He started dating me because he felt sorry for me. Hello ladies. If your husband meets me, he will stay with me forever! And here's why

The post that blew up the Internet!

I am not in a relationship, I am not married, I have no permanent man two years. I'll tell you this - experience. Son of difficult mistakes. And guess what?

I don’t just get angry, I get very angry when some married young lady starts complaining to me about her husband. Oh, how angry I am.

And I was angry last time Yesterday, late in the evening, during a conversation like this. Based on this conversation, I wanted to write this.

Life in the single style taught me: it is hellishly convenient when there is a person nearby. Alive. Interested. Native. Just stronger than I am at the moment. Who has money when I run out of it. Who has a penis, hands and lips when I want to love. Who has muscle strength unusual for a woman.

But it is mega important that he (attention!!) makes the choice to BE WITH ME every day!

Hello, married women, can you hear me? I am telling you this, a relationship-free person. Your man makes this choice every day. And all your infantile explanations for why he does this are nonsense.

Let's go in order:

He's with me because of the child.

Hey, look at the statistics on divorces in families with children. And understand, men leave families, despite the presence of a child. They do this. The child doesn't stop. Period, that's it.

He is with me because he is so comfortable.

Yeah... Someone deceived you. Let's face it: what do you have that's especially convenient for him that others don't? Are you an heiress of large capital? Are you his reliable, proven partner who does the work for him? Are you Angelina Jolie and all his friends are jealous of him?? No? Ahh...

You wash his socks and cook his food. Yeah. Yes, it's damn convenient. This is really bad. This, of course, is what is worth enduring all your cracks, hysterics, silence, threats, insults, your complexes and fat folds, morning and evening depression, headaches instead of sex, your mother with her you know what... For the sake of a pair of clean socks and plates of borscht.

Do you really think that men are idiots? And are not able to compare investments and profits? Finally, financiers are all like one man. You underestimate them. Girls, just look at yourself in the mirror when you are unhappy. Think about how often you are satisfied. And try to convince yourself that life with you is a piece of gingerbread, yeah.

He does this out of inertia.

It is impossible to launch the force of inertia when there is no conscious choice. I checked - no inertia turns on. The person is not with you, that's all. And no inertia.

He has no better options.

Eat. I am a better option. I won’t eat away at his baldness, demand fulfillment of my expectations, I won’t climb in and tell him what feelings he should feel for me. I'll fuck him half to death because it's a thrill.

And when he gives me a thousand rubles for the day, I will remember how I ate pita bread with mayonnaise for 24 hours, because I had no money for anything else. And I’ll say: cool, thanks honey. I'm a better option and I'm free. But he is with you. Doesn't this surprise you??

No one needs him except me.

Needed. To me. See point above.

Another killer argument: because I am a princess! Anyone is happy with me.

Amazing. As one of my favorite bosses said, now we’re thinking 10 centimeters ahead. Where did you get this from? Try to remember. Baby, don’t confuse your parents’ admiring whispers with objective reality. This title is an expression of their love for you, not your merits.

And what exactly does your husband get from this “title”, what profit? None. No inherited lands, no army, no treasury. He gets hemorrhoids with the maintenance of your hallucinations. Whims, pouting lips, imaginary problems and unreasonable expenses. If he, in turn, thinks 10 centimeters ahead - come, look for the next one. If he doesn’t think... - you’re lucky, princess. If this format of life can be called luck.

A! I almost forgot. I'm an awesome housewife. He can't do anything without me.

Maybe. I saw it with my own eyes. When my mother fell into the astral plane and could no longer be an awesome housewife, my “goofy” dad entered the arena. And it turned out that he was cutting a clearing: where to buy something cheaper, how to save a little money from his small salary for a rainy day. Give a negligent daughter money for expensive treatment. Buy not just a faucet, but a convenient and beautiful one...

Apparently, a man CAN, he doesn’t need you for this, believe me. As soon as you leave his life or cannot serve him, he will do it all himself, no problem.

My dad lived with my mother all his life, with all her quirks. And he died of a stroke at 56 years old. This was probably very convenient for him... By the way, they buried him with the very money he had saved. His girls were never able to earn enough for a worthy last journey for their man.

When you have a complaint against your husband, just read this post.

And finally understand that your man’s daily choice to BE WITH YOU is present. It exists, a man does it every day. And this is worthy of at least gratitude. And respect. Take care of yourself and look honestly - what have you done for this relationship? So that they are warm, good, human.

Don't you like your man? Amen, better late than never. Go to the mirror and look into your eyes and answer who handcuffed you and forced you to marry him. No villain? That means you were wrong. And they didn’t care to go anywhere with a sore head. As my grandmother rudely said: if you don’t want a bitch, don’t torture your ass. Move away and don't stop this person with all his flaws from being loved and happy with someone else.

Do you want to be together? Sit down and write down on a piece of paper your actions towards him over the past week. Including sexual strikes, his unanswered calls on your mobile (under the slogan - Now let him be nervous), intensely beautiful outfits to make him jealous, an independent look so that you know that he is not very important. And tell yourself that it is these YOUR actions that will lead YOU to love and understanding.

Adios amigos, goodbye ladies. Sorry I was rude. But this is what I got for today.

P.S. If you liked the post, share it with your friends!

Hello! You know I have a problem. The fact is that in the summer I was friends with one boy, I liked him very much, and I asked my friend to hint to this boy about my feelings. He understood everything and a day later we began to be friends or date, what to call it correctly - I don’t know. We were friends for a little over two months from July to September. And then at the end of September he just started disappearing...

He went to college, and I was in 9th grade. And so he stopped paying attention to me, he said that he had a lot of lessons, that he had no time, and that I should understand him, since it was difficult for him both with the new team and in the new educational institution. Okay, I understood everything, I was waiting for him, I didn’t pester him with conversations. But the problem was that he told me that he had gone to do his homework, and 15 minutes later my friend called me and said: “And I see yours in my yard, walking with some boys.” I didn’t pay attention, I thought, well, maybe he doesn’t want to offend me, I understand that he wants to spend time with his friends.

We walked probably once every 2 weeks, I began to miss him terribly, and one day I sent him a photo of us together, where I wrote: “Look how cute we are.” He ignored this message, I ended up having a little fight with him, and we didn’t talk for a week. I waited for him to write first, but he didn’t write... And then I decided to put an end to it, I thought: it would be better than this. And so I wrote him a letter “In contact”. He read it and did not answer. After 3 days, we talked to him again, and it turned out that he told me: “I started dating you because I felt sorry for you.” My tears began to flow like hail, and the thought ran through my head: “he lied to me all this time, he only felt sorry for me.” I was terribly offended, and I wrote to him: “You have to lie like that, to the question: “Do you love me?” answer: “Yes, of course.” Not everyone can lie like that. I praise you.” That was the end of it.

This conversation took place on October 6, and today is January 7, 4 months have passed. I still haven't cooled down to him. What do you think: should I write first, do something? Or is it better to be proud and quietly suffer? I don't know what to do. I'm crazy, that's why I'm already writing this story here.

Hello, Sabina. Your experiences and feelings are understandable and undoubtedly very important to you now. But you have to understand that you won’t have anything with this guy. There is no need to look at yesterday, there is no need to search and dream about what no longer exists and what has no place in the future. Don't be offended by yours ex-boyfriend for his words. He had to find a reason why his love ended and his feelings were never born. You need to forgive him, let him go and... forget.

