How to break up with a man if we work together. How to work with an ex-boyfriend
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Love does not choose the right place, time and age. Feelings can “break out” both between friends and between colleagues. However, in last time you made a mistake and are now tormented by how to get out of the “my ex is my colleague” situation.
A feeling of annoyance, resentment, self-compassion gnaws at you every morning and when you go to work.
Now the “former love” is just a co-worker. Mental “wounds” have not yet healed, you constantly have to see this person. Eventually it becomes unbearable. How to behave and continue to work with your ex-boyfriend? Pretending that nothing happened? But what about the constant grins of colleagues and the silent “I told you so!” girlfriends?
Let's consider several options for the development of events.
Complete ignorance: why is this behavior dangerous?
First, and main mistake For most girls, this is a complete disregard for the “ex”. At first the thought comes to mind that you need to quit and find another job. But after thinking and weighing all the pros and cons, you remain: high wages, a close-knit and familiar team, knowledge of your work from “A” to “Z”, and many other factors come to the defense of your mind.
Working with an ex isn't easy. Therefore, now you have a new task: choose the right manner of communication, show that your relationship is over, you are a self-sufficient girl and continue to do your job with confidence, without getting lost in constant thinking about what to do when my ex is my colleague. Because now for you he really is just a colleague, nothing more.
However, this behavior has a downside: you close yourself off, and you can close yourself for a long time, subsequently preventing new feelings from “sprouting.” After all, your detachment and arrogance can scare away not only the “former”, but also the “future”. In this situation, it is worth understanding that an office romance at work is an experience, albeit a sad one, but an invaluable experience! Now you know what innocent escorts can lead to after? Take this situation philosophically and don’t stop reproaching yourself for your weaknesses and failures.
Whiplash: distract yourself with a new relationship?
Exists " folk wisdom”, which help to take your mind off the old ones. This is a fact. Just don’t do everything “for show”: you shouldn’t perceive your new relationship as revenge, advertise it or shout to everyone at work that it’s not serious (or, conversely, serious) - this will not lead to anything good.
Yes, and who knows, maybe a new hobby will become that “real” one? There is nothing wrong with losing yourself in a new relationship, you just need to understand and respect your partner’s feelings without “sacrificing” his feelings. Ideally, of course, so that a new relationship does not begin to develop at work and does not become another office romance.
Ignore the ridicule
All people are different, situations are the same, so it is inappropriate to judge the optimal solution to a problem for all situations. Unfortunately, there are also situations when the “ex” simply mocks you, realizing that your feelings for him have not yet cooled down. This is expressed in ridicule, statements, ridicule of the nuances of your relationship in front of colleagues. Working together with an ex you didn't break up with amicably can be a challenge.
But you shouldn’t react to such bullying and take everything personally. Think better about how good it is that this person has saved you from the possible prospect of being disappointed in him in the distant future. After all, a completed relationship with ex-colleagues is one thing, but parting with a significant other is completely different. The rest of the employees are not in your conflict and, most likely, understand what it is like to work with an ex-boyfriend, so they will prefer to stay on the sidelines.
Be ready for anything
Life situations are not only positive emotions, but also disappointments, unpleasant memories and unpleasant experiences. But the main thing to understand is that there are no hopeless situations and no irreplaceable people.
As they say, there is no silver lining. Even when life seems cruel and unfair, look for ways to see that the experience has helped you become stronger, mentally prepared for anything. You will be able to calmly work with your ex-boyfriend without turning it into a test. You will learn to abstract yourself from your shared past and you won’t notice how you no longer feel discomfort from communicating with him.
Of course, it is better to choose such tactics as friendly relations even after breaking up. This will help you endure all the troubles less painfully, and in the person of your “ex” you may eventually get a friend. But, even in the case when it is not possible to mutually agree on a friendly relationship, set a goal for yourself: to achieve recognition at work, build a career, but not with the goal of proving something to him, but as an opportunity to direct efforts in the right direction, not being distracted by experiences.
