Should a child be punished for bad grades? Two again! Should I scold my child for bad grades? Marina, is it necessary to explain to your child about the school grading system, that “five” is good, and “two” is bad?

Good afternoon, dear parents! Admit which of you has school years Did you have any bad marks in your diary? Even if someone did, everyone probably had bad marks.

Now remember what your parents’ reaction was? Most likely, you came across the stern look of your father or the raised voice of your mother, ready at that very moment to send you sweeping the yards with a broom or washing the entrances with a rag. After all, this is precisely the prospect that even today many parents predict for their children who “succeed” in their studies.

But what is actually correct: should one scold a child for bad grades, should one praise him for the fact that he still somehow manages to “roll over” from class to class, or should he reassure an excellent student who received a “failure” that “it happens to everyone”?

Lesson plan:

As it often happens

Well-established statistics: when we learn about a child receiving a bad grade, we involuntarily “turn on” a negative reaction. Is it true? Certainly! We begin to get angry, try to read the notation that we need to learn everything on time, we accompany this with increased intonation and non-verbal language fingers are dissatisfied and indignant.

What do we have in return? Faced a couple of times with such an aggressive reaction, when they reprimand without even understanding why “there’s a bad mark again,” the student withdraws into himself, withdraws and simply does not communicate the results of his “progress,” pushing the negative procedure as far as possible until the “secret will not become apparent."

It’s happened once, twice, three times, and not saying that something isn’t working out becomes an established habit, accompanied by concealment of the true state of things. And we begin to be indignant for another reason: “Yes, he (she) is also lying!” Although, according to psychologists, such lies are nothing more than a child’s simple attempt to protect himself from parental aggressive attacks.

How does it end? As a rule, the classics of the genre are adolescence child, we cannot speak the same language. Our children, as we begin to say, “become uncontrollable”: parents are not heard, complaints are ignored. And what’s interesting is that we don’t rummage in the depths of memory and don’t look for the reasons for this behavior, but continue to read the notations with the confidence that everything will finally change. Alas, it won't change.

And here’s the paradox: it would seem that it’s an ordinary two, it doesn’t happen to anyone, but there are so many consequences! I will cite the opinion of psychologists, which will give a clear answer to our question: scolding a 7-12 year old student for a bad grade at school simply does not make sense. At this age, children are not yet able to wisely assess the situation and draw the right conclusions from your criticism. There will be only one conclusion: “I’m bad!” So is it necessary?

The importance of marks

In our schools, only first-graders are exempt from the grading system, for whom teachers draw smiles and gloomy faces in their notebooks during the first year of study. For everyone else, this is the measure when a child is labeled as a “B” student or an “A student.”

At the same time, the classical Russian school is accustomed to imposing the stereotype of universal assessment and handing out cliches publicly: ask how this or that child is studying, and most of the students, not to mention the teachers, will tell you in vivid colors about his progress. And this either becomes a complex or puts you on a pedestal, teaching you to depend on the assessment of others for the rest of your life.

Yes, for us, parents, school grades are often also of no small importance. We believe that this is an indicator of the child’s future success, a “green light” for admission to the best universities in the country and a rapidly rising career. But I have to disappoint you: this is not a 100% lucky ticket that opens all doors. No! This is only half of future success.

But there is no way without ratings. That is why it is necessary to explain why there are “five” in school, and why they give “two”, and why it is useful to study well, but at the same time bad grades are not always an indicator of ignorance, but a reason to improve.

And that this is not at all to say with an excellent assessment that “you are good today”, but with a “f” to show that “you are bad.” This is, first of all, an assessment of work and a reason to work on gaps. In general, psychologists advise not to focus on the received “2” and “3” when it flashes only occasionally. But with the regular appearance of “red swans”, it is worth looking for the reasons.

• It may be too complex, which is beyond the child’s strength without taking into account his natural inclination towards certain sciences.
• The reason for underachievement is often a loss of motivation to study or lingering depression, when it becomes simply uninteresting to study well.
• A student often receives a bad grade due to the fault of the teacher, for example, because of the low qualifications of the teacher who does not adequately explain the educational material to the children.

