How to explain to a small child what death is. How to tell a child about the death of a loved one? Comments from a child psychologist

Death is an integral part of life or, more precisely, its only outcome. Therefore, sooner or later children are faced with its manifestation. This may not be a close person or not a person at all, for example, he will see a dog hit by a car or a parrot will die.

How to tell a child about death and is it necessary to tell the whole truth? - this question torments parents. They fearfully await this question from their son or daughter: “What happened? Why doesn’t grandma come to me anymore?” and don’t know how to answer correctly.

About death:

Many people try to get around this sensitive issue and come up with long trips or the eternal sleep of animals, but is this correct? How to tell a child about death correctly so that he is not afraid of it, but understands its seriousness?

The child should know about tragic changes in the family

Many psychologists come to a common opinion - questions of birth and death visit the bright minds of children early and arouse great interest in them. This usually occurs at 4-5 years, with minor deviations.

It is important to see the interest and help the child understand and realize these processes, so that the death of a loved one does not cause fear in the child.

Very often, children independently come to the discovery of the end of life, and then they have a fear that they or their parents will die. Kids begin to close themselves off from everyone, and this fear causes serious damage to their psyche.

How do you understand that fear of the dead has come? This is true if the baby:

• becomes more attached to parents, tries to control their movements;
• does not let parents go for a long time;
• constantly calls mom or dad in fear;
• You may have trouble sleeping;
• I start having nightmares.

This often happens after the loss of someone close or someone talks about it. It is very important for parents to recognize the child’s feelings and bring them into dialogue so that he does not close himself off, but allows him to help. There is no need to tell your child fictitious stories about distant lands or eternal sleep. Children are very smart and quickly recognize a lie, and then their fears return again, but now they are supplemented by distrust of the words of adults.

Advice! It is important to sit down with your baby in a calm environment and talk about how the end of life happens. And, answering all the questions sincerely and honestly, without hiding anything, but at the same time, giving confidence that it is not so scary and he will never be left alone.

If someone close to you has died, you should take your child to church for a funeral service, he may allow you to approach the coffin (if he wants to), and not force you to kiss the dead person.

Psychologists advise taking children to funerals

It is better to skip the funeral process; the baby is still too small to see the coffin with a familiar person being lowered into the ground and buried. Cemetery even appearance can frighten a susceptible child and forever remain in the image as a terrible and scary place.

It is important to tell your child that the soul is eternal and is no longer in the body. But a loved one will always watch him from heaven and you can do something that will please him: give alms, pray or feed birds and stray animals.

It is easier for children from Orthodox families to accept and understand death, because in their understanding and belief, people do not simply disappear and do not wander the earth in the form of ghosts - they go to the Lord, where they are much better off than those who remained on earth.

But it will be difficult for non-religious parents to explain where the soul of their grandmother or grandfather went. Although, it is precisely this question that makes a person think about eternity, which leads to the temple.

Advice! After the loss loved one It is important to talk to your baby and be there to support and help him cope with and understand the loss. Explain everything about the afterlife, but do not make it too attractive so as not to awaken in the child a desire to go there immediately.

Cases were recorded when parents were overzealous in this, the baby wanted to see his beloved family member and jumped out of the window. Therefore, you should be careful in painting eternity with bright colors.

It is important to convey to the child the meaning of life as movement, and death as the end point of a journey, which you arrive at only after completing all the tasks.

Priest's opinion

Archpriest Artemy Vladimirov, speaking about such a sensitive topic, suggests remembering the name of the Lord - the life and words of Christ, who once defined Himself as the way and the truth and the life. The Lord is the Creator, Source and Giver of life. Every person, as soon as he moves away from Him, feels this and the lack of vitality in himself.

Priests advise explaining the truth about death to a child

Children are much more sensitive than adults, and they are more protected by the instinct of self-preservation from suicidal thoughts, they have this will to live. But if the parents do not talk to them in time and explain why and how the completion occurs human life If they don’t tell you what the value of life is, sooner or later the teenager will think about death.

