The book by the author of the super bestseller “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” is intended for men and women seeking to find a faithful and loving partner. “Mars and Venus on a Date” is a real treasure trove of invaluable information about sexual psychology, intimate preferences, the secrets of attractiveness and love harmony.

How to attract the attention of your chosen one and make sure that he can become yours ideal partner? How to turn love into a strong and long-lasting relationship? How to learn to understand your partner and maintain romance in a relationship?

The book is also very useful for married couples who want to improve their relationship. To bring back the lost feeling mutual love, they need to go back in time and together go through all the stages of rapprochement to the end.

Using John's advice, go through the five stages of rapprochement with your partner, and then you can be convinced that marriages are truly made in heaven.

Chapter 8. How to go through the five stages of rapprochement

If one partner is one or two stages ahead of the other, marriage may be fraught with problems. In order to go through all five stages of rapprochement, it is necessary to pay equal attention to each stage of this process. As already noted, at each stage of rapprochement, both new opportunities and certain problems open up for partners. The more successfully you were able to get through the previous stage, the higher the likelihood that you will succeed in the next one. After all, there is hardly a student who can learn algebra without knowing the multiplication tables. For this reason, I would recommend that partners do not rush to move to the next stage of rapprochement, but prepare properly for this test.

When one partner does not have a clear idea of ​​what is happening at each stage, he wants to skip one or another of them, especially at the moment when problems typical for that stage arise. Instead of solving the problems that arise in the first stage, a person jumps to the second in pursuit of the pleasant experiences that it promises. But as soon as problems typical for this stage appear, the person either loses interest in his partner or backs down.

For example, at the first stage of rapprochement, a person may be very afraid of being rejected, and therefore is able to jump in one fell swoop to the second stage, where uncertainty dominates. Under the influence of this feeling, you begin to evaluate your potential partner too meticulously, whereas at this stage you should first of all get to know him better. Here you just need to enjoy the company of a potential partner, instead of finding out how suitable this person is for you.

Quite often, a man or woman instantly jumps from the second stage to the third. Fearing that the chosen one may turn out to be an unsuitable partner, a person rushes things and enters into an intimate relationship with him. Instead of waiting and testing the strength of the relationship, one of the partners panics and, trying to drive away disturbing thoughts, behaves as if he knows everything for sure.

In this situation, the woman is not trying to find out how suitable this man is for her, but is trying to convince her chosen one that she perfect for him. Sometimes, when a man is overcome by uncertainty, he tries with all his appearance to show a woman that he has no doubts about his feelings, although this is not true. If such partners enter into an intimate relationship, then very soon they risk returning to the stage of uncertainty. A man may grow cold towards a woman, and she will pursue him in vain in the hope that he will console her.

If a woman in the first stage of intimacy perceives a man as if they have both already reached the stage of engagement, she may ask him completely inappropriate questions on a date, for example, asking how many guests he would like to invite to the wedding and how many children he would like to have . As a rule, it is more difficult for a man to overcome the next stage of intimacy when a woman behaves this way.

When partners are at the first stage, they should behave according to the first stage, refraining from actions that are appropriate only at the fifth. After a few dates, you may move on to the next stage, which is dominated by feelings of uncertainty. Even if you are overwhelmed with a feeling of happiness and your legs carry you to Las Vegas, where you can get married in five minutes, do not rush to move on to the next stage, remain patient and persevering. Relationships must stand the test of time.

If you fell in love with your partner at first sight, do not rush to move on to the next stage, remain patient and persevere as the relationship should stand the test of time.

Women are like precious stones, which begin to sparkle with all their facets when there is a suitable frame, that is, a man who can make her happy. Instead of pleasing your man to thank him for making you happy, simply enjoy the fact that he is courting you. There is no need to sacrifice yourself for the sake of a man and give up your habits for the sake of communicating with him. It’s better to let the man make appropriate adjustments to his schedule.