How should it be?

So, now it’s obvious to us whether it’s possible to reprimand your student for bad grades. No, you can't! Parental scolding is not an aid in learning, but only a reason to instill uncertainty and arouse disgust towards the entire educational process in principle.

So what should we, outraged parents, do? Vedas here is a “double-edged sword.” If you don’t pay attention at all, you can neglect all your studies, but raising them to the proper level will be oh so difficult.

Well, did I convince you that the carrot method works without the stick when it comes to grades? How do you deal with poor performance? Tell us in the comments) Don't forget to subscribe to the blog news so you don't miss anything important and interesting!

More high fives for you!

The article will talk about methods of punishing children and the psychology of punishment.

The educational process is not complete without punishment. This is one of the methods of education that helps direct the child’s behavior in the right direction and point out mistakes made. Lack of punishment leads to uncontrollability of the child.

And, if at a younger age his actions are perceived by others as innocent pranks, then at an older age problems with socialization may arise. We all live in society and, whether parents want it or not, the child must develop according to generally accepted norms. However, parents often cross the line in their upbringing.

Punishment is in no way compatible with cruelty. Also, punishments have nothing to do with humiliation and non-observance of human rights. A child is the same person who has his own desires and life position. The role of parents is only to guide the child in the right direction and point out mistakes.

Causes of behavioral disorders

The first thing parents need to figure out is the reasons for the behavior disorder. After all, sometimes it is enough to eliminate the cause of the scandal.

• The desire to win parental attention. It happens that in a family where both parents work, the child does not receive their attention. The only way to distract parents from their work is through bad behavior. Only then do parents begin to communicate with the baby, albeit in the form of punishment. If a child notices such a tendency in the behavior of his parents, then he will behave badly quite often. The only way out of this situation is for parents to figure out their schedule and spend more time with their child.
• Often, a child before school age He doesn't behave badly on purpose. Parents must study and understand age characteristics, take them into account when raising
• Nervous overexcitability. Modern children suffer from hyperactivity and find it difficult to concentrate and calm down. One of the reasons is violations nervous system due to the use of artificial toys. This concept means the use of a TV, computer, tablet and phone. IN preschool age Contact of children with these devices is highly undesirable
• Presence of diseases. Poor health and the inability to express this often causes moodiness and bad behavior in children.

Why can you punish a child?

As noted above, children younger age often they do not intentionally violate discipline. In this case, parents must enter into a position small child and patiently teach him the necessary skills. Situations in which it is still worth punishing a child:

• For inappropriate hysteria. Often, children's tantrums take adults by surprise. The child has already realized that by throwing a scandal in a store or in the park, he can easily get what he wants. If you don’t stop this behavior, your baby will start throwing tantrums more and more often.
• For violating prohibitions. Each age has its own norms of behavior and rules. They must be agreed upon with the child in advance.
• For intentionally bad behavior. Sometimes it happens that children at school age begin to manipulate adults. In this case, you need to explain and demonstrate to the child that the educational process is your responsibility, not entertainment.
• Punishments must be approached very carefully. It’s a big plus if parents learn to perceive their child’s behavior without emotion. Then the educational process will be easier for all family members

How to punish a child for bad behavior?

In pedagogy, there are several methods of punishing children:

• Educational conversation with analysis of the committed act. This method is considered the most effective for punishing children different ages. Only the types of conversations should differ. For example, it is inappropriate to talk to a teenager as if he were a preschooler. In this case, the conversation will not bring results.
• Ignoring the baby. This method of punishment copes well with children's tantrums.
• Deprivation of entertainment, such as watching TV or going out with friends
• Deprivation of material benefits (for example, deprivation of pocket money and gifts)
• Physical punishment
• Isolating the child (for example, placing him in a corner)

How to punish a child for bad grades

Bad grades are a stumbling block between parents and children. On the one hand, they may indicate the child’s carelessness. On the other hand, they may indicate the baby’s development in a different direction. Parents should treat their child with understanding and not demand the impossible from him.