Don’t write to him, don’t call him, and generally leave in your heart only the happy moments from your relationship. And the experience that you gained during this time. The information on this page will help you break your attachment to your past. Don't look back, boldly go forward and you will meet the one who is truly destined for you. Good luck!

Hello, my name is Marina, I have an incomprehensible, unpredictable situation with a man with whom we have been communicating on the Internet for almost six months now. He took the initiative in our acquaintance by visiting my page (not a special dating site). I, as a sociable person, kept up the conversation, and we struck up a rather interesting friendship, and then a warm affection. Of course, anything can happen, and there are people who are interested not in live communication, but in this kind of cute online dating, which slightly tickles their nerves and their own “ego”... But I didn’t even consider just meeting a man on the site, but unexpectedly for me, this attachment has grown into something more, and I am no longer just pleased to communicate, but I want to get to know him better, to do something more for this person, but I am tormented by the following question: why, after almost six months of communication, did he didn’t offer to meet in person, isn’t that interesting? If he just enjoys communication itself, then why does he communicate with me so much, from morning to evening, calls on the phone, but at the same time he makes friends on the same site with a girl who is openly looking for a sexual relationship from the first meeting... If This is the only issue, he could have asked me directly if I wanted a meeting, in principle. But he didn't.
I’m afraid to ask about everything directly, because I intuitively feel some kind of protection, wariness. I feel sympathy and great warmth in myself towards this man, but I’m afraid of losing him, of pushing him away with the wrong word. QUESTION: How exactly and is it worth talking about us and our possible meeting with a man with whom we have been communicating on the Internet for almost six months, who makes it clear that he likes me, but he does not take the initiative to meet in real life??? Help please! Thanks in advance))

Marina, Moscow, Russia, 36 years old

Answer:

Psychologist-consultant

Hello, Marina.

Perhaps he did not plan to meet anyone, and there are reasons for this (he has a family, he has a relationship, or he feels confident and comfortable only with such remote communication). You can ask him a question about how he sees your communication in a year, for example. That is, without asking directly whether he will meet with you or why he has not met with you yet. By asking leading questions (in a roundabout way), you can better understand his intentions.

Sincerely, Lipkina Arina Yurievna.

The main task of the article is simple - to give answers to questions such as: why don’t men get to know me, or, having met me, quickly lose interest. Then they either disappear, or behave like friends, that is, completely vaguely and asexually (and, often, they tell you about their love-erotic adventures with others). That's what we'll talk about...

First, let's remember how we behave in places where we meet a lot of people. Although briefly, we will definitely examine them. First, we evaluate them from the point of view of ensuring our own safety, then we identify our acquaintances, and finally, we identify those who seem attractive or, at least, unusual to us. Girls who are counting on a love acquaintance and the creation of relationships, having briefly assessed possible competitors, will immediately pay special attention to those men who look the most wealthy and successful. Tall, tall and physically attractive, pleasant in appearance, neatly and expensively dressed. Only having already decided on the most optimal option for love and marital relations, as if having come to their senses, firstly, girls will think about his age (as a rule, this is not important), and secondly, they will take a closer look at whether the man has wedding ring on the finger. They will sigh sadly (oh, again, someone got ahead of me...), but they will still look at the object of their attention, expect some manly steps from him...

For men, everything is approximately the same, but at the same time, differently. Having interviewed five thousand men aged 18 to 50, I saw the following, approximately the same picture.

FIRST, a man assesses the danger to himself of other members of his sex.

SECONDLY, he considers the most interesting sexual partners suitable for his age. And, first of all, younger than himself. (This applies to men over the age of 20. Up to 20-23 years old, men are also interested in older girls than themselves).

THIRD, he singles out from among them those who, in his opinion, look and behave like unmarried people. Doing this, including in order to again ensure your safety. So as not to have unpleasant communication with someone's jealous husband.

FOURTH, he tries to understand exactly how he can talk to them and ensure acquaintance.

FIFTH, he assesses the likelihood that his attempt to get acquainted will be received favorably by the girl.

Only then does he take that very first step towards the girl, which she has already been waiting for him to do for a good five minutes!

What useful things can we learn from this? Quite a lot! Namely:

— Men are interested, first of all, in those girls who can be considered as a sexual object.

— From among them, the youngest ones are selected, preferably younger than the man himself. At the same time, a man, not knowing the girl’s true age, may well be mistaken in his assessment of her. In fact, the passport age is not important for him, what matters is how she looks - an adult or younger. Moreover, these concepts and physical age may or may not correlate with each other. (However, you, as a girl, know this yourself).

- Then the man tries to figure out exactly how he can talk to the one (or those) that has aroused his interest.

- Finally, he assesses the likelihood that his attempt to get acquainted will be perceived favorably by the girl. And actually, he gets to know each other!

How can this help us solve our problem: either speed up the moment of your acquaintance with a potential groom (if he doesn’t exist yet, or the available options, as they say, are not options), or force your friend to look at you in a new way and force him to marriage (preferably with you)? Very simple! Having interviewed more than five thousand men aged 18 to 50 years, I was able to find out that the most attractive age for those of their possible girlfriends with whom they would like to create not only intimate, but also serious love and family relationships, men named the age of approximately 21 up to 27 years old. Focusing roughly on the age group of girls between 23 and 25 years old. And you can verify this from the table below.

Selection table most optimal age girls for creating serious love and family relations according to different age categories of men

This key figure - 23-25 ​​years old - is very close to the fact that, according to the estimates of registry office specialists, the majority of modern Russian girls get married at the age of 23-27 years, and the peak of marriages occurs at about 25 years old.

So, now we will proceed from our data, according to which:

A girl's age of 25 is the most popular age for love and marriage for most age groups men.

The reasonable question is: why? Let's give the floor to the men themselves to answer. I offer you the ten most common explanations that I came across in men’s profiles.

TEN ADVANTAGES OF GIRLS AGE 25 (according to men):

1. At this age, girls themselves already want to get married and therefore behave more seriously, do not throw away love relationships, value the men they have, and are less prone to cheating and flirting with other men. On the one hand, they lower the bar for their demands on average men, on the other, they become more morally resistant to the charm of expensive cars of professional urban womanizers.
2. At this age, a girl, as a rule, is already “domesticated” and begins to lead a more relaxed lifestyle, which allows her man to save significantly on clubs and cafes, expensive gyms and cinemas.
3. By this age, a girl, as a rule, already has the skills to conduct love relationships and has gained the necessary “bumps”. Accordingly, she has the skills to understand men, communicate with them, and knows how to achieve the best mutual understanding with them on the main issues of life. At the same time, she most likely did not yet have a “stamp in her passport” (that is, previous marriages), and has no children.
4. By this age, a girl, as a rule, already has experience in conducting intimate relationships; she is more diverse and skillful than younger ones.
5. By this age, a man can already adequately imagine what this girl will be in the future, from the point of view of her figure: there is either a tendency towards her fullness, or, conversely, towards the fact that the woman still strives to remain slim and sexy.
6. By this age, a girl has already completely found her image and style, and learns to look good. She is already moving away from the defiant mischief of a very young student, but has not yet had time to “get crazy.”
7. By this age, most girls have already completed their education, which allows us to see in her not only some abstract girl, but already a specialist who is either in demand or not in demand in society, with whom one can or cannot have common life goals and make common family plans.
8. By this age, you can already assess a girl’s potential success, understand who she will be in life: a brilliant careerist, a wealthy businesswoman, a “gray” state employee, or even hanging out somewhere in the bottom of her life. In addition, girls of this age are already acquiring some property: apartments, cars, etc. Which again pleasantly reduces the load on a man’s wallet.
9. By this age, the girl already has the skills of a good housewife. She meekly takes upon herself cleaning and ironing, washing and cooking. Moreover, you most likely won’t get poisoned with the latter.
10. By this age, the girl is already fully matured as expectant mother and is almost always ready to get pregnant and give birth. Which is more than positive for a man who wants to “settle down.”

