The rule of three dates with a man. Three date rule. Almost according to Kernberg. Dating is a process.
Antipyretics for children are prescribed by a pediatrician. But there are emergency situations with fever when the child needs to be given medicine immediately. Then the parents take responsibility and use antipyretic drugs. What is allowed to be given to infants? How can you lower the temperature in older children? What medications are the safest?
Today we will talk about dating girls.
The rule of 3 dates is one of the most effective and working models of seduction, which is known all over the world and many men use it in order to win that very girl. What are the main advantages of this seduction model? It works 100 times out of 100, with everyone and in absolutely any situation. But at the same time, I must tell you that this has absolutely nothing to do with pick-up artistry, because your actions will be completely logical and, moreover, many girls expect exactly this model of behavior from you. Another feature is that any man can use it, no matter how many girls he has seduced before and how much experience he has. That is, the three-date rule is very convenient and universal, which only increases its value. You shouldn’t use it with everyone, especially with girls with whom you don’t plan any serious relationships at all; it’s better to save it for a special occasion when you really have a desire to build something serious and unique. I'm sure you're already intrigued and want to know all the details, so I'll get straight to the point and walk you through every step of this rule.
Meeting, it's a math equation
For 23-year-old New Yorker Katherine Vucelich, the original date rule is purely mathematical: You need to double the wait time imposed by her partner. This type of love team is common in the United States. The game of seduction is a real war strategy, which would apply some overt European, a flower with a rifle, to stroll through the country of sentimental pragmatism.
On the other side of the continent, Sarah Forrest is a 30-year-old lawyer who also organizes love settlements. Love is a game of correspondence: if a person writes you two lines in an email, reply with two lines in your email. We should not give more than he gives. The sequence of maneuvers is fixed in advance and leaves no room for improvisation.
Basic definitions of a three-date
1. Dating is a process.
The first and most important thing is that you must understand that all these “first date”, “second date”, “third date” are nothing more than beautiful names. In fact, you and the girl must go through a certain stage, and sometimes one meeting is not enough to complete this stage. That is why that very first date can last three of your meetings until you finally move to a new level in your relationship and so on. You don’t need to think that since you’ve already seen each other five times, then you’ve already got everything in order and you’ve completely studied each other. If, in fact, there is no progress in your communication and you know a little more about her than you knew when you met, then you are still stuck at the very first stage and it will take some time before you get off the ground. There is no need to panic, you just need to analyze your behavior and think about what you are doing wrong if the whole process is stupidly standing still. So, even if it takes you a little longer to follow this rule, this is absolutely normal, everyone goes through a certain stage individually and some need more time, some less, but overall it’s ok.
Ultra-marked “date” route
After meeting each other and exchanging phone numbers, the man and woman decided to have a drink. If the intellectual expectations of the two parties are met, a kiss is exchanged on the steps of the door. A text suggesting a second appointment, three days after the first drink, confirms the mutuality of attraction. Formal like the first date, the second date is more interesting. The meeting takes place around food, a form of socialization that allows you to more accurately learn about the other's past, about the environment.
The third date usually includes a movie, an ideal opportunity to take a survey of cultural references to those surveyed. For 80% of respondents, this is the fourth date that sounds when going to bed. If this stage, which is so strategic, is satisfactory to both parties, the dates will follow a twice-weekly rhythm. With a slight change in theme: the more classic ones will go to the skating rink and bowling alley, the more fast-paced ones will fly to Vermont for the weekend.
2. One stage can equal several dates.
For now, this is a little difficult for you to understand, but this is really so and I will now try to explain it to you in as much detail as possible. Look, for example, during the day you meet a girl and this is your first meeting, and in the evening you can sleep with her. In fact, all these events fit into one day, that is, into one date, but in fact you just went through all the stages super-quickly. And this rule always works, it cannot be any other way. All these initial levels in your relationship must be passed and only then can everything happen. You will ask me, what about all these stories about sex in club toilets without obligations, because after 15 minutes of dating you can easily jump over all stages. The fact is that all these shootings in clubs are not about relationships at all, but simply about a one-night meeting after which no one will call anyone and it is unlikely that you will see each other at least once in your life. That’s why I say that you shouldn’t use this scheme with everyone, because if you just want to sleep with some girl, then you can figure it out yourself without the three-date rule.
It takes at least four months for a relationship to be officially declared boyfriend and girlfriend. This new status comes with the famous exclusivity debate: the question is now are we exclusive? Puts an end to the ability to go out with multiple people at a time.