Who among us has not imagined our own funeral, especially during a time of strong resentment towards adults? Many imagined themselves lying in a coffin, and everyone felt sorry for the deceased and regretted not giving them a lot of jam or playing on the computer. Such thoughts often occur at the age of 10-16 years, especially among teenagers with a sensual, vulnerable soul.

Important! That is why, in order to avoid suicidal thoughts or attempts, parents should explain to their child the truth about death at the age of 4-5 years.

Many youth movements (emo, goths, etc.) glorify death and neutralize the value of life. These are completely satanic movements that cause serious psychological trauma to unchurched teenagers. Parents should try to communicate with their children as often as possible, explaining the value of life and telling in all severity the horrors of the death of a person who is far from the Lord.

How to tell a child that one of his parents has died

Of course, it all depends on the age of the child. Until the age of 5, children, as a rule, do not yet fully understand what death is. And children 5-7 years old may not fully understand that there is no return from death. If children do not understand this, they may ask again and again when the deceased person will return. It is necessary to explain to children again and again that there is no return from death, that it is forever.
It is very important WHO informs the child about the death of a loved one. This should be the person closest to the child, the one with whom he has good relationship, whom he trusts, with whom he can react his feelings. As a rule, these are close relatives.
WHEN to report? There is no need to hide the death of a loved one from a child and report it only after the funeral. The child may experience anxiety, be frightened that others are behaving somehow differently - tense, sad, crying, not playing and not paying attention to the child, feeling sorry for him, although he has not changed his behavior, is not sick. This can lead to distrust of adults. If no one answers where mom went or where dad went, but they just say something incomprehensible - she left, on a business trip, at work, got sick, the child may draw the wrong conclusions, which in turn can form a negative attitude towards himself and loved ones , life, cause low self-esteem, hatred, anger, resentment. Children need clarity, and if it is not there, they try to somehow explain the situation to themselves, and often these explanations are not in favor of the child. Usually there are 2 options: 1. I am bad, that’s why my mother abandoned me, I am unworthy (of life, pleasures, joy, toys, etc.) 2. My mother is bad because she abandoned me. Since the person closest to me abandoned me, it means I can’t trust anyone in this terrible world. Therefore, you should inform your child about the death of a relative as quickly as possible, before he begins to ask questions. If you do this later, “I will say after the funeral, after the wake, after the mourning...”, a belated message can give rise to resentment towards the remaining loved ones, “They don’t trust me, otherwise they would have told me right away,” anger, “How could he hide it, he’s a father, and I loved him!”, distrust “Since my close people didn’t tell me about this, it means everyone around is a liar and you can’t trust anyone.”
HOW to report? A child, faced with such a situation for the first time, does not yet know how to behave and will experience grief almost the same way as those around him, those who are nearby all the time, who care about him, experience it. Children learn to cope with grief from adults the same way they learn everything else. When an adult tells a child about the death of a loved one, there should not be extremes - when an adult either experiences the loss by holding back emotions and thereby, as it were, “locking” them inside, or it happens too violently, with hysterics. In the first case, the child will learn that it is necessary to hide the experience of grief, that feelings cannot be shown, that one cannot talk about them, that one cannot ask questions. In such a situation, children feel isolated from adults and do not feel support and help. If a child does not have an outlet for emotions, they become a risk of turning into some kind of psychosomatic reaction (manifestation of internal psychological problems through bodily forms - diseases, body pain, skin and other manifestations). In the second case, the child will be afraid of such an adult’s reaction and will not feel support from the adult.
An adult needs to be frank: “I have very sad news. Dad died this morning.” It is important to use the word “died” and not “fell asleep” so that the child does not develop fears associated with sleep. Be attentive and sensitive to the child’s reaction, react to it with gestures, facial expressions, words, touches, hug him! If it's a preschooler, sit him on your lap. It is also important to communicate and show how you feel. If a child asks questions, answer them honestly, but without terrible details that traumatize the child’s psyche. You can say this: “Remember, dad was sick? Usually medicines and doctors help with such an illness, and the doctors did everything to prevent dad from dying. But his body was very weak and could not help the doctors and medicines cure dad.” Explain that the person's body could no longer fight the disease; it stopped working. Make sure your children understand that if they get the flu or a cold, or if Mom or Dad gets sick, their body can fight off the illness and get better. “Remember, you were sick in the winter and recovered, and I was sick and also recovered. Only rare diseases lead to death. Scientists are looking for drugs that can cope with such rare diseases. Maybe when you grow up you'll want to become a scientist and help them come up with such a cure." Explain that most people recover. If death was due to an accident, explain that the person's body was damaged so badly that it stopped working, but most people who died bodily injuries, can recover and live for a long, long time.