These are men's arguments. There's probably something to it. It seems that my most attentive and thoughtful readers have already noticed how much these “10 advantages of girls aged 25” intersect, and often directly coincide with those ten male requirements for his optimal bride (wife), by which we determined a woman’s marriage competitiveness in the chapters above.

Let's move on. To the best of my ability, having convincingly shown my readers that, from the point of view of becoming a successful bride, the most correct thing is to copy the image, style and behavior of girls at the age of about twenty-five years (plus or minus two years), who are most in demand by men, I emphasize: Study and the image, style and behavior of not just twenty-five-year-old girls, but the unmarried ones should be copied. Moreover, those unmarried women whose image, style and behavior are associated by men with their unmarried state.

Let me explain my idea more clearly. According to men (and I completely agree with this), there are four main conditions for women.

FOUR MAIN CONDITIONS OF WOMEN, IN THE OPINION OF MEN:

I hope you don’t need to explain how they differ from each other. Therefore, within the framework of this book, all I can do is explain the following. From the point of view of men (and from the point of view of Mother Nature too), a woman's married state does not necessarily coincide with the fact that she is officially married. That is, it may or may not coincide. For example, my observations show that girls can look like they are married in a number of cases.

TWELVE REASONS FOR A GIRL’S MARRIED LOOK, IMAGE AND BEHAVIOR:

Reason #6. The girl had a long-term, serious love relationship with a man (and maybe even more than one) and was so accustomed to the image of a married woman that she continues to remain so even without having any relationships with men.

Reason #7. The girl is a single mother.

Reason #8. A girl for some reason (slow physical or mental maturation, painful mental disorders, psychological trauma, deep poverty, severe oppression of relatives, religious prohibitions, severe chronic diseases, some other specifics of youth and growing up, etc.), initially , that is, from the age of 14-18 she looks and behaves like a married woman (even being a virgin, especially being a virgin). More precisely, such girls seem to combine features of the image of married and unmarried. However, either these combinations themselves are so incompatible and therefore understandable for men (they immediately understand that they are faced with a “problem girl.” Or the percentage of “singleness” is so much lower than the percentage of “marriedness” that men simply cannot understand them and therefore, just in case, they avoid such girls.

I am sure that this list of twelve possible reasons a married image, in fact, often not only completely unmarried girls, but often even girls who have no experience communicating with men, will make you think more than a little... And all because this list of twelve reasons for the appearance of a married image, image and behavior of a girl is at the same time a list the following four problematic (from the point of view of successful marriage) categories of girls:

- whom men either don’t approach at all to get acquainted with (as if they don’t notice them), or get to know them extremely rarely;

- having met whom on the street, in a store, at the gym or in a campaign, men then leave them for some of their male affairs, without even offering to exchange phone numbers and without expressing a desire to continue communication;

- having good communication with whom (for example, at work or study) and even being nice to them (and giving them chocolates), for some reason men do not invite them to the cinema, to a cafe or just for a walk, they do not strive to create relationships with them;

- having met whom, men still meet with them a couple of times, but at the same time with absolutely no desire to establish an intimate relationship, and again, then disappearing into nowhere without any explanation of the reasons and making claims.

As a person, I really want you not to fall into these four problematic categories of girls. However, if you suddenly recognize yourself in one of them, as a family psychologist, I tell you: “Don’t panic! A correct understanding of the problem situation and the reasons for its occurrence is almost half of overcoming it. And since we have taken on the issue of your successful marriage, it means that we will confidently bring you to the altar, even if you don’t want it yet! If you want in the process itself...”

Condition No. 1. A single girl who looks and acts like a single girl.

Condition No. 2. An unmarried girl who looks and acts like a married woman.

Condition No. 3. A married girl who looks and acts like a married woman.

Condition No. 4. A married girl who looks and acts like an unmarried girl.

Now you should see two things clearly.

The first point is that:

Men pay little attention to the true status of a girl.

They focus on her image, image and behavior.

And whether the girl has a ring on her finger and a child nearby, or not, in this case, is no longer so important. The main thing is that the girl is perceived by the man as unmarried, as ready for a love acquaintance, relationship and intimacy. This is why such a paradox arises when, at the same party, men can stubbornly try to “make friends” with that married girl (with a ring on her finger) whom they know for sure is married, while completely ignoring the one next to her 100% unmarried. And all because a formally married woman can be unmarried at heart and outwardly and behave accordingly. And she is definitely single to look and behave as if she is definitely married, or she already has a boyfriend.

The second point is that literally on the mental, subconscious, almost genetic and biological level:

Men very clearly pick up on the slightest discrepancy

between a girl’s appearance and behavior

and her love-marriage status.

Accordingly, the unmarried image attracts men,

and a married man is repellent.

This is where it comes from, so offensive to non- married girls effect:

Image, image and style of behavior of a married girl

is for an unmarried girl something like

Invisibility hats from men.

The fact that these unmarried girls themselves would really like to be noticed no longer plays any role. As they say, first remove the invisibility cap, and then you will be noticed!!!

I'll say it straight:

The main strategy for successful love and marital behavior

an unmarried girl is her refusal, willingly or unwillingly

accepted image, image and behavior as a married girl.

And if after that you still shrug your shoulders in surprise and say something like: “Well, Zberovsky was clearly too clever here! What difference does it make to a man whether a girl is married or not? And anyway, how can you recognize this externally? What, a married girl is no longer a girl? Maybe you will say that she is not a person at all? So you psychologists will agree, God knows to what...”

Then I will answer the following: “Mother Nature does not care about our human procedures and rituals, such as registering a marriage in the registry office or getting married in church bodies. All that matters to her is whether a certain female has a permanent male (the father of her children, food supplier and guard) or not. Accordingly, at the level of the subconscious, at the level of behavior, when a woman finds a man on whom she is betting, in whom she is confident (or it seems to her that she is confident in him), with whom she plans to move forward in life, automatically causes significant changes in her image, image, behavior. The skirt lengthens, the neckline disappears, the heel and hair length are shortened, the figure is emphasized less, the details of clothing become less catchy and bright (generally different), the number of jewelry decreases, the head is washed less often, makeup becomes more careless and unexpressed, hands are less well-groomed, the use of perfume, lotions and antiperspirants, depilation – irregular. Etc. etc. What, isn't it? Of course it is! This is a fact! Of course, having become married, a woman does not automatically turn into the notorious “gray neck”, but gradually, she begins to move in this direction. Whether she wanted it or not...” This is where the following maxim comes from:

One of the very important tasks married woman is to preserve at least part of those recent features of the image and behavior of an unmarried woman that once ensured interest in her on the part of her husband. Otherwise, his interest will be directed towards other unmarried women. Which, in fact, is what we usually have.

However, I write about this in more detail in my book “Why Do Husbands Leave?” Now we still have the task of acquiring them. So let's continue. Why is a married woman different from an unmarried woman? The answer is obvious: in the sphere of love and marriage, they face completely different life tasks.

