How to teach a husband a lesson for indifference and disrespect: advice from psychologists? How to teach your husband a lesson and make him appreciate you

Family life begins with joy and happiness, but sooner or later all couples experience difficulties. Women are built in such a way that they always need attention and care. Men, having once conquered their hearth keeper, simply do not see the need to show attention regularly.

Mutual respect is the foundation without which you cannot build a family. If you see that your husband has stopped treating you with respect, know that this is a serious threat to your relationship.

More often, it is men who are responsible for the emergence of conflicts in the family. A large number of husbands offend, do not show attention and respect, and even insult their wives. When experiencing resentment, most women feel a burning desire to take revenge on their husband, no matter what the cost.

How to teach your husband a lesson for disrespect: the advice of psychologists will help women to understand a difficult situation and keep the family together.

One of these things, as you know, is a scandal. Every family and every woman has their own standard of disrespect. Someone calmly treats swear words in their address, and for someone a slight change in the tone of communication is enough to feel offended.

Many of the fair sex are characterized by behavior when they deliberately provoke a man into a conflict. By making her partner guilty, a woman gets a man who is easily manipulated. Thus, feeling their power increases their own self-esteem. In addition to psychological comfort, many derive material benefit from their own grievances.

Therefore, first of all, you need to admit to yourself that sometimes you invent resentments yourself. And do not rush to dismiss this thought.

You wanted chocolate, but he didn’t guess, you rubbed your leg, and he didn’t regret it? Remember how two and two - men do not know how to read your mind. Moreover, men do not understand feminine hints. All a woman has to do to be understood is to say directly what she needs.

Try to speak openly with a man: "I have a headache, and I want you to feel sorry for me." "Dear, come on, one of these days you will buy me a bouquet of flowers." "I hate when you talk to me rudely, please speak to me gently."

The more specific, simpler and more unemotional your phrases are, the more likely a man will listen to your words. Remember that what is said in a fit of tantrum or anger will remain just an empty phrase.

Calmly, gently, consistently express your claim, and then be sure to say what you want from a man. For example: “I love it so much when we go to a cafe or cinema. When this does not happen, I begin to desperately need your attention and become frustrated. Let's go to a restaurant next Friday. "

First and foremost, don't hold a grudge to yourself. Firstly, it is dangerous for your health, and secondly, it has no practical sense.

Holding a grudge in order to remember the enemy at an opportunity is also a wrong step. Resentment must be expressed and accepted by the opposite side. You need to express resentment in hot pursuit, until your abuser has forgotten about what happened. However, if you are very angry or upset, be sure to give yourself time to calm down. Replay the situation in your head, take the man's place.

Whenever you think you've been wronged, answer honestly two simple questions:

• Did they really want to offend me? If not (which is most likely) then just let go of the situation.
• Do I want to feel hurt now? If so, go ahead. If not, then exhale and explain to the man what he did wrong.

Probably, there are no women who can not be offended by men. But if you can teach yourself not to get angry over trifles, to separate the true misconduct of the husband from the misdeeds committed through negligence or misunderstanding, learn to convey to the man the essence of your claims - then you will be best wife in the world.

Remember that the path of forgiveness is the easiest and most correct for feminine essence... Having learned to forgive, a woman gains freedom and independence from a man's behavior and becomes close, understandable and desirable for him.

On the warpath, you must accept the fact that women almost never win in family wars. By entering into a conflict, you have, in fact, already lost. A female power manifests itself in wisdom and the ability to educate a man with kindness and affection.

But if, nevertheless, you do not find the strength to have a constructive conversation with the offender and you are tormented by a thirst for revenge, then the psychologist will tell you how to do this with minimal harm to you and your family.

• Think carefully about your revenge plan, weigh the pros and cons, and anticipate your husband's reaction. Accept in advance that a man might just turn around and walk away without wanting to play your games.
• Think carefully about the consequences of your revenge plan. You may get more harm from these actions than your spouse.
• Try to repay him with the same coin. If he reacts negatively, point out your feelings to him in a similar situation. Explain how it hurts and what kind of behavior you expect from it.
• Don't go overboard. Always maintain your dignity and do not let your husband appear unworthy in your eyes. A person who has been shamed, humiliated does not really want to improve.
• Use contradictory method. Praise your husband in public, in front of his parents. Admire the qualities that you would like to develop in him. Let it be even the most blatant lie. The spouse will simply have nowhere to go, and he will begin to manifest himself the way you present him. In addition, he will be grateful to you that you do not hate him in public, as many wives do.

In order to preserve the family and mutual respect, the wife must fulfill her role with dignity. After all, a woman “makes” a man. This means that the more noble and wiser the line of conduct of the wife, the less chances will fall on the manifestation of unworthy behavior of the husband.

Believe that there are women in the world who are never really rude, who are given flowers and other signs of attention. Men feel and value women with a strong sense of self-esteem. Such ladies awaken a knight in them and make them become better.

Therefore, even if you are unable to resist the temptation to teach a man a lesson for disrespect, then do it subtly, wisely, not humiliating, but revealing the good sides in a man.

Sooner or later, the candy-bouquet period in the life of a couple ends. And it happens that a loving and attentive husband begins to make unpleasant jokes, reckon less with the opinion of his wife, or even allow himself to be rude ... It is important to understand: the collapse of a relationship begins precisely with such “little things”, therefore, in no case can you put up with such disrespect. However, you should not panic because of the slightest offense or misunderstanding. It is important to distinguish between real disrespect and minor misunderstandings that happen in every couple's life.

