How not to suffer from unrequited love. We suffer correctly from unrequited love

Almost everyone has been overtaken by unrequited love at least once in their life: what to do, where to run, how to cope with the feeling? Not everyone finds the answer - sometimes people for years cannot stop loving someone who does not pay attention to them. But we know what to do! We share ways of what to do if the love is not mutual.

You don't need to do anything for a man who doesn't like you. Better pay attention and choose from those who like you. Source: Flickr (Alessandra_Papagni)

What to do if you fall in unrequited love?

First, let's figure out what true love is. You think you love a guy, but he doesn't love you? We hasten to dissuade you - you just like him. True love is always mutual. Why?

Love is a feeling that is formed in a couple that has gone through all stages of a relationship. The first is love, passion, peak of emotions. The second is satiety, when a guy and a girl are a little tired of each other, they begin to spend less time together and spend it on their hobbies. The third is disgust. At this stage, many people break up. It seems that love has passed, and the person next to you is an absolute stranger. In fact, love has not yet begun. Disgust is followed by patience - a stage when the couple seems to be connected only by habit. And after that the stage of love, spiritual friendship begins.

So what to do if a guy doesn't love you, but you love him? Understand that your sympathy for him is a temporary phenomenon. That this is not a great feeling of a lifetime, but a fleeting hobby. Realizing that the world is full of other “princes” is a thousand times more worthy. Do not impose and do not admit: remember Tatyana Larina - women’s initiative does not end in anything good.

Important! If you are not ready to understand that unrequited love is not love at all; if you want to continue to cherish the bright image of your beloved in your thoughts without hope of reciprocity; if you like to suffer and cry, our advice will not help.

Do you love him, but the guy doesn't notice you?

What to do if you like a guy but he doesn't like you? Nothing! You don't need to do anything for a man who doesn't like you. Better pay attention and choose from those who like you. Of course, you can start making plans to win your lover and think over a seduction strategy. But we guarantee that this will not lead to anything good. Even if you start a relationship, you will get a man who does not value you, is uninitiative and unloving.

What to do if you fall in unrequited love is absolutely not necessary:

• Confessing your love to him means there is a 99 percent chance that you will get a refusal.
• Intrude - write, call, invite you on dates first.
• Sitting at home, thinking about him, crying and becoming despondent.
• Try to figure out how to please him - you will fall in love even more, but he will still be indifferent.
• Send girlfriends to him with questions.
• Trying to get him drunk and seduce him.
• Trying to show how ideal and good you are will not be appreciated.

This is interesting! The man is a hunter. He appreciates and loves what he got at the cost of colossal efforts. And he is not interested in what falls into his hands.

Your availability, tearful confessions, constant calls and SMS will cause nothing but irritation. But if you suddenly have a couple of fans, you will disappear from his sight, you will look happy and inspired - perhaps he will notice you and want to get you.

A woman who loves herself will never be puzzled by the question: “what to do if someone doesn’t like me.” She does not notice those who do not see her beauty. Source: Flickr (Katherine_Lind_Photography)

How to forget unreciprocal love

What to do if you like a guy but he doesn't like you? Cross him off the list of worthy candidates for the role of your life partner! Remember: a girl should choose a man from those who like her. The one who spent the most effort to win her heart. Only with such a person will you be happy. And not with someone who will only allow himself to be loved.

Pay attention! Don’t expect that sooner or later your knight will mature and understand what a beautiful girl has been there all this time. This does not happen with men - they begin to realize when they lose. Therefore, first of all, get out of his sight. If he doesn’t notice it’s missing, forget it. If he understands, he will begin to take steps towards you.

So, what to do if the love is not mutual:

• Start an affair with yourself - start treating yourself the way you would like men to treat you. Treat yourself to gifts and delicious food. Write a list of compliments to yourself. This greatly improves self-esteem.
• Always look good. A dress, manicure, painted eyelashes and neat eyebrows are a must! Don't let yourself leave the house as a slob.
• Take up a hobby. What do you like to do? Sing, draw, dance? Choose any activity that you enjoy and devote yourself to it! If you don’t have a hobby at the moment, try everything one by one: sign up for a gym, a dance class, an art school, or a cutting and sewing course.
• Go on dates and get compliments. Accept decent advances from all guys. Male attention is the best medicine.

