, you should try if, besides children and loans, something else binds you - feelings, a desire to be together, despite a difficult period, respectful relationships.

Option B.
It is not necessary - if the husband drinks, beats, commits moral violence against you or the child, does not respect, does not give a damn about the paternal and marital roles.

The question is how? Is it necessary to save?.. If there is something to save, the question is clear, and I described these options in option A. And in the second option, what to save? What family are we talking about?

You know, when families of option B do their best to save "for the sake of" children - the children, alas, do not become happier because of this. One such grown-up child, recalling at a consultation a five-year-old self hiding under the table while dad was beating mom, bitterly repeated her words, "For your sake, son, I endure." - "WHY did she endure this for me? I dreamed that she would leave him!"

This, of course, is an extreme option, although not a single one, unfortunately.

If we are talking about children's needs, the family, of course, is of great importance. But one where they love and respect each other, where mom and dad are happy. If the parents hate each other and endure for the sake of the child - he inevitably feels it first, and then understands, experiencing bitterness, pain and guilt. In such options, there is much more benefit from a happy mom and dad, even if they live separately. Then the child has the opportunity to learn joy from both, and not absorb the hopelessness and longing of those who are "nearby, but not together."

Contrary to popular belief, children from divorced families, where parents were able to build good relations with each other, without "pulling" the child in their own direction, can and do become happy people.

Therefore, "save whether?". Yes, if there is anything. And no, if nothing.

Sometimes the main difficulty is to understand which variant a particular case belongs to, and then it is worth waiting and trying to figure it out. Maybe with the help of a family psychologist. And sometimes everything is obvious. You know better.

And sometimes, behind the wording "we live for the sake of the child," a motive from a completely different area is hidden. Fear of changing your life. And that's a completely different story.

Definitely - NO, if attempts to glue a broken vase are unsuccessful. Some mistakenly believe that by saving the marriage, they help children avoid a stressful situation, they can prolong their psychological comfort from the fact that their parents are together. However, no matter how you try to "play" love and create the illusion of a positive microclimate, sooner or later all the masks will be torn off.

Someone has enough patience for a month, someone for a year. But the resources of the psyche are exhausted sooner or later. In addition, children will still feel alienation between their parents. After all, it is not for nothing that they say that children are the best psychologists. They read information on non-verbal means of communication (eyes, facial expressions, posture) and they will understand and feel everything, even if you convince them otherwise with words.

And the realization of a fake relationship between parents will not make your child happier, but will only bring suffering, disappointment, and maybe teach insincerity in further communication with other people.

You can only wait a little with a divorce in a certain situation. For example, if a woman without a man has absolutely no means of subsistence, housing, and no change in financial situation is expected in the near future. That is, if she does not have a job, at least some education. Then you will have to endure for the sake of yourself and the children for some time until you find a job, finish your studies (do not master the profession). Divorce will be acceptable as soon as a woman gets on her feet and can exist independently of a man.

In this case, it is very important to pay attention to the psychological preparation of children for the separation of their parents. They should not have scandals before their eyes, and even more so physical violence. Parents must convince them that they love and do not leave, they will always come to the rescue in a difficult situation, they will simply live separately, because it does not work out together. I will not go into details, as this is a topic for another conversation.

Keeping a family, including for the sake of children, or getting a divorce is the prerogative of clients. A psychologist can help clients make informed decisions based on their life priorities and values.

If the psychologist focuses on preserving the family (and the client asked to make a decision, and not save the marriage), this indicates a loss of neutrality, the ineffectiveness of psychological assistance. The psychologist can be influenced by ideas that "divorce is a socially unacceptable phenomenon", personal life experience, the theme of divorce in family history.

It is important to remember that if one of the spouses is categorically set on divorce, then it is impossible to save the marriage.

The main criterion for choosing - in which situation it will be better for all family members, where there will be less suffering for the child, spouses. I would not separate “my life” and “the child’s psychological comfort”, since it is impossible to provide a favorable atmosphere for a child in a family where parents (or one of them) are unhappy, because the child reads the emotional state of loved ones both in conflict situations and in situations of "icy silence".

Working with clients who apply in a "pre-divorce situation", it often turns out that the accumulated grievances and claims prevent the spouses from building a dialogue, and they see divorce as the only way out, that is, behind the "divorce proposal" there is often a desire to improve relations and save the family.

If a divorce does occur, then the spouse with whom the child remains often faces an increase in household workload, financial difficulties, and behavioral problems of the child. If he was not the initiator of the divorce, he may have a lot of negative feelings towards the departed spouse (resentment, anger, anger). In this situation, psychological assistance may consist in the fact that the divorce is "emotionally completed", the former spouses have no resentment, an agreement has been reached (and is observed) between the divorced parents on the procedure for communicating with the other parent, on financial assistance to the parent with whom the child remains and other issues of education. And the child understands that he is loved by both parents.

Children of divorced parents who have managed to agree on the upbringing of common children perceive each parent in the same way as children from complete families.

This answer instantly breaks from the lips!

Ah, this is "for the sake of" ... How many adults, sitting in a psychologist's office or answering their mom or dad, ask: "Did I ask you about this?!"

It's often more environmentally friendly... to leave. Parents. Stop being for each other a man and a woman, husband and wife... While remaining mom and dad for their children! Parents and children are forever. A husband and wife, it happens, and often, not forever. We choose partners, mom and dad, we don’t choose children.

Have you noticed how the children of divorced parents speak? “He left me and my mom”, “I don’t have a dad / mom” ... Or they repeat the phrases that have settled in the children’s memory that belong to one of the parents: offended, embittered, guilty, but not recognizing it. Often "stuck" in that traumatic moment...

Children have to "unite" with the offended party (more often with their mother, since the child usually stays with her after a divorce). And he/she loves the second parent! Yes, he loves it very much. But to love legally, to be in the access zone with the second parent, alas, does not always work ... The result is an internal conflict, behavior deteriorates, studies suffer.

The pain from parting and everything that precedes is so strong that the child (happens) becomes an instrument of revenge ... Bans on meetings, under the control of their date, a lot of "good" to the "bad" parent, and the story is distorted, sorry :), but That also happens. "Dad's gone, left us, baby (followed by details that children should not know, the private / intimate life of parents is a taboo for children of any age)!" But my mother also contributed - there are 2 (two) participants in the conflict! If we are talking about the conflict of a married couple (or couples who have a common child, but do not have a marriage certificate).

