My boyfriend can't forget his ex. How to make a guy forget his ex
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Hello! I ask you for help. My boyfriend can't forget his ex. When I'm next to him he doesn't remember her. As soon as we are not together, he is all in thoughts about her, constantly there are statuses on the wall on the social network about her, that he has realized that he misses and loves... I recently wrote this on the wall. , these are, of course, not his words, but someone else’s, but here’s what he published, he writes about himself, as I understand it: Many people do not value what they have. They don’t value friends, they don’t value family and friends. They do not value those who are ready to support them at any moment, they do not value those who sincerely and deeply love them. One day all these people will learn to treat you the same way you treat them. They will stop calling, writing, and at one point they will simply leave. New people will appear in your life. Someone will leave, someone will come, because such is life - people come and go, and only a few stay with you forever. One thing I know for sure is that people who you once hurt by turning away from them are unlikely to return to you and will be able to forgive. And if they return, the relationship between you will no longer be the same as before. There won't be those sincere conversations until the morning, there won't be that understanding from the floor. What once completely burned out cannot be rekindled. Everything comes back to a person like a boomerang. Your attitude towards people, your actions, your actions - everything will come back to you. One day you will lose those you have hurt a lot. And one day you will start to miss them. You will understand that you miss them, you will understand that you love them. But they won't come back to you anymore. After all, they are no longer yours.
Answers and advice from psychologists
Hello, Elena.
In fact, when you are together, he is with you and only with you, and does not remember anyone. And this and only this is the fulcrum for your relationship. When you have a common point of support, you can change yourself and the world.
When you met, each of you by that moment had your own backstory, and a person’s memory is designed in such a way that everything that happened to him throughout his life is stored in long-term memory, and this archive can only be erased as a result of serious injury or illness . Therefore, he will never forget his past, just as you will never forget yours.
Is it possible to artificially erase something from memory? - can be repressed, but not completely erased, but then there is a need to fill the resulting voids with false, inspired memories, which will inevitably contradict other fragments, are in conflict with them, and the repressed true memories, trying to break through lies and fantasies, will come into contact with them into conflict, which will lead to the deepest intrapersonal conflicts, fraught with personality degradation and destruction.
Can the memory of the past separate two? - yes, maybe, if instead of living in the present, be together, live and love, fight and win, even in spite of all the circumstances, and at every step replenish your memory with new fragments, where you are together, where you are interested, where you feel good - turn back into the past and concentrate on those shadows and ghosts that are no longer here, but only there, in memory, and with every day and hour they become further and further...
Why did you decide that when you are not together, he constantly thinks about his ex-girlfriend? According to some vague hints, according to some phrases, maybe written by him, or maybe not by him somewhere?! The question is, why do you follow him online and even present some facts or your own fantasies to him as accusations? Why is your vision of the future so dark and tragic? Why do I get the impression that you are not striving for happiness with him, which you can build together and build, but for some kind of tragic ending?!
Maybe, instead of indulging in dark fantasies and asking questions about the possibility of destroying fragments of your MCH’s memory of his past, in which you were not yet present, you should still focus on the present, live in it, hope, believe, and move forward and just forward?!
Regarding the ending. The one who loses and is left with nothing is the one who, without making all possible efforts, loses faith and stops fighting. There is no other option.
And in a couple, if one loses faith and stops fighting, both lose.
Best regards, Evgeniy
Hello, Elena!
It is unlikely that you can make a guy forget his ex-girlfriend. This can only be his decision, and consciousness plays a lesser role here than the subconscious.
Of greater interest is why you find yourself in a relationship in which your boyfriend sighs about his ex-girlfriend. In addition, you may even exaggerate this craving for the past, since what he wrote on the wall may in no way relate to his past lover.
Sometimes it happens that a woman falls in love with a man who is still acutely experiencing a breakup with ex-girlfriend. During your meetings, he constantly talks about her, remembers her, complains to you how much he misses her, says that he misses her, etc., and you involuntarily ask the question: “How to make him fall in love with you?”
