Like a mother’s dislike for her daughter in childhood. May affect relationships with girlfriends in adulthood...
The most precious word in life for every person is mother. She was for us the source of the most valuable thing - life. How does it happen that there are children and even adults from whom you can hear the terrible words: “Mom doesn’t love me...”? Can such a person become happy? What are the consequences in adult life are expecting an unloved child and what to do in such a situation?
Unloved child
In all literary, musical and artistic works, the image of the mother is glorified as gentle, kind, sensitive and loving. Mom is associated with warmth and care. When we feel bad, we voluntarily or involuntarily shout “Mom!” How does it happen that for some people a mother is not that way? Why do we increasingly hear: “What should I do if my mother doesn’t love me?” from children and even adults.
Surprisingly, such words can be heard not only in problem families, where parents fall into the risk group category, but also in families, at first glance, very prosperous, where everything is normal in the material sense, the mother takes care of the child, feeds him, clothes him , escorts you to school, etc.
It turns out that you can fulfill all the duties of a mother on a physical level, but at the same time deprive the child of the most important thing - love! If a girl doesn't feel mother's love, she will go through life with a bunch of fears and complexes. This also applies to boys. For a child, the internal question is: “What should I do if my mother doesn’t love me?” turns into a real disaster.Boys, in general, having matured, will not be able to relate normally to a woman; without noticing it themselves, they will unconsciously take revenge on her for the lack of love in childhood. It is difficult for such a man to build adequate, healthy and fulfilling, harmonious relationships with the female sex. 
How does maternal dislike manifest itself?
If a mother is prone to regular moral pressure, pressure on her child, if she tries to distance herself from her child, not think about his problems and not listen to his wishes, then most likely she really does not love her child. A constantly heard internal question: “What should I do if my mother doesn’t love me?” leads a child, even an adult, to depressive states, which, as we know, are fraught with consequences. A mother’s dislike can arise for various reasons, but most of all it is associated with the child’s father, who did not treat his woman properly and was greedy with her in everything, both materially and emotionally. Perhaps the mother was completely abandoned and she is raising the child herself. And even more than one!..
All the mother’s dislike for the child arises from the difficulties she experiences. Most likely, this woman, as a child, was not loved by her parents... It would not be surprising to discover that this mother herself, as a child, asked the question: “What should I do if my mother doesn’t love me?”, but did not look for answers to it and what... or change in her life, but simply unnoticed by herself followed the same path, repeating the model of her mother’s behavior.
Why doesn't mom love you?
It’s hard to believe, but in life there are situations of total indifference and hypocrisy of a mother towards her child. Moreover, such mothers can praise their daughter or son in every possible way in public, but when left alone, they insult, humiliate and ignore. Such mothers do not limit their child’s clothing, food or education. They do not give him basic affection and love, do not talk heart to heart with the child, are not interested in his inner world and desires. As a result, the son (daughter) does not love his mother. What to do if a trusting, sincere relationship does not arise between mother and son (daughter). It even happens that this indifference is unnoticeable.
The child perceives the world around him through the prism of maternal love. And if it doesn’t exist, then how will the unloved child see the world? From childhood, a child asks the question: “Why am I unloved? What's wrong? Why is my mother so indifferent and cruel to me?” Of course, for him this is a psychological trauma, the depth of which can hardly be measured. This little man will enter adulthood squeezed, with a complex, with a mountain of fears and completely unable to love and be loved. How should he build his life? It turns out that he is doomed to disappointment?
Examples of negative situations
Often mothers themselves do not notice how, through their indifference, they have created a situation where they are already asking the question: “What to do if the child does not love his mother?” and they don’t understand the reasons, blaming the child again. This typical situation Moreover, if a child asks such a question, he looks for a way out with his childish mind and tries to please his mother, blaming himself. But mommy, on the contrary, never wants to understand that she herself was the reason for such a relationship.
One example of an undesirable attitude of a mother towards her child is the standard school grade in the diary. They will cheer up one child if the grade is not high, they say, it’s okay, next time it will be higher, and the other will be neglected and called mediocrity and lazy... It also happens that mom doesn’t care about studying at all, and she doesn’t look at school or in her diary , and won’t ask if you need a pen or a new notebook? Therefore, to the question: “What to do if children don’t love their mother?” First of all, it is necessary for the mother to answer to herself: “What did I do so that the children would love me?” Mothers pay dearly for neglecting their children.