What is considered disrespectful?

At the beginning of a relationship, if a man loves, then he is simply not able to show deliberate disrespect for his woman. The opinion of his beloved is important for him, even if he considers women's actions and logic to be incorrect. Therefore, he will not try to change, "re-educate", let alone offend his wife.

However, very little time passes and the situation can change for the worse. Perhaps, in the family of the husband's parents, it was not customary to treat women too respectfully. Or a loved one cannot cope with the negativity at work and is trying to find relaxation at home. Whatever the reason, in any case, there is no trace of the husband's previous respectful attitude.

Rudeness, contemptuous remarks, baseless claims and ignorance of the partner's opinion are not all signs of possible disrespect. If you come to terms with this situation, it can soon become a habitual habit of insults and assault in your family. Therefore, it is imperative to seek respect from your husband.

What to do if your husband has forgotten about respect?

Causes

Before trying to deal with a loved one's disrespect, it is worth considering possible reasons such behavior.

• Perhaps rudeness and disrespect were the norm in the family of the husband's parents or in the relationship with the former girlfriend. Or, with his uncompromising attitude, the spouse is simply trying to show “who is the boss”. If this is so, then he will try to transfer the usual stereotype of behavior to his family, and it will take a lot of efforts to change the situation.
• Disrespect can also be a symptom of a more serious problem, such as cheating on your husband. By deliberately irritating his wife and provoking scandals in the family, a man can subconsciously “absolve” himself of the guilt, justifying his behavior.
• Sadly, the wife’s behavior is often the reason for the husband’s disrespect. It happens that in family life women become picky and intolerant, instead of support and approval, they give their husband grievances and claims. Having married a blooming and happy girl, a man expects to see his wife like that in his daily life. And if in a short time that same girl turns into a fat and eternally dissatisfied woman in an old dressing gown, then the appearance of a disrespectful attitude from her husband is a matter of time.
• A man can behave disrespectfully and aggressively simply due to physiological characteristics. So, fatigue from work or health problems can cause irritability and rudeness of the spouse.

A psychologist's point of view: why does the situation arise?

If disrespect from your husband did not appear at the beginning life together, and over time, psychologists advise a woman to look for the reasons for this behavior in her own actions. Rudeness, insults and other manifestations of aggression can be just a way of protection for a man. Perhaps this is how he is trying to protect himself from reproaches, lectures, or the wife's too insistent desire to become a “second mother”. Often, disrespect and physical violence from the husband is preceded by psychological violence from the wife.

On the other hand, the husband can show disrespect by feeling the wife's vulnerability and dependence. For example, when a woman is in maternity leave on caring for a child, her husband reproaches her with the fact that only he is the only breadwinner in the family. In this case, there are several possible ways to influence the husband.

How to make the husband remember about respect?

There are several possible ways to influence your spouse. It's worth starting with a frank conversation. Not always, showing disrespect, a man tries to deliberately hurt you.... Having chosen the right moment, you can calmly and tactfully tell him about your experiences and griefs because of his behavior. It is important to take into account two nuances.

Dialogue is the basis for solving a problem

However, if the husband is not ready to understand the feelings of his wife, there are other ways to make him remember about respect.

1. Few men like to do household chores. And if, in response to male rudeness, you stop cooking, forget about cleaning, and don’t take care of having a clean shirt for your spouse, he will have serious reasons to think about his behavior.
2. No less than a woman, a man needs bodily relationships. By denying him tenderness and sexual pleasure, real behavior change can be achieved. Unless, of course, the reason for the rudeness is not in a relationship with another woman.
3. The husband also needs psychological support from his beloved. Refusal to communicate becomes an effective way of influence. Perhaps the spouse will think about his actions if you become more often late at work, spend the night with your mother, spend time with your friends.

Whichever way you "punish" a man you choose, it is important that he understands the reasons for this behavior and can appreciate how much can be lost due to banal rudeness.

Is it possible to force?

We are treated exactly as we ourselves allow it. It is possible to change the husband's behavior even in the most "neglected" situations, however, it will not be possible to achieve this by scandals and insults.

First of all, consider: do you consider yourself worthy of respect? If so, for what qualities and achievements? Only a self-sufficient person can gain respect from others. Therefore, it is so important to realize your own value, achieve your goals, and constantly develop. Please and love yourself, find time to take care of yourself and communicate with nice people, look for inspiration in activities you like.

Self-respecting, happy woman will not live in an atmosphere of disrespect. And the man next to her will most likely begin to show respect and admiration. If this does not happen - think about whether you really need this relationship?

Video. How to restore your husband's respect

A complete family cannot exist without mutual respect. Remember that it is important not only to gain respect from your husband, but also to respect the values ​​and needs of your loved one. Only in this case it will be possible to live a truly happy life.

Of course, the idea that all unhappy families are unhappy in their own way would not have become so popular if it had not resonated with the feelings of people experiencing marital discord. However, no matter how confusing our family conflicts are and no matter how unique our individual traits are, psychological analysis shows that all unhappy families that started out as a happy union loving friend friend of people, inevitably follow the same "scenario of disintegration", the sad result of which is either a divorce or forced loneliness together. Moreover, each phase of this scenario is characterized by its own special (nevertheless, common for all unhappy couples) set of emotions, experiences, psychological attitudes, etc. This article is about brief analysis the main stages of this scenario, and the next one will tell you how you can change it and return the lost epithet "happy" to the family.