The task of an unmarried girl is to:

- be interesting to men, attract their attention;

- stand out from the crowd of your own kind, shine with individuality;

- associated with success, well-being, health.

The task of a married girl is to:

- be interesting only for own husband without attracting the attention of other men, without causing jealousy in the spouse;

- be organized, practical, economical;

- be able to sacrifice your interests to your husband and children.

Hence the inevitable (but completely objective) differences in image, image and behavior. An unmarried woman is obliged (I emphasize – obliged) to be bright, interesting, individual. And this is possible only with a certain selfishness, protrusion of one’s “I”, such a certain extravagance, when the concentration of expenses is made primarily “for oneself.” A married woman is forced to become less noticeable, she minimizes, minimizes her “I”, and spends money on herself according to the residual principle.

Declaring individuality is the main feature of the image of an unmarried girl. “Look at me and lick your lips! Try to get me!” - her motto. Practicality and convenience are the main features of a married woman’s image. “Admire not me, but my husband and children! Leave me alone, you see, I’m busy!” - her motto.

However, noting these features of the image of married and unmarried girls, I again want to remind you that all the eleven reasons for the emergence of a married image, image and behavior of a girl that we discussed above can be conditionally divided into two large groups. The first group, where a girl is really married, includes only three reasons:

First group: The girl is really married.

Reason #1. The girl is really married, that is, her marriage with a certain man is officially registered in the registry office.

Reason #3. The girl lives with a man in a civil marriage.

Reason #5. The girl has a long-term, serious love relationship with a man.

The second group, where a girl who has the image, image and behavior of a married woman, is in fact unmarried, includes as many as nine reasons (!):

Second group: The girl is actually not married.

Reason #2. The girl is divorced, but after living for some time in official marriage, she gradually began to look and behave like a married woman. And after the divorce, she still, that is, by psychological inertia, continues to look and behave exactly like a married woman.

Reason #4. A girl once lived with a man in a civil marriage, adopted the lifestyle, image and behavior of a married woman, being left alone, due to the same psychological inertia, continues to look and behave exactly like a married woman.

Reason #6. The girl had a long-term, serious love relationship with a man (and maybe even more than one) and was so accustomed to the image of a married woman that she continues to remain so, even without having any relationships with men.

Reason No. 7. The girl is a single mother.

Girls of this type, popularly called “strange”, as a rule, themselves are not aware of their specificity. Unlike the girls of the next, ninth type.

Reason #9. A girl, for some reason (slow physical or mental maturation, painful mental disorders, psychological trauma, deep poverty, severe oppression of relatives, religious prohibitions, severe chronic diseases, some other specifics of adolescence and growing up, etc.) initially, that is, from the age of 12-18 she looks and behaves like an unmarried woman, and like an atypical unmarried woman. As a rule, she takes on one of the anti-sexual youth images, subcultures of her time: punks, metalheads, emo, goths, etc. Girls of this type, as a rule, are clearly aware of their specificity. Men recognize such women even more so. Of course, they carefully bypass them in much the same way as mushroom pickers bypass fly agaric mushrooms that stand out with their unnatural brightness in the forest.

Reason #10. The girl simply grew up and aged, gradually, often without noticing it herself, taking on the image, image and behavior of a married woman when she turned 25-27 years old. This usually happens automatically, without any special decisions on the part of the girl.

Reason #11. The girl took on administrative and leadership functions early on, became a boss and was simply forced to grow up and grow old for her work team. Consciously or unconsciously (most often - consciously), taking on the official image, image and behavior of a married woman.

Reason #12. The girl early found herself in a campaign of married (often older, or simply having children) women. And in the process of adaptation (almost mimicry) to their mentality and lifestyle, gradually, often without noticing it, she took on the image, image and behavior of her friends or work colleagues.

There is a very interesting paradox that we usually do not notice:

Most common cause unmarried status of girls

at the age of 25-35 years is that they have an image,

image and behavior... of married people! That's why men

either bypass them, or having become acquainted,

They quickly lose their interest in them as women.

Moreover, all this is completely normal. Men are far from being such sexually preoccupied fools as they are used to being portrayed in women's folklore. Let's ask ourselves: What is it like for a man to meet and communicate with a married girl? This:

- Possible troubles from her husband (official or civil), or friend.

- She may have children from another man, which reduces her value even if she decides to leave her husband for a new acquaintance.

- Obvious negative attitude towards the man from the outside public opinion(including from the man’s friends).

— The need to hide from everyone all the time, to meet on the sly, in complete secrecy.

- Lack of opportunity to have their own children.

- Since these relationships are most likely finite, they, according to by and large- a waste of time, money and effort.

All why? Because everything you need - first of all - intimacy, can be obtained from any unmarried woman, while taking less risk and feeling much more comfortable.

The question is: Does it make sense for a man to meet and date a girl who clearly looks like a married woman? Of course not! And again no! Of course, among men there are those who choose married women for dating. This is for example:

— Young and adult gigolos, “dispersing money” from wealthy married ladies, upset by the decline male attention by her husband.

— Professional swindlers who use the connections of the wives of wealthy and influential husbands to achieve their own selfish goals.

- Womanizers who appreciate the fact that married women require little attention (due to their busyness with husbands and children) and there is no need to give them flowers and expensive gifts (the husband will notice).

- Very young and sexually inexperienced young men who like older, married, that is, intimately experienced women.

- Rich eccentric men who take moral pleasure in destroying other people's families and buying self-interested beauties.

As you understand, fortunately, there are not so many men who fall into these five categories. That is why most men, when looking for a woman, strive to find an unmarried woman. Moreover, a normal, typical unmarried woman. Unmarried without any oddities or problematic “twists” (system failures). And if so, then it turns out that the image, image and behavior of an unmarried woman still has not just meaning for a real unmarried woman, but a very, very BIG meaning! After all, by and large, this is a question from the right decision on which their happy family future depends.

A fair question: Why, knowing full well that the issue of finding personal female happiness and successful marriage is probably the second most important for all women in the world, and opens the way to the first most important issue (having children), modern girls However, they make such a fatal mistake as the image, image and behavior of married people?

I will try to answer this question based on my experience. From my point of view, there are quite a few such reasons (rooted in the specifics of female mentality). But the most common are the following:

FOUR MAIN MISTAKES WOMEN HAVE IN THE ISSUE OF THEIR OWN MARRIAGE:

MISTAKE ONE. Women's ideas about the naturalness, obligation and even guarantee of marriage.

Let's be honest:

The whole life of a normal woman, one way or another

revolves around the issue of marriage.

See for yourself. Throughout childhood (from one year to 12 years), girls play mothers and wives. IN adolescence(from 12 to 16-18 years old) girls prepare mentally and physically to become wives and mothers. Then, from the age of 18-25 (depending on your luck), girls become wives and mothers (or, having abortions, do not), being in this status, then all their lives, until their last breath. At the same time, the very period of choosing a husband, so to speak, a woman’s “married self-determination”, is, in an ideal case, up to three years (if married in the period from 18 to 21 years), in the average case – from two to five years (if married in period from 18 to 23 years), in the worst case – up to ten years. Thus, with a total life expectancy modern woman At about 70-80 years old, she spends an average of two to five years choosing a husband. That is:

The duration of the process of choosing a husband is so short

compared to the period of subsequent marriage and motherhood,

that most women already imagine themselves from childhood

namely wives and mothers and almost never -

looking for a future husband.