Women are like precious stones that begin to sparkle with all their facets when the right setting is found, that is, a man who can make her happy.

When a man, at the suggestion of a woman, sacrifices some of his habits in order to communicate with her, he begins to feel that he has met an unusually attractive woman who deserves a lot. A woman does not need to intentionally stir up his interest. The man is already interested in her. The more he gives her and the more gracefully she accepts his gifts, the stronger his interest becomes. A woman who does not understand men's affairs and is ready to thank too passionately for small services and too eagerly agree to proposals may, without realizing it, scare off a man with her irrepressible enthusiasm. A man doesn't need too much available woman. Men like women they conquer. The desire to conquer a woman serves as an incentive for a man, forcing him to overcome one stage of rapprochement after another.

When a woman is in a hurry

When a woman falls in love with a man and begins to act as if the two of them have reached the fifth stage of intimacy, the man remains at the stage in which he is at the moment. The fact is that the man no longer feels the need to move on. When a woman rushes things, a man presses on the brakes by inertia.

Men never give up methods that have once proven their effectiveness. They don't understand why take risks if they already know the formula for success. Women do not share this belief. On Venus things are different. If a woman achieves success in something, she thinks something like this: “I wonder if it is possible to do this even better?” When a woman gets everything she needs from a man, she feels like their relationship can be even better. A man in a similar situation thinks that now he can relax.

On Mars there is a very strong belief and instinctive tendency to never give up a method that has already proven its effectiveness.

When a woman begins to behave as if she has reached the fifth stage of rapprochement, while the man is far behind, the man no longer feels the need to move on. He simply relaxes and remains at the current stage. I will give examples of several typical scenarios.

If he has reached the fourth stage (intimate relationship stage), and she behaves as if the two of them have reached the fifth stage (engagement stage), he reasons approximately like this: “I don’t understand, why rush things? Everything is fine. There is no need to change anything." In other words, the fact that the woman is one stage ahead of him prevents him from feeling the strong affection necessary to decide to marry. Because of this, he may never feel the need to make a commitment.

If he has reached the third stage (exclusive relationship stage), and she acts as if she has reached stage four (the intimate relationship stage) or stage five (the engagement stage), he reasons something like this: “We will enjoy communicating for a while.” He remains faithful to his girlfriend, but does not strive for a deeper relationship. Little by little, he stops performing romantic acts for her that he did in the previous stages of rapprochement. He begins to pay attention to other women. Because of this, she feels like he doesn't love her. Over time, their paths may diverge.

If he has reached the second stage (the stage of doubt), and she acts as if their relationship is at the third, fourth or fifth stage, he reasons something like this: “I don’t want to upset or disappoint her. I'd rather not call her. I don’t want to fool her.” He can reason a little differently: “She needs everything at once. I doubt I'm ready for this." Although in the second stage all men doubt their feelings for a woman, in this case special obstacles arise in the way of partners. If a woman acts as if she is several stages ahead of her partner, his desire for an exclusive relationship is pushed into the background by the onslaught of doubt. He's afraid of disappointing her or hurting her because he doesn't yet know if he's ready to continue the relationship.

It's sad but true - the more a man likes a woman, the more he wants to distance himself from her so as not to hurt her. When a man sees that his chosen one is also not entirely sure of her feelings, he is not afraid to hurt her if they have to separate. This feeling of freedom gives him the self-confidence necessary to move on to the next stage, the stage of an exclusive relationship.

It's sad but true - the more a man likes a woman, the more he wants to distance himself from her so as not to hurt her.

Let me give you an example of more difficult situation. If a woman is hopelessly in love with a man and is trying in vain to maintain a relationship with him, this man is likely to reason something like this: “She seems sure that I am the only man for her. As for me, I’m not at all sure about this. If I wanted, I could easily seduce her, just giving her hope would be enough. But it would be a real blow for her. I really like her, so I can't treat her like that. I think she's wrong about me. I'm not ready for such a relationship."