The discord begins with the appearance of the "four horsemen of the apocalypse" on the family scene one after the other - a term coined into the everyday life of the psychology of family relations by an American researcher John Gottman, who have devoted more than a quarter of a century to the study of this issue. Here are their names, in order from least harmful to most fatal: criticism, disrespect, defensiveness and alienation. Note: among the top four destroyers of marriage, there is no anger or anger. It turns out that these strong negative emotions are not scary in themselves - they are harmful only in combination with criticism and disrespect.

Criticism

It is important to distinguish criticism from expressing dissatisfaction and making claims, requests and demands - these are quite healthy and extremely necessary tools in a family for grinding in and getting along better. The line between them is thin and very easy to cross. That is why no one avoids criticism to one degree or another. The situation becomes dangerous when a partner for some reason ignores your complaints (perhaps because you were not able to clearly express them). The Rubicon is crossed when, instead of dealing with a separate matter and reacting to a specific action or behavior, you unleash your anger on the personality or character of your partner as a whole.

Figuratively speaking, a constructive and legitimate claim begins with the words "I ...", "I ...", "for me ...", etc., and criticism - from the words "you ...", and even worse: "you always ..." or "you never ..." (criticism tends to generalize). It should be noted that it is psychologically much easier to start with “you” than with “I,” and this is one of the main difficulties in the fight against criticism. It would seem, what's the difference - "me" or "you"? But for the one at whom criticism is directed, the difference in perception is quite tangible, for the origin of “you” is a powerful “against the grain” effect. However, for the attacker, the difference is no less noticeable - mainly from the point of view of the result: since criticism automatically provokes his object to take a defensive position, the likelihood of our claim being satisfied is greatly reduced.

The art of making a correct claim is to express as clearly and clearly as possible your own dissatisfaction with a particular situation, and not be able to avoid generalized accusations. It should be emphasized that constant containment and suppression of discontent does not save the situation - at one not very beautiful moment it can break through with an avalanche of criticism.

Contempt

If the wounds of criticism are just its inevitable side effect(after all, its main goal is the desire for the partner to do or not do something or somehow), then the direct goal of the second horseman of the family apocalypse is precisely the desire to hurt, punish, offend, humiliate, psychologically hurt the partner.

Disrespect creeps in unnoticed and usually begins to manifest itself through body language. Eloquent signs of loss of respect are demonstrative sighs, contemptuous grimaces, rolling eyes, smirks, shaking the head ... A serious sign of disrespect is distraction on extraneous topics while the partner expresses his concern. Obvious manifestations and disrespect are offensive nicknames, insults, abuse, degrading humor, imitation, ridicule, sarcasm ...

When disrespect enters the family, spouses tend to "forget" all the wonderful traits that their other half possesses. A direct consequence of this process is the extinction of love. That is why the first shoots of disrespect must be mercilessly uprooted - of course, in oneself, for uprooting them in another usually leads to the opposite result, while good example can inspire.

Defensiveness

If you are attacked, criticizing and disrespecting you, the natural reaction (at the level of reflex) is defense ("Leave me alone!"). And this “naturalness” of defensiveness makes matters worse, because the “victim of the attack” tends not to see anything wrong with his behavior. Defensiveness is manifested with the help of such techniques:

Denying your guilt

Justification - Shifting blame onto other people or external circumstances.

Return of accusations of the type: "and you ...". For example, to the wife's complaint: “Guests never come to us because you are such a birch!” - the husband retorts: “How can we invite people to our place when there is such dirt in the house - you never clean! "

“We started for health, and ended for peace” - when supposedly consent actually means disagreement (“Yes, but ...”)

“Walking in circles,” when every “yes” said by the wife, the husband answers “no,” and each of them repeats their arguments, regardless of what the other says.

Nagging. In this case, it is not so important what exactly is said, but it is important in what tone - offended, childish. Every word implies one thing: “Why are you picking on me? I'm not guilty of anything ... "

Defensiveness also has its own body language. These are arms crossed on the chest, shifting from foot to foot, fake smiles when the lips curl up, and the eyes remain serious ... Women who take a defensive position often touch their necks, as if fingering an invisible necklace. The goal of defensiveness is to try to defend against and prevent future attacks. The trouble is that defensiveness does not contribute to resolving the conflict and only exacerbates family problems.

Alienation

Sooner or later, one of the spouses (as observations show, more often it is the husband) simply stops reacting - even defensively - in response to the reproaches of their half. So the family includes the "fourth horseman of the apocalypse" - alienation. The classic situation is when, in response to questions or reproaches from his wife, the husband keeps an icy silence. From his point of view, he simply does not want unnecessary scandals and shows reasonable restraint. In most cases, he does not even understand that alienation in itself is a powerful tool of negative influence, not to mention the fact that it divides spouses.

Studies show that husbands' reaction to the alienation of their wives is usually relatively calm, while most wives react to the alienation of their husbands acutely and painfully - not only psychologically, but also physiologically (increased heart rate and blood pressure, difficulty breathing, heart pain, etc.) etc.). It should be noted that with an open confrontation, the opposite picture is observed: the pulse and pressure of the husbands increase more than that of the wives. It is possible that this physiological feature is one of the reasons " male face»Family alienation - husbands subconsciously avoid situations that are harmful to their health.

