Who cheats more often: men or women?

How many people are not faithful to their husbands and wives? Who cheats more often according to statistics: men or women? These questions concern both of them. Women's publications blame the stronger sex for widespread infidelity. And men are sure that most women are unfaithful. Where is the truth? In addition, the concept of “infidelity” is now very blurred. Should “sex” via a webcam, erotic SMS or secret “logins” to various dating apps be considered cheating? Formally, there is no treason. But there is jealousy and disappointment that the deceived party feels.

Data from various opinion polls also do not clarify the issue. People do not believe in their anonymity and hide the truth just in case.

For example, a thematic survey by the Levada Center from 2015 gave the following results: 16% of women and 34% of men believe that it is normal (to have a lover). 26% of women and 41% of men believe that it is normal to have sex “without love.”

According to the Internet portal Superjob, whose experts tried to find out who cheats more often, 17% of women and 28% of men are unfaithful in marriage. The same study found that 70% of women and 53% of men have “never violated the Pledge of Allegiance.”

Apparently, in the first case we are talking about systematic “hikes on the side”, and in the second – about isolated cases of infidelity.

Extreme research is also being conducted on this topic. For example, sexologist A. Poleev published the results of work during which volunteers were injected with truth serum and also immersed in hypnosis in order to find out the truth about adultery. It turned out that in an unconscious state, 33% of women and 74% of men admit to cheating.

Stereotypes originally from the Paleolithic still dominate the minds of our contemporaries. Many men are not at all inclined to forgive infidelity. 41% of men are ready for divorce after learning about infidelity. Among women, only 28% are such decisive individuals. And in another survey from Levada, among the necessary qualities of a partner, only 12% of women chose “fidelity.” There were 39% of men with such “requests”.

Why do we change

This question is more important than the number and percentage of unfaithful people in a marriage. In a time of pervasive awareness, it is especially easy to go into all seriousness, and it is difficult to hide the truth. Marriage used to be less of a mental and emotional interaction and more of an economic “transaction.” This made a lot of sense. A woman was “insured” by marriage from the hardships of a single life. And the man was sure that his offspring would receive all the money and herds after death.

Now the material aspect has become less important. Infidelity and even threaten us with only deep emotional instability. Psychologists say that there is nothing good in this: modern people no longer distinguish adultery from the search for pure love. At the same time, everyone retains for themselves a romantic ideal, according to which a partner should be:

• a grandiose lover;
• devoted friend;
• a loving parent;
• a reliable confidant;
• an interesting conversationalist;
• a thrifty housewife (or housewife).

At the same time, we do not think about whether we ourselves correspond to someone else’s romantic ideal. All betrayals arise on this basis.

About the fading of feelings

The peak of adultery in men occurs between the ages of 25-32 years. As a rule, they are in an established relationship (more than 5 years together). These husbands cite cooling of feelings as the main reason for cheating. Not necessarily male. Sometimes his betrayal is a reaction to the fact that his wife began to pay less attention to him and take worse care of herself. What about women? They exhibit certain “peaks” of a special tendency to cheat. They often coincide in time with family crises. This is the third, fifth and twentieth years of living together.

Money matters

The reasons for the infidelity of spouses lie deep in the subcortex, and it is not easy to admit them. Some of them are simply paradoxical. For example, a spouse (no matter what gender) who earns less than his wife is likely to cheat on her. This is what sociologist Christine Munsch says in her study. Her study anonymously included 2,750 married women and married men between the ages of 18 and 32.

A financially dependent woman will cheat with a 5% probability. And a husband who depends on his wife’s money will “go to the left” in 15% of cases. Husbands assert themselves in this way, feeling a threat to their masculinity. For a young man, “victories” in bed are important. So he distances himself from his wife and “punishes” her in his own way.

What about the other side? Of those providing for the family, who cheats more often: men or women? A male breadwinner who contributes more than 70% of the funds to the common piggy bank, as it were, receives carte blanche to cheat. He understands that his wife, who is dependent on him, will turn a blind eye to infidelity. Sometimes wealthy husbands deliberately look for a more suitable partner (more beautiful, younger, richer). But more often they simply have affairs or parallel marriages.

A woman who earns more than her husband is in the strangest position. Such wives, as studies show, cheat less often than others. Such wives experience extreme psychological stress because their role in the family does not meet society's expectations. To reduce internal discomfort, breadwinner wives in everyday life often obey their husbands more than they should and refuse to have affairs.

Cheating in a new way

If thirty years ago a woman could tell that her husband was cheating on her by the lipstick on his collar or frequent delays at work, now his mobile tells us everything about her husband.

This happened in the marriage of Lisa, an attractive and exemplary young wife, mother of two children. Her husband went on a business trip and forgot his iPad at home. A couple of hours later, Lisa saw a message on the screen: “I miss you. I can't wait for you." Within an hour, five more romantic SMS messages arrived. At first the woman thought that her husband was sending messages. But soon she no longer had any doubts about his betrayal. After rummaging through her iPad, Lisa found hundreds of SMS messages and dozens of photos received and sent. She found out that Victor had been having an affair for two years. She was literally shocked by all these details, and her condition required the intervention of a psychologist. Change in the digital age is not lipstick on your shirt.

Modern life has taught us to follow our desires. If people used to get divorced because they were deeply unhappy in their marriage, now they get divorced in search of something better. Treason was once a shame for both sides. And now it is considered shameful to remain faithful in a hopeless marriage. Therefore, Lisa told her friends almost nothing about what was happening in the family. She was afraid that others would judge her. But not Victor’s, but hers. For the fact that she did not react in any way to the betrayal.

Demon in the rib

Over time, many men and women who considered themselves monogamous and honest towards their partners discover an internal conflict between their behavior and their declared values. Yes, infidelity - . But it is also an expression of loss and longing from the rush of emotional connection with a partner. This is a step towards novelty and freedom, a search for the lost inner “I”. This is how cheating by women and older men should be perceived.

All the directors who left their wives for starlets and the movie stars who slept with chauffeurs guarantee this. Maybe feelings just have an expiration date. And this forces loving people to cheat themselves and tolerate their partner’s betrayal.

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