Why should a child help with household chores? Should you force your child to help around the house? How to organize it
Don’t immerse yourself completely in your own affairs, devote enough time to your child, and your child will grow up to be the same in relation to others. The child gets used to this environment and perceives it as the norm, copying this into his family over the years.
But there comes a time when children do not want to accept help from their parents. It becomes important for them to communicate with friends and gain their place in society. I want to go out more, to find authority among my peers. There is no need to be scared, it is important to wait out this moment. This is the so-called transition period"Then the child will again become a close friend to the parents. During this period, the main help lies in understanding and patience.
Children help parents
Children grow up and become adults, but fathers and mothers do not get any younger. TO retirement age many things become more difficult than before. Going to the store is very tiring, and carrying a bag of groceries becomes very difficult.The time has come when parents need their children's help. And here it is important how they were raised, because children will begin to repeat the behavior of mom and dad in the past.
There is a situation when a child has grown up, got on his feet and does not consider it his duty to help his parents. If this happens, it means that mom, dad and child do not have a close relationship. It’s not too late to fix everything, although it’s no longer as easy as in childhood.
Unfortunately, it also happens that parents devoted their entire lives to their children, but did not receive the same in return. This happens, most likely, due to the child being severely spoiled. It is important to help the child, and not indulge his whims. You just need to help and understand in difficult times. But, if a child felt care and support in childhood, he will not leave his parents alone with difficulties. Now the children become the support.
Parents need their children just as children need their parents. Mutual assistance in the family is the key to strong and close relationships. This is something to strive for and cherish.
How to help your child do homework? In what cases should you not help? Advised by educational psychologist, expert of the Association of Organizations for the Development of Humanistic Psychology in Education Anastasia Kuznetsova.
Yulia Borta, AiF.ru: Anastasia Andreevna, many parents of elementary school students complain: children are so slow, you have to push them all the time, a child can sit at the table for two hours and write one letter during that time...
Anastasia Kuznetsova: You need to understand that children are different now. This is the so-called generation of information technology. Naturally, these kids have scripts age development very different from those in their parents’ childhood. In particular, precisely on such grounds as independence. And this is not because they are bad, childish, etc. Modern world is structured in such a way that the areas of responsibility of today's children are much narrower than what you and I had. When we were growing up, we went to school ourselves, with a key around our necks, and warmed up our own lunch. But modern children have not developed such behavioral scenarios - simply because they are not in demand. They live differently. It would never occur to anyone today to send a 1st grade student to school alone. Therefore, such a quality as independence is formed much later. And in other ways. We must understand this and not make this claim against children.
- Then how to teach yourself to do homework on your own? Shouldn't you sit with your child until the 11th grade?
— To answer this question, you need to understand the tasks at each level of education - in elementary school, basic and senior. In elementary school, our common teacher-parent task is to teach the child to learn. Including creating self-execution algorithms homework. Show your child how he can do this to be a successful student.
In primary school the task is different. When we have taught a child to learn, we must provide a field of activity so that he can independently apply the skills formed in the “beginning”, so that he can actively develop control and management of his own activities. This is very important during adolescence. But if we didn’t have time to do something in elementary school and begin to stand over a student in the 5th grade with knitted eyebrows and a belt while he does his homework, then in this way we will most likely create a conflict with the teenager. And at the same time, we will not come any closer to solving the problem of teaching ourselves how to do our homework.
As for high school students, those who take the path of choice future profession, then here, ideally, we simply create conditions so that the child can perform the actions that he needs to solve his strategic tasks in the field of self-determination - entering a university.
Now about how to do your homework. Let's go back to elementary school. There are several important rules.