However, from the point of view of family health, alienation of at least one of the spouses is the strongest harmful factor. If unsuccessful and inept communication spoils the relationship, then alienation destroys them. Instead of discussing a specific problem, any confrontation leads to a depressing picture: the wife yells at her husband, and he is fenced off from her by a stone wall. Sometimes the husband is just silent and, it seems, does not react at all, sometimes he can shrug his shoulders or shake his head, say something short and sarcastic, like “You are always right in everything ...”, turn around and leave - to another room or from home. Of course, reactions of this kind can also occur in perfectly healthy relationships. The main thing is that they do not become common and familiar.

"Innocent sacrifice" and "righteous indignation"

And yet, when all four horsemen of the family apocalypse settle in your house, this is not the end, but only the beginning of the end. Their main harm is that they introduce dissonance into relationships, prevent spouses from communicating and interacting normally, and generate negativism, which is extremely difficult to cope with if you do not understand what is happening in essence. A real disaster occurs when at least one of the spouses begins to think about their partner in a persistent negative way.

Every day, hourly, or even every minute we conduct a mental internal dialogue with ourselves. In cases where we experience strong negative emotions (for example, anger, pain and despair that we are not understood and do not want to be understood), our inner thoughts can be either self-comforting (when, for example, we "persuade ourselves" that this is just a temporary misunderstanding, and in general, all this is not so important ...), or vice versa, intensifying our negative reaction. It is obvious that self-reassuring thoughts are more inherent in spouses from happy families, while spouses from unhappy families tend to turn themselves on more in their thoughts. Moreover, as psychologists have found out, the negative thoughts of spouses from unhappy families, for all their dissimilarity and uniqueness, are distinguished by two common signs, manifested both together and separately: firstly, this is an attitude towards oneself as an innocent victim, and second, the expression of righteous indignation towards another.

The innocent victim sees in his partner a monster who treats her badly, finds fault with her over trifles and does not appreciate at all. Putting on the mask of an innocent victim, we thereby free ourselves from responsibility for the flared up conflict, and hence from the labor of constructive resolution. This is the main drawback of this way of thinking - after all, until each of the spouses makes efforts to improve relations, family problems will not be solved. The pose of righteous resentment is in many ways similar to the role of the innocent victim, but is "enriched" with a feeling of hostility and disrespect towards the partner. The spouse, blazing with righteous anger, feels hurt and longs for revenge. Obviously, such a way of thinking does not help in any way to heal or improve family relationships... Avoiding the traps of innocent sacrifice and righteous resentment takes a lot of inner courage along with serious efforts of introspection.

Overflow

The final stage of the family "breakup scenario" begins with the fact that one of the spouses (and sometimes both at once) has a persistent feeling of intolerance of such a life. It becomes increasingly difficult for them to control their feelings, their behavior becomes extremely hostile (it does not matter, in a defensive or aloof manner). This condition is called psychological overflow. Men tend to enter it more often and more easily than women (for the same reasons that men more often and more easily succumb to the temptation of alienation), however, women do not have immunity from it. In a state of overflow, a person feels unjustly attacked, misunderstood, full of righteous anger. He is overwhelmed by negative emotions, he wants to stop "this torture" and escape. Alternatively, he has an irresistible desire to kick back.

When a person is in this state, any appeal to him from a partner causes a reaction of horror and fatigue ("God, again he (a) for his own! .."). He develops super-vigilance and tension in anticipation of the next nagging, and then something like a conditioned reflex is developed to his “half” - to a certain tone of her voice, to a certain facial expression ... Heavy, destructive thoughts about a partner become not an exception, but a rule, constant mental background. The partner's positive manifestations are either ignored or viewed with suspicion - the psychological effect of the adversity begins to work (the more you are attuned to something negative, the more likely you are to encounter real or imagined signs of this negativity, which, in turn, is even more obvious will strengthen your confidence in her).

It should be noted that in happy families individual overflow incidents can also occur, but they are superficial and "situational" (associated with some specific, particular problem), and not deep and chronic. When one of the spouses experiences chronic overflow, all the good things associated with family and partner cease to be perceived by them. If this process is not stopped, the constant overflow leads to distancing, isolation and the ultimate destruction of the relationship. The following scheme works: family problems begin to seem insoluble, and discussing them with a partner is completely useless. Gradually, spouses get used to living separate, parallel lives, and in the end, each of them has a feeling of "loneliness together", despite the fact that they may still be officially married.

Looking back

Nothing predicts the future of a family like the spouses' vision of their shared past. When one of them begins to perceive family history in a negative light, it is one of the earliest and surest signs that the family is in danger. For example, spouses from families heading for divorce tend to recall the time of the inception of their relationship as full of uncertainty, confusion and anxiety. They describe their meeting as an event that complicated their lives, and not as joyful and wonderful. If happy spouses proudly talk about the obstacles that they overcame on the way to each other, then unhappy ones look at similar circumstances with disappointment and sadness.

All of the above observations apply equally to both spouses. There are, however, three critical signs of an impending divorce that are more relevant to husbands than wives. The first is a sense of community versus separation. In other words, the more the husband presents his story as shared with his wife, the more chances that their union will withstand any trials. A very favorable sign is when the husband perfectly remembers the nuances of his feelings and the details of his actions during the period of courtship future wife while extreme forgetfulness is a very unfavorable sign. And finally, in stable and happy families, husbands tend to talk about their wives with love and pride, while in unstable and unhappy families - on the contrary, and the range of negative emotions expressed can be very wide.