You should only come home to spend the night. Fill your free time to the limit - then there won’t be a minute left for sad thoughts and constant introspection. Love this life, fill it with what inspires you. Then you will forget to think about guys who are not interested in you.

You can do it! Ways to get rid of unrequited love

What to do if you are unrequitedly in love? The best way to stop thinking about a man is to start a relationship with someone who deserves you. Therefore, if you have already followed the advice from the previous section, start looking for a new lover:

• Register on a dating site (SZ). The myth that there are “only maniacs and perverts” is fundamentally wrong. If you met so many guys in real life, for every 100 people there would also be a couple of perverts. Therefore, the contingent in NW is no different - there are simply more opportunities there.
• Go on dates 7 times a week. Yes, this is practically your job now. The more options you have before your eyes, the higher the chance of meeting your destiny. And when you have 7 dates a week, you don’t have time to think about who liked you and who didn’t. Those who liked you will start to hang up the phone themselves.
• Play sports. During physical activity, the body produces endorphins - hormones of happiness. You will be sad less, and your figure will improve.
• Get creative. Creative activities incredibly fill a woman with energy. Draw, sing, dance, sculpt from clay.
• Take care of yourself. Don't know what to do? Get a manicure, face or hair mask, body wrap. If funds allow, go to beauty salons, spa centers and massages more often.

A woman who loves herself will never be puzzled by the question: “what to do if someone doesn’t like me.” She does not notice those who do not see her beauty. Therefore, first of all, love yourself and stop wasting time on individuals unworthy of you.

To summarize: the best way to get rid of unrequited love is to take care of yourself. There should be no free time for sad thoughts! Make yourself happy, find a hobby, meet with friends more often, go on dates. Start an affair with yourself and fill your life with positivity - then the object of your dreams will finally pay attention to you or free your thoughts.

Video on the topic

There’s probably no point in telling an adult audience what unrequited love is like. It's like a one-goal game. One team tries, gives its all, spends all its efforts - and nothing in return! The same thing happens to a person who falls in love, but does not receive reciprocal feelings in return. Remember how in that song “we choose, we are chosen.” So, it turns out that the object of our suffering, who did not choose us, is absolutely indifferent to us. Even worse, he is infatuated with another person, for whom he is ready to do anything.

We often witness feelings without reciprocity, as it is presented in huge numbers on the screens - films with the strongest and unrequited love occupy the first lines of hits. But, unlike in the movies, in life such stories, unfortunately, sometimes end very badly. The leading positions in suicides are occupied by those committed precisely because someone did not share the feelings of suicide. The “diagnosis” of one-sided love in adolescence or young adulthood is especially dangerous.

It’s another matter when love without reciprocity is like a gift for a person. Thanks to which he improves, finds topics for the development of his creativity, career growth, etc.

But for now we will talk about the main situations that arise against the background of the topic we are studying.

Who is prone to unrequited love

For some reason people suffer for years because their feelings are not shared. Why do some couples have feelings immediately and, as a rule, on both sides? Should others languish and suffer? Psychologists point out that there are factors that encourage people to suffer from unrequited love. And, as it turns out, it is formed in people who lack self-confidence and suffer from the following problems:

1. The stage of getting to know the surrounding society has not been fully completed. Someone has unpleasant memories in their memory, a person is fixated on the bad moments of his life.
2. There is no certain level of self-esteem and self-respect. Often those who are subject to one-sided love are those who from childhood were raised not in an atmosphere of positivity, but of a negative attitude towards the world and life.
3. Unrequited love is most often the lot of those who are afraid to open up to the “world” and feel the fullness of mutual feelings. Because of their fears, they are more likely to experience love and suffering in their thoughts than to confess to the opposite sex.
4. Children of dysfunctional families, in which there was no cult of happiness, joy, or mutual understanding, suffer from unrequited love. It is difficult for them to try on the role of a happy person - the habit of suffering requires a state of loneliness and torment. Sometimes such persons voluntarily choose an object, knowing that he will not respond with love to their feelings. Unrequited love in adolescence is the norm for this category of people. This is how their relationship with the opposite sex begins.
5. People of a conservative disposition are often tormented by unrequited love. They do not want to change anything in their lives and are not ready, even for the sake of love, to change their principles, foundations, and decisions. Thus, one-way feeling is like one-way traffic. Everything goes according to plan and nothing can disrupt them. There is no answer to love - and okay, everything will be as before.
6. Persons who have not yet understood their feelings, sensations and desires. For this reason, they cannot decide on their choice of partner. The situation is quite common with unrequited feelings in adulthood.