Hello. I’m 23 years old. I met a young man at a temporary job. At first we just talked, and then we started dating and developed into a relationship. At that time serious relationship I had been gone for a couple of years, and I didn’t want to waste my nerves. And here was a prominent, handsome man, several years older, and in appearance it seemed that he understood what he wanted. And even though I was wary, I decided to enter into this relationship. There was no falling in love as such. it was, but I believed that over time a “great feeling” would come. I really liked him and for the first time in my life I thought that this was the person with whom I could connect my life in the future. I had never even had such a thought before! in turn, he was in love, it was obvious. but I was embarrassed by his weekend parties with friends, when he was drunk, he could say unpleasant things, and then not apologize, like he was ashamed... I let it go. I didn’t think right away like this. he can change his life. But nothing changed. I swore, became hysterical, did not trust. It got worse. He he said that he loved him, but I was silent. Later, drunk, he said that he had no feelings. I understood that he had not had enough of it, that it was all an impulse on his part and he burned out. He said that at this stage he did not see the continuation of the relationship. It was very painful, although I I didn’t love him (but maybe I don’t understand what love is). I like his whole image, the impression he makes on people, you want to be close and love him. For about three weeks I got out of the habit of our constant correspondence and calls and, it seemed, , from him. But now I’m back at work full-time and I can’t change it now under any circumstances. We sit in the same office, we have the same work, I try to communicate equally, also cheerfully and openly. I answer his messages and calls. He's flirting with me. Maybe it's wrong, but I kind of answer him, I don't want to show that I have something sick left inside me. I went through the first week indifferently. But now the second one has begun and I'm exhausted. Yesterday I exploded and I told him nonsense, having heard a lot from his friends “how cool they hung out over the weekend.” Today I was in tears for half a day, I even had to go to the toilet, the tears kept rolling. Maybe it’s also PMS, but I still understand that every day everything is getting worse more and more complex. Every word, every glance, everything is perceived personally. Today, again, at the moment of some kind of flirting, I could not stand it and said that I did not understand his communication. He replied that he himself did not understand what he wanted. I understood this before ...I feel pathetic, and this makes it even worse. My pride aches.
And so by the way: I decided to write after meeting with a friend who was courting me, but I rejected him. He said that I was a coward and was afraid of relationships, he said that someone had offended me, and I blame everyone. I never thought so, although I was afraid to build something with this guy. In general, I can’t understand myself.
Sorry that there is so much and in detail, there is simply no one to talk to. Maybe you can tell me how to get rid of emotions towards him, how to avoid explosions, at least at work. Thank you.
Together, but apart - this can be said about couples who continue to work together after a breakup.
History: office romance. Working together after breaking up?
Office romance is not a rare phenomenon. But like any other relationship, it can end. This raises the question: how to work together with your ex? How can a woman get through this difficult test?
Going to work is like hard labor
Just yesterday this man was, firstly, your beloved, and only, secondly, a colleague. However, the relationship did not work out, and now you are forced to see him every day at work. For any woman in a similar situation, this is simply unbearable, especially at first. Not only is it painful to stay all day near the object of love (or ex-love), but also the attitude of the colleagues around you to everything that happens. Among them there are always those who will gloat, smirking and asking you questions about your breakup. The problem will be deeper if this colleague is your ex-husband. How to act so as not to worsen the situation?
Should I ignore it?
For most women in such a situation, the decision that immediately comes to mind is to write a letter of resignation and start looking for a new job. She has no idea how to work with ex-husband or the guy at work. However, not everyone can afford to be left without income for at least short term.
A good salary, which you are unlikely to be able to grow to, can also hold you back. new job in a short time, as well as the team you are used to. The woman decides to stay in her previous place, and in order not to suffer from the presence of her former lover, she begins to simply ignore him. But is this the right decision? Ignoring is not a way to protect yourself. This is a sign of weakness.
How to communicate with your ex-man
The main thing in this situation is to choose a manner of behavior and communication that will clearly demonstrate your self-confidence, calmness and professionalism. By showing your self-sufficiency, you will emphasize your independence.
Remember that now he is not your husband, lover or boyfriend, he is just a colleague and nothing more. And the fact that you communicate with your ex means only one thing - this is your official duty. Don't discount the fact that he is in the same position as you, because he is forced to communicate with his ex-girlfriend.
There would be no happiness...
Any experience, no matter how negative, is very valuable. Now you can own experience say whether you generally need such relationships in your life and whether you should start affairs with colleagues. After all, if such a relationship does not end in marriage, then it simply ends, and then you look like an “abandon” in the eyes of other colleagues. Especially if you are acutely experiencing breakups and the situation has become unbearable for you. Let office romance become taboo for you, and then you will never repeat this mistake again. After all, staying together for several hours every day after breaking up is very difficult!
Wedge with wedge
In an attempt to forget the “old” love, women begin to intensively search for a “new” one. On the one hand, this is correct, it helps to switch from sad thoughts to positive ones. But you shouldn’t deliberately demonstrate your new relationship in front of your colleagues, because they can interpret everything in their own way and rumors will reach your ex-man that you “went into chaos” out of grief. Such rumors should not be allowed in principle. Just be yourself.