Thus, polygamy, explicitly included in the Date Convention, is surprisingly legal in the United States: it is not, as long as it is temporary and justified by the holy will to find a good foal, a moral error. It is at this point that our young European dreamer becomes embarrassed, realizing that he has retrospectively been wearing horns for twelve weeks. Also understanding that the ultimate reward for the date, after a battle close to Darwinism, is the only promise of biblical fidelity.
3. The girl decides for herself.
You must remember and be aware that the final decision is not yours, but the girl’s, and it is she who decides whether you will have a second or third date (meeting). You should not put pressure on her, because everything depends only on you, and if she did not want to meet with you again, it means that you made certain mistakes in communicating with her. On dates, it is better to behave as naturally as possible, and not jump out of your panties and do everything just to please her. If she wants to meet again, it means you did everything right, you hooked her, aroused a certain emotion and you can safely move on to the next stage. No, no, no, you don’t need to make this the tragedy of your life, take offense at the girl and call her the last words. In the end, everyone has their own requests, and if you receive a refusal, this means only one thing: you simply did not understand what needs to be done in order to meet exactly her requests. That is, you haven’t fully studied it. Instead of resentment and anger, it’s better for you to analyze your behavior, think about what and where you could have done wrong, and next time just avoid these basic mistakes, then the girl’s decision may be completely different.
Only up to six months of relationship
And when do we say “I love you” in all of this? Should there be a Declaration of the Rights of Feelings? Mia Bruno, a 27-year-old independent producer from New Jersey, asks. You mean when we actually get naked? Basically, no one says “I love you” before six months, otherwise the person loses all power. The basic rules for meeting love are consensus. The few Americans who deviate from this are slightly more numerous in New York and San Francisco, and do so in contrast to a phenomenon so culturally established that it is not a matter of free will.
1. Preparatory stage (zero). Find and meet.
This is the easiest stage, because all you need is to just choose a girl. You must clearly understand what kind of girl you want (at least externally), so as not to rush at everyone, because that will not make any sense. Next, when you have already decided exactly who you need, the only thing left to do is get to know her. This can happen anywhere: in a cafe, on the street, on the Internet, at a party, on the subway; the location plays absolutely no role. And since this is a preparatory stage, you just need to take her phone number. In fact, this is an elementary task that any guy can cope with, the main thing is to make the girl really want to give you her mobile number, and not just freeze off from you. As soon as she gives you her phone number, you immediately make an appointment with her for the first time. That is, your main goals at the preparatory (zero) stage- this is: decide what kind of girl you like, get to know her, take her contact information (phone number, email, page on social networks) and arrange a first date. All. There is no need to go beyond this scheme and try to do something else to be sure to hook it. Save all your skills for the next stage.
Don't follow the rules is follow them
James Moore, a 27-year-old financial adviser from Maine, surprised the women he was courting by taking them on their first picnic near the river. With the exception of the transition to the act, when the code reflex emerged completely. If you're taking a girl downstairs and you want to tell her that you really like her, you go right ahead. Evan McGrath, a 24-year-old from the Latino city of Miami, also claims to avoid radical date rules.
I have no course of action. If she's boring, you're screwed, stuck for four hours
A funny way to change a label. An unfortunate paradox, these fixed date conventions make the problem worse than they illuminate. Interpretation of signals is endless and often in vain. We hear, in the bars of the Big Apple, the lamentation of sirens in the bay type. He didn't kiss me on the first date, but he still asked me to see him again, whether I liked him or not. He said, “Let’s get in touch soon,” but “soon” in how many days? He responded to my text immediately, he looks desperate doesn't he.
Singles exhausted by "constant speculation"
Nicolas Quenoil, a 27-year-old French expat living in New York for two years, finds the exercise overwhelming.Timing: maximum 15 minutes.
2. Stage one. First date. Attract.
The first thing you should do at your meeting is to let her know that you compare very favorably with all her other suitors. You should not demonstrate your superiority over them, but simply show that you are unique, that you are able to evoke completely different emotions in her, that you can really interest her in non-trivial things, and so on. Your next goal is to show that you are adequate and normal. Yes, it sounds a little funny, but for a girl who may be tired of strange relationships and unbalanced partners, it is your adequacy that will come to the fore and be almost the main requirement. Show that you reason soberly, that you have your own basic concepts about relationships, try to make sure that this base of yours is very close to the girl, because you are saying all this exclusively for her. You don’t have to go to great lengths to find someone - it could just be a walk or a trip to a cafe, because a first date is regarded as a kind of show-off. You just came to study each other and chat a little about life, nothing more. You need to end this date on time and not lay out all your trump cards at once, so that in the future you also have something to surprise her with. Another important thing I have to tell you: a first date is just a first date, don't take it as something super serious. You may not like her in close communication. Or you to her. Take this calmly and move on to the preparatory stage again.