Golden mean
But it also happens that a mother pleases her child in every possible way and raises a “narcissist” out of him - this is also an anomaly, such children are little grateful, they consider themselves the center of the universe, and their mother the source of satisfying their needs. These children will also grow up not knowing how to love, but they will learn to take and demand well! Therefore, there must be moderation in everything, “ golden mean", rigor and love! Whenever a mother, you need to look for the roots in the parent’s relationship with their child. It is, as a rule, distorted and crippled, requires correction, and the sooner the better. Children know how to quickly forgive and forget bad things, unlike the already formed adult consciousness.
Constant indifference and a negative attitude towards a child leave an indelible imprint on his life. To a greater extent, even indelible. Only a few unloved children in adulthood find the strength and potential to correct the negative line of fate laid down by their mother.
What should a parent do if a 3-year-old child says that he doesn’t love his mother and might even hit her?
This situation is often a consequence of emotional instability. Perhaps the child is not receiving enough attention. Mom does not play with him, there is no physical contact. The baby needs to be hugged, kissed often and told about his mother’s love for him. Before going to bed, he needs calming, stroking his back, reading a fairy tale. The situation between mom and dad is also important. If it is negative, then you should not be surprised by the child’s behavior. If there is a grandmother in the family, then her attitude towards mom and dad is a powerful influence on the child’s psyche.
In addition, there should not be too many prohibitions in the family, and the rules are the same for everyone. If a child is too capricious, then try to listen to him, find out what is bothering him. Help him, show him an example of calmly allowing any difficult situation. This will be an excellent building block in his future adult life. And all fights, of course, need to be stopped. When swinging at his mother, the child needs to, looking clearly into the eyes and holding his hand, firmly say that he cannot hit his mother! The main thing is to be consistent in everything, act calmly and judiciously.
What not to do
Most often the question is “What should I do if I am not my mother’s favorite child?” grown-up children ask themselves too late. The thinking of such a person is already formed and is very difficult to correct. But don't despair! Awareness is already the beginning of success! The main thing is that such a question does not develop into the statement: “Yes, no one loves me at all!”
It’s scary to think, but the internal statement that I am unloved by my mother has a catastrophic effect on relationships with the opposite sex. If it so happens that the son does not love his mother, then he is unlikely to be able to love his wife and children. Such a person is unsure of his abilities, does not trust people, cannot adequately assess the situation at work and outside the home, which affects his career growth and the environment as a whole. This also applies to daughters who do not love their mothers.
You can’t lead yourself into a dead end and tell yourself: “Everything is wrong with me, I’m a loser, I’m not good enough, I ruined my mother’s life,” etc. Such thoughts will lead to an even greater dead end. and immersion in the created problem. You don’t choose your parents, so you need to let go of the situation and forgive your mother!
How to live and what to do if my mother doesn’t love me?
The reasons for such thoughts are described above. “But how to live with this?” - will ask unloved child in adulthood. First of all, you need to stop taking everything tragically and to heart. There is only one life, and what quality it will be mostly depends on the person himself. Yes, it’s bad that this happened to the relationship between mom, but that’s not all!
You need to firmly say to yourself: “I will no longer allow you to influence my inner world negative messages in my direction from my mother! This is my life, I want to have a healthy psyche and a positive attitude towards the world around me! I can love and be loved! I know how to give joy and receive it from another person! I love to smile, I will wake up with a smile every morning and fall asleep every day! And I forgive my mother and don’t hold a grudge against her! I love her simply because she gave me life! I am grateful to her for this and for the life lesson she taught me! Now I know for sure that good mood I need to appreciate and fight for the feeling of love in my soul! I know the value of love and I will give it to my family!”
Changing consciousness
It is impossible to love by force! Well, okay... But you can change your attitude and the picture of the world drawn in our heads! You can radically change your attitude towards what is happening in the family. It's not easy, but it's necessary. You may need the help of a professional psychologist. If we are talking about a girl, she must understand that she herself will be a mother, and the most valuable thing she can give to her child is care and love!