• Understand the reason for the bad grades. It may not be your child's fault at all. Maybe he has a difficult relationship with his teacher
• Find out your baby's strengths. It happens that a child gets bad grades in mathematics. However, he is the best in class in terms of English language and other humanitarian subjects. Pay attention to this when choosing your future profession
• If your child is doing poorly in all subjects, have a conversation with him. Surely there are factors that prevent him from studying
• You cannot punish your child excessively for bad grades, otherwise you will completely discourage the desire to learn.
• Combine punishments with rewards. Give your child incentives to study (for example, that he will go to the sea in the summer if he finishes the year without C grades)

Rules for punishing children

In order for punishments to not be senseless cruelty, they must be aimed specifically at eliminating behavioral errors. Punishments in no case should concern the personality of the child himself. When punishing, parents are required to follow certain rules:

• Do not punish a child in a state of aggression. This can only worsen the conflict
• The best education is personal example. It's stupid to punish a child for something you do yourself.
• Don't get personal
• Do not compare your child with others, this lowers self-esteem and sets the child against his opponent
• The whole family must adhere to the same line of education. It is unacceptable for a mother to allow what a father forbids.
• Keep your own promises and rules
• Before punishing your child, discuss his behavior. Find out why he did what he did
• Every punishment must end in reconciliation. Punishment should not be extended for too long

Raising a child without punishment

It is impossible to completely avoid punishment. In one way or another, all parents punish their children. And only those who are absolutely indifferent to the life of the baby do not punish. However, it is within the power of every family to reduce punishment to a minimum.

• Show patience and understanding. A child is a person just like you. Each of his actions has meaning. Try to understand the motives of the baby's behavior. Then, the approach to the sky will be much easier to find
• Follow your own rules. For example, there is a rule not to watch TV until homework and homework are completed. Naturally, the child will ask permission again and again so that you give in to him. And once you give in, you can forget about this rule
• The educational process should be based on personal example. For example, it is difficult to instill a love of reading in a child if he does not see his parents with a book in their hands
• Don't put pressure on your child. Create rules of conduct together
• Treat your child as an individual. Even at a young age, a child has characteristics of character and temperament. This especially needs to be taken into account when raising teenagers. Don't treat your child like a toddler
• Encourage your child for good behavior and compliance with rules. However, everything must be in moderation. A child should not behave well just for the sake of encouragement.
• Share your baby's interests and spend more time together. If a child sees that you need him, he himself will want to make contact

Psychology of physical punishment

Teachers from all countries have already proven the ineffectiveness of physical punishment. Moreover, they have a detrimental effect on the development of personality and life skills.

• Parents often use physical punishment to assert themselves. Bad mood, unwillingness to pay attention to the child are the main reasons for physical punishment
• The child does not learn new skills due to such punishments
• Physical punishment leads to a child’s fears and self-doubt. The child stops trusting his parents
• Such punishments bring about the “revenge” of the child. In case of physical pain, the child cannot respond in kind, so he takes revenge in other ways.
• Physical punishment has an extremely negative impact on family relationships
• Physical punishment leads to problems for the child in relationships with peers. The child may become intimidated and not be able to stand up for himself. Another option is the child’s cruelty towards peers, younger children and animals.

How to avoid using physical punishment?

• Parents and other family members must clearly understand the inadmissibility of this kind of punishment
• To avoid resorting to physical punishment, parents should learn other methods of punishment
• It happens that parents justify physical pressure on a child by the impossibility of “reaching out” to him. However, this is only an indicator of the impatience of the parents themselves.
• To find an approach to a child, you need to understand his motives and goals. Only after this can you improve your relationship with your child.

The most important thing is love for children and showing your attention. Then, every family will have healthy and harmonious relationships.

Video: How to properly punish a child?

What to do if your child gets a bad grade, and how to properly motivate him to do well in his studies. Recommendations from a psychologist.

Marina, is it necessary to explain to your child about the school grading system that “five” is good and “two” is bad?

If the school has a grading system, and especially if it is adopted in elementary school, then you definitely need to talk about it with your child. Explain to him in what cases and for what he can receive this or that assessment. It is important that the child does not form such a negative connection: “if I have bad grades, then I am bad.”

