How to communicate with your pregnant wife. Educational program for the future dad
A pregnant woman is susceptible to outbursts of anger, mood swings, and whims, the reasons for which lie in hormonal changes body. How should a person behave during this difficult period for the whole family? Below are options for “bad” behavior with its corrected versions and advice from psychologists.
Don't owe anyone anything
The man is sure: he has already done everything that is needed. Therefore, he does not help his wife with housework. Pregnancy is not a disease, washing floors and dishes is exclusively female occupation. He calls his wife’s complaints about nausea and malaise whims. He believes that he has every right to relax in front of the TV after work. Where, by the way, he works like an ox. To feed my wife and unborn baby. Solemnly taking out the trash can is the only feat that a tired person is capable of. Through such behavior " strong half“Scandals break out in the family. When a wife has a compelling argument in a dispute, a round-bellied man takes on the grocery shopping.
Advice from a psychologist. You will never understand how your wife feels during pregnancy. It is enough to realize that ordinary household chores have become extremely difficult for her. It is difficult for her to stand at the stove due to increased sensitivity to odors; it is difficult for her to wash the floor due to the nausea rising in her throat. Cooking dinner, visiting a store or vacuuming your room will not at all cause you to lose your manhood.
Dear future dad! I understand that most likely you were looking for advice from your brother somewhere on the forum, just as you already called all your friends with the question: My wife is pregnant, what should I do? , but let me help you deal with your worries in terms of expectant mother, i.e. your wife.
The things discussed below may seem very obvious to you, and you yourself have probably thought about them more than once. However, I tried to structure them well, which will help you put your thoughts in order and organize your new life.
Nobody says it will be easy! As a future dad, you are most likely worried for a number of reasons:
- Limited time you can spend with your family and newborn
If you can't take time off or vacation for the first time after the birth of your long-awaited baby, you may find it extremely difficult to establish a daily routine in order to manage your work responsibilities and spend enough time with your newborn.
- New responsibility
Newborns require constant (!) care and attention. In addition to feeding, endlessly changing diapers and rocking a baby to sleep - tasks that not all parents are prepared for - you will also have to set aside time for regular household chores. And if you are used to a free and independent life, you may have doubts whether you can withstand the new responsibility.
- Almost complete lack of normal sleep
Everyone knows that newborns don't allow you to get a good night's sleep. But few people realize that children actually sleep a lot, but with very frequent awakenings. This means that parents will not be able to sleep for a long time, either day or night.
- Financial difficulties
The cost of having a baby (if you choose the paid option), as well as the costs of diapers, clothes, and baby food very quickly add up to a large sum. A move to a larger apartment, a nanny for a baby, or one of your parents leaving work to care for a newborn will especially hit your wallet.
- Your wife pays less attention to you
The birth of a child inevitably means that your wife's attention will now be divided between you and the little new man.
- Decreased sexual activity
Decreased desire due to psychological stress or refusal of sex during your wife’s pregnancy in order to avoid possible complications can lead to disappointment and cool your relationship.
- Depression
According to research, new dads (as well as moms) may experience depression soon after the birth of their baby (Postpartum depression).
So what to do?! Let's move on to action!
You can easily ease your worries and worries with the help of active preparation for fatherhood:
- Talk to your wife more
Discuss how having a baby might affect your regular life, your relationships, and your careers. Try to predict possible problems and prepare appropriate decisions. And don’t forget to share with each other your dreams and ideas about a happy new family life- this will greatly help the still pregnant wife to appreciate taking care of herself and the child (I understand that you are a very caring future father and husband, but during pregnancy women often behave... hmm.. let's call it “strange”).
- Build a community of support around you
During pregnancy, your wife will receive support from family and friends. It is also important for you to communicate more with people who will help and support you in moments of doubt. Especially if the pregnancy was unplanned or you've heard a lot of negative stories about parenthood and dealing with newborns.
- Plan your finances
Of course, child care is a separate and very significant budget item. Therefore, start planning your budget in advance. Assess all your current expenses, try to give up some things to start saving in advance. Start buying all your baby's things in advance, before he is born. For example, things such as: a stroller, a crib, diapers, baby undershirts, clothes, shoes, such as felt boots for girls, can be bought long before your miracle is born, and your finances will be able to bear all the expenses.
- Decide how you want to raise your child
Remember how your parents raised you. Decide which moments you would like to carry into your child’s life and which ones you would like to change.
In fact, everything is not difficult enough. There is no need to be nervous and worry once again - this will not solve the issue. Pull yourself together and be a man. I know you can!
I hope I have helped you understand at least a little what to do if your wife is pregnant, and you will boldly take it upon yourself new role Dads!