What is unrequited love for a man?

We all know from childhood that the main feeling on Earth is love. And the state of being in love can be compared to being in the clouds. A person who is in love, passionate, feels so easy, pleasant and happy. But as soon as this feeling becomes not mutual, then all the above-described epithets are completely reversed.

Instead of joy and happiness, the lover feels like he is in complete hell; his condition can be compared to a nervous breakdown, depression, shock, and all this in one “glass.” A condition arises in which will, desires and actions are completely paralyzed. A person is unable to concentrate on work, study, and even banal life.

All he can do is stare blankly at one point, look for a meeting with the object of his dreams and yearn, suffer, cry. What to do in such cases?

Let us immediately consider a situation in which a person in love suffers because of another, but at the same time is afraid to approach and reveal the truth to her loved one, even if she sees him every day. Psychologists strongly recommend not to suffer until you have heard the word “no.” And then it’s not necessary, but we’ll talk about that later. In the meantime, there is no point in crying and suffering from mental pain if you have not yet dared to confess your feelings to a man.

Who knows, maybe he is also interested in your special one and will only be glad to have a close relationship. It happens that a girl is making ends meet with her life and the one who cries the most at her grave is the one for whom she took such a step. He claims that he did not know about her feelings and dreamed of being with her, but she hid everything. So draw your own conclusions. It may also happen that this person doesn’t know you well and is embarrassed to approach you. Believe me, among the stronger sex there are more modest and “blushing” people than among the females.

Men themselves are not big fans of stress and are afraid to admit their feelings, especially if you know your worth - beautiful, stately, successful.

You fell in love unrequitedly - how to survive

I must say right away - do not give up under any circumstances. There are two ways out - to survive and suppress this state in yourself, or to take steps to achieve the favor of the object of desire. In the first case, there is nothing special to add - the main thing is to control yourself and:

1. Get distracted by interesting work or hobbies. You can throw yourself into a project and make it successful. This way you will feel an increase in your own self-esteem and understand that there was no point in suffering about someone who underestimated you.
2. Wedge wedge - get carried away by another person, for this you don’t need to sit at home and suffer over a photograph of your loved one. Chat with friends, make new acquaintances, fall in love, get carried away. In less than a couple of weeks, not a trace will remain of your unrequited feelings.

The second option - to achieve the location of the object of love involves the following actions.

Don't be hard to get. Only in rare cases do men strive to achieve something that is unattainable. Although in life there are such cases.

A story from life.“Galina and Alexander met about one month before her brother’s wedding, and Sasha was his friend. A little flirting, jokes - nothing more. But she became interested in this man, and nothing from him. And he, apparently, noticed the ambiguity of her views in his direction and, just in case, joked, “You’re like a sister to me.”

It became clear to Gali that this man would never be carried away by her. Well, so be it. But then, on the wedding day, Sasha quickly became interested in the bridesmaid and, apparently, a close relationship developed before their eyes. What it was like to see the one who fell in love with him and was much better than his rival. What to do? No problem, don’t notice him anymore and that’s it!

The second day of the wedding was very interesting. Alexander and the bridesmaid spent the night together - this became clear to everyone immediately. But at the table, Galya never looked at the one who treated her feelings with disdain. By the middle of the party, he could no longer restrain himself, approached her and asked, “Have I offended you in some way?” "Of course not!" Galina answered and didn’t even show that her pride was hurt.

Then it got worse, he tried to ask her to dance, but she agreed to another guy. It got to the point where he came up and openly confessed his feelings to her. And this is after he spent the night with a frivolous bridesmaid, after Gali’s suffering. Of course, he fell in her eyes, and she replied, “You are like my own brother!” That's how the matter ended.