In a traditional Russian school, assessment is a public act. The whole class, or even the whole school, knows what grades a particular child achieves. And very often, especially in primary school, grades are a measure of the child’s personality as a whole, when labels like “C” or “excellent student” indicate the child’s abilities in principle. They are also a filter in the process of adaptation of the child both in the group of peers and in the teaching community. And this prism is the main one in the school environment. The fact that a child’s speed of perception of material is lower than others, for example, or due to his choleric temperament it is difficult for him to concentrate on a task - all these nuances will be taken into account in the very last place.

Often, schools do not take into account the dynamic processes in a student’s development. At the beginning of the year, the child could show far from the best results, but by the end of the quarter his performance became higher, but the overall score when calculating the quarter mark will not take this progress into account - initial low grades, especially in large numbers, will devalue the final high grades.

Therefore, the child, of course, must know that he must strive to get good grades in order to be successful in the future. But bad grades should not be interpreted as ignorance, carelessness and laziness.

ChildI got a bad grade. Is it worth punishing?

You don't need to do this. Motivation for progress and achievement must be positive. If there is a bad grade, it means you need to try harder to improve the result. Punishing a child for a bad grade, for example, by depriving him of walks, games or communication with friends, his motivation will be negative. It creates either fear or nihilism. In case of fear, the child will be afraid to take the initiative. This can be implemented like this: for example, one problem may have several solutions, but even if your child has them, he will remain silent or use the only acceptable answer because he will be afraid of making a mistake. In the case of nihilism, aggression and aversion to learning arise, the child will think like this: “if I have a bad grade, then I will do badly in everything.”

Let your child understand that a bad grade is just a reason to further improve the result. It’s like in sports, where a loss or a missed goal is not a failure, but another training session and a step towards a new achievement, victory. This is exactly the attitude a child should have toward a teacher’s grades.

If every bad assessment is followed by its analysis, and in the connotation of a positive outcome, then they will be avoided faster. Because the child who brought a bad mark will know that he can explain to the parent why this happened, why the bad mark was given, and where he misunderstood the material. The student will have a feeling of security, not fear. The task of parents and teachers is to provide such a safe space for the student and, first of all, the elementary school student.

Is your child afraid of getting a bad grade or very nervous before tests? What to do?

If a child is afraid of bad grades, most likely, parents have already played their “role” here, “loading” the child with their expectations and unspoken demands.

There is no need to make your child an extension of your own success! Become your child's friend! Each assessment requires support, care, the child must know that he has a safe place and this place is his family.

If your child is nervous about taking a test, tell a story about yourself, about how you took it. tests how you passed the exams, that you, too, were sometimes scared and excited, just like he is now. And very often the tests ended successfully, because there was enough knowledge, just like your child. But when you got a bad grade, you always had a chance to improve it. And the child also has this chance. This identification is important in this case, it provides support for your student.

There is nothing good in the fact that a child is constantly afraid of getting a bad grade. The psyche of a child who is threatened with a bad grade, in parental and teacher rejection, will include defense mechanisms. And that's normal mental function. However, the protection itself will not be the best. One option is an endless feeling of guilt for a bad grade and dissatisfaction with oneself, which as a result can lead to the identity of an inferior person. The second option is to develop such a quality as slyness, silence, popularly called lying. To avoid punishment (provided, of course, that he is being punished for bad grades), the child will lie. There is a third option. To prove that he is good, a student, having received a bad grade, will take the path of perfectionism and focus only on his homework. The result can be impressive, provided that the child has a strong ego and is able to withstand failure. But in primary school, which instills in the child knowledge about himself through grades, this is not typical. In addition, all three options are united by a common feeling - a feeling of fear, which in adult life develops into background anxiety and becomes one of the components of neurotic states. For some, this is practically unnoticeable, but for others who were unlucky with a teacher in childhood, they will be very sensitive to the disturbing effect on the psyche.

Is it necessary to praise for “A” grades?

Of course, you need to praise for A's. But don’t overdo it with comments like “you’re the best”, “you know everything”, etc. Do not create a cult of “A”, when “A” is good, and everything else is below the bar and does not deserve praise, then a “bad” grade will not become a tragedy for the child.