There is no need to strive to please your mother, or anyone else. Just live and just do good deeds. You need to do it to the best of your ability. If you feel the edge after which a breakdown may occur, stop, take a breath, rethink the situation and move on. If you feel that your mother is again pressing on you with an aggressive attitude and driving you into a corner, say calmly and firmly “No! Sorry, mom, but you don't need to push me. I am an adult and I am responsible for my life. Thank you for taking care of me! I will reciprocate your feelings. But don't break me. I want to love and give love to my children. They are my best! And I’m a dad) in the world!”
There is no need to strive to please your mother, especially if over all the years of living with her you have realized that any action you take will be subject to criticism or, at best, indifference. Live! Just live! Call and help mom! Tell her about love, but don't hurt yourself anymore! Do everything calmly. And don’t make excuses for all her reproaches! Just say: “Sorry, mom... Okay, mom...”, and nothing else, smile and move on. Be wise - this is the key to a calm and joyful life!
Such girls then make the same mistakes in relationships without realizing the reason. That's why, please watch what you say to your children!
Photo source: alwaysbusyama.com
“Mom doesn’t love me!”
Daughters who grew up knowing that they were not loved emotional wounds remain that largely determine their future relationships and how they build their lives.
Most importantly, the daughter’s need for mother’s love does not disappear even after she realizes that this is impossible.
Photo source: hsmedia.ru
This need continues to live in her heart along with the terrible awareness of the fact that the only person who should love her unconditionally, simply for being in the world, does not. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to get over this feeling.
What are the consequences of mother’s dislike?
The saddest thing is that sometimes, having already matured, girls have no idea about the reason for their failures and believe that they themselves are to blame for all the problems.
Photo source: bancodasaude.com
1. Lack of self-confidence
Unloved daughters of unloving mothers do not know that they are worthy of attention, there is no feeling left in their memory that they are loved at all.
A girl could grow up accustomed day after day only to being unheard, ignored, or, worse, being closely watched and criticized at her every move.
Photo source: womanest.ru
Even if she has obvious talents and achievements, they don't give her confidence. Even if she has a soft and flexible character, she continues to hear her mother's voice, which she perceives as her own,- she is a bad daughter, ungrateful, she does everything out of spite, “whoever grew up with this, other children are like children”...
Many, already in adulthood, say that they still have the feeling that they are “deceiving people” and that their talents and character are fraught with some kind of flaw.
Photo source: bodo.ua
2. Lack of trust in people
It always seemed strange to me why someone wanted to be friends with me, I began to wonder if there was some kind of benefit behind this.
Such thoughts arise from a general feeling of the unreliability of the world, which is experienced by a girl whose mother either brings her closer to her or pushes her away.
Photo source: sitewomen.com
She will continue to need constant confirmation that feelings and relationships can be trusted, that she will not be pushed away the next day.
And as adults they crave emotional storms, ups and downs, breaks and sweet reconciliations. True love for them it is an obsession, an all-consuming passion, witchcraft power, jealousy and tears.
Photo source: manlogic.ru
Calm trust relationship seem unreal to them(they just can’t believe this happens) or boring. A simple, non-demonic man will most likely not attract their attention.
3. Difficulties in asserting your own boundaries
Many who grew up in an environment of cold indifference or constant criticism and unpredictability report that they constantly felt the need for maternal affection, but at the same time they understood that they did not know any way to get it.
What caused a benevolent smile today may be rejected with irritation tomorrow.
Photo source: foto-cat.ru
And already as adults, they continue to look for a way to appease partners or friends, avoid repeating that maternal coldness at all costs.
In addition to difficulty establishing healthy boundaries with the opposite sex, Daughters of unloving mothers often have problems with friendships.
Photo source: womancosmo.ru
4. Avoidance as a defensive reaction and as a life strategy
A girl who felt her mother’s dislike in childhood, somewhere in the depths of her soul feels fear: “I don’t want to be offended again.”
For her, the world consists of potentially dangerous men, among which in some unknown way you need to find your own.
Photo source: familyexpert.ru
6. Excessive sensitivity, “thin skin”
Also, such unloved daughters in childhood find it difficult to cope with their emotions, after all, they did not have the experience of unconditional acceptance of their value, which allows them to stand firmly on their feet.