It is also possible that the child had a conflict with a person who died. Maybe the child wanted this person away so he could get more attention from other family members. Maybe the child even told him, “I want you to die.” It is natural that the child will feel guilty and ask if he is to blame for what happened. Reassure the children and assure them that words and desires do not cause death, that the person died for a completely different reason. If the child is too young and his vocabulary is small, you can invite him to draw his feeling (grief can be experienced in this way, no matter how strange it may seem). For example, fear can be black, sadness can be blue, resentment can be green, and anger can be purple. The main thing is for the child to understand that he is not alone and has the right to freely express feelings that will be accepted by his loved ones. Promise that you will be there and that you can talk about everything: fears, guilt, anger.
If the child does not mind, if he is not afraid, if you feel that the child can cope, his presence at the funeral ritual (at the entire stage, or part of it), wake, funeral service will help him better realize that a loved one has really died . An adult needs to be told in advance about what will happen there, for how long, what will follow what, and how he will see the deceased. "Dad will be dressed in a suit, he will be lying in a coffin, and his hands will be folded on his chest. When a person dies, his appearance changes, and you will most likely see him differently than you are used to seeing. People will come up to the coffin and say goodbye to dad, if you want, you can do this too. And if you want, you can put your drawing, letter, or flower in the coffin as a keepsake for dad.” Tell us about the burial procedure, warn that at funerals many people cry, and some even scream. So that the child does not feel guilty for not going to the funeral, reassure him, tell him that children do not have to attend the funeral, adults should be there. If this happened without him, it is necessary to arrange for him a ritual of farewell to the departed. This could be a ball being released into the sky, a prayer being read, a boat being launched on the river, a letter written and burned, ashes scattered, etc. Explain that the meaning of the letter will definitely reach dad.
Often, when preparing for a funeral, adults are very busy with these chores, they have no time for the child, and children at this time feel like outcasts, out of the situation, abandoned. But they need someone to share their feeling with them, so that the child feels loved, in contact with everyone. Therefore, if this is a preschooler, everything should be as usual for him, because he should feel that life goes on. Do not change the child’s routine, try to pay attention to him for communication, and preferably for playing together. Let him know and feel that you are nearby, you will not leave him. Tell them that no one can replace the deceased, but you will help fill the void as best you can. After the funeral, children can play out the plot of the funeral for some time, or another farewell ritual, and also pretend to be sick or dying. Such a game is a normal reaction of a child to the loss of a loved one, so the child is better aware and accepts this fact. Older children, like preschoolers, can be offered help in matters related to the funeral, but without overloading him with them.
For some time after the loss of a loved one, a child’s behavior and emotional background may change. He may become hot-tempered, aggressive, capricious, he may withdraw into himself, argue, his academic performance may decrease, he may lose interest in what previously interested and liked him, he may experience nightmares (if the death was unexpected or violent), enuresis, etc. . Even if everything seems to be fine with the child, oppressive sadness will overwhelm him more than once, especially in the first year after the loss. Holidays, birthdays and other special family celebrations can aggravate this sadness. At such moments, the child really needs the support of an adult. If an adult voices the child’s feelings and experiences, he will feel better because someone shares them, understands how bad he is, and supports him. You can say: " New Year you used to celebrate with the whole family when dad was also at home, but now he’s gone. I miss him very much too! He died, but he didn’t stop loving you! I think he is in heaven now, he sees you and hears you, he just can’t talk to you and you can’t see him either. But he always thinks about you and loves you!" You can also tell that you are also sad and miss him. If the child sees you cry sometimes, do not hide your sadness, explain that now you were remembering dad. Share yours with your child feelings. All this will not only help the child survive grief, but also contribute to the achievement of certain positive results, namely, reducing psycho-emotional stress, deepening relationships with loved ones, accepting the reality of death, expanding the worldview “I’m crying because I remembered my dad, I’m sad. But it won’t always be like this, the sadness will pass sooner or later.”