Explain what, how and in what sequence needs to be done. In order for a child to develop self-control, he must be given an algorithm for completing homework. The amount of information is really large. And parents are often scared of homework, especially when we're talking about about subjects such as the world around us, project activities, mathematics and others. Therefore, the first and main rule is constant contact with the teacher. Any modern primary school teacher, if you ask him this question, will very clearly emphasize what and how to do with children. It is within the framework of this algorithm that you need to act. As soon as a child stops coping with something, the methods of action must be adjusted - always together with the teacher.Refrain from any criticism of the school curriculum, assignments, textbooks, school, notebooks, teachers in the presence of the child. In elementary school, the teacher is an unsurpassed authority for children. Any parental criticism achieves no other goal than the loss of the child’s fundamental, basic confidence that the activity he is carrying out is significant. And we only make it more difficult for him to solve his own problems.
Start by learning how to organize the process. It might look something like this. The first step is to open an electronic diary (or paper one). The page with tasks can be printed for convenience. It is important that the child has a clear list of tasks before his eyes. The second step is to take out and prepare sequentially the textbooks and notebooks that will be needed: mathematics, Russian language, the world around us, etc. - organizing the space. We decided on the first subject, say, we decided to do mathematics first - we put the textbook on the stand. In this way you define an operational field, a specific coordinate system. Self-control is formed from an external control algorithm. If such actions are repeated over and over again, the child becomes accustomed to such behavior and a stereotype is formed. At school, especially at first, first-graders are taught to organize their own educational activities. At the initial stage, it is more important not so much WHAT to do, but HOW to do it. And here synchronicity is necessary. Both at school and at home. So that the children do not have any unnecessary barriers, nothing distracts them, nothing prevents them from delving into the content of the task.
The child reads the assignment himself and always aloud.. After this we ask him the question: “What should you do?” This way we test him to understand the task. If you have problems understanding the meaning of the text you read, then everything else is useless. After that, ask: “How will you and I do this?” Discuss what comes first and what comes last. And do it step by step.
Do not allow a child in elementary school to do homework “on his knee” - in front of the TV or in public transport. Take 15 minutes, but do it well. It is precisely so that the child develops this culture of activity, which he can then use. Moreover, in 1st grade there is almost no homework assigned. And if they exist, it is only so that the child gets used to it and gets involved. To get the family involved. Without constructive interaction with parents, this process is impossible one-sidedly.
Gradually reduce direct control. Instead of dictating to your child what he should write, ask him to dictate out loud to himself. You can do other things, but at the same time listen to how he controls himself. Thus, we transfer control to him. In addition, the child must have a draft. Starting from grades 2-3, if you have developed the skills that we mentioned above, just try to control the fact of completing your homework. You can do it something like this: “You go do your homework, while I wash the dishes (go to the store, return from work), and then come back and check. If there is something you don’t understand, please prepare for me questions that I need to help you with.” That is, we constantly set the child certain behavioral scenarios and form experiences.
Learn to formulate a request for help. The child must say what exactly caused the difficulty: say, he does not know how to check the vowel in a word. If you don't give him independence, he will never be able to clearly formulate a question. At a certain stage he will simply say: “I can’t.” - “What can’t you do?” - "I can't". - “Well, let’s figure it out together.” And so the parents sat down and again began to do something for him... Within the framework of small tasks at the initial stage of education, it is quite possible to teach how to formulate a problem.
Take breaks. As a rule, the productivity of children in grades 1-2 decreases after 15-20 minutes of continuous work. Although, of course, everything is individual. And parents know their child better in this regard. It is no coincidence that in 1st grade lessons last 35 minutes. And during the lesson there must be a change in activity. If the child is tired, there is no use in forcing him. And even harmful. Parents are adults and should have an idea of what goal they want to achieve. If mom is angry and wants to torture her to death, that’s one goal. Then the tactic “until you do this, you won’t get up from the table” is justified. If you want to teach order and the ability to organize, it is doubtful. Because when a child is tired, such violence will cause, depending on temperament, either aggression or a depressed state, withdrawal of aggressive emotions. And instead of independence, completely different qualities will be formed.Therefore, even before the child starts doing homework, clearly define the range of tasks and time for rest. For example: “First you will do math, then you will rest for 15 minutes (lie down, play with a constructor, etc.) - just like at school during recess. And when the clock hand approaches such and such a number (if the child does not yet understand the time by the clock), you will sit down again for your lessons.” That is, initially you need to discuss the entire procedure in detail.