How should a man behave when his beloved woman is pregnant? Advice is given by Elena Zenevich, a psychologist at the Republican Scientific and Practical Center “Mother and Child”.
Don't faint!
The first reaction to the news of future fatherhood among men is not joy, as is commonly believed, but almost shock. Some people think: “That’s it, freedom and youth are over, now there will only be worries and nerves!” Others are concerned: “I still don’t earn enough, how can I raise a child, what should I do with him?”
And even if a man wants a child and says to his beloved “How happy I am!”, he is still afraid of the new and incomprehensible, of what will invade the family and become a test of its strength. A man does not have a natural mechanism within him that allows him to treat pregnancy as something completely natural.
So the first piece of advice in this situation is don’t worry: nothing bad is happening, you’ll just become a dad soon! And this will not require any effort from you: neither 9 months of gestation, nor toxicosis, nor childbirth. The best thing you can do during the pregnancy of the expectant mother of your child is to pull yourself together and help her.
Calm, just calm!
Be prepared for the fact that a pregnant woman's behavior will change greatly. Remember that global changes and hormonal storms are occurring inside her. A pregnant woman’s mood can change every fifteen minutes, and even if this annoys you, hide your emotions, take pity on your loved one, don’t reproach her for wanting “something I don’t know what” and suddenly starting to cry because it seemed to her that you don't love her.
To make it easier for you to understand your loved one, remember how you feel after a hard work week in which you did not get enough sleep, overworked, received scoldings from your superiors, and failed an important deal. Do you remember? Now imagine that a pregnant woman feels this way for 9 months.
Pregnancy is very, very hard work, so be sensitive to whoever is doing it.
Show interest
Having gotten used to the idea that a child will appear in the family, a man often stops there, thinking “Well, it will be, it will be, it won’t be soon!”, and continues to go about his business. This deeply offends a pregnant woman, because she is torn with the desire to tell the whole world and, above all, herself. to a loved one about what is happening to her.
And when she sees that you treat her new condition without due attention, she suffers and gets nervous, comes up with some terrible problems, to the point that you are completely indifferent to both her and the child. Such nerves can cause problems not only for the expectant mother herself, but also for the child. This includes hypoxia, neuralgia, and vasospasm of the placenta.
Move away from stereotypes about male restraint. Talk to her about your feelings and experiences, talk to the baby in your belly - it doesn’t matter that he’s only a couple of weeks old, but how it will cheer up your beloved!
Go to pregnancy classes together. Read at least one book that describes the pregnancy process - this will help you understand the condition of a pregnant woman and treat her with greater understanding.
Pregnancy is not a disease!
Another male extreme is that future daddies turn into mother hens, clucking over pregnant women, not allowing them to take a step. Protecting is, of course, good, but don’t overdo it. Pregnant women still want to go to the cinema, restaurants and museums as before, and if their health allows them, do not deprive them of these pleasures.
Don’t become a hysterical dad who wants to do everything “according to science” and constantly teaches a pregnant woman how to do everything correctly, how not to gain weight overweight and how not to harm the child. Moral teaching has never helped anyone establish peace in the family, and, whatever one may say, a woman still knows better what she needs to do.
Show her that she is desired!
Pregnant women often worry about gaining weight and getting out of shape.
They feel like they are becoming unattractive. Tell and show that this is not so.
Intimate relationships during pregnancy are an individual matter; for some women the desire disappears, for others, on the contrary, it increases. But remember that scientific research has shown that an unborn baby is happy when its mother has an orgasm.
If necessary, consult your doctor. And don’t forget to tell your beloved how beautiful she is. Moreover, very often this is really the case, and pregnant women simply shine with some special inner beauty.
And never - never!!! - do not answer affirmatively to the question “Don’t you think I’m too fat?” Better take your loved one to a maternity store and buy her something beautiful. Her belly is very pretty and suits her very well. And you want to photograph it as often as possible!
By the way, if you want your loved one to really not gain weight beyond the norm, teach yourself to eat too healthy products, keep less cookies and ice cream at home. How do you think a pregnant woman will feel if you eat prohibited salty and spicy foods in her presence? If you really want to, eat the delicacies at work, during your lunch break, and at home bravely eat rice porridge. It won't hurt you.
Specific help
Psychological support is very good, but pregnant women also need physical help.
You need to free her from business. This means that you will have to do the shopping and housekeeping yourself. Buy the necessary medications and accompany your loved one to the clinic. Help collect the “dowry” for the child. Don't promise to buy everything yourself when he's born - it's best not to leave everything until the last minute.
Make sure that you are given leave from work for the first time after the birth of your baby.
Set aside some money because there will be a lot of planned and unexpected expenses.
And, of course, remember that with the birth of a child, your responsibility will increase even more, and the young mother will need all your help and support.