Tips on how to maintain friendship. A good friend is a joy to the soul

For several years now, on June 9, we have been happy to celebrate an unofficial, but no less important holiday - International Friends Day. And that's wonderful! After all, as long as each of us has a best friend, we will not feel lonely.

But friendship is a mutual process, and in order for it not to be interrupted, two people need to work on the relationship. Read about how to remain best friends for life today on Passion.ru, and share the link with those with whom you dream of being friends for many years.

To be friends means to trust

Any friendly relationship should be based on boundless trust - where it ends, friendship ends. Therefore, you should not question your friend’s stories and sincerity, much less accuse him of deliberate deception. Even if you understand perfectly well that this person told you a lie, find an opportunity to justify him. Maybe he distorted some events “for the sake of a catchphrase,” or maybe he just doesn’t want to upset you.

Naturally, all of the above does not apply to lies for the sake of self-interest; there is no need to forgive this, because this means only one thing - they are not friends with you, they are taking advantage of you. But since our article is devoted to how to maintain friendship, and not to how to lose it, we will not develop this idea further, but move on to the next point.

Don't criticize your friends and those around them

There is a common belief that only true friend can bluntly tell the truth to your face, they say, “who else if not him?” But in fact, we expect moral support from friends, not criticism, so you shouldn’t harshly tell your loved one everything you think about them or about some situation related to them. Hint, gently push to take some action - yes, but do not categorically prove that he is wrong.

Refrain from insulting your friend’s family. Believe me, he himself knows what is wrong with his relatives, acquaintances and significant other. He may complain about them regularly, throwing out negative emotions, but if you start scolding them expansively, you will most likely provoke conflict or resentment. For example, there are cases when the phrase: “Your mother is evil” became a reason for the complete severance of friendly relations.

Don't make your friends jealous

As practice shows, people are jealous not only of their love partners. Friends' jealousy can be equally intense and destructive. If one friend is psychologically very dependent on another, he will definitely show it in some way - with scandals, long-term silent insults or attempts to quarrel loved one with those around him. The jealous person’s “enemies” become his other friends, his lover, and even the parents and relatives of the one he considers his best friend.

Any manifestations of jealousy are very tiring for the person at whom they are directed, so if you want to maintain your friendship, then recognize your friend's right to personal space. And, no matter how much it hurts you, don’t make a scene for him - sooner or later it gets boring, and the friendly relationship ends. Remember that this person does not owe you anything, and that his communication with you is a voluntary act. So come to terms with the fact that he has more than just you in his life.

Don't demand from your friends what you can't give them yourself.

Friendship should be a mutual and adequate action, and not a “one-sided game.” For example, if you yourself cannot (or do not want) to meet with your best friend at his first call and do not call him at least once a week, then do not demand an immediate response from him to your offer to see him and do not expect frequent phone calls.

In addition, if you refuse to share some of your secrets and experiences with a friend, then you should not insist that he tell you everything about himself. It is necessary that frankness be mutual, otherwise there is a feeling that you are deliberately prying out some of his secrets from this person, but at the same time you yourself do not trust him or do not need him.

Don't mix friendship and financial situation

Often friendships end when best friends find themselves on different rungs of the social ladder. New and exciting opportunities open up before a wealthier person, and he prefers to spend free time not with his poor friend, but in the company of people equal to him in position.

Or someone who is not rich begins to desperately envy his friend, he gets angry because everything is not so fabulous for himself, and as a result, he either stops communicating or begins to extract money from his wealthy friend.

If you are luckier in life than your best friend, but you really value your relationship with him, then try not to let him notice that your income is much higher. If you happen to be less fortunate, do not envy your friend and do not take advantage of his finances.

In the end, you can always find " golden mean"and temporarily, at the time of the meeting, to somehow equalize material opportunities. For example, do not invite a poor friend to an expensive cafe, so as not to put him in an awkward position, or do not buy luxury products for the common table. We meet with friends not to demonstrate our financial status.

Don't abuse your best friend

In order to maintain lifelong friendships, you need to remember that everything is good in moderation. Even with the best friends you cannot communicate every day, there must be breaks. Then the meetings will become truly valuable, there will be more topics for conversation, and you will not have time to get tired of each other.