The child may develop a fear of his own death and the death of someone close to him. Therefore, it is important to reassure a child if he asks a question about whether he or one of his relatives will die, saying that all people are mortal and someday every person will die, but this will not happen soon, because... most people live a very long time and die only when they are very old. That people close to him will die when he is an adult, he will have children and he will live with them in his apartment or house. If a child asks if he will ever die, answer honestly that it will happen, but not very soon. If he gets scared and cries, under no circumstances should you retract your words and turn them into a joke. It is better to sit next to the child, hug, be with him and then help him return his thoughts to life, which continues. If a child begins to worry about an adult who gets sick, or gets behind the wheel, etc., that is, worries about you, trying to prevent another tragedy, you need to reassure him, first of all, voicing his feelings, saying that you see that he worried, worried, doesn’t want the same thing to happen to you that happened to dad, that he’s scared for you. Then show him that you are in control of the situation, that you can handle it, that you are always careful and take care of yourself, that nothing will happen to you. Let your child know that you always remember and think about him, that you love him very much, that he is the most important thing in your life, that you don’t want him to be left without you, so you are doubly careful. Tell us in detail about your safety and caution - how you achieve this, for example, do not drive fast, wear a seat belt, do not break the rules, you have a first aid kit, a telephone, airbags, studded tires in your car. Remind your child of how sometimes he was worried, but everything ended well and you coped with the situation, for example, how you were well treated for an illness, that you recovered. Say that you want to live long and will live with your child and take care of him for a long, long time.
The child will miss the deceased, so you can look through photos and videos with him. It won't be easy at first, there will most likely be tears, but it's very important point, because the child has many joyful, happy memories associated with the deceased, and over time, tears will be replaced by joy and a smile when viewing the photo.
Invite your child to go to the cemetery if you eat yourself, but don’t insist if he doesn’t want to.
How should you respond if a child asks why God allowed this to happen? Answer questions regarding God and religion according to your own beliefs. The right thing to do would be to consult the priests. In general, religious people are encouraged to share their beliefs with children, as this helps them find answers to their questions. exciting questions associated with the death of a loved one. Moreover, the answers found in the words of the parents may turn out to be important for the child both in the present (in a situation of loss) and in the future. However, it is best to avoid saying that God "took" the deceased to be with him, or that "only good people they die young." Some children may be afraid that God will take them too. They may also try to be "bad" because they don't want to die.
You can tell your child in an accessible form that when a person dies, a soul remains, which during the first three days says goodbye to everything that was dear to it during life, for example, to family and friends. The soul is with us for three days, therefore, according to Christian custom, the funeral is scheduled for the third day, when the soul “flies away.” Until the ninth day, at the command of God, the human soul contemplates the beauties of paradise and the abysses of hell. After this, until the fortieth day, the soul undergoes trials (ordeals), in which every deed, word and even thought of a person during life is discussed. Moreover, Angels testify for man, and demons testify against him. How the soul passes this test determines its fate. And at this moment, prayer for the deceased is very important; it can provide support to the soul at such a “preliminary” trial. By praying for the deceased, the child helps his soul. At the same time, in his thoughts he is next to him, he can feel caring for someone who is not there, more adult, responsible. At this time, the child can realize that death does not end life, that good deeds and actions give the soul another, eternal life. This understanding reduces the fear of death in children. When telling a child about death from a religious point of view, it is important not to make the mistake of creating an image of a “terrible God.” (God took my mother, now she is better there than here). The child may develop an irrational fear that he, too, will be “taken away.” About the fact that “it’s better there” is also incomprehensible to children. (If “there” is better, then why is everyone crying? And if death better than life- Why live then?).
If you are unable to talk to your child about the death of a loved one, contact the service immediately psychological assistance(in person or by phone), you will be provided with the support you need.

