How to behave if your husband wants a divorce
Everyone knows about the crises that arise in every married couple. But it’s one thing to know, and another thing to experience. If you silently harbor unsaid grievances, the couple will move away from each other and ultimately find themselves on the verge of divorcing their loved one. Therefore, accumulating irritation is a bad way to solve a problem. It’s better to gather your strength and think about how to prevent the crisis from destroying your marriage. And you need to start, as always, by looking for the reasons that caused the desire to separate.
Why does your husband want a divorce? What was the impetus for this decision? Why did this thought suddenly come to mind?
It is believed that men want to get a divorce due to a lack of freedom in marriage. Married life constrains them. This is an incorrect version. Yes, it is possible that sometimes the husband feels excessive oppression from his wife, he is irritated by excessive control and after some conflict, he has a desire to slam the door and leave. But the impulse is, in fact, momentary. At the same time, having received freedom, representatives of the stronger sex strive to get rid of it and later return back. And if they leave forever, then only if they have somewhere to go - to another beloved. And only if they are sure that they will be accepted there not only as a lover, but also as a husband.
Another possible reason is the influence of the mother (mother-in-law) on the son. If the mother-in-law dislikes her daughter-in-law from the very beginning, she will incite her son to find a more worthy passion for himself. Over time, the companion will begin to compare his mother with his wife. And, believe me, he will indeed discover that the latter is doing everything wrong. Gradually, the attitude towards the spouse worsens, coldness appears, and conflicts arise. And so, having found a more suitable candidate (it’s not a fact that he’s suitable, but he thinks so), the husband files for divorce. There is only one piece of advice here - if you have chosen a companion for whom the mother’s opinion is above all, then look for ways to reconcile with your mother-in-law.
Also, some midlife crises end with the partner finding a young mistress. It is very important that he is next to the young lady, because this is how he himself feels younger. So, one fine day the wife may find out that her husband has filed for divorce.
Sometimes the stumbling block is the infertility of the spouse.
Especially if the beloved dreams of a child and cannot imagine family life without a little child.
And sometimes the betrothed runs away because the companion’s character is simply unbearable. He does not want to return home, because a tense situation and an evil vixen await him there. Stop blowing your mind off your partner, and the crisis will pass. The most interesting thing is that there was no crisis here at all.
What should I do?
How not to divorce your beloved spouse? First you need calm. Shift your attention to the positive moments in your life together. Scroll in your head all the events related to the wedding, the birth of a child, as well as the difficulties that you overcame together. You need to understand that in a situation where both are tense and filled with negative emotions, one must calm down and look soberly at what is happening. And it will be you - the spouse. Without a cool look, you will not be able to overcome a crisis, nor will you be able to dissuade your chosen one from divorce (if it comes to that). Therefore, hide your complaints and reproaches at least for a while, and before starting a conversation, calm down.
In order not to reach the boiling point, it is worth discussing the problems that cause anger and aggression towards each other. The goal of the conversation should not be to get rid of them in a harsh form (no matter how much you would like to experience relief), but to identify the reasons that led to such sad thoughts.
Let each other speak, do not interrupt your loved one, even if it seems to you that he is wrong. In a calm tone, tell us what is bothering you. Try not to cross the line when a sincere desire to find a compromise turns into another scandal. Remember that you are in control of the situation. Especially if during the course it turned out that the husband wants to get a divorce and has been thinking about it for a long time. Turn his thoughts in a different direction, remind him of the good things that you yourself were thinking about recently, don’t be offended, don’t withdraw into yourself, calmly accept the information.
To prevent the official dissolution of a marriage, of course, the desire and efforts of both people are necessary. When one person fights to save the family, the chances are half as great. Only mutual interest can lead to a compromise and improve relationships. And if you approach the situation correctly, with caution and loyalty, then there will even be a chance to return your former love.