In addition, it is undesirable to constantly talk only about problems - if you meet with a friend solely to tell him about the troubles that have happened to you, compassion on his part will quickly dull. Obsessive complaints about life, as well as many hours of discussion of the same critical situation, sooner or later begin to irritate. Which in turn leads to alienation. Therefore, if you do not want your friend to simply hide from you, then do not overload him with negative emotions.

Learn to find compromises

Being friends with a person who constantly agrees with you on everything is easy and comfortable. But if you really value your best friend, then you shouldn’t forget that he also has his own opinion, his own preferences and life circumstances. Friendship is a compromise, and only the ability to give in makes it long and problem-free. Think more often about whether it is convenient for your friend to meet you where you want, whether he can go to where you dream of relaxing, and whether he shares your point vision. The more actively you take into account the interests of this person, the easier and longer the communication will be. Even in a friendly alliance built according to the “leader-follower” scheme, the weaker one must know that the stronger one respects him.

At the end of the article, let’s say: you can’t think about the “pitfalls” of friendship only in childhood and early adolescence. The fact is that during these periods our social circle is constantly changing, and it is still completely unclear who will become our best friend for many years. We live one day at a time and don't think about the future.

When our character is fully formed, maintaining friendly relations becomes a very important, but not easy process. After all, we bring our own into friendship life attitudes and our social status, we begin to demand that our friends follow our principles and participate in solving our problems.

This is why it is very difficult to carry friendship through your entire life. This requires tact, mutual respect, the ability to compromise and complete trust. In addition, we should not forget that we must be sincerely interested in the affairs of those whom we consider our best friends, and regularly prove to these people that their presence next to us makes our existence truly wonderful.

- the process is mutual, and in order for it not to be interrupted, two people need to work on the relationship. Read today on the website about how to remain best friends for life, and share the link with those with whom you dream of being friends for many years.

To be friends means to trust

Any friendly relationship should be based on boundless trust - where it ends, friendship ends. Therefore, you should not question your friend’s stories and sincerity, much less accuse him of deliberate deception. Even if you understand perfectly well that this person told you a lie, find an opportunity to justify him. Maybe he distorted some events “for the sake of a catchphrase,” or maybe he just doesn’t want to upset you.

Naturally, all of the above does not apply to lying for the sake of self-interest; there is no need to forgive this, because this means only one thing - they are not friends with you, they are taking advantage of you. But since our article is devoted to how to maintain friendship, and not to how to lose it, we will not develop this idea further, but move on to the next point.

How to remain best friends for life

Don't criticize your friends and those around them

There is a common belief that only a true friend can bluntly tell the truth to your face, they say, “Who else, if not him?” But in fact, we expect moral support from friends, not criticism, so you shouldn’t harshly tell your loved one everything you think about them or about some situation related to them. Hint, gently push to take some action - yes, but do not categorically prove that he is wrong.

A friendly “novel” is written daily, not in one day. Maintaining a beautiful, sincere friendship for a long time requires no less effort than working on a love story. Friendship has everything: difficult moments and moments of unbridled fun. You need to learn to overcome the first ones and make the second ones happen more often.

Friends are our second family, which we chose ourselves. Therefore, friendship deserves some effort to maintain it. Our 10 tips for maintaining your friendship.

1. Accept your friends with all their flaws

Your friend is always late, but you are extremely punctual? Does your friend like to stay at home, but you are very easy-going? It's normal for friends to have differences as long as they don't conflict with their deepest values. We have no choice but to accept the characteristics of our friends. We cannot ask them to change. Because, in turn, we would also not like it if we were required to become a different person.

After all, the world is big enough to find the perfect people to be your friends. Unlike family, which we do not choose. If the shortcomings of your friends are so unacceptable to you, it may make sense to stop communicating with them.

2. Be available to friends

To keep a friend, it is important not only to accept him with all his shortcomings, but also to be available to him. This means being the kind of person he can count on at any important moment for him. Try to be there when he really needs you, even if in your daily routine you have little time for communication. It's true that when everything is good, we rarely meet.

Being a good friend means being there not only in moments of joy, but especially when you need help. If we are not with a friend in a difficult moment, can we then even talk about friendship?

3. Try not to give advice.

When you think your friend is making or is about to make a mistake, you will be very tempted to give him advice. Try to refrain from this rash step yourself. You can never be sure that you are right. Your friend knows his situation much better, and even better knows what he should do in his life.