It turns out that if a girl behaves like a hard-to-get girl and does not notice a man, then a true hunter is born in him, chasing his prey. But still, you shouldn’t tempt fate. It is much easier and better to give a man the opportunity to get to know you better, about your feelings. This way there will be more chances for close acquaintance and the beginning of the process of harmony, mutual understanding, and common interests.

Advice from psychologists: under no circumstances impose yourself on someone you have feelings for. So you will only scare him away - what are the prospects of dealing with an eccentric woman who wants to build a relationship with her throughout his life. This behavior of a woman is more annoying than attractive. Each of us needs our own, personal space, into which not a single stranger’s foot will “enter,” even if it is the foot of a loved one. And if your relationship is only at the initial stage, step on the throat of your attraction and keep your distance.

Try to follow his interests. Yes, you will have to be patient a little, give up your own desires, but since you love, be kind. But this does not mean that you should hang around under his feet and arrange supposedly random meetings. Believe me, a person in love does not hide his feelings well and your unexpected encounters in a store, in a cafe, on the street and other places will look very fake.

But if you periodically go there, you will be able to understand what the interests of your loved one are, what he is interested in, how he lives. But even in this you should know when to stop and preserve your own individuality, uniqueness, so to speak. Don’t forget about your preferences, show them. If there is a headless doll in front of him, following him with an “open mouth”, he will not only lose, but also not have any interest in you.

Work on yourself. Don't neglect your business, be sure to be active. Play sports, sign up for a yoga studio, shaping and other sections that will help improve your appearance and figure. It is also important to grow above yourself - learn languages, get involved in interesting sciences, modern trends.

Self-care. No man will look towards a woman with tear-stained eyes and unkempt skin. Modern representatives of the stronger sex are very pretentious. They have seen enough beauties and want the object of their interest to be no worse. And even if you don’t succeed in terms of relationships, after a while he should remember your beautiful face and understand what “firebird” he missed.

But no matter what you do, nothing helps. Well, here, as they say, bribes are fine with him. You shouldn’t give up on your life, you need to move on and wait for your person to appear on the horizon.

Unrequited love for a man - what not to do

Most women in love, under the weight of their feelings, make stupid and sometimes fatal mistakes. And of course, their actions do not lead to the emergence of unreciprocal feelings on his part, but, on the contrary, scare the person away even more.

You should never assume that the object of your desires will “switch” to your side if you reshape your character and appearance to suit him. On the contrary, you will lose your exclusivity and disappear into the crowd of those who look like everyone else and behave like everyone else. Remember the behavior of modern girls who want to please a man. Someone really “holds on” to their individuality and, in any scenario, remains themselves, with their respect and dignity.

But what are those who do terrible things for the sake of their loved ones worth? They go under the plastic surgeon’s knife, disfigure themselves, turn into stupid “giveaways” that you can’t look at without longing. He will play with this toy 1-2 times at most and leave. You will become uninteresting to him!

Do not try to captivate a man with cunning, insidious intrigues, do not build a “fence” of traps around him. And even if you manage to attract attention to yourself, make him his property, very soon he will hate you. It is impossible to live with a person you don’t love, especially under the pressure of circumstances and loss of freedom. You will destroy both your and his psyche and will not be able to return to normal relationships.

Forget about the saying “One love is enough for two!” This is wrong! No matter how strong your love is, without reciprocity it has no strength. It is impossible to “give” all the time and at the same time receive nothing in return. This is especially dangerous if your feelings are strong and sincere. By giving all of yourself to his desires, you risk losing time and self-respect.

Unrequited love for a girl

Men are advised to immediately understand whether this is really an unrequited feeling or whether it just seems so to him. Don't forget that girls tend to hide their feelings. Sometimes her behavior, indicating unattainability, a complete rejection of relationships, actually conceals the exact opposite. Let's first find out how she feels about you. What you need to do for this:

1. Approach the object of your desires and openly admit it. Say how you feel about her and wait for an answer. If she says “No,” don’t rush to get upset. Often a woman's “No!” means “I’m embarrassed to say yes right away!” To put an end to this issue - invite her to a rendezvous, arrange a beautiful evening, bring a delicate bouquet and order her favorite dishes, take a walk in the evening park. If she really feels something towards you, she will confess in return.
2. Come to help at the right time. There is no need to be an “on duty” assistant. Let her contact you herself. Your constant presence in difficult moments will do the trick. She will need your person when nothing works out for her, when she needs support.
3. Look after yourself. Women love neat men. She will definitely pay attention to your pleasant perfume, stylish clothes and clean skin. Subconsciously, she projects your person onto her future spouse, this is what all women do. And she will be pleased to see in her thoughts a clean, well-groomed and smart father of her children and husband.