Simply put: girls usually live mentally as if already “behind the wedding”; they see themselves as wives and mothers, without focusing their attention on the very process of finding their future husband, without considering it necessary to behave in some special way during this period. It’s as if they know for sure all the time that they will be married and therefore they just live. In fact, by default, shifting all responsibilities for getting to know your people to the men around you.

This is where one big trouble awaits them. If you weren’t interested in a girl during her youth and student years (18-23 years old), i.e. in a timely manner, then she is forced to live surrounded by adults, master their dress code, and adopt the habits and style of married women. There are many times fewer young unmarried men around, and many times more busyness, responsibility and fatigue. So a girl at 25-28 years old realizes that she is alone, that according to her past plans it was high time for her to be a wife and mother, but it’s too late: she is wearing the “invisibility hat” of a married woman, men simply do not notice her...

Hence it is my authorial duty to sternly warn my unmarried readers: Long gone are the days when a girl did not need to worry about her female happiness- she was given in marriage by her parents, brothers, or, as in Soviet times– labor collective and party cell. Now, at the age of twenty, is the time to clearly realize:

The time from 20 to 27 years is a special period in the life of an unmarried girl!

This is the period of attracting the attention of men

not just as a woman, but as a potential bride.

Therefore, during this period of time you should look different from you

looked before and not how you will look after this.

We will tell you exactly how you should look during this period in the next chapter, “The optimal image of a modern unmarried girl.” And now the second mistake.

ERROR TWO. Women's illusions that they are married.

As you can see from the list of 9 reasons why unmarried girls look like married girls, a big role is played by the fact that having experience of long-term relationships, civil marriage, past unsuccessful marriage, or motherhood, girls quickly get used to considering themselves married, they change their image and behavior accordingly, and then, even after losing a relationship or marriage, due to psychological inertia, they behave as before, that is, as if they were married.

This especially applies to those girls who have had long-term relationships or civil marriage. Having become accustomed to their man and the status of “girl with man,” girls, in fact, consider themselves married, look and behave in exactly the same way, focusing on those of their friends who are actually married. Hence, please do not forget in any case:

No matter how serious the relationship between a girl and a man is,

and you also can’t look like a married woman.

Otherwise, this relationship may not reach the stage of marriage.

Moreover, for a very simple reason: why should a man get married if next to him is an almost married girl and he himself, by his way of life, is already married? That's right, there's no need! Therefore, I give this practical recommendation:

Having started to be friends or live with a man,

In no case should you automatically change your image,

image and behavior and turn into a married woman.

Otherwise, a man will quickly cease to value his “almost wife”

and will immediately begin to look with interest at those

who looks and acts like an unmarried woman.

And then your fidelity and thriftiness will hardly help you become a wife...

In general, do not rush to realize yourself as a wife until you are proposed to! And even after this, remain exactly the same as the one your man once paid his attention to - i.e. not exactly married. Then your wedding will still take place. However, we’ll talk about this in more detail in the next chapter, “The Optimal Image of a Modern Unmarried Girl.” And now the third mistake.

ERROR THREE. Women's ideas are that men will accept them as they are, that is, anyone.

This error applies to those girls that we described in reasons 8, 9 and 10. I remind you:

Reason #8. A girl, for some reason (slow physical or mental maturation, painful mental disorders, psychological trauma, deep poverty, severe oppression of relatives, religious prohibitions, severe chronic diseases, some other specifics of adolescence and growing up, etc.) initially, that is, from the age of 14-18 she looks and behaves like a married woman (even if she is a virgin, especially if she is a virgin). More precisely, such girls seem to combine features in the image of married and unmarried However, either these combinations themselves are so incompatible and therefore understandable to men (they immediately understand that they have a “problem girl” in front of them. Or the percentage of “singleness” is so much less than the percentage “marriage”, that men simply cannot understand them and therefore, just in case, bypass such girls.

Girls of this type, popularly called “strange,” as a rule, themselves are not aware of their specificity. Unlike the girls of the next, ninth type.

Reason #9. A girl, for some reason (slow physical or mental maturation, painful mental disorders, psychological trauma, deep poverty, severe oppression of relatives, religious prohibitions, severe chronic diseases, some other specifics of adolescence and growing up, etc.) initially, that is, from the age of 12-18 she looks and behaves like an unmarried woman, and like an atypical unmarried woman. As a rule, she takes on one of the anti-sexual youth images, subcultures of her time: punks, metalheads, emo, goths, etc.

Girls of this type, as a rule, are clearly aware of their specificity. Men recognize such women even more so. Of course, they carefully bypass them in much the same way as mushroom pickers bypass fly agaric mushrooms that stand out with their unnatural brightness in the forest.

Reason #10. The girl simply grew up and aged, gradually, often without noticing it herself, taking on the image, image and behavior of a married woman when she turned 25-27 years old. This usually happens automatically, without any special decisions on the part of the girl.

So, most of these girls, despite their psychological and behavioral specifics, still want to have a beloved man next to them, get married and have children. But unlike ordinary girls (as people say - more sane), for some reason they are convinced: in order to please men, they do not need to behave in any other way, their usual external and internal state is quite suitable. And this is where they are catastrophically mistaken! Looking after leaving school (at 18-25 years old) approximately the same as they looked in high school (with all their baubles, striped socks and granny scarves, inappropriate clothes and shoes, etc.), men are perceived as essentially immature, that is, not participating in intimate and love-marriage games.

Therefore, if you suddenly recognize yourself or your closest friend in this list, tell both yourself and her:

A bride is a special state of a girl’s psyche, when she not only wants to love and be loved, give birth to children and be a wife, but looks and behaves in a corresponding special way. Accordingly, a man can guess this and approach you for acquaintance only if you give him an external signal about it. And to do this, you need to know what this signal should look like, learn how to use it, and adapt yourself to the very need to send this signal. By and large, become this signal itself. A bride is a girl who, with her special appearance and behavior, invites a man to get to know her for the subsequent creation of a family.

Therefore, I ask you very much: if you do not want to remain alone in the eternal “girls”, learn to change, learn to be exactly the way you will become interesting to men. Moreover, first of all, for men with serious intentions.

ERROR FOUR. Women think that adapting to the image, image and behavior of their married acquaintances will help them get married.

This error is typical for the following categories of girls:

Reason #11. The girl took on administrative and leadership functions early on, became a boss and was simply forced to grow up and grow old for her work team. Consciously or unconsciously (most often - consciously), taking on the official image, image and behavior of a married woman.

Reason #12. The girl early fell into the company of married (often older, or simply having children) women (for example - older sister). And in the process of adaptation (almost mimicry) to their mentality and lifestyle, gradually, often without noticing it, she took on the image, image and behavior of her relatives, friends or work colleagues.

On the one hand, this seems logical and is quite consistent with our life experience. When, for example, if we want to enter the circle of richer people, then first we should start looking like richer people, etc. etc. However, alas: specifically in the case of marriage, this rule does not apply. Quite the contrary:

The more an unmarried girl communicates with married women,

The less likely she is to find herself

the right man and get married.

Of course, except in cases where she steals someone’s husband...

Accordingly, if you are now over 27 years old, take out your photographs where you are recorded in your usual, working, that is, standard form (preferably together with the team), carefully study them and try to understand: how much you differ from your married relatives, friends or colleagues of a similar age. If there are not very many such differences, you can rest assured: this is precisely what explains the fact that you are still not married! And that means it’s time to radically change the situation!!!