The date is a constant speculation, it is absolutely tiresome
For Mia Bruno, who spent a year in Paris, France's lack of rules is refreshing.
The French are less mysterious, they say what they want, they give freedom to love spontaneously
American romanticism lies in the continuation of the mystery of the other, in the grudging discovery of his hobbies, his secrets placed in an IV. In this sense, it is a subtle, conscientious and continuous romanticism.French romanticism, more vibrant, protects against overestimation in the discovery of another, escalation of feelings. In France, breaking rules, refusal, and an urgent need to control oneself are perceived as positive signs of mutual interest. This greedy attitude would make any American feel dizzy.
Timing: up to 60 minutes, no more, because there is a high probability of getting into the friend zone if she sees you as just an interlocutor with whom she can sit for 4 hours and talk about all her problems.
3. Stage two. Second date. Declare yourself as a potential lover, get closer.
Before you get ready for a second date, you must understand one very simple thing: now you can finally relax and not worry about anything, because you don’t have to prove anything to the girl, because if she agreed to a second date, then this means that she liked you, you can exhale. All you need now is to try to conduct the second meeting beautifully and correctly. Look, the first stage is like a repetition of the previous material, that is, you devote 15-20 minutes to sweet chatting about nothing, so that the girl does not feel tense. But the second stage of this date is all kinds of hints, conversations about intimacy, touching. A girl must understand that there is a man next to her, and not just a cute companion or a new friend. Use your entire arsenal of proven means: compliments, light touches, those same glances, a changed timbre of your voice, whatever. The main thing is that she likes it and she reciprocates, then you can safely continue. If you see that a girl is feeling a little awkward, then create a relaxed atmosphere, show her that everything is in order, and then you can safely try to seduce her back. She must understand that you look at her as a girl, that you want her and sex with her. How do you know when a date is about to end? As soon as the girl makes it clear enough that she is not in the mood for all these things now. Perhaps you chose the wrong place and she is simply embarrassed to openly express her sexuality and desire. But to correct all the mistakes, you have a third date to which you invite her.
Love in the USA vs Love in French
Laura Sparrow, a 34-year-old writer based in Los Angeles, is a dated French winner. It was too intense, I got the impression that he didn't care about my mouth, that he was singing the same song to thousands of other girls. His zeal was not the fruit of passion, but a means to achieve his goals. Captivated by the bottle of romance, the French give Americans the impression to imitate passion, "love of love." Jamie Hook, a 42-year-old director from Seattle, recalled that the French were early accustomed to promiscuity.
Timing: 2-3 hours, maximum 4. There may be sex on this date, but if this has not happened yet, then leave the main pleasure for next time.
3. Stage three. Third date. Sex.
The third date with a girl is first a repetition of the first two stages, you can spend from 30 to 60 minutes on this, and then feel free to take her to your home. Why is this stage of the three-date rule usually considered the easiest? Because on the second date, you clearly made it clear to the girl what you want from her, and since she agreed and came to the third date, it means that she wants the same from you. So you don’t need to make almost any effort, at first you just talk to her about nothing, then you get as close to her as possible, remind her why you came here in principle, and as soon as you see that the girl no longer resists, she reciprocates your feelings and is most disposed towards you, it is at this moment that you invite her to you. At home, you shouldn’t immediately pounce on her, as soon as you cross the threshold of the bedroom, you still have to show her that you don’t look at her as meat, but as a girl with whom you really want to have sex. So if at home you spend 15 minutes talking - this is normal, this does not mean that she does not want you or has changed her mind. You yourself know what to do next; we can do without my advice.
Finding a place for love
“You study Maupassant at school, don’t you?” The one who trivializes prostitution in the book “Boule de souif”! Americans receive a more puritanical education. Charm in the United States is enchanting, reflecting a society damaged by its own love.
Americans sacrifice their dictates of success at any cost, they become procedural and cold. The breakup is not perceived as a personal enrichment potential, but as a failure. The obsession with not landing causes caution when choosing a life partner. And, according to Anton Christopher, Americans combine it all with a deep fear of commitment.
Timing: to repeat the first and second phases no more than 60 minutes, then it’s up to you.
Probably only the lazy and hermit are unaware of the rule of three dates today. Invented by men, popularized by men, it forces more and more women to take it for granted. And dig a grave for your relationship that has not yet begun.
There are so many divorces in the United States that people no longer trust the couple. They build, with their own rules, walls around them to protect themselves. Thus, candidates for love in the United States lose in intensity what they gain in security. A fun choice than playing love without any chance.