Your efforts were in vain and no matter what you do for her, she rejects your love. Well, there is an unrequited feeling that you need to either fight or forget about your beloved forever.

How to forget her

Yes, if there is no hope that the relationship will develop, you need to do everything to distract yourself from unrequited love and forget about it.

Knock out a wedge with a wedge. Don't sit at home and suffer over the photo of the one who rejected your love. Immediately go with your friends to a party, club, disco, or out of town for a picnic. In any case, you need to brighten up your life, and new acquaintances will especially help with this. Don't get hung up on unpromising relationships. Pay attention around - how many beautiful and sweet girls are ready to brighten your life.

Plunge yourself into work and study. You may even get carried away with some extreme sport or hobby. Your thoughts will gradually be diluted with exciting ideas and projects that require special concentration.

What a man shouldn't do

Just like the fair sex, guys also make a lot of mistakes in pursuit of the affection of their beloved girl. Let's carefully study the moments that not only will not evoke reciprocal feelings, but will make the girl simply hate you.

1. You're chasing her. It is strictly forbidden to limit a person’s freedom and control his actions. Who would be pleased to see every now and then in all corners the one who is following you? Under no circumstances should you follow her around. And if you arrange “random” meetings, then try to do it as rarely as possible. At the same time, you cannot refuse to relax with friends where she also likes to have fun.
2. You try to buy it as gifts. Accepting the gift means agreeing to courtship. And girls understand this very well. It is inconvenient for her to refuse your gifts, but if there is something warming in her towards you, then it should grow naturally. Constant and intrusive attention can scare away a girl's feelings and she will become indifferent to you.
3. Don't be too pushy. Rudeness is the main mistake of men. A self-respecting girl will not agree to build a relationship with a rude and impudent person. Be polite and well-mannered. A little out of reach. Pay attention, but don't get carried away.
4. Be yourself. To please a girl, you should not turn into her “slave”, ready to fulfill any of her desires. A woman loves a man, not a woman in “pants.” As soon as you turn into her shadow and run around like a trained shepherd at her every command, interest in you will be exhausted.
5. Act like a man. Under no circumstances should you be nagging or suffer in front of her eyes. Every single woman wants to see a strong, strong man next to her who knows how to control himself. Who needs a crybaby who cries because of unrequited love? No one!
6. Even with strong love, do not give up your beliefs, ideas and interests. A person must be self-sufficient and responsible. And under no circumstances should you lose your self-esteem. If you continue in the same spirit and demand respectful treatment of yourself, a smart girl will definitely be inflamed with feelings towards you.

Unrequited love - how to live with it

Of course, it’s easy to say - forget about love and get carried away by another. But in life everything is not so simple. They say correctly: “You can’t order your heart!” If it were possible to cope with strong feelings at will, then there would not be a single sad love story in the world. And so, every now and then we are faced with grief and problems caused by unrequited love.

What to do? Live on! The saying “Time heals” applies specifically to the issue we are studying. Dear older readers, let's remember how we suffered, cried and suffered because someone did not respond to our pure and strong feelings. And now we think - “What a fool I was!”, or “What a fool I was!”

Yes, from the height of adulthood it is easier to look back and look at the past with a smile and irony. It is much worse for those who are captive of unrequited feelings. It seems that life has lost its meaning and there is no longer any need to continue to exist on this Earth. Stop, don't even think about it! Believe me, just a couple of weeks will pass and you will be able to look at the world with different eyes. The main thing is to control yourself and listen to the recommendations described above. And time will do its job - you will gradually begin to forget about your suffering. And most likely, you will meet and get to know someone who will share your feelings and make you a happy person.