A child in the womb feels everything that happens. And even when they are two, five and older, they already feel (although they don’t understand adult “games”) that something is going wrong in the family ... Even if there are no classic scandals, but just dad comes late, mom cries quietly, hatred hangs in the air, the mother begins to give cuffs to the baby (it’s easier to discharge on the baby than to resolve the situation with a partner in an adult way), strained walks with the “ideal family” and much more ... You know.

When parting, it is important to maintain, if not respect, then acceptance of your partner. Otherwise, you will not be able to love and accept a child - he/she is half of your ex-husband/wife. And the child will feel, worry ... "Mom does not love me", "Dad does not need me." And destructive guilt ("They got divorced because of me", "Mom says I'm like dad", "You're the same as your mother!").

People, be adults, mature people. Help your children be happy.

Happy mother, happy father, happy child! Parents respect each other - children are calm, they do not need to carry an extra burden.

This slogan "For the sake of children" sounds very often and on various occasions. Including as a strong argument in favor of saving the marriage. And let's look at marriage as a certain contract between two adults, recognized by them and society.

By concluding such an agreement, two immediately become members:

1) the marital system - with all its roles and functions;

2) a family system - which they begin to build, developing conditions and rules, what and how can / cannot be done and how this family will contact in the external environment (with society);

3) an extended family / clan - it was at their request that two completely foreign family systems had to get to know each other and begin to interact, taking into account the difference, changing the established rules;

4) after a certain time, another system arises - parental: with the advent of the first child, two become father and mother (in some families they begin to call each other like that: "Father, go get bread!" - "Mother, when will we have dinner?" ), and the main thing here is how they agree on resolving issues of caring for and raising children, represent the interests of the child in front of the extended family and society;

5) simultaneously with the parental system, the child-parent system arises: the relationship between children and parents within the family;

6) when a second child appears, there will also be a sibling system - interactions and relationships between the children of this family.

Therefore, to dissolve a marriage is to be ready to make changes to ALL six systems at the same time, to be ready to accept claims and be responsible for your decision. Here, after all, the question of well-established functioning arises: material support, coordination of actions and connections, time and relationships.

In the heat of anger, quarrels and resentments that usually precede a divorce, they usually don’t think about any planning for their future life in its entirety and volume (how many systems!) Even if the marital relationship has become obsolete and the social marriage contract has become unfeasible for one or both parties, and they are ready to part peacefully, still very few people agree so globally.

It would probably be good if family consultants worked with the family during crises and it would be possible to agree on many issues, taking into account and coordinating (where without concessions) the interests of the parties. But everything is simpler with us: bang - divorce and maiden name.

Well, please, live separately - adults, experienced and independent. What, in fact, were BEFORE marriage. Although no: now the experience of living in marriage and building a family has been acquired. But here new questions arise.

The first one is children. They appeared in the family, they have no idea that dad and mom can live separately, that in general everything in life can change. Danger - children often blame themselves for the divorce of their parents. They believe that they were not good enough children, they did not try enough to please mom and dad.

And it's worth trying - to become an excellent student / champion / bully / double or get seriously ill - and everything will come back again. Let with quarrels - but as it was in their stable and familiar world of the family. Because with your divorce, you have shaken their faith in stability, reliability, predictability, security in this big world. The child SHOULD be PREPARED for the divorce of the parents.

The second question is the fragments of structures of a destroyed family. It may very well be that now your income will not allow you to maintain the same standard of living. And the move will force a change in the circle of communication. There are no new connections yet, and the old ones are cut off, distorted, minimized. It's weird, it's painful, it's stressful. Both for an adult and even more so for a child.

He still does not understand: why and for what? Why is the divorce of his parents and the move due to the fact that he loses friends, cannot go to his favorite section (no money), will not go with his father, say, to the Crimea, where his father promised him to show warships.

The third question: showdown, presentation of their rights, pressure, manipulation, banal revenge. Marriage is between adults, divorce is also. But the parental rights to the child are equal for both parties. Assignment of rights is not always possible. Situations when the court determines with which parent the child will live or on what days for how many hours he is ordered to communicate with dad or mom.

And in order to defend your innocence in court, you will have to collect a lot of certificates, copies of invoices, testimonies that you are a super-responsible parent and you can be trusted with your own child. This is not just stress, the courts can become the main content of a whole long period of your life, its meaning. How do you feel? And the child?

No, I don't want to convince you that divorce is evil. When it comes to violence (beating, regular moral bullying, intra-family theft and lies - often associated with alcoholism and drug addiction), the choice for divorce is obvious. Otherwise - the destruction of one's own personality and self-identification of children.

When choosing a divorce, you will have to face many of the difficult questions and problems that I wrote about above. And it will be better if at this time you find the opportunity to visit a psychologist yourself and take the child to a child psychologist. Then this dark period will pass calmer and faster, without losing faith in yourself and trust in others, it will not turn into eternal twilight and sunset of life.

If there are no facts of domestic violence in your life and the life of your child, but you feel and understand that your marriage is becoming empty, ask yourself: how many percent are you sure that you personally did everything possible to save the marriage (as it was at its best). years)?

If your confident answer is that you did everything you could 100%, it's time to leave, then properly prepare yourself and your children for a divorce. But if you, after thinking, give an answer about 99.9% - see what else you can do. Sometimes 0.1% matters.

To find out the answer to this question, you need to look, and what is behind it. And looking, you can be sure that the marriage is not saved for the sake of the children, but for the sake of oneself, the children in this case rather act as a cover, unfortunately.

And if so, then most likely, now you do not have enough resources and strength to find another way. To test this, try to continue: "I save the marriage for the sake of the children, because ...".

The most common responses I hear from my clients are:

• "I think it will be better for children"
• "I'm afraid I won't be able to do it alone"
• "I am afraid that I will not be able to provide the child with everything necessary,"
• "I have nothing, I have nowhere to go"
• "I'm not used to dealing with everything on my own",
• "I'm afraid that the children will not forgive me when they grow up",
• "you can't get divorced, this is not accepted in my family (I'm afraid of the reaction of relatives)",
• "I myself (a) grew up in an incomplete family, I want my children to have it (I'm afraid that my children will face what I had in childhood).