When conversations and searches for ways are unsuccessful, you should not become depressed and look for options on how to prepare yourself for divorce. There is a less radical way - to take a break from each other. Just don't run to your mom with your suitcases. You and your spouse need conditions where you will be alone, where you will have the opportunity to think about everything in private, without the interference of outsiders. Even if it's your mother or best friend. But little offspring can be sent to grandma for a week, even if necessary.
Over time, both of you will be able to abstract from the problems that have piled up and perceive them more easily. Often the way out of a difficult situation lies where a person does not even suspect, and often it turns out to be very simple. Detachment will help you achieve this goal.
If it seems to you that the “point of no return” has already been passed, and you are already mentally prepared for a divorce from your spouse, use
last chance - contact a family psychologist.
Yes, it may not be that easy. While women are more accommodating, men do not always open up to strangers. Persuade your chosen one, tell him that a psychologist is your last wish before parting, you will no longer disturb him with your requests. If he agrees, then everything is in the hands of a specialist. Make sure to find a competent psychologist.
How to behave if you don’t want to divorce your spouse?
Let's see what psychologists advise us in this case. What needs to be done so as not to “swing the pendulum” of the event, but to extinguish it as much as possible? So:
- Don't involve intermediaries in your story.
When a woman feels bad, she needs to talk it out. And when she feels really bad, she needs to talk it out several times. Moreover, without choosing people, without figuring out who you can trust and who you can’t. It turns out that the lady not only gives strangers a reason to discuss and embellish her personal problem, but also remains under the unconscious influence of all these people. After all, everyone advises and suggests something. For example, someone’s innocent assumption that the chosen one has someone else (that’s why he wants to break up) will cause even more negative thoughts. Things can get to the point of absurdity. After all, you want to clarify the situation right away, don’t you: who is your rival? When did it appear? Or maybe your loved one has already decided everything? Then how do you know if your husband has filed for divorce? Imagine how things could turn out...
What if my husband doesn’t want to talk to me? - you ask - Where should I put my emotions? Answer: this cannot be. But your subconscious reluctance to open up is a very likely motive. You need to pull yourself together and direct your energy to a serious conversation, and not scatter yourself with just anyone. By speaking in the wrong way, you accumulate omissions and grievances. Plus you have unreasonable fantasies.
- Other people's advice is evil.
Even the best friend can cause harm. People judge from their experience. Some of them have never been in such a situation. Others have made many mistakes themselves in their lives. Confidence in your opinion is not an indicator. And even if the advice is truly wise, do not rush to put it into practice. Think, listen to yourself - whether this advice is right for you. If yes, then how to behave in accordance with this advice. Don't forget that you must adjust your behavior according to YOUR situation, according to YOUR intuition. Another point is that people can deliberately give incorrect advice. How do you know which of them is envious and which is well-wisher?
- Say “stop” in time.
If during a scandal your emotions run high, exhale. Instead of defending your point of view on principle, do not hesitate to admit to your partner that you are giving up.
- Remove unnecessary things - panic, overthinking yourself, fear of separation.
Look at divorce as an opportunity to shake things up. You can take a break from your loved one, but you will always have the opportunity to get back together again. And if not, then seize the chance to start another radically new life. When there are many options, the dead end disappears, a person opens up to the future and the problem is solved more easily, as if by chance.
- Don't be afraid to give in.
Compromise is the only way to prevent your husband from getting a divorce. Don't think that if you make concessions you will lose your pride. On the contrary, if the main goal is to save the marriage, a person should be proud that he overcame himself for the sake of his happiness.
- Forget about the opinions of loved ones and neighbors.
Especially in a situation where your partner cheated on you, but sincerely repents and admits that the betrayal was a mistake. After all, you should live not with your loved ones and neighbors, but with your husband, which should be the main motive in this case.
Bottom line
Marriage is a complicated thing. Each couple is unique and inimitable, therefore it is necessary to find your own individual way of experiencing the crisis. The main thing is to recognize the threat in time and immediately begin eliminating it. Family is not only happiness, love, gifts and travel. Family is every day painstaking work, working on oneself, one’s mistakes, one’s behavior. Another thing is the ability to find a solution to a problem together. Together you will always know what to do.