Try not to give advice, even if you are asked for it. If you want to help a friend without jeopardizing your friendship, simply be there, listen, and ask nonjudgmental questions. On important topics, keep your opinions to yourself. Over time, you won't have to regret it.

4. Money and friendship rarely go well together.

If you lend money to a friend, there is always a risk of losing both. However, this also applies to everything else. Borrow your car and then pick it up scratched. Borrow a book and never see it again. There are exactly the same risks of quarreling and losing a friend as there are with money.

There is a simple solution to maintaining your friendship. Before you lend something, prepare for the possibility that you will either never see it again or receive it back in poor condition. Then, if your friend keeps his promise, you will have a pleasant surprise. And if not, then you will be prepared in advance for this obviously unpleasant event. Either way, your friendship will be saved.

5. He who breaks pays

If your friend was kind enough to lend you his book, car, house, CD, evening dress, gorgeous clutch, make a commitment to return it to him in the same condition in which you received it. Of course, financial difficulties happen just like accidents.

If you accidentally ruin a book, clothes, or car, be sure to replace or repair them. This is the price of your friendship. Return the borrowed money as soon as possible. If for some reason this is not possible within the agreed time frame, do not play ostrich and bury your head in the sand. Show your intention to return the money honestly by offering, for example, payment in installments.

6. Don't criticize his significant other.

Has your friend gotten involved with a man who doesn't respect her? Don't you like your friend's new girlfriend? Try not to speak out about a person dear to your friend, even if he has just recently appeared in his life. There is a much greater chance that your friend will draw a line under your relationship rather than end his love affair.

Plus, you only introduce an element of mistrust into their couple when they especially need an understanding environment. And then, perhaps, after some fairly short time you will notice that you were wrong. If this does not happen and their relationship ends in a breakup, which will only confirm your original thoughts, refrain from saying “I told you so.” Because no one wants to hear that during difficult moments in their life.

7. Don't be so quick to judge

He arrives late, and you dryly point this out to him? She forgot about the meeting and it's driving you crazy? Before you attack your friend with an avalanche of reproaches, take a short break to think about your own actions. Are you always perfect? No. Are you always punctual and always remember everything? Not either. Then you can't play accuser. Because most often we ourselves sin with exactly what we are ready to accuse our friends of. In a word, look at yourself in the mirror more often and be indulgent.

8. Stay in touch

If life has taken you apart and you no longer live in the same city, these days it is very easy to stay in touch. A small message on social networks, SMS or email will always help to ask “how are you?” once again. Lasting friendships never suffer from distance. But true friends continue their relationship from where they left off, as if they had broken up just the day before.

9. Gifts keep friendships alive.

It is not the gift itself that is important, but the symbolism that is contained in it. A small gift is evidence that “I thought about you while we were not together.” Often a gift reflects the feeling we have for another. All reasons are good to show a friend that we are thinking about him: a gift from a trip, a birthday gift, a gift just for no reason. And a gift does not have to be expensive to bring great pleasure.

10. Know how to ask for forgiveness

Have you unreasonably reproached your friend for something? Were you hurt by a word or deceived? When clouds gather in a friendship because of you, you need to be able to ask for forgiveness. Sometimes this is very difficult because it means admitting your guilt, that is, putting others above yourself. But it also serves as proof that you care about your relationship. Therefore, no matter what it costs you, if you have made a mistake, find the strength within yourself to admit it and ask for forgiveness.

Appreciate the friendships you have, because over the years the need for them does not become less.

From the editor

No matter how wonderful our relationships with friends are, there are situations when we have to refuse their requests. How not to offend a friend by telling him “no,” says psychologist and business consultant Olga Yurkovskaya: .

None of us is immune from an outburst of anger towards a loved one. The main thing is to ask for forgiveness without delay. How to apologize correctly, a psychologist explains Yaroslav Voznyuk: .

Friends always support you in difficult times. They encourage you when everything seems lost, and they rejoice with you when your life brings a pleasant surprise. How to improve relationships with friends if suddenly a black cat runs between you? To keep your friends from leaving you, you need to constantly nourish your relationship.

How to improve relationships with friends

Take the first step towards a friend. There is no point in walking around with your head down because everyone has forgotten about you. Perhaps the core of the problem is that you cannot take the initiative.