WHAT NOT TO SAY AND WHAT NOT TO DO:
- Do not avoid talking about the deceased, otherwise the child will not be able to experience grief. Answer questions about the deceased, maintain a conversation about him. Remember out loud about the deceased: “That was his favorite movie!” Children may ask: “What will daddy eat there? Will he be cold there? Is there anything to breathe there? Is it dark there? Scary?” etc. Try to explain to the child that dad’s body no longer works the way it worked before and now he doesn’t need to eat, breathe, he’s not cold or dark or scared. After all, the body does not sleep, it has died. Only when the body is asleep, it still breathes, it needs warmth. When the body is dead, he no longer needs anything. Don't be intimidated by your children's questions, don't show them that you're upset by their questions. If it’s difficult to answer, say that you will definitely answer after a while, because... you need to think about how best to explain so that the child understands. Don’t delay your answer for too long; try to give an answer within a couple of hours.
- The child should not feel unwanted (Mom cries all the time about dad, but she still has me. That means she doesn’t need me.). You cannot program the future life of a family without joy and happiness (Your sister died, now we will never be happy as before).
- You can’t say: “I know how it feels for you, but mom (who died) would like you to be cheerful (or eat your dinner).” Any comment that indicates to a child that he should not be in such a mood may, at the very least, cause him confusion. In the worst case, the child may feel guilty for not behaving as the deceased relative would have wanted him to. It’s better to say: “Mom understands that you are sad now. She understands that you don't want to eat. And I understand too. But I am also sure that mom is waiting for the day when your sadness will subside and you will become more cheerful. And she knows it takes time.”
- You can’t say: “Grandfather is now on an amazing journey that every person goes on one day.” “Grandfather fell asleep forever.” Children under eight or nine years of age think literally, not abstractly. Using other words instead of dead or dead can confuse your child. He may never want to travel, or be afraid to fall asleep.
- You can’t say: “Grandma died after she was taken to the hospital.” “Grandma died in an accident.” Children sometimes end up in the hospital, and something happens to all children at some point. This does not mean that such events are usually followed by death. Instead, let your child know that the accident was very serious and that injuries and hospitalization usually do not result in death.
- You can’t say: “Grandma was sick...” Children get sick too. Confirm that the grandmother was very sick and the medications that usually help did not help her because her illness was very serious.
- You can’t say: “Don’t worry, I’ll never die.” But how do you explain to your child that dad died? It's better to say that you're not going to die before old age. If a child asks what would happen to him if both Mom and Dad died, you can explain your plans for providing him with a guardian to care for him. At the same time, reassure him that you don't think this will happen.
- You can’t say: “Two years have passed since grandpa died.” Everyone has calmed down, but why are you still upset?” The best way to forget is to remember. As counterintuitive as it may seem, people are better able to detach themselves from loss when they have the freedom to remember and grieve the deceased. If you are surprised by your child's sadness, then your expression of SYMPATHY will help him understand. Perhaps the sad memories were evoked in the child by the fact that his friend’s relative had died. There are many reasons. Therefore, on the contrary, say: “It is normal that sometimes such sad moments arise in the soul. What exactly were the thoughts that plunged you into such sadness?”
Mental recovery after the death of a loved one can take time. Children recover more quickly if their caregivers are supportive, meet their needs, know how to comfort and reassure them, and are always willing to listen.