If it’s difficult to get your child to sit down for homework and you start to lose your temper every time, try to reduce the intensity of passions by replacing yourself with... an alarm clock (there are special ones for schoolchildren). Wind it up so that it rings twice at a certain time. The first one means "Get ready!" The second call - “Go do your homework!” You can use an hourglass. This is much better than countless nervous shouts: “Well, I told you so!” During breaks between completing tasks, do not offer activities that you cannot get the child out of later - computer games, for example. You can leaf through a book, tidy up a shelf, have a snack, wash your cup after yourself...
Treat your child’s mistake not as a failure, but as a point of growth, a useful experience. And teach this to a schoolchild. Parents of children, especially in elementary school, are very anxious and sensitive about mistakes. And as a consequence - to the assessment of these errors. However, the motivation to study at all subsequent stages depends on the attitude we form towards an error. An error is simply a signal that you need to go back - something was done wrong. As soon as parents begin to connect the child’s failures with his personality (“Again, you’re writing crookedly,” “Why do I have to repeat the same thing to you two hundred times”...), he gradually stops doing anything on his own and begins to copy in order to don't make a mistake. Our goal is not the motivation to avoid failures, but the motivation to achieve.
Don't create unnecessary barriers. Children are different. Someone can learn how to spell “ZHI-SHI” in one go, he will have enough self-control. And someone needs these “ZHI-SHI” to be constantly in front of his nose. Just like the multiplication table in 2nd grade. So you can put it next to the workplace, and save the child from having to sit and painfully remember in a panic how much it is seven by eight, and look up and see it several times.
Explain to the child what a mark is made of. So that there is no confusion: “I did everything right, why did I get a C?” It is better to discuss the issue of assessment criteria with the teacher. In general, modern pedagogical technologies require differentiated assessment. The score is calculated separately from points for correctness, accuracy and beauty of execution. Moreover, now there are many more children whose hand is not “supplied”, and they cannot write beautifully. And at school, penmanship is not given as much time as before. If a child understands the evaluation criteria, he will not have a contradiction: everything was done correctly, but the grade is not the highest. Plus, personal dynamics are important: if you managed to write at least one line without going beyond the rulers, you need to praise and appreciate it.
After graduating from primary school, when the child enters 5th grade, control over the completion of homework remains. But less included. That is, the child should know that you are always in the know. There should be no story when we announce that the child is already big, you don’t have to go into the electronic diary and check nothing. Children will continue to grow up for a very long time. But the mechanisms of influence in early and middle adolescence should be different. We need to negotiate. For example, like this: “Do you think that you are already an adult? And I'm an adult. If you feel that you have any problems, you contact me before you have “twos”. And we will think about how to make sure that they don’t exist. Because if you get three D’s in a week, then they call me to school.”
You shouldn’t always be afraid of “twos” and “threes”. If a teenager categorically “refuses” and does not want to study, give him the opportunity to get a well-deserved “D” and feel the consequences. Let me make a reservation right away: this method of “education” should not be used in elementary school. Primary schoolchildren often equate assessment of their academic success with assessment of their personality. If a child gets a bad grade, classmates will notice this, and this may not have a very good effect on personal development. High school is also not the time for such experiments; there it is time to concentrate and join the competition for a place in the sun.