Looking ahead

Why in some families negative manifestations are defeated by positive ones, while in others they are not? The answer is not that some people are inherently better suited to each other than others. Ideally intended for us "halves" do not exist in nature, it is just a dream and a myth. However, people are flexible and able to change, adapt to each other, if they have a strong enough motivation for such changes. Among the many reasons that initially happy families become unhappy, two main ones stand out. The first- this is the inability to hear the positive and constructive behind the noise of the negative. The second- unrealistic expectations about how the spouses should behave (first of all, the “other”).

Hence the plan of rescue operations follows. To begin with, the spouses need to remember that under the rubble of pain, resentment and loneliness, something good is kept - something that once aroused their love for each other and the desire to live together. In parallel, one should learn to overcome negativism in oneself. Concrete paths to salvation can come through understanding what is driving you apart. Well, and most importantly, we must try to communicate and interact with love and understanding, even in the most difficult and stressful situations, and work together to improve relationships.

Svetlana Seneko

You probably had to. seek help from a man who was neither your relative nor your lover. Should your gratitude be different from the usual gratitude for a service rendered, for example, by your friend? And where is the dangerous line between gratitude and flirting?

Your gratitude should correspond to the degree of need for this assistance. It makes sense to stipulate a situation where a man pays for a lady in a bar or restaurant.

According to the rules of etiquette, this is a simple gesture of politeness. It is quite appropriate when a man wants to thank a lady for the company he has compiled. But some men regard this situation differently - as a promise to continue the relationship. To avoid ambiguity, you can pay your own bill, and if the man insists, then you should simply thank him, and do it calmly and naturally, avoiding ambiguous smiles and antics that your companion may regard as flirting. One thing you must understand for sure: the payment of your part of the bill by a man does not oblige you to anything.

Situations when your friend lends you money or helps you in another way - gives you a ride home by car, helps you choose a suit for your lover - require warm and sincere words of gratitude. In this case, a simple "thank you" will not be enough, otherwise you will be considered an ignoramus. When expressing your gratitude, you need to look the other person in the eye and smile. If his help was extremely necessary, then multiple repetitions of words of gratitude is permissible - this way you will prove that you value his support very much. A handshake is also acceptable, although this is a rather dangerous gesture. A friendly gesture of gratitude should be confident, proactive, and free from strokes and light touches.

If a man helped you morally: he supported you in difficult times, was with you when you needed it, etc. - it is appropriate to express gratitude through a hug. It can be longer than when you meet, but it is important not to overdo it so that your interlocutor does not perceive this hug as flirting. You should keep your distance, you can touch each other with your shoulders, but no more - this touch will give your hug sincerity and warmth, but it is strictly forbidden to snuggle up to a man in such an embrace or touch his face with your face. Laying your head on your shoulder will be superfluous - all these are signals of a completely unfriendly disposition.

How to congratulate a man?

We are not always sure whether we have pleased a loved one with a gift, and it is often almost impossible to decide how to congratulate a colleague or a new acquaintance. How to choose an appropriate gift and come up with original congratulations?

We often need to choose a gift for a man - a work colleague or a new friend. At the same time, on the one hand, I want to surprise him, make unusual gift, and on the other - to choose something appropriate and useful. The problem, as you can imagine, is related to the lack of information about the man. We offer you some simple rules to help you avoid embarrassing situations.

1. The gift should correspond to the degree of your acquaintance with a man. Don't get too original if you don't know very well. In such situations, it is better to give preference to the classics: stationery or gadgets will be more appropriate than a tie or alcohol.

2. Even if you have not known a man for a very long time, try to find out his interests. When choosing a gift, you cannot proceed from the knowledge of classic male habits. Otherwise, it may turn out that you will present a set of fishing tackle to a person who has never held a fishing rod in his hands.

3. Should I give flowers to a man? Not every man will be delighted with such a gift. In some organizations, it is customary to give flowers to all employees - this is a corporate norm, and no one objects to it. But if you decide to present the bouquet personally on your own, then you should take into account the man's attitude to this kind of gifts. It is also necessary to seriously approach the choice of a bouquet - order it in a good salon, where florists will compose a male composition.

And one more piece of advice for those who have received an invitation to a birthday party for a stranger. Be prepared for the fact that you will have to say congratulations or a toast in honor of the birthday person. Your congratulations should not get out of the general situation, you should take into account the mood and the degree of "official" of the event. At corporate parties and official celebrations, you should not shine with originality. It is better to prefer the standard congratulation, devoid of all irony.

How to convince a man?

Often a woman is out of work just because she is a woman. If you are not trusted with serious things at work, if a friend does not listen to your advice, believing that you have nothing to offer, if your lover does not take your remarks seriously, it's time to act and show arrogant and self-confident men what you are capable of, We we suggest that you follow a clear algorithm that will help prove your professional suitability and professionalism in the so-called men's matters.

1. Get attention to yourself. This is very important, because sometimes a man does not trust a woman and does not take her seriously just because he believes that she is not interested in dealing with male issues, that she herself does not seek to understand difficult and responsible things. She is simply not up to it - she has too many worries of her own: shopping, beauty salons, cleaning, cooking, etc. Therefore, first you should take the initiative, express a desire to do a serious and important matter - to help a man.