It’s good if the teacher also manages to induce the student’s friends to help him, to talk to him about the deceased. Children may well be capable of this, sometimes even more than their mentors.
The death of a friend or classmate is an extraordinary event, because it is not an old or even an adult who dies, but a peer. Therefore, there is a high probability of fears for your own life. In such a situation, teachers and school psychologists certainly should not remain indifferent. It is very advisable to make the event that happened the subject of discussion in the class, so that the children can express their thoughts and express their feelings about what happened.

It is inevitable and quite obvious that along with learning all the realities of the world, your little one will have to learn about death. Of course, all parents are frightened by such an important conversation, and there are no universal methods for explaining to a child what death is. However, psychologists still made certain recommendations in this regard.

At what age and where to start

Many experts are inclined to believe that sooner is better than later, because as the child matures, the psychological shock from realizing what is happening will only increase. If your pet has died, your child has seen a funeral procession or a cemetery somewhere, naturally he will have questions. And they are worth answering.

Your task in such a situation is to think about how to present the information, to allocate enough time for conversation in a calm atmosphere. So, at 2-3 years old, a child is very receptive to everything and tends to try everything on himself, but his emotions are very changeable, and his memory weakly records negativity. Therefore, the baby may well be afraid for himself or his parents when he learns about death, but after a couple of days he will most likely cease to identify the fact of death with his family. But starting from the age of 4, children, as a rule, more consciously perceive what they are told, and when talking about death, it is important to emphasize to them that this is inevitable, but in the distant future, that their parents love them and will always be there.

How to tell

In religious families, it is customary at such a moment to talk about God and Paradise, about how someone, leaving this world, goes to Heaven to join the angels. In general, this approach is justified, since the child develops the concept that the deceased is in a Good and Kind place and is not feeling bad, and this, in turn, does not create a fear of death and obsessive thoughts in the child.

You can approach the conversation by starting with the animal or plant world, in which changes are also constantly taking place, some individuals leave this world, others are born.

Hello, dear readers! Today I would like to raise a very sensitive topic and talk about how to tell a child about the death of a grandmother, uncle, loved one or beloved pet. It is impossible to be prepared for such conversations. But it’s how you talk to your baby that determines his understanding of such phenomena.

Uncomfortable Conversations

Parents often get scared, embarrassed, and lost when their children ask awkward questions. This applies not only to the issue of death, but also to the topic of sex. My articles “” and “” will help you in this matter.

Understand that you cannot avoid such conversations and explanations. Therefore, it will be much better if you think a little in advance about what to do and what to respond in such a situation. A psychologist's advice always boils down to one simple rule: you need to talk to your child about such topics; you should not avoid them.

The situation can arise for various reasons: a misfortune occurred in your family, a child saw a dead cat on the street, the topic of a funeral or death was touched upon in a movie or cartoon. Usually children don’t ask such questions just like that. Be sure to ask where he got such an interest.

Many things are incomprehensible to a small child. There were many things he had simply never even encountered. And you must teach him life. Explain and talk about everything that is happening. Don't be silent, don't avoid answering, don't be embarrassed, and don't get too emotional. Seeing your worries, the child may begin to be afraid and withdraw into himself.

Understand that in any case there will come a time in your life when your baby asks you awkward question. Gently ask where he got these thoughts, what prompted him to ask you a question.

Do not scold or yell at your baby under any circumstances. Don't say that he is too young for such conversations. If there is interest, it must be satisfied. If you don’t tell them, the children will quickly find another source of information.

What is death

Since children do not know about this phenomenon, it depends on your explanation how the baby will perceive life and death. Will he become easy and relaxed about this or will he withdraw into himself and be afraid of every rustle.

Unfortunately, there is no universal explanation. In each family, everything happens very individually, but there are general principles that will definitely help you.

If you have a deeply religious family, then all your explanations will be clear. In accordance with your faith, your attitude towards death is appropriate. But don’t forget that you can tell your child about other beliefs. About the fact that in some countries death is greeted with a smile on the face, because it is believed that a person has found himself in a better world.