7. Seeking maternal relationships in relationships with men
We are attached to what is familiar to us which forms part of our childhood, no matter what kind of childhood we have.
Photo source: iuvaret.ru
Only years later did I realize that my husband treated me the same way as my mother, and I chose him myself. Even the first words he said to me to get acquainted were: “Did you come up with the idea of tying this scarf like that? Take it off." At the time I thought it was very funny and original.
Why are we talking about this now, when we are already grown up?
Not to throw away in despair the cards that fate has dealt us. Everyone has their own.
And in order to understand how we act and why. And in relation to your children as well.
Prepared by: Maria Malygina
Six months ago, on a website for a community of psychologists, I read an article in which the author talked about a woman’s post. In her message, she admitted that she does not love her daughter. Her smell and touch were unpleasant to her, and any of her movements were irritating. Any communication with the child was disgusting and everything that the daughter did was disgusting. This mother's dislike it was very difficult to hide the age of 16, because that was how old her daughter was at that time.
You can guess what other people wrote in the comments in response to such an honestly expressed painful confession:
- Many were indignant and perplexed how it was possible not to have a single drop of maternal instinct.
- But comments of a different kind also appeared. There people admitted that they did not love either their parents or their children.
Difficult relationships with parents occur very often in life.
“That’s how it is for me. I don't like my parents and I don't like my daughter. Now I understand that I don’t love anyone. I don’t know how, I wasn’t taught in childhood.”
This woman agreed to give an interview and tell us all about her difficult relationship with her parents, her mother’s dislike for her, and the feelings she has for her daughter. At the same time, we will consider some astrological indicators of the horoscopes of the heroes of the article.
So, before us is an average woman with a higher education, who at first glance does not differ much from the majority.
Daria, why did you decide to write about your attitude in the comments to the article? to your daughter?
I wrote this because there are probably other moms who feel the same way but are afraid to say it. Let them know that there are people like us in the world.
How long ago did you understand this?
I think so. I have never worried about my daughter, since birth. I could lock her little one in the room and not go in to see her all day and not worry that something could happen to her. I was afraid of only one thing, that if something bad happened to her, my mother would scold me for it. This is probably the only reason she remained alive and did not die of hunger. I never hugged or kissed her. I treated it like a thing that just exists and lies somewhere in the apartment.
Have you and your husband planned a pregnancy?
Yes, we decided just for fun: “Let’s have a baby?” - “Come on”! And we succeeded right away.
How did your husband react to the birth of your daughter?
Fine. He tinkered with it sometimes, but no more than I did. We both didn't care.
Your daughter’s birth chart shows a separation from her father. Is he dead?
Yes, he crashed on a motorcycle when his daughter was 2 years old. But we separated a little earlier
And who fed the child?
At first I breastfed her. Since the age of 5 she has been able to cook for herself. I could leave her at home alone for a week and go away myself.
Have you ever thought about sending your child to an orphanage?
Has she always lived with you?
From 2 to 5 years old she lived with my mother. After divorcing my husband, I wanted freedom, and then Anka got sick. And that's why I sent her to my mother. She returned from there healthy and plump.
What is your relationship with your mother? Did you have a full-fledged family?
Yes. But I have a difficult relationship with my parents. I don’t like my mother and haven’t talked to her for a long time. I sometimes talk to my dad, I like him. We played with him as children, he allowed me to do everything while my mother wasn’t looking. In her presence, he did everything as she said. As a child, my mother was always angry, tired and constantly yelled at me and hit me. I understand this now when you come home from work tired, and your daughter is sitting at home, doing her homework until the evening, being stupid and annoying.
How did you feel as a child when your mother beat you and screamed?
None. I didn't care. I was angry when they didn’t buy me what I wanted, but bought me something I didn’t like. I was always dressed like a stuffed animal. I constantly sat at home and didn’t go anywhere, because my mother was always afraid that something would happen to me. There was some kind of overprotection (). But at the same time, they never kissed me, never hugged me, or were interested in my affairs. Until the end of school, my mother led me by the hand. Everyone around me laughed and mocked me. And at the age of 18, I ran away from home and never returned there.
Tell me, have you ever loved someone?