So, having indicated those four main female mistakes in the matter of their own marriage, which, in practice, most often lead to the fact that unmarried girls look and behave like married women and thus seem to disappear for men, putting on love-family “invisibility hats”, we have thereby fulfilled the task the main task that was in this chapter: they explained to you why men either do not get to know you at all, or, having met, then quickly lose interest in you and either disappear or behave like friends, that is, completely vaguely genderless (and, often , tell you about their love and erotic adventures with others).

Now is the time to take the next step and get specific:

- how exactly do men determine which girl is married and which is not married and that you can get to know her and be friends with her;

- what a girl needs to do in order to fall into men’s expectations and preferences and turn out to be “interesting” from the point of view of a love acquaintance;

- how to give a man the opportunity to talk to a girl who wants to meet someone;

- how to reassure him that the likelihood that his attempt to meet will be perceived favorably by the girl is very, very high.

In an effort to solve all these problems, I created the so-called “Optimal image of a modern unmarried girl.” This is what it looks like. Conducting surveys of more than five thousand men aged 18 to 50 during the period from 2000 to 2010 (including analyzing photographs of more than three thousand girls who were not only once chosen by these men to meet and create serious love relationships, but also who later became their full-fledged wives), I was able to highlight those most characteristic features their “singleness,” which ultimately ensured that they both attracted male attention and achieved marriage.

Now I will try to present this data to you in the form of a kind of table of signs of a woman’s “marriage” and “singleness.” Moreover, we will, as it were, go down, moving behind male gaze"from top to bottom", from head to toe. So:

Table of signs of “marriage” and “singleness” (according to surveys of men conducted by A.V. Zberovsky)

The element that men pay attention to	Signs of being married	Signs of being unmarried
Hair	"Just hair" style. The hairstyle is uncertain. Hair is most often short. Mostly natural color, or painted in variegated (highlighted) colors, or unnatural (chestnut, red, etc.) colors. Usually unwashed and unkempt. If long hair, then usually partially thrown forward onto the shoulders. Very common perm or curlers. Almost absent from hair bright decorations.	The style and cut are usually clearly defined. Almost always dyed in some clearly understandable color (blonde, brunette, red). Almost always washed and well-groomed. Most often long, hair is usually thrown back over the shoulders. If it’s short, then the haircut is clearly defined – bob, etc. In general, hair almost always has a clearly defined haircut, curled or, conversely, straightened. The hair must contain bright decorations - hairpins, crabs, headbands, etc.
Eyes	Lined in black. Eyebrows are often plucked and eyebrows are tattooed.	Colored contact lenses and eyelash extensions are often used. The eyes are usually lined with white or blue. Eyelash extensions and colored contact lenses are used.
Lips	They are painted with bright or dark lipstick, often using lip liner or tattoo. Or there is no lipstick at all, the lips are natural.	Usually wearing lip gloss, soft tones of pink, etc., no eyeliner. Very often lip gloss with sparkles, mother of pearl.
Nose	In the usual version	Often pierced (but not necessary)
Teeth	In the usual version	More often in the usual version, but some have rhinestones, while others have braces. (Braces no longer scare men away; they often attract them)
Cheekbones	They hardly stand out with makeup.	Cheekbones are definitely highlighted with makeup
Ears	Earrings are gold or silver, usually small. Often without earrings at all.	Earrings are usually made of costume jewelry, large, hanging almost to the shoulders, bright, noticeable.
Neck	Covered with hair or high collars	Usually open (hair tucked behind the shoulders, neck and ears must be open)
Outerwear (coats, jackets, raincoats, sheepskin coats)	Usually of a classic cut, it is clear that it has been worn for several years. The color scheme is gray, black and dark tones. There are few eye-catching details, belts are rarely used.	Usually fashionable cut, often lacquered, many bright details - embroideries, emblems, reflectors, rhinestones, buckles, rivets, etc. The color scheme is usually bright, with red, yellow, blue, and green colors predominating.
Color of everyday clothes (suits, dresses, etc.)	As a rule, gray and dark tones predominate. There is almost always some kind of pattern: polka dots, zebra, stripes, checks, flowers, etc.	As a rule, clothes are either all monochromatic and bright colors: black, white, red, blue, green, yellow. Or the top and bottom are monochromatic and at the same time contrasting: black bottom - white top, red - black, yellow - blue, etc. The drawing is very, very rare. But quite often there are various inscriptions, emblems and some funny pictures.
Cutouts in casual clothes	Cutouts are very rare; the neckline around the neck is semicircular, narrow, and shallow (like in a T-shirt).	The neckline around the neck is usually wide (the collarbone is visible), often the neckline, cutouts at the waist and back.
Shoulders	Almost always long sleeve	Shoulders are either short or bare (in summer)
Dresses	Almost never worn; blouses, turtlenecks, and blouses are preferred. The figure is not emphasized.	They are found quite often, especially in summer. The figure is necessarily emphasized by belts, straps, and buckles.
Suits	As a rule, dark and gray tones, small buttons	As a rule, black and colored, large bright buttons
Trousers, jeans	Very common, usually classic cut, little embellishment, usually high waist	They are common, with bright colors, fashionable cut, a lot of decoration details, and a low waist. Particular preference is given to tight jeans, leggings and, conversely, very wide tapered trousers.
Skirts	Worn quite rarely. Usually dark and gray colors, classic straight cut. Big or medium length.	Worn very often. Usually bright, interesting cut: bell, bias cut, shorts, etc. Medium length or just above the knees, maybe mini.
Neck jewelry	Often absent altogether. Or they wear thin gold and silver chains, or very large beads (pearls, amber), large pendants. In this case, jewelry is worn at chest level.	There is almost always. Or on a fishing line small decoration(such as rhinestones or a small pendant), or jewelry-logos of some famous world brands. In this case, jewelry is worn either pulled up high to the neck, or, on the contrary, low, almost to the waist.
Bracelets on hands	Almost never worn	Almost always worn. Or from jewelry or plastic in bright or metallic colors. The larger and more massive the more obviously unmarried she is.
Watch	Almost always worn, usually in small sizes.	Almost never worn. And if they are worn, then first of all they are large ones with large bright dials or beautifully designed bracelets.
Rings	Either they are not worn at all (except for the wedding ring), or they wear old-fashioned gold or silver rings (gifted by their mother or grandmother). Or they wear large silver rings “a la a lady of Balzac’s age”	Often 2-3 bright colored rings or rings made of jewelry are worn at once.
Nails	Often there are either no manicures at all, or the manicure is badly damaged by household chores. The color is usually monochromatic, classic red.	There are almost always very well-groomed ones. Or French manicure, or extended or false nails. Often the nails are painted with interesting designs, rhinestones are glued on, and keychains are embedded in the nails.
Tights	The usual classic colors: black, brown, flesh tones.	Often monochromatic (white, pink, etc.) or in a large mesh (which men are always delighted with). Stockings are often worn.
Heel on shoes	Most often, a solid heel, wedge, or thick square heel.	Very often heels (especially metal ones), or no heels at all (a sports version of shoes).
Sock on shoes	Straight, beveled or round.	Preferably sharp (long if possible)
Shoe type	Usually classic shoes without bright details or decorations.	Either classic pointed-toe stilettos or sports or fashionable seasonal shoes. Lots of decorations, buckles, rhinestones. Shoes often have high braided straps, and over-the-knee boots are not uncommon.
Handbag	Regular, not bright colors, medium size, almost no decorations	Bright colors, often varnished. Either very small, or, on the contrary, huge. Lots of jewelry, buckles, keychains. Interesting shapes of fasteners.
Scarves	Classic, small, hidden under outerwear.	Often very large, tied from above.
Underwear	Bed flowers are usually hidden from prying eyes. Or extremely bright, in lace. But again, “a la a lady of Balzac’s age”	Usually in bright colors, often on display. At the same time, extremely simple forms.
Piercing, tattoos	Piercing is almost never seen. I have tattoos, but they are not immediately noticeable.	Piercings, if any, are displayed. It's exactly the same with tattoos.
Hats	Various fur and leather hats	Knitted hats, embroidered with rhinestones, decorations, drawings, inscriptions

Have you read it? Did you laugh?! Now let's get serious. I remind you that this table is in no way a joke or a prank! This very real set of signs of “marriage” and “singleness” is nothing more than a kind of identikit of girls who are successful in the matter of marriage. Made by me personally, based on the analysis of several thousand photos of those girls with whom men met and created serious love relationships that successfully ended in marriage.