We should start with the fact that life has its own rules. First a little man is born, lives long and happy life, gives birth to children, then he has grandchildren, and then old age comes and he dies.

Tell us about old age using flowers as an example, for example. That they are born in the spring, live all summer, giving people their beauty, and in the fall they fade, scattering seeds so that new flowers are born.

But death sometimes comes not only because of old age. Losing a loved one can be unexpected due to an accident. And here you need to explain that your life is worth valuing. That sometimes illnesses happen, disasters happen. Speak calmly and unemotionally. As soon as your child sees your fear, he immediately adopts it.

One of my friends explained the death of her beloved animal this way: our dog went to the farm because there is fresh air and she lives better there. The baby seemed to take everything fine. But then it turned out that he had been waiting all year for summer to go to this very farm, to see his beloved dog.

What to pay attention to

It is very important to create a realistic representation. Pay attention to the cartoons your kids watch. After all, they do not show death as it really is. There, legs and arms are sewn on, the bear cub calmly gets up after the explosion and moves on, the heroes fall from a height and nothing happens to them, and so on.

Try to explain that everything happens differently in life. That you need to carefully monitor yourself and your surroundings. That crawling on the windowsill is very dangerous.

It is completely normal if a child begins to ask constant questions: is it possible to die from this wound; and this scratch is fatal. Don't laugh under any circumstances. Calmly tell us which injuries cause no harm, and which can lead to serious consequences.

In addition, pay attention to the wording with which you explain the death of your grandmother or grandfather. Saying “he left” or “she moved away” can cause harm. When the father leaves home, the child will fear that he will leave and not return. Or the mother’s long absence will be perceived as such a departure.

The child can use the theme of death in his games for some time after the conversation. Don't get scared and start tearing your hair out. Everything is fine. The children are interested, this is a new topic for them, they study it from different angles. Just always be prepared to provide clarification and answer additional questions.

Your task

The main thing is not to be nervous and not to show your emotions. You need to speak calmly, extremely in simple words, which will be understandable to the baby. If anything, he will definitely ask you a clarifying question.

If you find it difficult to cope with emotions now, then it is better to postpone the conversation, but not for too long. Read the article "". In it, perhaps you will find for yourself the right words, which you are missing so much right now.

Parents often ask the question - at what age is it better to start such conversations. There is no definite answer. Most often, children under five years old do not ask such questions. Therefore, only in essence can you understand when the moment has come.

Another point is whether to take the child to the funeral. Controversial issue. Here you should rely only on your instincts and the baby’s reaction. Some say it will be a rewarding experience. Others argue that this should never be done. Look at the situation.

Remember, talking about death helps the baby understand that life is not eternal. He begins to take his health and dangers more seriously and responsibly. He develops an instinct of self-preservation. This is very important.

Of course, you shouldn't deceive your baby. This will only undermine your authority. Having said that your grandmother simply left for another country, sooner or later your story will be revealed. Then the child will understand that you deceived him. There is nothing worse in a child's life than lies from parents.

Don't go into detailed description physiological processes. Do not shock your child with unnecessary colorful descriptions. It will be enough to explain simply and clearly what the essence of life and death is.

If your offspring is interested in this issue in general terms, then there is no need to describe everything in detail; you can get by with a couple of general expressions and return to a more serious conversation later.

How was the concept of death explained to you as a child? How old were you when you experienced your first human death? Do you think it’s worth taking children to a funeral and at what age?

All the best to you!

Every child will sooner or later ask you a serious question about death, and you must be prepared for this, and know in advance the basic rules for how to tell your child about death correctly and intelligibly. For children under three years of age, the fear of death is practically unknown. Some are afraid of “mother leaving”, others are afraid of falling and getting hurt. But the child is growing and it may happen that he sees a dead animal or insect. Stress due to what you see may well manifest itself in the form of nightmares, fear of loneliness and fear of the dark.