If a woman at first accepts a man’s advances with pleasure, and then lets him know that she is not entirely sure of her feelings and cannot immediately move on to the third stage of rapprochement, she becomes more attractive in the man’s eyes. When a man does not have to worry about the fact that if necessary, it will be difficult for him to break up with this woman, he is more likely to develop a feeling of attachment.

When he does not have to worry about the fact that if necessary, it will be difficult for him to break up with this woman, he is more likely to develop a feeling of attachment.

If a woman has doubts and a man tries to assure her that a wonderful future awaits them, then the man has nothing to worry about, because he knows that if he fails, he will simply stop convincing her and she will stop loving him. In these circumstances, he feels that his hands are free, and therefore he can voluntarily take on obligations. But a woman should not hope that she can convince a man that he loves her, because just at the moment when she stops worrying and begins to count on his care, he may realize that in reality he himself does not love her. This is why during the five stages of intimacy, a man must court a woman, and a woman must create ideal conditions so that a man can look after her.

If he has reached the first stage (attraction stage), and she acts as if she has reached the second stage (the stage of uncertainty), he may get the impression that she is inclined to complicate things. Most likely, he will reason something like this: “How can she reject me if she doesn’t even know me? Such a woman is hardly suitable for me. She's too picky and looks down on everyone."

If a woman acts as if she has reached stage three (the exclusive relationship stage), she can easily undermine herself in his eyes. Imagine that you want to buy a house, after a long search you find one that you are quite happy with, and the seller says to you: “Do you like this house? Great, it's yours. You can pay as much as you want." It is unlikely that you will have a high opinion of this seller. Remember the old Groucho Marx joke: “I will not join a club that is willing to accept me as a member.” When a woman sells herself too cheap, a man begins to believe that she does not deserve more.

If a woman acts as if she has reached stage four or five, a man may first become intimate with her and then suddenly withdraw from her. The anticipation of an intimate relationship gives a woman a special charm in the eyes of a man, but after intimate connection a man may lose interest in a woman. Even the best dessert can cause nausea in someone who has already filled their stomach. A woman should not serve herself entirely, but in small portions.

When a man rushes things

When a man acts as if he has already conquered a woman, the couple easily moves through all five stages, but at each stage the man can easily back down. Quite often he tries to confuse a woman with promises and oaths. Although sometimes it is pleasant for a woman to succumb to such temptation, over time she ceases to trust him. She doesn't believe that he loves her because they barely know each other. After all, he doesn't even know how she acts when she's in a bad mood.

A woman should be confident that a relationship with a man will bring her what she needs. When a man tries to show his feelings in all their glory, it doesn’t make much of an impression on a woman. Residents of Venus know that feelings are changeable. A woman should make sure that a man's feelings will not change after they get to know each other better. If a man takes his time and behaves according to the current stage of rapprochement, the woman will gain the confidence she needs to move on to the next stage. I will give examples of several typical situations.

If she has reached stage four (intimate relationship stage), and he acts as if he is at the fifth stage (engagement stage), then she may reason something like this: “He acts as if we are already married, but I did not give him consent. I don't think he can take care of me if we get married. He doesn’t even respect my feelings.” In other words, when a man acts in such a situation as if the couple has reached the stage of engagement, he unwittingly scares the woman away because she begins to doubt that he is capable of being sensitive to her feelings. Before a woman agrees to get married, she must make sure that the man respects her feelings.

If she has reached stage three (exclusive relationship stage), and he acts as if he is in stage four (intimate relationship stage) or stage five (engagement stage), she may reason something like this: “He needs everything at once. I'm already starting to feel like I owe him something. I'm not sure I can give him what he expects. I just want to get to know him better. I'm not ready for more." Women like men who can be attentive and persistent, but if a man is too zealous in his desire for intimacy, a woman feels that she is being deprived of personal space.