2. Provoke a showdown. The next step may not follow if the man entrusts you with an important matter at the first stage. But if he tries to dissuade you from your idea, for example: “Why do you need this? It’s not interesting, boring, you don’t like it ”, you will have to sort things out. You should not shout, swear and scandal, you need to clearly state your position regarding what you want from a man. Do you want to take part in an important and interesting business, to which for some unknown reason he does not admit you.

3. Doubt his competence. If the man continues to resist, question his strategy. Do not focus on his unprofessionalism - just hint that you will be a partner in solving the problem: one head is good, two is better.

4. Show him what you are capable of. If this does not work, then it remains to use a trump card, which should be prepared in advance - proof of your interest, professional approach and initiative. For example, if you want to take part in the preparation of an exhibition of a new product - briefly explain your concept to the boss. And express new idea which he never took into account. It is important for you to prove to a man that he is losing a lot by not including you in work. If you decide to help him with opening his own business, then you will have to understand the accounting and taxation system and submit your knowledge so that he understands that he definitely cannot do without you.

How to surprise a man?

This article is for those women who believe that there is nothing easier than surprising a man. Some people think that for this you need to bake his favorite pies and put on a new dress. And some believe that their lover dreams of a candlelit chicken curry all over the house.

If you give a child to New Year wool socks and sweater. Continue? So, women often believe that a man cannot but like a surprise from which they themselves are delighted. Alas, this is the law: we always put our interests first, forgetting about interests loved one... It is not surprising that after a while men try to assure us that they do not like surprises at all. How to be and what you need to know to really pleasantly surprise a man?

1. The success of any surprise is in its unpredictability. A true surprise can be considered one about which your man does not suspect anything: he will not learn about him from your telephone conversation, his son will not tell him about him, forgetting about the prohibition. Therefore, "encrypt" is better. Do not call a birthday or name day a surprise. What a surprise it is if you know about it in advance! Of course, such holidays should be, but do not forget to arrange small and large surprises for a man simply because you wanted to please him.

2. What can surprise a man? Festive dinner by candlelight? Why not? Just think over the menu. Even if your chosen one is used to sweeping everything away, he must have special addictions - it's time to find out about them. Only not "on the forehead", otherwise there will be no surprise. Observe him, note with what appetite he eats the dish you have prepared.

You can go to a restaurant and remember which dish he ordered, even if his choice does not seem too sophisticated to you. By the way, going to a restaurant can also turn out to be a good surprise - just cook it yourself, and not as usual: “Darling, book a table, call a taxi” - this is no longer a surprise, but a mandatory family event.

3. The most important thing when preparing a surprise, whatever format you choose, is to try to perceive everything that you are doing through its consciousness. Consider his preference when choosing a movie and background music. Wear a dress that suits him, not you.

4. Add originality to your surprise. Why don't you throw a family beer party? And if you offer to go to football with him? Will he be surprised? So this is the whole point - you just need to force yourself to love what your man likes, at least for a couple of hours, and the most ordinary evening will turn into a holiday for him.

5. Experiment - men love it. But do not forget to consider his personality. Someone will like your offer to jump with a parachute, ride a horse or go down a mountain river on a catamaran, while someone will be delighted with your idea to go to the cinema or to the theater.

How to ask for forgiveness?

Many couples break up precisely because no one dares to be the first to ask for forgiveness. It would seem that this is so difficult? It is generally accepted that the first person to go to the world will automatically plead guilty to what happened. It’s not that easy. Especially if the pride is hurt.

The meaning of quarrels and conflicts is in the announcement of claims and grievances, which until the moment of "X" were hidden from others. As a rule, a pretext appears that unleashes a conflict situation, turning a hidden conflict into an open exchange of reproaches, and even insults. Then there is silence. Often the reason that caused the quarrel is forgotten, but what is said to each other in their hearts becomes a serious reason for resentment. How to be?

In men and women, different mechanisms are triggered at such moments. The man is waiting for the woman to take the initiative - to go first to reconciliation, thereby proving that she values ​​their relationship. A woman analyzes the words spoken and finds among them the one that she considers the most offensive - it is important for her that the man repents of the words spoken and finds the very word that touched her so much. If the man does not do this, the quarrel may resume.

Here's what you need to know if you don't want to turn the fight into a breakup.

1. Take the first step, even if it seems to you that you are not the initiator of the quarrel. Do not act on the principle: the first to ask for forgiveness is the one who started the quarrel. In fact, the one who has something to ask for should ask for forgiveness. And in a quarrel between a man and a woman, as a rule, both are to blame. Remember something that you just said to your loved one - for this and ask for forgiveness. Just do not remind him of your words, it can offend the man.

2. Try not to turn your reconciliation into new wave conflict. To do this, do not ask your man to remember what he said to you. Most likely he does not remember this, although it could be etched into your memory. Don't ask him to admit old mistakes. Do not count, do not remember the past.

3. Don't turn your remorse into a confession and tell your man about past failures. This is characteristic of women: having taken a step towards reconciliation, they believe that they need to lay out everything that is in their hearts. To maintain a relationship, it is worth keeping silent about some details.

How to teach a man a lesson for being rude?