Illustration: Screenshot of Woody Allen's Manhattan. Let's look at the woman's point of view first. Have you ever heard of the “never before three” rule? Some TV shows like Sex and the City and some magazines like Educate women so you don't sleep with a man until your third appointment.
The rule is incredibly simple: if a woman doesn’t give in on the third date, you should forget about her and switch to easier prey. And young girls, like adult women, sigh, obey him, preparing for the third date as carefully as if they would be assessed for professional suitability, and not courted and wooed.
Moreover, they believe this rule so much that if suddenly they are not invited to this very third date or postpone it, they begin to worry and become convinced that there is something wrong with them, because the man does not want them. Sometimes it even comes to the point that the girls themselves begin to force things and almost forcefully drag him to this third date in order to consolidate the “success” on a hot night and... completely ruin everything.
The same rule states that if a woman waits too long before sleeping with you, it will give the impression that you are not worth it. Therefore, according to the women's press, the third meeting is the right time for yourself. Because this type of series and magazines are carefully controlled, many women are convinced of the "third date" rule.
Make sure there is only one correct answer to this question: as little as possible! Yes, people are created this way: we love to get what we want, and we love it, even more so we get it right away. Therefore, you have the right and responsibility to try to sleep with the girl on the evening of your meeting, if you can.
The most interesting thing is that women who play by men's rules always lose. They deliberately allow themselves to be driven into a pattern and expect that a man will faithfully conform to their pattern in return. The thinking goes something like this: “I’ll sleep with him on the third date, and then we’ll date for real. And if I don’t sleep, he won’t call me again. You can’t let him go so easily!”
Don't believe she will be "traumatized." She can feel that you are the one she has been waiting for all her life! After sleeping with you so quickly, his emotions will literally take over the logical part of his brain. On the contrary, you should make it clear that you really like it.
Offer him the first fun and original meetings
If this is not the case, you need to face your conscience if you want to “pretend.” The answer is very simple: stop scam appointments! You should offer him fun and original encounters. Destinations where you'll be on the move. Appointments that will create a real connection between you. Finally, meetings designed to end in your bed!
The man’s thinking in this case is somewhat different: “She slept with me on the third date, as could be expected. I even came dressed in such a way that I had to take off a little. She's very predictable. And he probably sleeps with everyone so easily. No, not interesting." And then he leaves as soon as he feels the slightest boredom. After all, he got this gift so easily that there is no point in even appreciating it. But the girl cannot understand: “What happened? I played by the rules!”
And, to design this type of destination, you just need to follow three simple rules. #1: This assignment should be fun and physical. This means you have to be on the move. #2: This meeting should be very interesting for you. It shouldn't be an activity that you choose just for her. Choose an activity that you like.
This is attractive to a woman! Most guys forget to have fun when they ask a girl out. They only think about having a good time. Don't think you'll get one chance if you don't have fun together! Don't invite him or her to the same meeting. Instead, suggest three mini-events that you plan, each one getting you closer to your final destination: your apartment.
Yes, according to the rules. But invented by men when women became easily accessible, in order to further strengthen the result. And now a little secret: this is not a rule - it’s a test to see if the woman is worthy of more effort and more interest on his part. After all, before, women were courted for months and years, not because “there was no sex in the Soviet Union” and not because they didn’t want to, but solely because the women themselves valued themselves more highly.
For example, your first mini-meeting could be to pick her up on the town. Then you can invite him to a fun activity like mini golf. And finally, invite him to go and try ice cream on the glacier, which, as if by chance, is just a stone's throw away!
This is a fact: from there it is very easy to invite him to you. Moreover, she will be unconsciously convinced that you are already in three meetings! This way you will be unconsciously satisfied with this stupid three appointment rule and she will agree to follow you home from your first appointment.
After all, the truth is simple: if a man disappeared after the third date, when you did not let him into bed, he would still have disappeared, only a little later. This means that he was not in the mood for a serious relationship. I wasn’t going to get to know you better, wait and pursue you (after all, let’s be honest, what can you learn about a person in just three dates? Not that much)
My advice? If you want a serious relationship with this person, do not let him near your body either after the third date, or even after the fourth. Give more time, not so much to him, but to yourself, to understand whether it is worth dealing with him at all or not. After all, no one wants to find out after intimacy that the prince is married or pays alimony for four children. No one has ever died from waiting, but it has happened from a broken heart and shattered illusions.
Besides, In relationships, those women who play by their own rules, and not by men’s rules, always win. And they force men to respect these rules. This does not mean that long exposure guarantees an equally long-lasting relationship. But this means that during the exposure time, the young man will have time (and where will he go) to examine not only your body, but also your soul. And perhaps he will even love her. Isn't that what we all want, girls?