And if you look closely, almost all the answers will be about you - about your thoughts (assumptions that may not be confirmed), about your feelings (fears, fears, anger, resentment, and others), about your self-doubts, attitudes and beliefs. That is, by and large, it turns out that you stay in a relationship for your own sake.

And if you can admit it and want to be honest with yourself, then I invite you to answer the following questions, which, I hope, can help you learn more about yourself, your relationship and make a more informed decision:

• leave everything as it is, stay in a relationship because you are not ready to change anything;
• stay in a relationship and try to improve, enrich, change them;
• stay in a relationship and work on yourself, your fears (start / change jobs, start a hobby, passion, work with a psychologist);
• get out of the relationship without unnecessary sacrifice, trying to save yourself, the children and the relationship with the parent of your children.

Try to answer these questions in writing, this is, firstly, a more effective practice, and secondly, it will be useful so that you can go back and reread what you have written the next day (it helps to notice nuances, more soberly evaluate what is written).

1. What is valuable, important for you now (what inspires you, gives you support, helps to be close) in your relationship with your husband/partner? How do you feel around your husband/partner now?
2. What used to be (in the beginning) valuable, important, what held your marriage/union/relationship together? How did you feel then?
3. If your relationship had two or three things from point 2, would you like to keep the relationship? What would you feel?
4. What do you dislike/hinder/lack in your relationship right now? Are you ready to work to change that? Have you talked about this with your partner (calmly, not in a quarrel, without demands for threats and blackmail)?
5. Is there a difference for you in the roles of "husband / partner" and "father of the child" ("wife" and "mother of the child"?
6. What is valuable, important in the relationship of each of your children with their father/mother? How does each child behave, interact, communicate, feel/feel when the father/mother is near and in his/her absence?
7. What will happen if you stay in this relationship, with you, with the other, with each of the children, with your relationship? How might this affect the children, you, the other, your relationship?
8. What will happen if you leave the wearing, stay alone / alone with the child? Who/what can you rely on? How do you imagine your life? What difficulties might you face? Which of these is the most difficult, scary? How can you cope with this, who / what can help you with this?
9. If your loved one (son, daughter) found himself in a similar situation, what would you advise him, how and in what way could you help? Could you ask someone from your inner circle about it?

And whatever your decision, it is important to remember the following:

• The decision is made by you and your partner / spouse, you should not shift it onto the shoulders of parents, relatives, and even more so children. It's your marriage/union and your relationship, nobody knows what's best for your family.
• Spouse / partner and father / mother are different roles, and when they are mixed, conflicts most often arise because of which everyone suffers, especially children, since they are the subject of blackmail, manipulation, revenge. The child is often unknowingly the glue to the relationship, using various means (illness, whims, antisocial behavior, drugs, leaving home, threats or suicide attempts).
• You have the right to be happy / happy, if you leave the relationship, you cease to be spouses / partners, but this does not mean that you deprive the child of a parent. It is in your power to agree on the presence of the other parent (if he wishes) in the life of the child. "Good husband/wife" is not the same as "good father/mother". Just like vice versa, "bad partner/spouse" is not the same as "bad father/mother".
• You cannot change the other, you are not responsible for what kind of partner / spouse, father / mother he is, but you can change yourself, work with your limitations and experiences. If you learn to take care of yourself, become stronger, happier, then you will be more likely to help your children become the same.
• You have the right to stay in a relationship and not change anything if you don’t have the resources and strength to do so right now. It's not your fault if your relationship doesn't work out the way you wanted. And at the same time, you are responsible for the life and health of yourself and your children, both physical and psychological/mental. And if something threatens your health or the health of your children, and even more so if this happens systematically, then you have the right to seek help and receive it.

I wish you to take care and value yourself, your relationships and your family in order to save your children not for the sake of something or someone, but in the name of

This is very painful. Terrible and embarrassing. Divorce has never brought satisfaction to anyone. Even if the spouses part by mutual desire (which happens not so often), even if they did everything “civilized”, both experience disappointment, pain, loss. In Russia today, according to Rosstat statistics, about 50% of families break up. Moreover, most of the divorces occur in those families where the husband and wife have been married for 5 to 9 years. This is a considerable period. And, as a rule, there are already children in such cells of society.

Situations, of course, are different, and sometimes divorce really becomes the only reasonable way out, but only adults always make the decision to part. And children - always, in all cases without exception, become hostages of parental divorce.

Every child, regardless of age and temperament, upbringing, religion, citizenship and place on the social ladder, loves his mom and dad equally strongly. For him, the loss of contact with any of them is not even an injury, but a real disaster.

To get a rough idea of ​​what your child is feeling, take your feelings as a basis and multiply them by two. And that's not all.

Impact on the child's psyche

Strange as it may seem, the divorce of parents has the strongest effect on unborn children. If it so happened that the family broke up during the woman's pregnancy, the baby in her womb experiences a range of mother's negative emotions, it is attacked by incredible doses of stress hormones. A baby can be born with serious disorders in the functioning of the nervous system, in the psyche. In 90% of cases, such children are very anxious, capricious, and often get sick.

Discord in the family is felt by both infants and older children. What are they experiencing?

Outwardly, your offspring may not show anything, especially if the conflict on the home front has been developing for a long time, and everyone is already pretty tired of screaming, disassembling and slamming the door. In this case, the child is most likely to regard divorce as the logical conclusion of a difficult period. But inside he will blaze fires and erupt volcanoes, because internal stress (by the way, the most dangerous for human life and health) will not go anywhere on its own. It accumulates and grows.

Often a complex of his own guilt for what happened comes to his “help”. This happens in children aged 2 to 7 years. The fact is that the child, due to age, cannot understand all the real reasons for the divorce of his parents. And therefore "appoints" the guilty one - himself. "Dad left because I'm bad." “Mom left because she didn’t listen to her.” This terrible state breaks the child's soul into two parts. One stays with mom. The other is with her father. Plus self-loathing. The result is fears (up to the development of phobias), tantrums, aggression or another extreme - isolation and tearfulness.

If such children are not helped in time, the consequences will be dire - mental disorders, the inability to build their own families in the future.