Men sometimes use rudeness to prove their superiority. A woman needs to be able to stand up for herself if she sometimes has to communicate with boors and impudent people.

Sometimes circumstances develop in such a way that a boor falls into the circle of our communication. They prefer not to get involved with rude people: they often win in an argument - his opponents give in to the onslaught of rudeness. Is there really no rule for an ignoramus and he always triumphs? Of course not: you can not only fight with boors - you can defeat them. To do this, you need to know one little secret: rude and tactless people are actually easily vulnerable, because their behavior is just protection from the attacks of others, whom they are afraid of.

If it is customary in your company to endure insults in silence, be sure that this will continue until you prove that you can resist rudeness.

First, don't pass - look him straight in the eyes. Force yourself to do this, even if it is very unpleasant for you. Withstanding his gaze is a very strong emotional rebuff. The most important thing is not to stoop to public insults, your task is to prove that you are not afraid of him.

If you are slandered, do not remain silent, demand explanations and proofs. The rude person shrinks - he is unlikely to think of an answer. Then ask him to take his words back. He most likely will not do this, but from now on he will beware of you.

If the attacks persist, try to watch him and find him. weak spots... For example, you will notice that he cringes when the boss appears, which means that he is afraid of him. If the opportunity arises, make a remark: "Why are you so startled?" He is unlikely to find an answer to you. Highly effective method fight against rudeness - an alliance with other enemies of rudeness and rudeness. Together you can make fun of him, make fun of his antics. Humor is a powerful weapon in the war against ignorance of all kinds. Gradually, the whole company will be on your side, and the rude person will have to change the manner of communication.

How to take revenge on a man for disrespecting your feelings?

You were sure that he would appreciate your feelings, that he would reciprocate you, you wanted to push him to take a step towards you. Instead, he called you crazy in front of everyone. How to be in such a situation?
Sometimes a girl, not fully understanding herself and her own feelings, tries to conquer the heart of a man she liked by storm. Such hasty actions often cause repulsion: the man is afraid of the onslaught and seeks protection from the courtship of the public.

If you have been publicly exposed, then it is useless to deny: they will not believe it anyway. How to be? You can remain silent, hoping that in time everyone will forget this story. Although your position is unenviable: you risk becoming the talk of the town for a long time. So do not deny - be open and free to express your feelings, and sooner or later they will cool down. Bring pies to your chosen one, write poetry, draw cartoons - in general, show signs of attention in the ways you know. Gradually, your colleagues and friends will get used to your feeling, because falling in love is natural, and irresponsibility will become a reason for sympathy. You will notice how they will start helping you, suggesting new moves. But your lover will find himself in a rather comical position: he will either avoid you, or try to offend, offend or slander you, which will lead to a loss of trust in him on the part of the collective.

This mechanism will work only on one condition: if you can clearly see the border between cute and ridiculous. The main thing is that your feelings look natural: do not hang on his neck, do not guard in the corridor, but simply express your quiet and calm sympathy. It's a good idea to find a trusted person with whom you can share your feelings and observations that the whole company will know about. When you get tired of mocking your lover, who by that time will most likely become an ex, you can exit the game. Say you fell in love with someone else. So you will avoid gossip and take revenge on the inept and tactless knight for his behavior.

How to hurt a man for a living?

More than one woman has suffered from male composure. She screams, and tears, and hysterics, and at least something for a man. One gets the impression that nothing can be done with it. But sometimes she wants it! We give this extremely harmful advice on how to piss off a man, counting on your prudence. Don't overuse it.

For a start, let's figure it out. Why do men seem to be less sensitive to hurt feelings - are they arranged differently? Of course not - just men have learned to control themselves, their emotions, this is required of them by social conventions. During a quarrel, a woman loses her composure and does not try to restrain herself. Women's tears are nothing more than an outlet for negative energy. A man in a situation of quarrel maintains apparent calm, but in fact, he is also at the limit. Remember this: one careless word and he will go into a rage. Often the composure of men becomes salutary. Someone has to stay calm or the fight can get out of hand.

If you still want to hurt him more painfully, then the recipe is simple: any person suffers from injustice. Therefore, a man will not be offended if you reproach him that he does nothing around the house, or that he spends all the evenings with friends, if this is true.

But if you convict him of stinginess, mediocrity, "handlessness" and other "mortal sins" of which he is actually innocent, then he will rise. And why? Undeserved reproaches are a sign that EVERYTHING a man does is indifferent to you, he will feel that you do not appreciate him. By the way, what your man offends you the most - isn't he using the same technique? If so, teach him a lesson - reproach him undeservedly in something, perhaps this will be a good lesson for him, and he will understand how painful it is to hear such words from a loved one.

How to cheat a man?

They say women hide deception worse than men... Some associate this with the excessive emotionality of women, they say, they are simply not able to cope with the excitement and thus give themselves away. It is difficult to say who the more skillful deceivers are - men or women. However, it should be noted that men cheat more coldly, while women are more inventive. But, one way or another, your deception can be revealed if you do not know how to hide the truth.

Most of the information about a person comes through non-verbal and difficult to control signals - facial expressions, gestures, postures. So, a deceiver can often rub his nose, purse his lips, touch foreign objects. The liar's excitement is evidenced by his unwillingness to meet the eyes of the interlocutor, his mouth often dries up, which makes him constantly swallow saliva.