When faced with death, children begin to ask questions of their parents, and experience shows that such questions must be given clear and correct answers. We need to help the child cope with stress, and not brush them off and let the child’s upbringing take its course. Some parents, instead of telling their child about death, come up with various excuses: “ Put the nonsense out of your head, you don't need to know it" Such answers, as well as statements that those who are dear to him will never die, do not lead to anything good, but only worsen the situation. As a result, fear can only intensify, and the child's fantasies about death will increase his stress.

Many parents have no idea and do not know how to tell their child about death, however, imaginary monsters, horrors, darkness and pain that have settled in the child’s mind due to a lack of understanding of reality can cause greater harm to his psyche.

In reality, it is worth giving the child a real explanation of what is happening and talking about death correctly. He will have to learn to control his actions, and the fear of death is defense mechanism. Dangerous behavior in early age, such as playing with matches or going far from parents, will be assessed by the baby in terms of fear of death. Telling a child about death means helping him learn to accept right decisions thinking about the consequences of their actions.

Parents often avoid talking about death because they are afraid of traumatizing the child’s psyche, and this topic can be unpleasant for adults themselves. One way or another, you will have to gain strength and discuss this issue with your baby.

There are basic rules that will help in the best possible way.

1. Calm response. If the conversation spontaneously turns to death, then calmly say: “I’ll try to explain this to you...” After all, if parents are frightened by conversation, then it will frighten children even more. Irritation in an adult’s voice when talking about death will mean to a child that he has touched on a taboo topic and will be afraid of punishment for it.

2. Explain in children's language. Children usually speak in short sentences. You should avoid long sentences and beating around the bush. Try to discuss the topic clearly, accessiblely and as clearly as possible.

3. Truthful answer. When a question has already matured in the child’s mind, give him an honest answer that the life of all creatures on Earth has its end. Be sure to tell the truth to your child - after all, by asking a question, he is ready to perceive the information as it is.

4. Refrain from using cliched phrases such as “went far, far away”, “fell asleep in eternal sleep”, “went up to heaven”. They can cause anxious thoughts and misunderstandings. Therefore, try to explain in a language that the child can understand.

What exactly should you tell your child about death?

1. In religions there are ideas about the immortality of the soul. This question may concern a child, offer him this explanation - every person is born with a soul, grows, matures, starts a family. The soul grows with a person, and when he grows old and dies, the soul ascends to heaven and continues its life there.

2. The mystery of death. Try not to hide the death of a relative, especially if he was close and dear to the child. If the child does not know what really happened, he will begin to fantasize, and when the truth is revealed, it will become a great stress for him.

3. Anxiety.“Are we going to die too?” - a question often asked by children. Accept that life will one day come to an end, but say that this will not happen soon, that life brings joy and that it is long enough.

4. Old age. Explain that in old age, internal organs can no longer work as before, which leads to illness and death. And don’t invent fairy tales if he asks: “ What can you do to avoid dying?“As time passes, when the truth comes out, it will become shocking for the child, which will not be easy for him to cope with and survive.

How to tell a child about death, about a funeral?

Don't avoid talking about exactly how the funeral process works. Tell us that the deceased is placed in a coffin, buried in a cemetery, and flowers are brought to say goodbye. At the cemetery, the coffin is buried in the ground, flowers are placed on top, they feel sorry for the deceased person, and say goodbye to him. Then, on certain days, they come to the cemetery, take care of the grave, and plant flowers. If you have a different religion or the ritual of cremation is accepted in your family, then briefly tell your child about the basic rules of this process.

To the question: " Can the dead see us?“- we can answer that they see and say hello to us and sometimes come in our dreams and are happy when everything is fine with us, but they will no longer be able to return to us. Don't be alarmed if you see a child playing at funerals. This way he can learn empathy. Children copy adults; it is very important to teach them to cope with death and loss. Do not fall into despair, but also do not be afraid to express your feelings.

Take it seriously and responsibly how to tell your child about death, and the following basic rules will protect him from stress and anxiety. How did you tell your child about death?