If a child receives excellent grades, this is a reason for pride, first of all, for the parents. They are the ones who can influence the development of the so-called excellent student syndrome. Children's perfectionism is a very severe neurosis for a child, but a child falls into it with the direct assistance of an adult. As a rule, such a child is initially loaded with large parental expectations. The only way to justify them is to be good at everything, to become an excellent student, to win even at something other than your own game. If this does not happen, then the child feels unworthy and unnecessary to his parents.

First of all, let your child know that you are praising him not for the grades he receives, but for the fact that he strives for knowledge and shows interest in learning something. And there is no harm in the fact that at some point the child shows less curiosity about the subject and does not receive excellent grades for it.

The child believes that the teacher was unfair to him and lowered his grade. What should I do?

Analyze the situation, find out why the teacher gave such a grade. When you talk to your child about his grades, you are showing him your support. But it is also important not to lower the authority of the teacher in the eyes of the child. Therefore, it is worth taking not the position of your child’s parent, but the position of a teacher. Because often, from the position of a parent, we have one desire - to protect the child. If there really is injustice in the mark, then it is worth discussing it with the teacher.

In the photo: painting by F.P. Reshetnikov. "A deuce again"

The long-awaited holidays are approaching for most schoolchildren.

Your baby has grown up imperceptibly, and now he is no longer a baby or a funny preschooler, but almost an adult, respectable person - a schoolboy. I bought a school uniform and the best backpack, a stack of notebooks, pens, pencils and a whole bunch of other necessary things. And are you looking forward to the fact that your child will delight his parents with A’s every day? It cannot be otherwise: after all, your child is the smartest, most developed, quick-witted and well-read!

When suddenly... Out of the blue, twos appear in the diary. And you are at a loss: how can this be? What to do? Scold, punish, deal with the teacher?

We will give some advice from a psychologist on what to do if a child brings bad grades:

Tip #1 First of all - calm down. Not a single person has yet managed to do without twos. Remember the most important thing: you cannot scold, let alone punish, for bad grades. Why? Because this will not help get rid of the problem, but it will show the child that parents cannot be trusted, and next time he will try to hide the mark he received. And over time, he will learn to hide other problems from you. Do you need this?

If twos appear in your child’s diary occasionally, then there is no need to worry at all. Such occasional bad grades can be considered an accident: it doesn’t happen to anyone!

Tip #2 If you see a clear deterioration on the academic front, try to understand the situation. Maybe the school curriculum is too difficult for the child? This happens more often than one might think. In this case, think about additional classes. A similar result occurs in the case, on the contrary, of an overly easy program for a child whose level of development is ahead of the knowledge offered by the school. He is simply bored doing what he has known for a long time, and deuces can appear as a result of negligence.

Tip #3 Another option is plain laziness. Well, your child is also a person and has the right to be lazy. Try to control how he does his homework, check it every evening for a while. Maybe you'll have to sit with him over your textbooks and explain something. This method will also help if a student simply does not understand a topic and has difficulties.

Tip #4 A good way out would be the right motivation. Explain to your child that the knowledge he receives in elementary school is the basis for all future studies, and if he doesn’t take his studies seriously now, he will have a very hard time in high school. Don’t threaten, but calmly say that if you receive a report card with bad grades, you will have to cancel the long-awaited summer trip: it must be earned. And don’t be afraid to keep your promise if the child fails. Let him realize: he entered into adult life, canceling a trip is not a punishment, but a confirmation of the truth that all good things must be earned.

Tip #5 It may also happen that the student does not have a good relationship with the teacher. Here parents must make every effort to “resolve” the situation with the teacher. Talk to your child, find out the reason, try to understand the essence - who is right and who is not so right. It would also be useful to have a conversation with the teacher - alone or on parent meeting, depending on the circumstances. Just don’t get ready for “war”! Show your diplomatic skills.

Your goal is not to discourage your child from learning and not to suppress his faith in himself. Demand, but don’t shout or scold. Explain that you are ready to provide any help that is required of you.

Should you punish your child for bad grades at school? Is it necessary to deprive a child of a phone because of an unsatisfactory grade in mathematics?