When a woman feels that she is not yet ready for what a man expects from her, she stops striving with the same force for the next stage of rapprochement. To do this, a woman needs confidence that she can always count on support from a man.

If she has reached the second stage (stage of uncertainty), and he behaves as if he is in stage three, four or five, she may reason something like this: “Why do I make him want me so much? After all, he doesn't even know me. If he gets to know me better, he will probably leave me, and I don't want to suffer. I don't want all my hopes to go to waste. He thinks that I am perfection itself, but this is not true at all. You can’t rely on attraction alone.” It is natural for a woman to doubt a man's feelings, but if a man is too intrusive, a woman will lose the trust in him necessary to move into the exclusive stage of a relationship.

It's sad but true: the more he likes her, the less she trusts him, because he is not aware of the need to balance his feelings with her stages of rapprochement. When a man is able to prove to a woman that they are perfect for each other, the woman gains the confidence needed to move into the exclusive relationship stage.

Quite often, men complain that women ignore well-mannered men with good manners and give preference to rude louts. But this is just a myth. Women like well-mannered men with good manners.

The idea that women don't like well-mannered, well-mannered men is just a myth.

Men think that women don’t like nice young men, because quite often they hear the following phrase from women: “You are very nice and charming, but let’s better remain friends.” From this it is not difficult to conclude that women do not like nice and charming men.

Every time a charming young man is rejected by a woman, he feels that he was rejected because he is charming. Meanwhile, women, remembering unsuccessful romances, always complain that the man turned out to be a complete nonentity. It’s just that only at the beginning of the relationship does this man impress the woman as a sweet and charming person.

Women like kind and courteous men, but a sense of proportion must be observed in everything. Men who are too polite scare women away. If a woman has reached the first or second stage of intimacy, and the man acts as if he is in the third, fourth or fifth stage, the woman can easily lose interest in him. It seems to her that his desires are too bold and he is too generous, and this imposes certain obligations on her. She feels that she should thank him accordingly, but she is not ready to do so yet. When a woman meets a man who is too polite, she thinks that she might inadvertently offend him. Plus, she's afraid that he might turn his back on her when he realizes that she's not as nice as he is.

If a woman is attracted to a man who may seem like an indifferent person, then this usually happens at the first or second stage of rapprochement, at which some distance is quite appropriate. When a man enthusiastically looks after a woman, but cannot yet say with confidence that he is ready to give up communication with other women for her sake, this gives him a special charm and exceptional attractiveness.

A woman likes such men because they inspire her with confidence that she can back down at any moment. If a man is too persistent, a woman begins to feel that she has no right to doubt her feelings. The man simply does not give her the opportunity to understand her attitude towards him and make sure that she is ready to move on to the next stage.

If a woman has reached the first stage of intimacy (attraction stage), and the man behaves as if he is at the second stage (at the stage of uncertainty), she reasons approximately like this: “Why is he so nervous? I won’t offer him my business card myself! I want him to ask me what my phone number is.” Another woman may think differently: “He’s probably just shy. I’ll probably flirt with him, and then, if he doesn’t ask what my phone number is, I’ll give him my business card.” But in any case, the aura of uncertainty surrounding a man somewhat spoils the overall impression he makes on a woman. One way or another, the woman has to take the initiative, so over time, sympathy for the man disappears.

When she has reached the first stage and he acts as if he is in the second, third or fourth stage of intimacy, it is not easy for her to trust him. It seems to her that his desires are too bold, so she involuntarily moves away from him. Sometimes it seems to her that he feels such a strong attraction to her that if he refuses, he will be offended to the core. In this situation, the woman begins to experience maternal feelings for the man, and sexual attraction fades into the background. It is at this moment that she can suggest to him: “Wouldn’t it be better for us to remain friends?”

So, when one of the partners rushes things, the process of consistently overcoming the five stages of rapprochement becomes significantly more complicated. In some cases, both partners are in a hurry to jump through several stages. This will not prevent them from going through all the stages of rapprochement and achieving a certain degree of intimacy, but they will not be able to lay a solid foundation for a long-term relationship. They may even get married, but it will be much more difficult for them to cope with the inevitable problems of married life.