Children 9-12 years old fall into the other extreme - they begin to feel strong anger at the departed parent (usually dad), resentment, they have a feeling of their own uselessness. Especially if the remaining parent rushes to arrange his personal life - to look for a new "dad" or "mother". The child is left alone with his misfortune.

Teenagers usually meet the news of a divorce with pronounced protest, especially if the family was prosperous or seemed so. Boys “buzz” more, they categorically blame their mothers for the fact that their father left, or, conversely, they trample on their father’s authority and take their mother’s side. Thus, they suppress the masculine principle in themselves and launch a program of "self-destruction". Teenage girls experience the divorce of their parents more restrained, but no less strongly.

Many teenagers admit that they began to experience a burning shame for an incomplete family in front of their peers. And almost all children from families where there has recently been a divorce, intellectual abilities are declining. Children begin to study worse, become distracted, disorganized.

The stress of parental divorce at any age can be so intense that the child becomes physically ill. Some already grown up guys begin to write at night. In teenage girls, the menstrual cycle fails. It is not uncommon for children to develop allergies and skin diseases. Chronic ailments are exacerbated.

The most difficult period is the first time after a divorce. Somewhere around 6 - 8 weeks you will be unbearably sad, lonely, hurt and scared. And then the stage of adaptation to a new life will last another six months. It is important that it is during this period that we, adults, make an effort on ourselves, curb our negative emotions and organize the life of the child correctly. Because it is doubly difficult for him. Remember this.

You can find out how a child feels when his parents divorce, by watching the following video.

How to talk about divorce to a child

If the decision has already been made, and it is final and irrevocable, clearly plan a conversation with your children. If the fact of parting is not yet obvious, do not rush to "wag the nerves" of your child. It is necessary to speak only when there are no false hopes for family reunification.

Who should say about the upcoming divorce? It's up to you. More often, the mission of a messenger with bad news goes to mom. But it can be dad, and both spouses together. If you can’t find the strength to keep your emotions under control, entrust an important conversation to the grandparents, aunt or uncle of the child. The main thing is that the baby trusts the person who undertook to explain to him the immediate prospects for the family. And be sure to try to be present at this conversation.

For an important conversation, you need to carefully prepare. In your adult head, put everything on the shelves so that you are ready for any questions a child may have.

You need to choose the right time to talk. It is best if it is a day off, when the offspring does not have to go to school, kindergarten and classes in the section. At the same time, he should not have any important business or responsible event planned. It is not known how the baby will perceive the bad news. There may be a tantrum, he may need privacy. Let the conversation take place at home, in a familiar environment.

Who to speak?

All children deserve the truth. But not all of them, due to their age, will be able to accept your truth, let alone understand it. Therefore, it is better not to discuss the upcoming divorce with a child who is not yet 3 years old. Wait until the little one starts asking questions himself. And he will soon ask where dad is, why he comes only on weekends, where he lives. Prepare answers. There is still time.

Children from 3 and older must notify in the upcoming divorce. The main principle is this: the younger the child, the less details he should say.

How to build a conversation?

Honestly. Directly. Open.

• Use simple words that a child of his age can understand. The use of unfamiliar clever expressions and terms, the meaning of which the child does not understand, will cause anxiety and even panic.
• The older the child, the more frank your conversation should be. Use the pronoun "we". “We decided”, “We consulted and want to tell you.” Talk about divorce as an unpleasant, but temporary phenomenon. Ask your teenager for help to get through a difficult period. “I can’t cope without you”, “I really need your support.” The kids love it and will gladly take on the extra responsibility.
• You need to speak honestly. Focus on your feelings, but don't overdo it. “Yes, it is very painful and unpleasant for me, but I am grateful to dad for the fact that we have such a beautiful and beloved you.” Emphasize that divorce is by and large a normal process. Life is not over, everything goes on. The main idea when talking with a child should be that dad and mom will still love their son or daughter, take care, educate. They just won't live together anymore.
• You should not lie to a child, explain the absence of a father or mother with "urgent matters in another city." Children have well-developed intuition, and even if they do not know the true reasons for the catastrophe taking place in the house, they will perfectly feel your lie. And this misunderstanding will horrify them. In addition, they may stop trusting you.

When telling your child about the upcoming divorce, you need to avoid a negative assessment of your recently beloved soulmate. The baby does not need your dirty details - who cheated on whom, who fell out of love with whom, etc. For him, both parents must remain good and loved. When he grows up, he will figure everything out on his own. But if the separation is due to the pathological dependence of one of the family members - alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling, it makes no sense to hide it. However, it is necessary to speak on this topic correctly and accurately.

What not to do?

Divorcing parents tend to make the same mistakes. The main one is obsession with one's own experiences, the inability to put oneself in the place of a child. It is stupid to demand complete adequacy from people who are in a state of extreme stress, and therefore just remember what you can’t do during a divorce in the presence of a child:

• Clarify relationships, use offensive and humiliating expressions, exaggerate the details of the upcoming divorce, division of property. Who to whom and how much you will have to find out in the courtroom or when the child is not at home. An overheard conversation of this kind can give a growing person reason to think on the topic: “How can they talk about an apartment and a car now that our family is crumbling?” This will form the wrong attitudes for the future - the material will be more important than the spiritual.
• Cry, throw tantrums. Your negative ejection hurts the child in the most vulnerable place. Want to sob? Go to a friend, to your mother, to a psychotherapist. There you can easily cry and complain about the "ungrateful beast."
• Dramatically change the order of life and family life. Let everything flow in the usual rhythm for the child after the divorce. It's hard for him even without moving.
• Manipulate the child in a relationship with the already former soulmate, limit communication with the father.
• Emphasize to the child his resemblance to the former spouse (wife), if he did something bad. You can’t shout at a son who broke an expensive vase that he is “all like his father.” The image of the father will be associated in the child exclusively with bad deeds. Yes, and this behavior does not paint you.