Probably not. I love my dog though. I worry about him when he’s sick, although I’ve never worried about my daughter. It's fun to walk with him. He is kind... And I had a grandmother when I was a child, she loved me and I loved her too.
Over time, we all work on ourselves and our mistakes, delving into our heads, looking for answers to unresolved questions. What have you realized over time? What did you figure out?
All my life until I was 35 I lived with the idea that I was the ugliest and the worst. No one ever told me that I was great or that I did something well. My family probably wanted to motivate me with this. But I wasn't motivated. I always had a terrible feeling of guilt. There was a time when it seemed to me that all the disasters in the world were happening because of me. And only now I began to get out of this state and began to love myself.
How did you survive your teenage period? Have you rebelled against your mother? Didn't you fight for your rights?
No. I didn't care. I learned a long time ago to turn off my consciousness when they yell at me or accuse me of something.
It turns out that instead of fighting, you turned on a protective block of indifference. Can you remember something good about your mother?
Yes, there was one day when we went for a walk with her and she allowed me to wear my favorite bright leggings. Then I didn’t feel her dislike. I was very pleased. There are no more memories.
What helped you cope with such difficult relationships with your parents?
I had my own world. I went into it. She played with dolls, sewed dresses for them, drew, and danced. As she got older, she started skipping classes and going to the stables. Only then was there a feeling of happiness.
Let's get back to your daughter. Her photograph gives the impression that it is a boy, not a girl. Did she choose this look for herself?
Yes, she is often confused with a boy. She is worried that her classmates are making fun of her. She and I have talked about this topic more than once, she says that she feels comfortable dressing this way.
Do you think your daughter knows about your feelings for her?
She knows about them. I never hid my attitude towards her.
Do you know how she treats you?
Yes. She said that she loved me and she had one complaint against me. She wants to have a mother. She asks me to communicate with her more. But I already communicate with her, I’m interested in her affairs.
In astrology determined by the Moon. Your daughter has the Moon in Aries (yours is in Libra, your mother’s is in Scorpio). She needs an active, energetic mother, one who will participate in some events with her.
What kind of relationship does your daughter have with her stepfather?
He offends her and insults her. I can't stop it, I don't have the courage. Although he buys her a lot of things.
It’s interesting that now you yourself work with children. What emotions do you feel towards them?
Other children are very interesting, I really like working with them and watching them. I have no disgust for them, I want to touch them and hug them. Having started working with them, I often pay attention to the attitudes of other parents towards their children and I have learned a lot, I have understood a lot. I also realized how much my daughter has always been and remains now a problem-free child. She never whined, she always helped, she never said “No” or “I won’t.” If you tell her in the middle of the night: “Get up and fry the potatoes,” she will get up and silently fry the potatoes. And it has always been like this. She never refused me anything.
Not a child, but a dream!
Yes! And I lost 14 years of communication with her! I realized this only now. I'm so sorry about this! Previously, when people asked me what I would like to change in the past, I answered that nothing. Now there is one thing that I would really like to change - to start communicating with my daughter from birth.
But this is already a little like love. Is there a contradiction hidden somewhere?
When I wrote a comment on the article six months ago, it was true. Two or three months ago, something began to change. I started talking about it and a lot began to fit into my head. Everything began to change at the same time. And my attitude towards myself, and my relationship with my husband, and my attitude towards my child. I like my name now. I began to like myself and now I won’t allow anyone to offend me. And now I won’t let anyone offend Anya. Now I'm looking forward to my daughter returning from vacation so I can start giving her what I now want and can give. I really hope that I still have time for this.
Conclusion
The planet Pluto is responsible for deep internal transformations and changes. Our heroine has a lot of work ahead of her, because she has as many as 7 planets in the 8th house! Both of them were luminaries. There is not a single planet in a fire sign, but the North Node is in Leo in conjunction with Mars in Cancer. She needs to learn how to set goals, overcome fears and take action.
We wish Daria and all those who find themselves in a similar situation to unravel the tangle difficult relationships with parents, understand and accept the mother’s dislike, if it really exists, and find common language with your children.
Well, if you are interested in learning astrology and want to plunge into an atmosphere of mystery, find like-minded people, become confident in the future and simply get a new fashionable profession in which you can make good money, go to our school!