Alas, there is no universal method that would tell you how to make a man fall in love, there is also no special laboratory that could help erase a man’s memories of ex-woman, especially if this woman was the first to break off the relationship. For a man to be able to forget his former love, it will take time, sometimes a lot of time, and your, for now, friendly participation.
I would also like to warn you that before you start looking for ways to help your man, think about what you are willing to sacrifice? And you will have to make sacrifices, since helping a man forget the woman he once loved will not be easy. You will have to constantly listen to his memories, how he loved her, how happy they were together and how he wants everything back. And if you are in love with this man, then during these conversations you will be tormented by jealousy and anger.
You must prepare for the fact that for a long time, you will be a “vest” for him, in which he will cry, and after some time, when the man feels better, he may start an affair not with you, but with completely another woman.
In addition, you must realize that if he does decide to start a relationship with you, he will constantly compare you with his ex and, often, the comparison will not be in your favor. But if you really love this man and are ready to do anything just to be with him, and subsequently marry him and have children, then our advice will be useful to you.
If you decide to help a man in this matter, then first of all you need to try to become a friend for him and not talk about your feelings for him, but at the same time do not be too intrusive, otherwise the man will decide that he will be something to you obliged and will begin to move away from you.
Find out from the man what he liked to do before meeting his ex-girlfriend and encourage him to return to his former hobbies; it’s also good if you share these hobbies, so you will have more common ground.
Try to always be there for your man when he needs you. Of course, it is not easy to be close to the man you love when he is suffering in another way, but if you want to build a relationship with him, then there is nothing you can do, you will have to endure.
If a lot of time has passed and your loved one still does not notice you as a woman, then tell him about your feelings and offer to take your relationship to a new level. If a man likes you, then he will agree to this proposal, but if he is not ready to start a love relationship with you, then he will leave and will continue to suffer about former love, then you should think about why you need a man who doesn’t love you.
But if you are lucky and, having overcome all obstacles, managed to win the love of this man and make him forget about his ex-girlfriend, then you can be sure that your happiness with this man will be very long, because... you managed to invest so much tenderness and love into this man that he will always respect and love you for it.
And finally, I would like to note that after marrying this man, you should be ready to buy a baby stroller, since this man will want to have children in order to gain stability and confidence that you will not betray him.
Your man may be a wonderful guy with no complexes, just an ideal candidate for the role of your soulmate, but here’s the catch - he just can’t forget his ex-girlfriend. It is hardly possible to build a strong relationship with him when he constantly thinks about another representative of the fair sex. How to make a guy forget his ex?
Remember information
Since your boyfriend constantly talks about his ex, compares you with her, remember what he says about her - what talents she has, what and how she does, how she lives. If he talks about her often, you can learn all this and even more. Find out her page on social networks (she's probably registered somewhere). The fact that your loved one constantly talks about this girl means that she means a lot to him, and therefore you will not be able to ignore her.
Patience
Did you find out that your boyfriend went through a painful breakup with his ex, or they were in a tumultuous relationship? Then it's worth be patient, because neither he himself nor with your help he will simply be able to quickly forget about her. Don't rush things if you really want to be with this guy. Over time, he himself will forget about his ex-love, gradually. This is completely normal. It’s another matter if his memories turn into some kind of obsession, and for him you become just a temporary consolation.
Eliminate what connects him with her
You need exclude from the guy’s life everything that connects him with his ex-girlfriend. This could be some specific music, her souvenirs, photographs of them together, places where they loved to go. This needs to be done gradually so that the guy does not sound the alarm. Since he constantly remembers the past, it means that he is not yet ready to part with it.
Don't go too far
But it’s better not to forbid your boyfriend to see his ex, call her, communicate on social networks, otherwise he may consider it an encroachment on his freedom and even break off relations with you. However, no one forbids you to show the guy that you don’t like his meetings and his communication with his ex. If they meet at work or meet among your mutual friends, try to ensure that these meetings take place in front of you.
Avoid comparison
Calm, but at the same time firm tell your guy that you don't like it when he compares you to your ex(“But my ex cooked soup differently”, “But Katya washed my socks herself”). And don’t try to put yourself above her, showing yourself in a favorable light relative to her. Your loved one will not tolerate this.