• Do not hesitate to seek help from a specialist. Divorce is too powerful stress and a severe test for the psyche of adults. For a child, it is comparable to a nuclear catastrophe. Often, without the help of an experienced psychologist, neither you nor the child can cope with this.
• Children in a family that is falling apart or has already fallen apart are doubly in need of attention. Give them time, make sure that stress does not get out of control and does not turn into severe depression or a mental disorder in a child.
• Try to spend the weekend, as before, with the whole family. Of course, if the relationship with the spouse remained friendly. This will require a woman of great endurance and self-control, but it's worth it. In such an environment, it will be easier for the child to get used to a new life.
• Don't take your anger out on a child. Do not listen to advisers who assure that a boy left without a father's upbringing needs to be raised tougher and more severely. Such mothers grab the belt with or without reason, tighten the system of punishments and gradually become real dictators.

For information on how to raise a child without a father, see the video of clinical psychologist Veronika Stepanova.

How to help yourself and your child survive a divorce, you can see in the following video.

After divorce

Divorce, of course, is a severe trauma for a child, but sometimes it is better than continuing to live in a family where there has been no mutual understanding and respect for a long time, where parents compete who will shout louder or slam the door. The consequences of a divorce for a child in the future are often less serious than the consequences of living in an inadequate aggressive environment.

It is good if the child can continue to communicate with the father and his relatives after the divorce. If this is not possible, you can ask for help from your friends - men, other relatives - representatives of the stronger sex, because a child (especially a boy) needs to communicate with his own kind in terms of gender.

Why it is worth finding a father-mentor to your son, see the next video, where psychologist Irina Mlodik tells many of the nuances.

In Russia, children usually stay with their mother. But there are exceptions. Minors can go to live with their father by court order if the mother leads an antisocial lifestyle, suffers from alcoholism, and uses drugs.

How children and parents will communicate after a divorce depends on how the former spouses are able to agree. It would be nice to establish a procedure for communicating with a child after a divorce: who and when takes him to the pool, who picks up when dad can take the child to the cinema, and when mom goes on an excursion with him.

So that the child does not feel chaos, mom and dad need to strictly adhere to the communication schedule. Both parents should be able to keep their word - they promised to come for the child on Saturday, please do so. Parents also need to determine the time of communication on their own.

It is desirable if the former spouses can find at least one day a month for joint leisure. The child needs not only dates with dad or mom, he needs to be at least occasionally with both of them.

Don't turn your child into a spy, don't ask your son, who has returned from a pizzeria after a date with his father, how is his father, where does he live, does he have anyone, what does he look like? Happy?

Avoid discussing divorce topics at meetings with your child. What was, is gone.

If the ex-husband and wife fail to build a constructive dialogue and independently agree on the procedure for communicating with the child after a divorce, this can cause additional stress for the baby. Will the little one be happy, to whom his mother is trying to limit communication with his father? Both parents legally have the same rights to their son or daughter. If one party is trying to infringe on this legal right of the other, going to court with an appropriate statement of claim will help. Then the servants of Themis will set the schedule and time of communication with the child.

I am a supporter of dialogue, not litigation, and therefore I am sure that two adults can always agree, provided that they have such a desire. In the end, the child is not to blame for anything. Divorce is only your decision. Don't let him ruin your baby's life. After all, this is a separate person, unique, loving and waiting for reciprocal love. From both of you.

In the next video, psychologist Olga Kuleshova will talk about some of the nuances of divorce and how they can affect the psyche of the child and his future life.

About who the children remain with after a divorce, see the next video.

For information on how best to tell your child about the divorce of your parents, see the following video.

Unfortunately, every third family in the world collapses for various reasons. Worst of all from this event are children who are not to blame for anything, but are forced to experience enormous psychological stress. After all, kids love both parents equally, it is important for them that both mom and dad are together next to them. In this article, we will talk about How to survive a divorce of parents.

For children, family is the most important thing in life. In the arms of mom and dad, they feel safe. In the family, kids learn to love, appreciate, feel, take care of their loved one. A family for a child is a huge world in which it is warm, calm and comfortable.

And imagine how a child feels when his ideal world collapses. He becomes hurt, sad and insulting. To some extent, he feels betrayed by his parents, who created an illusion in the baby's head, shattered his dreams, turned his worldview upside down.

However, a lot depends on how old you are. child at the time of parental divorce. Psychologists have explained how they feel children after parents divorce at different ages:

1. Toddlers from 0 to 1.5 years:

• the child still does not understand anything - he does not understand the reasons why his mother is constantly sad, and his father swears;
• discord in family relationships negatively affects the health of the child - he becomes irritable, painful (doctors say that because of this, the baby may lag behind in development).

1. Toddlers from 1.5 to 3 years:

• at this age, the child may not yet understand the reasons for the quarrels between mom and dad, but he feels everything - scandals scare the baby, force him to close himself in, hide from the outside world;
• a child may run away from home due to misunderstanding of what is happening and mixed feelings, his desire to live with his parents may disappear, as he is calmer in a circle of people where silence and spiritual harmony reign.

1. Toddlers aged 3 to 6 years:

• they blame themselves for the fact that their parents want to leave, so they begin to withdraw into themselves, constantly humiliate themselves;
• the child, realizing that he cannot fix anything, becomes shy and confused - he develops many phobias that parents should pay due attention to in a timely manner, and often this does not happen, because mom and dad constantly quarrel or are too busy with the divorce process.

1. Child aged 6-11:

• becomes very nervous and irritable, which causes problems with discipline and academic performance at school;
• he can become evil, negative qualities of character develop in him - he becomes prone to deceit, conflicts (may even turn parents against each other);
• he begins to hate the parent who decided to leave the family, but he splashes out the aggression accumulated in his soul both on the parent with whom he lives and on other people with whom he communicates.

1. Child aged 11-13:

• offended by both parents, considers them traitors, therefore he often finds support for himself in a circle of friends
• in the school team, he becomes embarrassed, because it begins to seem that his peers are laughing at him
• he is prone to depression, which negatively affects his development and health
• begins to selfishly treat both parents, forcing them to "buy" his love with various gifts

1. Teenager aged 13-18:

• adequately respond to what is happening in the relationship between parents;
• boys may hate their father if he initiated the divorce, and girls may begin to be critical of their mother, looking for excuses for dad why he decided to leave for another woman.

In any case, divorce is a real test for children. However, parents still need to try to explain to their child why they can no longer live together. In no case should you pretend, live together for the sake of the child, because he will feel everything anyway, and when you decide to confess, he will hate you for lying and insincerity. Keep in mind that he may consider this behavior normal and will behave in exactly the same way when he builds his own family.