But in grades 6-7, you can give them the opportunity to feel the boundaries of some situations. It is only important that the parental maneuver does not turn into a bluff. In adolescence, like no other age, children are very sensitive to justice and honesty. And they are excellent manipulators. Which, of course, by this age they learn very well from us adults. And then they begin to use techniques of manipulation and blackmail without any social restrictions, since they are still small. This adolescence dangerous. Therefore, if you plan to “educate” with twos, think through all the moves to the end. This is fundamentally important. Decide in advance to what end you are ready to go, allowing the teenager to get bogged down in “twos” and abandon his studies. And here, too, contact with the subject teacher, deputy director for educational work, social educator. It is worth finding out what procedures and forms of dealing with educational failure exist in school. That is, first understand the entire spectrum of impact and prevention, so that the problem does not become limited to the parents. And it didn’t turn into blackmail: “You have a lot of bad marks, so I’ll turn off the Internet for you.” You need to understand: turning off the Internet means depriving a child of a socialization resource. There are probably no parents who do not understand that children are now socializing on the Internet. This is one of their ways of living. By turning off the Internet, we deprive them of meeting important age-related needs. And where will these teenagers then direct their activity, where will they catch this Internet? Sometimes children start stealing mobile phones, other troubles occur. Therefore, parents need to think through all educational scenarios in advance.Psychologists say that any relationship between people represents a public or unspoken agreement: you give me, I give you. So, should children really “pay back their debt” only if their parents were sufficiently responsible in fulfilling their duties, and only then in old age will everything return to them? And if they were not distinguished by strong parental care, then the children do not need to worry about them. After all, there are so many abandoned old people in our country who pulled their children to the last of their strength, denying themselves in many ways, but in the end they found themselves lonely and unnecessary to them.
According to psychologists, debt is a relative concept. We all owe something to someone only if there is a written or oral agreement about it. If it is not there, then there is no duty, which means whether to do something for someone, a person decides only himself of his own free will. But often a person’s behavior is condemned and criticized by others, and then conflicts and mutual grievances arise.
In life, there are three types of relationships between adult children and parents. For one elderly married couple, no matter how much their adult children help and try to pay them attention, it is still not enough and they want even more. They constantly express their grievances and dissatisfaction with their children. For example, that they arrived today, and their parents were waiting for them yesterday. The children took them to the dacha, but they wanted to go to the sea. And there are more and more such claims and grievances every year. In this case, children begin to think that maybe they don’t need to do anything at all, so as not to once again displease their parents.
Some parents, on the contrary, do not need anything: neither the care of their children, nor the help of a housekeeper, they refuse everything and, every time their children offer help, they shyly hide their gaze. They cannot imagine their life without caring for children, and even with their tiny pension they try to continue helping their already completely independent children. Many children, receiving constant refusal from their parents to help them, eventually stop thinking about the fact that they can be useful to their parents in some way.
The third type of relationship is very sad. This is when adult children simply forget about their parents, considering them to be to blame for all their misfortunes and failures in life. And parents abandoned by children did not always treat their children badly; in many cases they helped them, denying themselves, but they made many mistakes in raising them. Parents should not consider their children property, and constantly tell them that they raised them, now they are in an unpaid debt to them all their lives. Children actually don't owe their parents anything because they didn't ask for them to be born. Children must decide for themselves whether to help their parents or not. You can't take children's care of their parents as some kind of duty; children are not obligated to do something because they have to. Taking care of parents is a matter of honor for every person, therefore, children should help only when they really want it.
The relationship between children and parents leaves a deep imprint on a person’s life. Many children, even after the death of their parents, feel guilty before them and suffer deeply from this. After all, parents are the first people with whom a person communicates and at the first stage of life they make up the whole world for him. Each person unconsciously views all his future relationships with the world through the prism of relationships with his parents. He chooses a spouse based on the experience of his parents, and often builds his life, just like his parents. Therefore, it is very important, no matter what your parents are, to learn to forgive them for their imperfections and respect them. Even if they weren't very good parents, but they tried to become them. Learn to accept the situation as it is. If you cannot change your parents, then change your attitude towards them. And for this, become good children. Learn to listen, hear and understand the advice of your parents, no matter how absurd they may seem to you. Take full responsibility and care for your family, refuse excessive parental care and help. Every adult must serve and provide for his family himself.