So, you are inevitably and very persistently attracted to a certain person, without any reciprocal manifestations of tender feelings. What to do if you are overtaken by unrequited love? It would not be superfluous to note that such things regularly happen to emotional, temperamental people, however, more often inexperienced young individuals who have not yet strengthened their character are susceptible to this.

How to free yourself from unrequited love - this obsessive hobby, how to overcome suffering and in what cases is this necessary? After all, it happens that there are still more positive aspects than disadvantages.

For example, for people of creative professions, such a feeling can serve as a source of inner strength and inspiration, and the object of unrequited love can serve as a source of inner strength and inspiration. Perhaps such an illusion is simply necessary for a while in order to distract from other, more serious troubles. However, you should distinguish in which case it is a part of your personality that helps you find a kind of zest in everyday, routine life, and when it is a burden that prevents you from adequately perceiving reality and leading a normal lifestyle.

What signs should alert an unrequited lover and his loved ones?

• Understanding the hopelessness of the current situation leads to prolonged depression and persistent emotional decline: a person forgets or does not want to eat, feels unwilling to do usual things, and “withdraws into himself” for a long time.
• Obsession with the object of one's passion and obsessive thoughts cause the nervous system to constantly tense up, which can negatively affect the general condition of the body. Weakness, irritability, headache, and decreased immunity may appear.
• Manifestation of aggression, immunity to criticism. Sometimes hostility is directed at oneself, which is very dangerous, as it can lead to personality destruction and even suicide attempts. In this case, you need to contact a psychiatrist.

If everything is not so bad, and things have not gone to extremes, you can try to cope with the negative aspects on your own. Professional psychologists give some useful advice that you should listen to if unrequited love is causing you suffering and pain.

How to overcome suffering due to unrequited love

• At some point, just “go with the flow”, let go of the situation, giving yourself time and the opportunity to understand and experience everything that is happening.
• Think that the subject of your feelings and experiences is absolutely not to blame for the current situation; no one asked his consent. And your hero is simply not able to reciprocate love for certain reasons, for example, the beloved is bound by any obligations, or at the moment starting a relationship is not part of his plans at all.
• Learn to see the positive sides in everything: character and fortitude are developed in such trials. And there is no need to consider your loved one as a hunting trophy, which simply must be obtained no matter what, you should respect the individual’s right to his own choice.
• Systematize your life: find an activity that interests you and evokes positive emotions - go in for sports, make more contact with friends. It might be worth trying to meet a new person. But don’t rush headlong into new acquaintances, thinking that this will help you quickly forget your unrequited love. This is wrong.

Unrequited love is nothing more than an illusion, a mirage. You fall in love not with an earthly person, but with a certain image, an inaccessible ideal, invented by your imagination and “convenient” for suffering. Love always involves two people, and if the object of your desire does not want to enter into a relationship, then this is not your soul mate and the love relationship you are dreaming about will happen with someone else, they are ahead.
To overcome suffering and get rid of unrequited love, you need to carefully analyze your feelings and find out why you are attracted to this particular person, and what objective reasons are preventing you from being together.

Imagine two options for developing your future with the subject of your passion. The prospect of living your whole life with a person who doesn’t love you can hardly bring delight, can it? Once you understand this, it will become easier. The pain will go away gradually, giving way to pleasant memories that do not bring suffering, perhaps with a tinge of light sadness. Only by feeling like a free, fulfilled person can you enjoy life, making those around you happy. There will be no more torment of unrequited love and there will definitely be the one who wants to be next to you!

Video on the topic of unrequited love. Psychologist Natalya Tolstaya will tell you what to do for someone who loves and cannot pull themselves together.

Unrequited love- there is so much in this phrase: here there is hope for reciprocity, and pain from unrequited feelings, and the desire to be together with the object of your love.

Unrequited love- something that almost everyone experiences in their youth. Maximalism, self-doubt, increased emotionality, a tendency to suffer “from scratch” - all this creates fertile ground for the development of one-sided feelings.

But the older a person gets, the better he begins to understand himself - his true desires and goals. And learns to implement them. Thanks to this process, most teenage complexes and fears gradually disappear. And along with them - an unconscious desire for disappointment in love.