From here we have formed a certain collective image of an unmarried girl, which we can rightfully define as the optimal image of a modern unmarried girl. IN short version This:

- long dyed hair, always washed, tied behind the back, or curled or straightened. The haircut is almost always clearly defined;

- be sure to have some noticeable decoration in the hair;

- noticeable makeup, lip gloss, not lipstick, no tattoo;

- no gold or silver - all jewelry (earrings, bracelets, rings, pendants) are made of costume jewelry, but at the same time, large, bright, in any case, noticeable. Jewelry on the neck is either pulled up high (not on the chest, but on the dimple just below the neck), or goes down almost to the waist;

- plain clothes in bright rich tones, without patterns. Or contrasting top and bottom. Also plain and bright. Shoulders are short. The waist and figure are emphasized. At the same time, without vulgarity in cutouts and necklines;

- a medium-length skirt (just above the knees), fashionable original shapes (bell, shorts, slanting wrap, etc.), tights interesting color and drawing;

- stiletto heels (7-13 cm), with a pointed toe, a lot of decorating details;

— outerwear also bright, plain, fashionable cut, with decorations;

- either a small or, on the contrary, a huge bag with eye-catching details;

- knitted hat with decorations.

Accordingly, by “by contradiction” we get a certain collective image of an already married girl, which we can rightfully define as a typical image of a modern married Russian woman.

In short it is:

- “Just hair” style. Short hair either natural color, or painted with some kind of eternal flaws and stains, often in unnatural colors (red, wild red, etc.). Perms are common. Often unwashed. Partially thrown over the shoulders and chest;

- complete absence of noticeable jewelry in the hair;

- either without makeup at all, or with very bright lips painted with lipstick, with contoured eyeliner, plucked eyebrows, often tattooed lips, eyelids, eyebrows;

- jewelry is almost always made of gold or silver. Moreover, they are no longer fashionable, gifted or purchased many years ago. Neck jewelry usually hangs at chest level;

- colorful clothes, striped, checkered, polka dotted, patterned, gray or dark tones. The shoulders are long, often turtlenecked. The waist and figure are not emphasized. There are cutouts and décolletés;

— A skirt to the knees or below, but more often trousers or jeans, in regular colors. Flesh-colored tights, black, sparse pattern;

- shoes most often have a solid heel or wedge, thick heels, with a round, oblique or straight toe, with almost no decorative details;

- outerwear is not bright, classic cut, without decorations;

- a medium-sized bag, without eye-catching details;

- leather or fur hat.

Now I propose to do the following. You, slowly, take a mental look at your married and unmarried relatives, friends and colleagues, correlate their image and style with the typical appearance of married and unmarried Russian women that I have generalized. Try to understand: are they successful in love and family, or do they have difficulties communicating with men, or are they lonely?

I recommend putting your own image on the matrix of married and unmarried people. Moreover (and this is very, very important), the image should be correlated in the most ordinary, working, everyday version. I emphasize: not on a weekend, not on a formal occasion, not on an evening occasion, not on a sports occasion, but rather on an everyday basis. If it’s difficult for you to do this in your own memory, take those photos of yourself (and others) where you are at work. Only in this case will you be able to get truly objective, real results of your self-examination for “marriage” or “singleness.” And we (and you yourself!) don’t need anything that’s not real. In the unreal, we are always the very best. Only men for some reason don’t see or appreciate this. That's why they don't meet and don't get married.

...So, we believe that you have conducted your own examination. And at the same time, they correlated the image and style of their married and unmarried relatives, friends and colleagues with the typical appearance of married and unmarried Russian women that I generalized. Your further attitude towards this book and what I write in it will directly depend on the results you obtain. If you think that my observations are not true, and all men are fools and understand absolutely nothing about women, then you will simply close this book and move on with your life. If you really are convinced of the accuracy of the data I have given and the men’s opinions, then we will continue our conversation further.

So, now we know the specifics of the images of married and unmarried girls, which are used when making a decision about the possibility or impossibility, expediency or inexpediency of their acquaintance with this or that lady. Why she is exactly like this is quite obvious:

REASONS FOR THE MARRIED IMAGE OF REALLY MARRIED GIRLS:

- Married girls spend most of their money anywhere (on children, on a husband, on buying an apartment or a car, household appliances, vacation, etc.), just not on themselves. That's why they don't keep up with fashion. And not married people spend, first of all, on themselves. Everything valuable that they have in life is in them, including on them. That's why they're on point with fashion.

— Married girls simply do not need to attract the attention of some strangers: they already have a husband (friend). From here it is clear that it is simply pointless and unnecessary for them to look bright.

- If a married girl has some residual desire to still look noticeable, then this is almost guaranteed to cause an attack of jealousy in her husband. That’s when he will take away all sorts of bracelets, colored tights, “extra” rings, low-rise jeans, etc. etc.

- A married girl switches on a certain mode of internal “female married self-preservation”, as a result of which she often instinctively, even without really understanding her own motives at a reasonable level, over time stops wearing the clothes that she wore when she was unmarried, and new clothes are purchased at a decent price -family format, meets other standards.

(I would like to immediately draw your attention to the fact that appearance The girl can even understand how long ago she got married. You should simply take all her clothes as 100% and subtract from here the percentage of her clothes (and accessories) that remain from her unmarried past. Then everything is simple. The smaller the number of unmarried items of clothing, the longer she has been married).

All these subjective and objective factors taken together gradually lead to a certain “gray neck” effect among married women. And, by the way, this is absolutely not bad. I won’t criticize real married girls for their lack of catchiness and brightness of unmarried ones: they were like that before, it helped them attract the attention of men, get married, now they simply don’t need this anymore! In this regard, I would like to note:

Presence of an officially married girl

too many details characteristic of an unmarried woman,

almost always indicates problems in her family relationships

and her inner moral readiness to find herself

some other man.

In this book, rather, I will criticize unmarried girls for their lack of that individuality, catchiness and brightness that they should have...

By the way, I would like to immediately answer those of my respected readers who, having read the data in the table, will indignantly say that very much of what men consider a sign of “singleness” is in fact no longer fashionable and does not correspond to modern trends. For example, round toes and wedges are considered a fresher design than pointed toes and stiletto heels. Or patent leather clothes and tights with a pattern again belong to previous seasons and are no longer relevant. And so on. Let me explain the following to you about this. Specifics male psychology is that most men are very, very conservative, and their thinking and their images of the world around them are very stereotypical. Keep in mind:

Male images of interesting, sexy girls -

potential brides are formed then,

when they were still young men, aged 14-18,

and were determined by fashion and films of those years.