How to explain the divorce of parents to a child?

Parents who decide to divorce present everything correctly to the child so that he understands the essence of what is happening and at the same time understands that both mom and dad still love him.

We list some helpful tips psychologists for parents who are getting divorced. Perhaps they will help you protect your child from the emotional turmoil that divorce often leads to. So, how to behave if you are going to get a divorce:

1. For a child from 0 to 1.5 years:

• do not scandal with the baby so that he is not afraid of loud sounds;
• take the baby to grandparents so that for some time he is in the circle of people who will ensure his comfortable development;
• create an environment for your child so that he is surrounded by his favorite toys, doing something that he likes.

Important! As a rule, children who stay with their mother at such an early age do not understand where their father goes if there is another man who takes care of him next to him. It can be either mom's new boyfriend, or her own grandfather or uncle, or godfather.

1. For a teenager from 13 to 18 years old:

• it is imperative to talk with the child on the topic of divorce, so that he clearly understands what awaits him now;
• do not limit him in communicating with a parent who left the family - he should at any time when he wants to see and communicate with mom or dad who live separately;
• help your child find a field of activity in which he could fully realize himself and achieve success - this is very important for the development of his self-esteem and personal growth.

Patchwork families: how to live a child?

A patchwork family is a family in which a child is forced to live with only one of the parents all the time, and only occasionally see the other. This is a very difficult situation in which the baby has a hard time, especially if the parent with whom he lives regularly says nasty things about the other parent in the presence of the crumbs.

In patchwork families divorced parents need to clearly understand that they have equal rights on raising a child - everyone can take the initiative, what a child should do in life, and what not, but only after agreeing on this. Of course, you will have to solve a lot of legal issues in order, for example, to take the baby to rest only in the presence of one of the parents. Need to get in case of divorce, the second parent has permission to leave the child from the country in the presence of a notary.

You should not turn the educational process into a “pulling the blanket”, who has done more for the development of the baby. remember, that When the parents divorce, the child also has rights He can decide for himself what he wants and what he doesn't. And to put pressure on him in such a family situation is simply wrong from a moral point of view.

Mistakes of parents in divorce in relation to children

There are 7 main mistakes that are made by divorced parents when they are together in the presence of children. We included among them:

1. Constant loud quarrels for any reason regarding the upbringing of the child.
2. Setting up next of kin against a parent who left the family. A child should not hear that his relatives do not love, for example, a dad who decided to live with another woman. In his mind, everything should be as before.
3. Parents should not dramatize the divorce that has occurred. For everyone, this event should mean that life will change for the better from now on. Do not cry in front of a child, do not become depressed, because these conditions will negatively affect his psyche.
4. Divorced mom and dad begin to show pity for the child, believing that he is a victim of the circumstances. In fact, it is, but you should not show it to a child. He should feel like a part of the family and a participant in the event.

1. Divorced parents begin to set the baby against each other. This cannot be done, especially when solving the issue with whom the child wants to stay after the divorce of parents. You should do everything possible to make the baby think that the fact that mom and dad are no longer living together does not mean that they do not respect each other.
2. If another “parent” appears in the family in which the child lives, he may react inadequately to this. He begins to compare out loud who is more beautiful, who is stronger, who has more money. The task of the parent with whom the child lives is not to scold him for this and not to punish him, because his words are only a defensive reaction. You just need to get through this moment.
3. In a new family in which the birth of a child is planned, it may happen that the baby who happened to survive the divorce of his parents is not given due attention. Because of this, it begins to seem to him that they don’t love him now, no one needs him anymore. This is a real tragedy for the child, which in no case should be allowed.

Of course, we wish all our readers that no negative situations arise in your families. But, if your family has a divorce, do everything possible so that the child does not suffer from this. It is certainly difficult and not easy, but if you want the baby to be emotionally and physically healthy, you will have to go to great feats.

Video: “Is it worth keeping a relationship for the sake of a child?”

It so happens that at some point married couples come to the decision to divorce. But some spouses consider such an exit as an extreme measure and for a long time try to maintain relationships for the sake of children.

To date, experts have come to the conclusion that not every marriage saved in this way is beneficial to the child's psyche. The child should see the parents happy, even if they are separate.

The legal side of the issue. Children's rights

Which parent stays with

The question of the residence of children after the dissolution of the marriage of parents is often controversial. According to statistics, in most cases, the court remains on the side of mothers, but modern divorce proceedings are increasingly accompanied by the desire of fathers to keep their children.

In accordance with the law, parents are endowed with equal rights to children, so there is no more or less suitable candidate in terms of gender differences.

The residence of the child is determined by a number of factors:

• the possibility of providing the child with a full life in terms of its development;
• the ability to create comfortable psychological conditions, which is especially important in a situation of divorce of parents.

The court must take into account the opinion of the children.

Where should it be registered

In the event of a divorce, the issue of registration of the child must be resolved. There are two scenarios for the development of events:

1. If the child stays with the parent, who owns the housing in which they lived before the divorce, then the registration does not change.
2. When changing residence after the divorce of the parents, the registration at the place of residence also changes. So, the parent with whom the court left the children writes an application to the passport office at the new place of residence. This is followed by a number of technical issues (providing the passports of the parent and children, if any, birth certificates, housing documents and a court decision). As a result, an appropriate entry is made on the card and stamped in the passport if the children have reached the age of 14.

Child after parents' divorce

pros

Despite the fact that the topic of divorce is often presented in a negative way, in some situations children only benefit:

1. To create the appearance of a family means to live in a constant state of conflict. Any child is keenly aware of negative emotions, even if they are carefully hidden. In such families, children often suffer from psychosomatic illnesses, their mentality is unstable, and their intellectual and physical development is somewhat behind the age norms.
2. Children tend to adopt parental patterns. Saving a marriage in which a man and a woman are unhappy is like writing a script for the future love life of your child. Most likely, he will learn the example of behavior with the opposite sex and will build the same complex relationship.

Minuses

The main disadvantages of the collapse of the family reflect the mental and emotional state of the child:

• children think that their parents no longer love them;
• feel abandoned, which often leads to desire and attempts to leave home;
• overcomes the feeling of helplessness and impotence due to the inability to reconcile the parents;
• anger and aggression appear, associated with anxiety and disappointment in life (most often these feelings are directed towards the parent who initiated the divorce process);
• the feeling of guilt, which is based on the idea of ​​oneself as the reason for the divorce of parents, increases.