As a rule, a man gives up the initiative when a woman takes responsibility for maintaining the relationship. A woman stops trusting a man when he shows exaggerated generosity. All reactions of partners must correspond to the current stage of rapprochement.

We are accustomed to the fact that everything needs to be done quickly, so we are in a hurry in our relationship with our chosen one. It is no coincidence that today many people face great difficulties in their personal lives.

Great Expectations

Quite often, a woman blindly believes in a man’s promises. She lives in hope of his love and experiences a rush from this tender feelings. Let's say someone tells you that you won a million dollars in the lottery. Of course, this news will excite you. You will feel like a millionaire. Perhaps you will even go to waste money in anticipation of the huge capital that you will soon become the owner of. In other words, before you receive your million, you will live like a millionaire. And when you find out that they were just playing a joke on you, you will not only be disappointed, but, perhaps, burdened with serious debts.

Of course, circumstances in life are different. Unfortunately, none of us are immune from love for a married man. First of all, you can’t order your heart. Secondly, most married men hide their marital status. And when you realize that he is married, it is too late - you have already fallen in love, become attached and want to believe that he will certainly leave his wife for you. To save your precious time, the Academy of Femininity provides 5 signs that it is pointless to expect a divorce from your lover. No matter what he says, he will not leave his wife.

1. He furiously scolds his wife and calls her the worst names.

Many women rejoice at such stormy negative emotions, thinking that insults against his wife are a guarantee of his hatred of her and the desire to leave. In fact, if he does not have any feelings for his wife, he is most likely indifferent to any of her antics and is unlikely to want to discuss them with the woman he loves. If his wife really is such a monster, then most likely he would have already left her. But when a man doesn’t leave and doesn’t stop complaining about his wife, this is a sign that he’s just keeping you on a hook, making you think that you’re much better and you have a special relationship.

2. He doesn't have a plan and doesn't bring any specifics to your relationship.

It is clear that deciding to divorce is not easy. But if a man has plans for life together with you, he will definitely try to discuss them. Ideally, a man should outline a clear plan and follow it. So, for example, until May I explain myself to my wife. I leave her such and such property. I’ll rent/buy an apartment or move in with you then. If he doesn't set any deadlines or take any steps, he's probably happy with everything. And if he gets irritated when you ask your questions or starts talking at length about how much he loves you, it means he’s deliberately messing with your head.

3. He constantly plays the role of the victim.

Of course, he wants to get a divorce, but... And then a long list of excuses begins. His wife is sick, he can’t leave her now. The property is joint, he doesn’t want to lose everything. The children are still small, they will finish school and then... If the reasons why he keeps his family always lie in third parties, then the real problem is with him. In a person who cannot or does not want to take responsibility for his life.

4. He doesn't make any moves to develop your relationship.

There is a standard scheme. You meet, have dinner in small restaurants or at home, where no one will catch you by surprise. We go to you and make love. If for several months this pattern remains unchanged and he does not take steps to get closer (for example, traveling somewhere together or spending time outside of bed), then everything suits him. Does this suit you?

5. He plays on your feelings.

Married cheaters are excellent manipulators. If a man is sincere with you, he shares his thoughts and feelings. He can tell you about his fears and doubts. The manipulator will instead play on your nerves, then appealing to pity: “Nobody loves me. I'm doomed to be lonely and unhappy. I’ve never had a real family, it’s just a formality.” Then putting pressure on your vanity: “You are much better than my wife! I didn’t have anything like that with her.” Either intimidating you: “Do you want to leave? Leave! I myself new lover I'll find it in a moment. But you won’t meet anyone else like him at your age.” Whatever his manipulations, try to stop them. Or better yet, turn around and leave. After all, life is too wonderful to waste it on married men.