The reality of their adult world is secondary in this matter.

Simply put, a man of 30-40 years of age who is attractive to you for marriage carries in his memory the reference image of not the short-legged and plump “retro” Marilyn Monroe or even the modern “withered” Paris Hilton, but, for example, the stars of the 1980s-1990s Sharon Stone, Halle Berry, Claudia Schiffer, Cindy Crawford, etc. They are guided by them and similar options and images when they come to discos, nightclubs, and friendly parties. And all women’s arguments about what is now fashionable and stylish and what is not, for men, are like peas against the wall. They, of course, will agree in words, but in practice they will look out with the eyes of exactly those beauties that they dreamed of in their teenage years of hyper sexuality. Taking into account the fact that girls always prefer men who are 5-10-15 years older than themselves, it is not surprising that their ideas about fashion, beauty, femininity and sexuality, to put it mildly, diverge in time by just ten years, and then twenty.

Hence, I personally define men’s ideas about beauty and fashion as “lagging.” This is precisely what explains why men are still easily swayed by pointy shoes with stilettos, bright headbands in their hair, bracelets on their hands and wide belts and patent leather bags: as children, they simply watched films with just such beauties from James Bond, Alain Delon, Belmondo or Van Damme...

In matters of beauty and fashion, girls are always modern,

and men are retrospective, they are chronologically behind

from the weaker half for at least 10-15 years.

Therefore, smart girls should always take this into account. If they want to be interesting and amorously attractive to older men, they should fit into their stereotype of “fashionable and unmarried,” and not at all into their own. Especially in this sense, I do not advise you to listen to the opinion “what suits you and what doesn’t” from your best friends. Not only that, all women are objectively competitors with each other and therefore no one will ever recommend anything truly useful. Also, a friend’s knowledge of male standard images can differ so greatly from the actual ones that if you follow her advice, you should not be surprised that either very young guys or mature men with bellies (over 40 years old!) get to know you. This is the explanation of “fashionability” in a man’s way...

Following modern fashion is an opportunity for a woman

either increase her self-esteem or show that she is rich

and therefore is able to update my wardrobe every season.

This has virtually no effect on success in matters of love and family.

That is why the fact remains:

Girls from poor families who wear their clothes

older sisters, and even mothers,

in practice they often turn out to be more interesting

for men than their richer and more fashionable peers.

And all because this way they better correspond to the ever-lagging

male stereotypes of the optimal girl-bride.

Sorry to upset you. However, it gave some hope...

However, we digress. Now is the time to explain why single unmarried girls should look exactly the way men would like to see them: bright, noticeable, individual, well-groomed, with some outstanding elements in their clothes and accessories. The casket, meanwhile, opens quite simply:

The more a girl's clothes are catchy and deeply individual

parts or accessories, the easier it is for a man to find a reason to

to talk to her and get to know her.

Imagine a real situation. There's a guy coming or a man walking around the supermarket suddenly sees you. You fit into his stereotypical ideas about beautiful girl, he likes him very much. He wants to meet you... to get to know you first. The question is, what should he tell you? What are you very beautiful? Trite! That you have a slim waist and an excellent bust? Let's go! What is your unusual eye color? Utter nonsense! Ask how long it is and how to get to the train station? Ridiculous! So the man is “slipping.” Meanwhile, you are moving further and further away, and everyone is alone and alone... But if you had something, I’m not even afraid to say it like that - SOMETHING, a man would definitely find something to tell you, to talk to you and... Look, this evening would be the first evening of those new relationships that would lead to the creation of your family...

However, having said all this, I simply intrigued you and prepared you for a careful reading of the chapters of the third section, where we will specifically talk about how you can attract the attention of men and provide them with a reason to get to know you.

Now, concluding this chapter, and with it our first section, I once again draw your attention to the following:

Your correspondence or inconsistency with male images

attractive unmarried girl -

this is a matter of your love and family success.

Therefore, no matter how stupid, ridiculous and out-of-date those male stereotypes of the image of an unmarried girl that I identified and presented in this chapter may seem to you, I strongly advise you not to neglect them and learn to correspond to them. Otherwise, you will be doomed to change random men, and in fact - to remain alone until:

- or your image will fit the stereotypes of men much older than you (after all, all fashion is cyclical and is reproduced after 15-20 years);

- or younger men will grow up, whose teenage sexual stereotypes were formed at a time when you are already between 20 and 30 years old. (You will be 30-35 years old, and they will be 18-25 years old);

- or you “out of hopelessness” will not begin to build relationships with those “problem” men who, out of the same “hopelessness,” have no reference images or stereotypes at all (migrants, ex-prisoners, men with mental disabilities).

It seems to me that all these options are, unfortunately, not options. However, there is no arguing about tastes. This is up to you.

Let me remind you again:

The bulk of modern Russian girls

get married at the age of 23-27 years,

and the peak of marriage occurs at about 25 years of age.

Accordingly, when thinking about your “image of a potential bride” and your marriage image, try to look up to girls of this age.

At the same time, as a professional in the field of family psychology and an honest scientist, I draw your attention to the following nuance: Conducting my surveys mainly with men living in ten metropolitan centers of large central and Siberian regions (in particular: in Moscow, St. Petersburg, Nizhny Novgorod , Samara, Yekaterinburg, Chelyabinsk, Novosibirsk, Kemerovo, Irkutsk, Abakan), while we have almost a hundred of them in our country, I simply physically did not have the opportunity to take into account those national and religious traditions that may (or may not) exist ) in the westernmost, easternmost, northernmost and southernmost regions of our still vast Motherland.

That is why, if you do not live in the central or Siberian regions, show your observation and try to record and comprehend the specifics of the “image of the optimal bride” that has historically developed specifically in your republic or region, autonomous district, city or village. At the same time, firstly, you can imitate this particular image, which will further increase your marital competitiveness and therefore your demand as a potential bride and successful wife. And personally, I will be very, very happy for you!

And secondly, you can describe your observations in an email to me personally, Andrey Zberovsky at the Internet address [email protected]. I'd love to get to know them! Moreover, perhaps on their basis a new popular science book will be written under the code name “Specifics of the image of the optimal bride in the regions of Russia in the first third of the 21st century. Of course, it will contain the names of all those men and women who will take the most active part in this. So, let's act together! After all, our motto on this delicate issue is simple:

A successful marriage is exactly the same as a successful marriage -

the result is exactly joint activities men and women!

Therefore, let us take on this matter hand in hand. And in exactly the same way, that is, hand in hand, you will then go to the registry office!

Sincerely, Your family psychologist, Doctor of Science, Prof., Andrey Zberovsky

If you need advice from a psychologist,

book a personal appointment and

online consultation (Viber, WhatsApp):

7 902 990 5168, +7 913 520 1001, +7 926 633 5200.

Attention: This article was created based on chapters from the books by Andrei Zberovsky “Why are you not married yet”, “Quarrels on the way to sex”, “Quarrels around sex”, “Men’s sexual fears, tricks and tricks”, “Thirteen ways to overcome the crisis of love relationships”, “Sharp corners of young families”, “How to assess the strength of your marriage”, “Familyquakes: what can threaten your marriage”. I recommend that you read these works in full. This may be beneficial for you and your family.