Divorce for children is an extremely difficult and painful process, which is why it is so important to pay as much attention to them as possible during this period.

Psychology of further communication

Only good things about father

Parents need to understand that both are important to the child. If the connection with one of them is lost as a result of a divorce, then emotional problems cannot be avoided. The care and attention of both the father and the mother are necessary for the child, so he can more easily survive the difficult period.

Harmonious relationships established by parents after a divorce are the key to the normal development of the child, which is why it is so important that the image of the father be positively colored. You should not talk about the betrayal of the spouse, about his shortcomings, and even more so forbid the child to see him.

In divorce, the man and the woman are to blame, not the children. Only an honest relationship based on respect and trust will help a child fully communicate with his father after a divorce.

More attention

The main problem for children in divorce is the feeling of abandonment. Adults, as a rule, are busy sorting things out, their emotional experiences and solving documentary issues. At the same time, the child is left alone with his fears and anxieties.

To make it easier for a child to endure a difficult life stage and not withdraw into himself, it is necessary:

• talk more with the child;
• ask about problems
• be interested in his successes and praise for any achievements;
• show care and affection;
• expand the circle of his communication;
• allow you to see the other parent;
• find a common hobby.

The task of both parents is to create the most comfortable conditions for the child in a situation of rupture.

be happy

Many people tend to get discouraged. They are haunted by a feeling of depression, loneliness and hopelessness.

Do not give in to negative emotions. Of course, divorce is not the most pleasant procedure, but often it is a ticket to a new life full of joys and pleasant moments. Perhaps this is a chance to finally become happy and build a harmonious relationship with a new person.

Children whose upbringing is in the hands of happy people grow up into successful, self-confident individuals who are able to create prosperous families.

How to announce a new lover

Some time after the breakup of marriage ties, men and women meet new chosen ones, with whom they decide to build a long-term serious relationship.

Naturally, they face the question of how to inform a child about this, who had a hard time going through the period of separation, and now he has to let a stranger into his life.

Each specific situation is individual, but the starting point of recommendations in this regard should be the characteristics of the child. So:

1. If the child is sociable enough, easily makes contact with adults, then meeting a new person will take place in a positive way. You can organize a joint visit to the zoo or give the child at the first meeting a toy that he has long dreamed of. The main thing is that the acquaintance is accompanied by sincere positive emotions.
2. If the child is shy, is shy and has difficulty finding contact even with peers, then acquaintance should be based on establishing a trusting contact, for example, in a playful way, when a new person is presented in the form of a good wizard or fairy.

With older children, it is important to reach an understanding on this issue:

• explain the situation;
• tell about all the positive qualities of the new chosen one;
• discuss a relationship perspective;
• indicate the important role of the child in the new union.

Every child dreams of a strong and friendly family. If parents after a divorce meet new chosen ones, then it is necessary to make it clear to the children that this is exactly the person who will make their family happy!

How not to grow a manipulator

Divorce of parents can become the main lever of manipulation. It is important to identify such a tendency in a child in time and prevent its development.

The main tasks of parents in the event of a problem of manipulation by the child are:

1. Real assessment of the situation. It is important to analyze the current situation and understand what exactly the child wants to achieve. His goal may be serious, or it may be an elementary whim. Indulgence to the latter and constant concessions are unacceptable.
2. Maintaining a calm and confident stance. It is necessary to choose a clear position and strictly adhere to it. The dialogue with the child should be conducted in a calm tone, presenting arguments and a rational explanation of your vision of the situation.
3. Search for constructive solutions and compromises. The best way out of a difficult situation will be a joint decision through mutual concessions and agreements.
4. Ignoring. At the first stage of the manifestation of a whim or hysteria, simply do not pay attention to the behavior of the child. As soon as his emotional state returns to normal (and when using such a technique, this will happen quite quickly), it is necessary to explain and tell why it is no longer possible to behave this way.
5. Switching the child's attention, change of subject.
6. soothe the child and set him up for a confidential conversation, during which to find out his true intentions and the reasons that prompted him to manipulate the parent.
7. Listen and understand your child. If he understands that he cannot get through to the parent, then he begins to resort to various tricks, just to earn attention and location.
8. Tell your child about your feelings and experiences. Make it clear that his behavior causes frustration and anxiety.
9. Don't hide that the manipulation on the part of the child has been discovered, and explain that his cunning plan has been discovered.

Finding the causes of manipulation and trying to change educational attitudes is the first step to preventing such actions in the future!

Children experience divorce much harder than adults. They are afraid of the unknown and the emerging instability. Parents should make every effort to ensure that the child survives this difficult period as easily as possible, without dragging a heavy burden of memories and consequences into adulthood.

Video: The expert speaks

Divorce is always a big stress for both spouses. The breakup of a family is accompanied by severe emotional experiences associated with constant showdowns, scandals, mutual reproaches and accusations, the need to divide property, etc. But this situation becomes especially dramatic for children who are in the family. How do they cope with the divorce of their parents? What can be done to minimize injury as much as possible?

There are a lot of reasons for divorce, it all depends on the particular family. These include disharmony in sexual relations, betrayal of one of the spouses, domestic and material problems, and many others. However, often the real reason for divorce is boredom, the routine of family life. Alienation of spouses from each other may look like that the husband is completely immersed in work, forgetting about household chores, and the wife spends more and more time talking with her friends.

As a rule, spouses decide to divorce when living together becomes unbearable. Most ex-spouses cannot maintain a respectful attitude towards each other. Unfortunately, often children are drawn into the "showdown" of their parents, becoming a weapon of struggle, or a subject of division. Each parent tries to undermine the authority of the other in the eyes of the child. We must not forget that if divorce is a kind of liberation for spouses, then for a child it is always a lot of stress and mental trauma. Therefore, in cases of divorce, you need to know how to behave and what to do.

What and how to say?
This is the most important question that all divorcing spouses ask themselves. How to make a child endure the divorce of his parents less traumatically? It's not easy, I'll tell you. Naturally, there is no single recipe for everyone, but there are a number of techniques, the use of which can significantly affect the emotional atmosphere in the family.