A girl I know is dating a married man. He is good-looking, witty, charismatic and wealthy enough to satisfy a girl's basic needs. But, as you know, the main basic need of a person is not material at all. I want not only carnal love and sweet words, but something more tangible, besides promises to definitely spend the night from Thursday to Friday together. He lies to his wife about a business trip and arrives with a real leather suitcase on wheels to go on a business trip for the whole evening, night and even part of the morning to the girl’s address. All this time he walks around her apartment with a towel on his hips, like Apollo, well, definitely Apollo. Passing by a large mirror in the hallway, he stops and flexes his muscles, pleased with himself. Everything suits him. He likes the way he has cleverly organized his life.

Once upon a time this was enough for her. She lived only from Friday until the following Thursday evening. The rest of the time I waited, anticipated, prepared. I bought new underwear. Or a special chocolate massage cream in an intimate shop that excites every single receptor. Perfume with pheromones. The wine is red. Dishes. She thought that all her preparations and efforts would not go unnoticed and that a man would one day get down on one knee, or simply tell her the great news over a glass of Burgundy: “Darling, now we will always be together, I’m divorced, marry me...”

In her fantasies, she had already come up with a lot of options for him for his solemn speech. And each time, plunging into dreams, these speeches were more and more refined and beautiful. There were no speeches in life. There was a lot of humor in life, good sex, about the same compliments and... nothing! As if that's how it should be! As soon as she even tried to hint that she would now ask the question: “What’s next?”, her beloved seemed to have a presentiment of this and cleverly used some kind of distracting maneuver. Suddenly he asked when she would pay the rent and if she needed help. Of course I need it, oh thank you, you are the best!

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Everything was obvious, but not obvious.

Do you love me even a little? - she asked.

Of course, dear! Are words really needed for this? You are the coolest! I just adore you! - he said. - And you me?

Do you need words for this? - she said sarcastically. He laughed and kissed back.

What do you think he thinks of me? - she interrogated best friend, who has seen them together more than once.

Honestly? - asked a friend. Then she squinted and shot straight into the heart: “He’s using you, living his second youth with you.” And he will never leave his family; everything suits him. Why change anything? Did he promise you anything?

Yes. We are planning to go to Bali together, I don’t know when yet.

Well, this is the most you can count on - to go to Bali with him. Moreover, a trip with an escort would have cost him much more. And with you it’s practically free, and even a bonus in the form of feelings.

Ugh, how cynical you are! - the girl was very upset, offended by her friend and... went to a psychologist.

The psychologist said that a mistress is a crutch for the relationship between husband and wife. That in fact he simply fulfills with her those deficits that his wife lacks, and thus he has no complaints against his wife, and everything is smooth and wonderful with them. And it turns out that she serves both him and his wife, and the safety of their marriage. That if it weren't for her, the marriage might have fallen apart. And so she is practically a sister of mercy, investing her energy and youth in someone else’s family, which only becomes stronger and more prosperous. Here's a new twist! The psychologist offered to figure out why the girl needs this, to support someone else’s family, where she got such a scenario from, what are the secondary benefits in her position as a secret mistress. But the comparison with a crutch was enough for the girl.

What a fool! - said the girl, leaving the psychologist after the session. I called a friend, just a friend, a former classmate and cried. And she began to complain to him about all the men, all the psychologists and all her girlfriends. A friend suggested meeting. He gave the girl a cappuccino, listened, listened, and then said:

You're just having an existential crisis.

Lessons from Borodina: how to recognize and survive betrayal

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Oh, thank you, I really feel better! - she said ironically. - It would be better if you said what men think about people as terrible as me. Who like married men and believe and hope that love will win. Well, this is really so naive of me, right?

According to statistics, in 95% of cases this is really very naive, said a friend. - But I don’t know what percentage your case is included in.

Here! - the girl was happy. - What if, suddenly our case is included in that very 5% when it is not naive. What if he gets divorced and we end up together?