But meanwhile, there are people who, even over time, continue to be in the grip of an unrequited feeling. They can't get rid of it for years. At the same time, they openly declare their readiness to leave the one-way relationship and even take active steps in this direction.

But in fact, they do not make significant progress in this matter, remaining confused and unrequitedly in love. This behavior has its own special reasons, which I propose to examine in this article.

Article navigation: “Unrequited love - how to survive and move on?”

So what is the reason that a person can experience for years one-sided feeling and not be able to get out of this state?

The reason is that there is a kind of tendency towards unrequited feelings.

This tendency is most often formed in people who are not entirely confident in themselves, in their strengths and capabilities, namely:

• For those who failed to move to a new stage of relationships with themselves and with others. Who could not survive some painful memory or event and therefore “stuck” in one of the life periods. And unrequited love is a natural consequence of such stuckness.
• People with fairly low levels of self-worth and self-esteem. Those who were not told in childhood that the very fact of their presence in this world is already a joyful event, that they are loved and appreciated for what they are, which means they have every reason for self-respect.
• People who are afraid of real life with its danger and unpredictability, and therefore prefer to experience relationships with the opposite sex in thoughts and words rather than in reality.
• People who have not received a model of a happy family are also prone to unrequited love. Those to whom their parents did not show a personal example of close and trusting relationships. Therefore, even if such people can imagine that reciprocity exists, it is quite difficult for them to try it on themselves. As a result, they do not allow themselves real relationships and either completely close themselves off from love, or “choose” an unrequited feeling.
• People who are frightened by any drastic changes are prone to experiencing unrequited love. These are a kind of conservatives who are ready to do anything so as not to disrupt their usual way of life and not change their once-made decision. Including the decision to love unilaterally. For them, one-sided feeling is one of the ways to maintain the existing state of affairs and being true to themselves, as they imagine it.
• People who do not understand themselves well, their desires, feelings and your role in life. Those who have not decided on themselves cannot choose a partner. And if they choose, then it is a person who, for a variety of reasons, is not ready to reciprocate.

To summarize, I would like to emphasize once again: there is a tendency to fall in love and continue to experience an unrequited feeling for years. This tendency is not innate. Quite the contrary - it was acquired in the process of education and socialization.

And if so, then with targeted psychological work there is every chance to change the existing perception of oneself and the world. Thanks to this, start building relationships with partners who will be ready to reciprocate.

If you have any questions about the article:

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True love involves mutual feelings, but sometimes emotions go unanswered. Many people have experienced unrequited attraction in their lives. Most easily passed through the suffering and let go of the object of worship. But often unrequited love becomes an unbearable burden, a strong feeling does not let go. Psychologists give advice to break a one-way relationship. How to survive unrequited love?

Causes

To know how to cope with unrequited love, it is worth finding out the reasons for this feeling.

1. Internal state. Fatigue and depression affect the overall energy, and disappointment in love becomes an addition to the general emotional background.
2. Low self-esteem. Lack of self-confidence is reinforced by attitudes: “I’m too ugly for him,” “I don’t match him,” “No one will ever love me.” The lower a person evaluates himself, the more difficult it is for him to achieve reciprocal feelings. There is a strong belief that “I will always have it worse than others.”
3. The benefits of unrequited love. Sometimes such feelings have benefits, but the person is not aware of them. This is a way to hide from life; subconsciously a person does not want to be in a relationship, and a one-sided feeling allows him to escape from them.
4. The illusion of love experiences. Unrequited love creates a vivid picture of emotional life. It contains suffering, hopes, internal events associated with the object of love. I don’t want to leave this illusion into problematic reality.
5. Usually, people who do not see an example of a happy relationship in childhood do not cope with falling in love. Their parents did not show them an example of trusting relationships. It is difficult for such a person to imagine mutual love; it seems to him that intimacy does not exist. The consequences of this are the choice of unrequited feelings or complete closure from love.

These reasons may not be recognized, but accepting them can answer the question: “How to deal with unrequited love?”