In no case should anything be hidden from the child in this situation, since any omissions only increase the fear, nervous tension of children, curiosity, cause a lot of ridiculous and terrible fantasies in their head. Moreover, sooner or later, children will find out about it anyway. Therefore, take care of the feelings of the child, sincerely and clearly tell him how things are, so that he does not feel guilty (as it happens) in the current situation. In your explanations, you need to take into account the age of the child, his individual characteristics, the ability to understand the current situation. On the other hand, it is clear that it is simply impossible to fully tell the child about the relationship with her husband without traumatizing him. A very important point in a divorce is that you do not need to transfer the negative emotions that you experience in this situation to the child.

The right thing to do is to give your child a simple and understandable explanation, which will play an important role in the development of your future relationship with your ex-spouse and child. It is best to postpone the conversation with a small child until he himself begins to ask you about dad. Young children are usually told this way: “Dad will no longer live with us, he is moving to another place, but he will come to us, and you will see him as much as you want.” Naturally, this must be supported by a conscious agreement of the parents.

It is best for teenagers not to explain in detail the reason for your divorce, and of course, you should not talk about the insolvency of your husband, which caused the breakup of the family. In addition, you should not tell your teenager about your husband's infidelity or other situations that somehow humiliated your dignity. Under no circumstances, no matter how much you want, do not speak badly in the presence of the child or to him himself about his father, whom he loves as much as you. It is important that the child knows that the responsibility for divorce lies with both parents.

It is very important to separate the relationship of the former spouses from the relationship to the children. The child must clearly imagine what his relationship with his father will be like in the future, whether he will see him. It is very important for a child of any age to know whether his parents will love him the same after a divorce and whether they will always take care of him. Therefore, in an understandable and accessible language, it is necessary to tell about all the “nuances” of his future life.

Another important fact is that girls are much more likely than boys to have feelings about the divorce of their parents in themselves, although outwardly they may look as usual and do not show their suffering in any way. Internal experiences can cause a decrease in efficiency, rapid and unreasonable fatigue, depression, lack of communication with friends, tearfulness, irritability. All kinds of eczema, stuttering, gastritis, obsessive movements - all this is a manifestation of internal tension, which parents should think about. Everything she talks about, she really feels, and your main task is to prevent the perpetuation of such sensations, as this leads to various somatic diseases. During this period, it is recommended to give the girl as much time and attention as possible. Many of the girls, who outwardly could be said that they had overcome the crisis, at a more mature age suddenly became deeply worried, lost the ability to choose, experienced the fear of betrayal and betrayal in sexual relationships.

Do not make a psychotherapist out of your child.
As a rule, many people find it very difficult to cope with the situation when it is necessary to properly tell a child about a divorce from a spouse, often reinforcing the child's feelings about the divorce. The truth is that very often adults are not able to control their own emotions and experiences, changing their attitude towards the child. Someone blames the child for the breakup of the family and talks about it without a drop of embarrassment, someone tunes in only to raising the child, someone sees the negative traits of the ex-husband in the child or rejoices at their absence. In any case, the mental disharmony that progresses in a divorced person affects the upbringing of the child.

Some adults, preoccupied with their own misfortune, tell the child all the details, forcing him to become a judge. Children quite often become eyewitnesses of proceedings between parents when they do not follow their words and expressions. A husband leaving the family is perceived by his wife as a traitor, a scoundrel. The feeling of injustice, the anger that a woman experiences in such a situation, is reflected in her behavior. In such situations, children usually take the side of the mother. But there is also the other side of the coin: “If my mother made such a mistake, it means that she also does not understand everything.” This is followed by the fall of the authority of the mother in the eyes of the child.

Therefore, do not expect an adult understanding of the situation from the child - this will only add disappointment to family life for all of you. Whatever your future relationship with your ex-husband, he will still be a father to the children, and you will have to make most decisions regarding the upbringing of the child with him.

Life after divorce.
The period after divorce is a very difficult period in the life of a family. All worries and problems fall on the shoulders of the mother, and first of all financial and housing. Therefore, during this period, a woman should be very strong, in spite of all the circumstances, since the divorce of her parents will undoubtedly be very difficult for children to experience. During this period, common mistakes should be avoided as much as possible. For example, when a desperate woman begins to share her feelings and grievances with her child. This should not be done, because the child may not understand, due to his age, the reason for the experiences and will blame himself for everything.

Another common mistake is that a woman wants to replace the child's father, making double efforts. Usually in such situations, mothers are too strict with the child, especially if it is a boy, or, on the contrary, they are too soft and coax the child with gifts. Women feel empty, the feeling of fatigue does not go away. However, psychologists argue that guilt is the basis of such behavior. The woman considers herself guilty of not being able to save the family, depriving the child of the father. In such a situation, you need to remember why you divorced your husband. Surely to improve the life of your child and, of course, your own. Remember that even in incomplete families, children grow up normally and become psychologically healthy individuals.

It so happens that the mother begins to shift the blame for all her failures to the child. She is angry that the child wants to see and communicate with his father, she is annoyed that the baby does not share her grief with her. In such situations, there is a conflict situation in the family, disruptions are possible. In such cases, it is urgent to contact a psychologist.

New life.
First of all, you need to give the child time to get used to the situation. He is also confused, so he can behave inappropriately. Since all children experience the divorce of their parents in different ways, it is necessary to carefully monitor the behavior of the child. If there are any changes, go with him to an appointment with a psychologist.

In the first six months of life after a divorce, it is necessary to provide the child with a calm and predictable regime. If the father wants to see the child, in no case do not resist this, but only encourage it. Do not be afraid that the child will love you less, because during this period he needs both parents. If the father of the child for some reason does not want to spend time with the child, it is necessary to replace him with someone, for example, a grandfather or male friends. And most importantly, pay more attention to children during this period.

Of course, it will be better for the mental health of children if they are brought up in complete families. The breakup of a family can affect them in different ways. According to sociological studies, most children do not experience any psychological abnormalities due to the divorce of their parents. The situation when parents constantly sort things out in a raised voice is more traumatic for the child, because, as adults, they have an increased risk of divorce in their own family. For adolescents who are just entering adulthood, it is socially more prestigious if they are brought up in a complete family. In addition, for a child, divorce is accompanied by material difficulties that undermine his position in society.