Today the child returned from school in a bad mood. He threw his briefcase into the corner, casually threw his jacket on the chair, frowned and thought about something. The mother begins to excitedly ask what happened, to which the child offendedly takes out a diary from his briefcase, shows a bad grade in math and chokes on tears.

Such a violent reaction to a bad assessment is no longer as common as before. Often, children don’t care what they get: a D or an A. They understand that for a bad grade at school they will not get anything at home, so their level of success at school inexorably falls.

Should punishment be abandoned?

The current education system at school and at home gravitates towards democratic values: freedom of expression in school, respect for the child as an individual, some indulgence in his whims, non-acceptance of punishment as an educational measure. But is it necessary to abandon punishment? Won't parents who have completely switched to a democratic style of education raise willful and indifferent children, who will then not care where they live and work?

It should be noted right away that there can be no talk of any physical punishment. Children are not toys, they feel pain and suffering. Someone may say that his father was responsible for his bad grades, and his grandfather also beat his father in childhood. But is this normal? In a child, this only causes hatred towards his parent, and not respect and reverence. But if with physical punishment everything is clear, then is it necessary to punish for bad grades at all? Most likely it is necessary.

Assessment is an indicator of a child’s success

This is not always an objective measure, but it still shows whether the student has mastered the school curriculum or not. A parent should be interested in the successful education of their child. He should not leave the child’s education to chance.

With the help of assessment, the teacher regulates the student’s behavior. Most often, children receive unsatisfactory grades precisely because of their bad behavior. I was talking to my neighbor at the desk - I didn’t understand the grammar rule, I was spinning and turning - I couldn’t hear homework. And there are many such examples. Assessment is a lever for managing student behavior. But if parents don’t punish for grades, then the teacher simply loses this leverage, because the child doesn’t care whether they give him a bad grade or not, he continues to play around and disturb his classmates.

- like wages. If an employee does not work well, he receives a reprimand. So why shouldn't a poor student be punished for poor performance? Ignoring bad grades, parents develop a harmful stereotype in their child: you don’t have to work, but still get everything you want. Such a belief will have a very painful impact on his future. labor activity and life in society.

Yes, you need to punish for bad grades. But there's only one left important question: the notorious word “to punish.” The imagination immediately pictures a poor child, put on a hunger strike and forever locked in her room. It is better to say not “punish”, but “react”. Respond to bad grades, respond to poor performance in class, respond to infractions of discipline. How should you react correctly to failure?

How to react to failure?

1. As has already been said, little can be achieved by physical torture. Parents should take measures that would indicate that a bad grade is really bad. For example, reduce computer or phone use until the score is corrected. At first, a stream of tears and pleas will be shed on the poor parent, but it is necessary to show firmness, otherwise the child will get into the habit of shedding tears whenever he is dissatisfied.

2. Children of primary school age are very dependent on their environment. Parents can take advantage of this and give their child an example of a more successful classmate. But this should not be in the form of humiliation: “Look how great he is, and what a nonentity you are!” such a formulation will cause negativism and rejection. Parents simply need to shift the child’s focus to study, and not to entertainment, to set an example, and not to poke his nose.

3. Why do adults go to work? To get paid. Why do children go to school? To get an estimate. This scheme absolutely does not cover the entire importance of education, but the child must clearly understand it. He won't get what he wants just like that. To achieve your goal you need to work hard, get good grades at school and not violate discipline. A parent may promise to buy a new console, but in return he has every right to demand good grades for the quarter. In short, the child should have a clear idea of ​​why he is receiving grades.

4. There is never a need to descend to primitive humiliations. Try to figure out logarithms and complex sentences yourself, then you will understand how easy it is to earn an A. Only those who cannot “help” in any other way can humiliate and insult. Perhaps the child has fallen behind and, due to the busy school curriculum, is unable to cover the missed material on his own. Parents should always be interested in homework, help their child, and not expect him to learn mathematics and Russian on his own.

You need to respond to grades, otherwise the child will lose any incentive to attend school. Democracy is democracy, but academic performance cannot be left to chance, because this can instill in the child the wrong life values and attitude to life.