Unrequited love is like an addiction

If a person cannot do it for a long time, then psychologists sometimes use the term “love addiction” or addiction. Love addictions are often compared to alcohol or gaming addiction, only instead of alcohol or games there is a living person. When he is not around, the dependent person experiences real torment. He may get sick, gain weight, lose weight, and look exhausted. When dependent on love, a person directs all his thoughts and actions to the object of passion. He can write letters to him, keep watch at his house, stalk him on social networks.

Signs of love addiction:

• a feeling of love arises towards a person who experiences indifference;
• A woman or a man experiences unhappy love for a very long time, sometimes for years;
• Along with love for the object of worship, a range of feelings is experienced, from jealousy to resentment.

In severe forms of addiction, your career suffers, hobbies and friends disappear. Psychologists note that people often come to appointments with the question: “How to cope with love addiction?” In most cases, their condition is already very serious. Unhappy love is often glorified in literature, the most striking example being Petrarch and his Laura.

Note! Psychologists advise the use of prescribing suffering, thoughts, and keeping a diary for love addictions - this is one of the techniques of psychotherapeutic practice.

First experience

In their youth, many are faced with unrequited love. The first experience, an attempt to build relationships and feelings, is usually accompanied by self-doubt, increased emotionality, and idealization of the object of worship. Sometimes unrequited love is useful for outgrowing most complexes and fears in adolescents. But it happens that young people are disappointed; first love leaves a negative imprint on all subsequent relationships. Unhappy love is difficult to forget; your thoughts always return to it.

What to do? How to survive first love? To begin with, we should thank life for the lessons; love comes to us for a reason. We learn to build relationships, observe, become better and improve for our loved one.

You should also sift the wheat from the chaff. There is no need to paste the shortcomings of your former lovers onto your new loved one. It is useful to give up the habit of comparing. Yes, it's not easy to do. Negative experiences often come to mind, but you need to thank the universe that you found out who you really need.

Surviving rejection

Sometimes, in order to receive reciprocity, you need to make a confession. It's scary to admit your feelings, get rejected and kill hope. How to survive rejection? But psychologists recommend not to be afraid to talk about emotions. This is better than dreaming about reciprocity for years and not making an attempt to try to be together.

Open recognition allows you to break out of a vicious circle and gain mutual relationships. Even if the answer is no, then you need to enter a new stage and build a different level of relationships, taking into account all past mistakes. Don't forget to praise yourself for your courage!

Video: psychologist Natalya Tolstaya about unrequited love

How to help yourself

But how to survive unreciprocated love? Let's look at the advice of a psychologist. Masters of psychological science recommend the following actions.

Investigation of the cause

If you cannot cope with unrequited feelings for more than 6 months, then there are reasons that incline you to love one-sidedly. Try to answer the questions honestly. What makes you continue to suffer? What is the reason behind the unrequited feeling and desire to be loved? Could this be due to fear that you will be offended or lack of confidence in your own attractiveness? What is the main fear in a relationship? If you manage to find out the reason, then you need to deal with it.

"Light a fire"

The poet Ovid advised to treat unhappy love by lighting fires. Psychologists also recommend this appointment today. May you have many resources that will allow you to escape from unrequited feelings. New job, passion, hobby, volunteer help. It could be yoga, dancing, driving courses, a reading group - anything. If you scatter the firebrands of a love fire in this way, you will soon see that it has gone out.

This powerful remedy helps reduce stress, since the feeling of melancholy goes away along with sweat - adrenaline is produced. Nadezhda Babkina and many other stars cope with stress this way.

Make lemonade

A good method was recommended by Carnegie. He advised making lemonade from sour lemons. A feeling of love can be aimed at creation, and not at self-destruction. There are many examples of people coping with stress and rising above their worries.

Finding flaws

Feelings for a man or woman are often based on idealization. A loved one is endowed with only positive qualities; only the good is seen in him. Try going the other way. Write down all the shortcomings on a piece of paper, remember all the flaws, even if they are fictitious. This powerful remedy is suitable for people with a developed imagination.

Video: psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky, about unrequited love:

Conclusion

The feelings of a person experiencing one-sided love are similar to hopelessness. It seems that there is no way out of the situation. If you have fallen in love and don’t know how to get over unrequited love, you should consider contacting a specialist. In severe cases, a family psychologist or psychotherapist can help.