It is not easy to hide the signals of lies: it takes a long and hard study in some spy school. So it's best not to lie at all. But if you have to, remember: your interlocutors are not professionals either. Take a position that is comfortable for you before starting a conversation. Cross your arms and place them in front of you - this is a pose of confidence. Before starting your speech, set yourself the installation not to bring your hands to your face, but if you really want to, just squeeze them harder.

Any lie, even the most insignificant one, must be thought out in advance. For example, you take time off from work, allegedly for the reason that your sister asks you to sit with her sick son. Think over all the details, down to what he got sick. Otherwise, if you are asked about it, you get confused and give yourself away. You must remember everything you said. The nephew should not suddenly turn into the son of a friend - they will immediately bite you. One more thing: after gaining trust, do not relax, do not rush to the nearest hairdresser right there - wait at least half an hour and find a salon away from work. In general, try not to cheat, because disclosed deception will easily ruin your relationship with the closest people.

How to scare a man away?

Most women strive to achieve the opposite effect - to attract the attention of men. But sometimes it is necessary to scare away the annoying suitor. Not every woman has the courage to tell the man who cares for her that she doesn't like him. What to do? The recipe is simple: he needs to be scared. Do not act at random: try to scout his plans for the future. And then it’s simple - you have to tell him about your desires, which, as you probably guessed, will be very different from his projects.

For example, you realize that your boyfriend has serious intentions. Do not rush to scare him away - what if your attitude towards him will change? If you are sure that this will not happen, then go ahead. Tell him that you are not going to get married anytime soon. Explain this by the fact that you do not want to repeat the fate of your mother, who hunched over in the kitchen all her life, or that you are too freedom-loving to be bound in the chains of marriage. Come up with something about your unwillingness to have children for at least another ten years and that you are a supporter of an open relationship without obligation. We are sure that your beloved will be blown away like the wind.

But the opposite situation: he plans to start a relationship, but has not yet decided how far they will go - in general, nothing serious. Then scare him away with the possibility of marriage. Invite him to dinner and tell him that tomorrow you are going to meet your parents, and the day after tomorrow - to the registry office. "Where is the hurry?" - most likely he will ask. Refer to the stern father, who will not tolerate extramarital affairs, and the kind mother, who will not wait for her grandchildren. The effect is not difficult to predict: you will not see it again.

Family life is an ongoing relationship work in which both partners take part. But it happens that a man does not show due respect to his wife, which becomes a serious obstacle to family happiness. How to teach your husband a lesson for disrespect: the advice of psychologists will help you figure it out.

Disrespect manifests itself in different ways. Neglecting family responsibilities, cheating, or insults shouldn't be the norm. It is necessary to teach your husband a lesson at the very first offense, otherwise such behavior will become a habit.

Psychologists' advice on the topic “how to teach a husband a lesson for disrespect” boils down to the following: you cannot answer evil for evil, perhaps a person simply does not fully realize that he is hurting his other half. If there is a desire to teach your husband a lesson for disrespect, then a scandal, hysteria or offended silence will be a bad option. The advice of friends also does not always help; it is better to take into account the recommendations of psychologists, which are based on the following: without understanding the reasons for the behavior of the spouse, one should not make hasty decisions.

The following reasons often lie behind the disrespect of a man:

• the financial aspect - most often, men have a higher income, which allows them, in their opinion, to dictate the rules of the game;
• inconsistency with the concept of an "ideal wife" - a man who grew up in a family where his mother devoted all her time to raising children, arranging life, creating home comfort, will demand the same from his wife. In modern conditions, a woman is assigned much more responsibilities, but not all men want to notice this;
• Comparison to others - spouses of friends are often the subject of personal discussion. One has a wife - a model, another - a high-ranking boss. If a husband cannot boast of his other half in the circle of friends, then this can cause him a feeling of discontent, which will certainly affect the chosen one.

As you know, the punishment must correspond to the "crime". If the husband himself became a victim of circumstances, succumbing to someone else's opinion, then cruel punishment will only strengthen the negative in relation to the life partner. Let us turn to the advice of psychologists in order to understand how to teach a lesson to a husband for disrespect.

First things first, you need to try to appeal to his conscience. It's not as easy as it sounds. A head-on conversation can lead to a scandal, and a woman just needs respect and a little attention. An adequate husband will appreciate the efforts of his wife if, before starting a difficult conversation, she cooks a delicious dinner, creates a cozy atmosphere in the house, and possibly arranges romantic date... According to the advice of psychologists, it is undesirable to immediately put pressure on your husband. The technique of "carrot and stick" has not yet been canceled. First you need to appease your chosen one, and then proceed to decisive action.

How to teach your husband a lesson for disrespect: typical mistakes

You can do anything to teach your husband a lesson for disrespect. But you should ask yourself next question: Do you respect yourself? If you have lost faith in yourself, stopped appreciating your positive qualities, praising for the work done (even if it is gratitude for the washed up mountain of dishes), then how can you expect respect from your husband? As you begin to appreciate yourself, you will notice that your other half also begins to see you differently.

There is another problem in the relationship of spouses who build their lives on the principle of "tit for tat". Teaching your husband a lesson for disrespect by doing what he does is not the most effective and prudent way. This behavior can quickly become the norm and will only alienate spouses. Mutual claims will become a pretext for new scandals and proceedings. If you think that you can teach your husband a lesson by responding to him with disrespect for his behavior, then just give him a reason for new nagging.