Parents should not control and teach their adult children. They must respect the children's choices. Freed from parental care, children should help their parents not feel lonely. And for many parents it is enough if their children are constantly interested in their affairs and desires, and share their joys and sorrows with them. We must communicate with our parents and take care of them not out of gratitude for what they have done for us, but also because this contact cannot be interrupted. Only in this way can a person’s life have meaning, and only in this way can he teach his children correct attitude them to yourself. Psychologists say that those people for whom their parents were a burden and a burden, over the years they themselves become a headache for their children. And those who treat their parents with respect and love have a completely different story. Even in old age, they live a full life surrounded by their beloved children and grandchildren.
Jun 6, 2016 tigress...s
Should children help their parents?? Many parents believe that they should not burden their children household duties. They think that housework will deprive children of a carefree childhood that is given only once. Often, parents who come to a psychologist for a consultation believe that their children have had enough of schoolwork and besides that they don’t need anything from their children.
However, as a family psychologist, the author of this note Olga Tseytlin believes that what, when, is much more important children help parents, performing household chores, they will feel necessary in the family, able to make their own contribution to the family well-being and therefore be its full members.
During the consultation, she helps parents understand that by teaching children responsibility for household chores, we develop their social interest and prepare them to not be afraid of responsibility outside the home.
Children, which help parents and have a range of responsibilities at home usually do better in school because they interact better with teachers. Without such preparation, children become consumers and in the future only want to receive something from other people. They just sit at home and wait for someone to come and give them what they want. Sometimes such children have the feeling that they are something only when someone serves them.
Based on my experience and life situations, adults can come up with a lot of different things that a child can do for the benefit of the family. But sometimes parents are at a loss, not knowing what they can entrust to their children, so the author further gives sample lists children's household chores of different ages, which were taken with minor modifications from the book by B.B. Grunwald, G.V. Macabee “Family Counseling”. So, what children help around the house at different ages:
Household chores for a three year old
Collect and place toys in the appropriate place.
Put books and magazines on the shelf.
Take napkins, plates and cutlery to the table.
Clean up any crumbs left after eating.
Clear your seat at the table.
Brush your teeth, wash and dry your hands and face, comb your hair.
Undress yourself, and with a little help, get dressed.
Wipe away traces of “childhood surprise”.
Bring small products to the desired shelf, put things on the bottom shelf.
Household responsibilities of a four-year-old child
Set the table, including good plates.
Help put away groceries.
Under the supervision of a parent, help in the purchase of cereals, pasta, sugar, cookies, sweets, bread.
Give food to pets on a schedule.
Help clean up the garden and yard at the dacha.
Help make and make the bed.
Help wash dishes or load the dishwasher.
Wipe off dust.
Spread butter on bread. Prepare cold breakfasts (cereals, milk, juice, crackers).
Help prepare a simple dessert (put decorations on a cake, add jam to ice cream).
Share toys with friends.
Retrieve mail from the mailbox.
Play at home without constant supervision and without the constant attention of adults.
Hang socks and handkerchiefs to dry.
Help fold towels.
Household responsibilities of a five-year-old child
Help plan meal preparation and grocery shopping.
Make your own sandwiches or a simple breakfast and clean up after yourself.
Pour your own drink.
Set the dining table.
Pick lettuce and greens from the garden.
Add some ingredients according to the recipe.
Make and make the bed, tidy up the room.
Dress and put away clothes independently.
Clean the sink, toilet and bathtub.
Wipe mirrors.
Sort laundry for washing. Fold white separately, colored separately.
Fold and put away clean laundry.
Answer phone calls.
Help clean the apartment.
Pay for small purchases.
Help wash the car.
Help take out the trash.
Decide independently how to spend your part of the family money intended for entertainment.
Feed your pet and clean up after him.
Tie your own shoelaces.
Household chores for a six year old (first grade)
Choose your own clothes according to the weather or for a specific occasion.
Vacuum the carpet.
Water flowers and plants.
Peel vegetables.
Prepare simple food (hot sandwiches, boiled eggs).