It's not worth starting new novel with another colleague to hurt her ex-man.
Zero attention
It is possible that your ex will begin to bully you. This can be expressed in ridicule, spreading gossip about you, details about your relationship. This can even develop into bullying. Whether you can cope with this depends on the strength of your character. In some cases, dismissal can be a real salvation. But try to pass this test with dignity.
Don't chalk up a single word your ex-man if it's unflattering. Be glad that he showed his true face, because if you connected your life with him, you would get not just experience, but, possibly, a broken life. As for the rest of your colleagues, this situation can be used as a filter: those who showed great interest in your romance and breakup cannot be trusted. More tactful and sensitive colleagues will prefer not to comment on this in any way. You do not owe anything to your ex-lover, even if he is your boss.
And again betrayal
If the parting with a male colleague was turbulent, with mutual reproaches and even scandals, then be prepared for revenge on his part. A man feels that you are still not indifferent to him, and he can take advantage of this. The most painful thing about this difficult situation It becomes not his absolute indifference to you, but a new romance with another colleague. After all, you will find yourself in the position of the former, and she – the current one. He may too clearly demonstrate his attention to her, flirt, often visit her office, call her the same kind words what he called you. But you shouldn’t take it seriously, because that woman is a weapon of revenge. They will still have to prove that they have real, sincere feelings.
Remember: an intelligent person cannot be offended, insulted, or humiliated. Be ABOVE the situation, not IN IT.
If he is an ex-husband
And this happens. We work together, get married, and then get divorced, but no one wants to change jobs. What to do and how to behave with your ex-husband in this situation?
- Firstly, at work, for all your colleagues, you are a professional, not ex-wife. Surely, back in the days when your co-worker was your husband, you tried to treat him not like a husband during working hours. Now behave the same way, reducing everything to fulfilling your work duties.
- Secondly, do not resolve any general personal issues with him at work: division of property, raising children, alimony.
- Thirdly, do not notify your colleagues and ex-husband, including new events in your life.
- Remember that you are at work.
The relationship will be incomplete if you continue to sort things out with your ex-husband. If conflicts begin to become frequent, and you are unable to control it, then try to at least move them outside of work hours.
No one is immune from an unsuccessful office romance. And if after a breakup you have no choice but to work with your ex-boyfriend or husband, then be patient and courageously overcome this situation.
It so happened that your relationship with a man began at work. You broke up, but no one wants to quit. How to work with an ex-boyfriend who is constantly in your sight?
As you know, we do not choose the place and time of meeting with our future soulmate. People meet each other anywhere: on the street, on vacation, on a train or plane, in a cafe and at work. And if you don’t get along in character, then you can simply break up and go in different directions. But if you met at work, then there’s no escape: you’ll have to see your ex-passion every day. What to do, how to work with your ex, communicate and build your relationship further?
Of course, it is best in principle not to start any romances at work. After all, it is unknown whether you will be together in the future or not. As a rule, after a breakup there is often a period of conflict, which is absolutely inappropriate in the workplace. But if this has happened and your lover is a colleague, be careful in the future. Loud, scandalous breakups should not be allowed if you still decide to run away. The breakup must be peaceful. And even if he hurt you or deceived you, betrayed you, don’t make a scene, intelligently sort out the relationship and end it smoothly. You can't be enemies; it will be simply impossible to work together after that.
You are unlikely to achieve it, so neutrality is the best that can be. If you just broke up, it takes time for the wounds to heal. Take a wait-and-see attitude and consider the following important points.
- Take the question of how to work with your ex seriously, because you love your job and don’t want to quit. If the relationship ended on your initiative, the abandoned lover, of course, is offended. A civilized person will not show this, but an ill-mannered and wounded man will definitely try to show you his indignation. This can be expressed in barbs and malicious jokes. But ex-boyfriend It can also go the opposite way - start ignoring. Be prepared for this and don't pay attention. This will pass with time, when passions subside.
- Be smart, be patient and don’t fall for any provocations. Be friendly and say hello to him, even if he doesn't answer. If you get the opportunity to talk alone, take this chance. Pride is inappropriate here if you really want to stay in your favorite job and not go to it like hard labor. When you are alone, tell your ex-lover that you are grateful to him for everything and wish only happiness in the future. Hint in the conversation that you want you to remain friends. Smart man I must understand you.
If the relationship left behind a lot negative emotions, it’s hard to imagine working with your ex without remembering these sad details. But the only way out, if you don’t want to leave your post, is to find the strength in yourself to admit that you made a mistake in a person and move on.