Packing things for school.
Help hang laundry on the clothesline.
Hang your clothes in the wardrobe.
Collect wood for the fire.
Collect dry leaves with a rake and weed.
Walk pets.
Take responsibility for your own minor injuries.
Take out the trash.
Organize the drawer where cutlery is stored.
Set the table.
Household chores for a seven year old (second grade)
Lubricate your bike and take care of it. Lock it in a special place when not in use.
Receive telephone messages and record them.
Being on errands with your parents.
Wash your dog or cat.
Train pets.
Carry grocery bags.
Get up in the morning and go to bed in the evening without being reminded.
Be polite and courteous to other people.
Leave the bath and toilet tidy after yourself.
Iron simple things.
Household Responsibilities for Eight and Nine Year Olds (Third Grade)
Fold napkins and arrange cutlery correctly.
Wash the floor.
Help rearrange furniture, plan the placement of furniture together with adults.
Fill your own bath.
Help others (if asked) in their work.
Organize your closets and drawers.
Buy clothes and shoes for yourself with the help of your parents, choose clothes and shoes.
Change school clothes to clean ones without prompting.
Fold blankets.
Sew on buttons.
Sew up the torn seams.
Clean out the pantry.
Clean up after animals.
Get acquainted with cooking recipes simple dishes and learn how to cook them.
Cut flowers and prepare a vase for bouquets.
Collect fruits from trees.
Light a fire. Prepare everything necessary for cooking over a fire.
Paint the fence or shelves.
Write simple letters.
Write thank you cards.
Feed the baby.
Bathing younger sisters or brothers.
Polish furniture in the living room.
Household Responsibilities for a Nine- and Ten-Year-Old Child (Fourth Grade)
Change bed linen and place dirty laundry in the hamper.
Be able to handle washing machine and a dryer.
Measure out laundry detergent and fabric softener.
Buy products according to the list.
Cross the street independently.
Arrive at your own appointments if you can walk or bike there.
Bake semi-finished cookies in boxes.
Prepare food for the family.
Receive your mail and respond to it.
Prepare tea, coffee or juice and pour into cups.
Go to visit.
Plan your birthday or other holidays.
Be able to provide simple first aid.
Wash the family car.
Learn frugality and saving.
Household Responsibilities for a Ten- and Eleven-Year-Old Child (Fifth Grade)
Earn money on your own.
Don't be afraid to stay at home alone.
Responsibly manage some money.
Know how to ride a bus.
Responsible for personal hobbies.
Household Responsibilities for an Eleven and Twelve Year Old (Sixth Grade)
Be able to take on leadership responsibilities outside of the home.
Helping put little brothers and sisters to bed.
Carry out your tasks independently.
Mow the lawn.
Help father with construction, crafts and household chores.
Clean the stove and oven.
Organize your own time for study sessions.
Homework responsibilities for high school students
IN school days going to bed at a certain time (in agreement with the parents).
Take responsibility for preparing meals for the whole family.
Have an idea about healthy way life: yes healthy food, maintain a proper weight, and undergo regular medical examinations.
Anticipate the needs of others and take appropriate action.
Have realistic ideas about possibilities and limits.
Consistently implement decisions made.
Show mutual respect, loyalty and honesty in all relationships.
Earn some money if possible.
How to organize it
Don't ask children to do anything. Simply discuss once what they could take on and assign them their responsibilities. You don't have to become a drill sergeant among recruits, but at the end of the day, you are the boss.
Don't force children to do things under pressure. Remember that part of their work is based on trust. Tell them what needs to be done and let them know how confident you are that they can handle it. Once they feel like they are really helping, it is very interesting to watch them.
Many people have a schedule hanging in their kitchen that lists all their children’s daily responsibilities. It indicates the days of the week and the tasks that children must complete on that day. This chart is very helpful in guiding children without having to remind them of anything. They can look at the schedule at any time and see what they are supposed to do. Yes, it's not a perfect setup, but scheduling definitely helps.