Analyze your relationships with friends, who usually calls first and organizes meetings. To improve relationships with friends, do not wait until a friend asks you to go somewhere or talk, such a moment may not come. The less initiative you take, the greater the likelihood that your relationship with your friend will deteriorate.

Make some traditional appointments. Let's say that in your student days you had a fun company, but now it has broken up. You can set a traditional date when you can meet.

For example, it could be the last Saturday of the month or the first day of the season. It all depends on your desire and capabilities.

Another sure way to improve relationships with friends is to start making friends with families. Most common cause the reason why friends move away is a new one family life each of them. Work, marriage, children - all this naturally changes the attitude towards oneself and towards friends.

Call your girlfriend or boyfriend and invite them to go somewhere with their families. At your next meeting, you will have an excellent opportunity for discussion. After some time, you will completely forget how you could have spent your free weekends differently.

Also consider the financial situation of your friends. There is no need to invite them to a fancy and expensive restaurant if you know for sure that your friends are having financial difficulties. This can upset them and cause unpleasant emotions. They will begin to communicate with you less often, and then completely disappear from your life.

If you see that the reason for your separation was serious, do not accumulate all the negativity in yourself and do not put it off until tomorrow. Understand for yourself what exactly you expect from a newfound relationship, what you could give in order to re-establish relationships with friends, and what your friend should understand.

Always remember - vindictiveness does not lead to anything good. By remembering conflicts, reconciliation will not happen. If relationships are important to you, sincerely show your friends that you really need them. Have a heart-to-heart chat with your best friend or girlfriend, tell them that you really miss your former friendship.

How to strengthen friendship

How often can you hear: “He is my friend!” Friend. Sometimes there is no such person closer. A relationship with him is a friendship. She, like friends, can be different. Friendships start by accident, but can last a lifetime if you know how to strengthen the friendship.

Friendship does not tolerate insincerity. Be sincere with those you are friends with. Try never to say something you don't mean. And if you have already said or promised, then keep your word. If you can't do something, say so honestly and directly.

Make time for friends. Take a moment to strengthen your friendship: call and ask how you are doing, ask about your health. Write a letter if someone is far away. Be interested in their lives, the lives of their loved ones. Don't forget to wish happy holidays. Make it clear that they and their friendship are important to you.

Don't betray! If they trust you, then let all information remain confidential. If they tell you about their problems, it means they trust you and value your opinion. Once you lose trust, it is impossible to get it back.

Be careful! Know how to support and encourage your friends. Be there for them in difficult times. This is the only way to strengthen friendship. Remember, a friend is a friend in need. And if not you, then who?

Know how to respect the choice of those people you call friends. Even if in some situations you do not agree with them, you can give advice, but the choice, alas, is not yours. You may not understand, but you must accept.

Don't forget to praise and not envy! A friend is known not only in trouble!

Learn to admit your guilt and ask for forgiveness. There are different situations. Bad mood, an incomprehensible look, a misunderstood joke... There is no shame in admitting your mistakes. But you can strengthen your friendship and get right time support of your friends.

Learn to forgive! Offended, touched, hurt? But if words of apology were spoken, then it is worth forgiving. Just forgive and continue being friends. After all, a friendship can be interrupted because of a trifle.

Tips on how to strengthen friendship are very simple, but at the same time complex. But the quality of friendship, in essence, depends on the person himself, his essence. What a man is, such is his love and friendship! How to strengthen friendship? Just be friends!

A person simply needs a person in life who would understand and support in difficult times. There are no ideal people, no invulnerable ones. We are all vulnerable and weak to one degree or another. Therefore, care and attention are so necessary. Treasure those who value you. There can never be too many friends!

How to properly strengthen friendship

If you have knowledge of the five love languages, it will be easier for you to strengthen your friendship, because you will know how to support and reassure your friend, in what way to behave with him. Read the story of one friendship, maybe it will help you understand how to strengthen your friendship.

Beth's Grief

Friendships develop and strengthen when you speak to each other in a clear language of love. Tricia and Beth have known each other since eighth grade. At school, they were both fond of cheerleading, never missing a single match. The girls, in their colorful costumes, made dozens of trips together on sports buses.

In their senior year, both dated football players. Tricia is with Ranly, the defensive back, and Beth is with Joe, the running back. The year was very fun and active, but, unfortunately, it ended tragically.

Just before graduation, Joe, while intoxicated, died in a car accident. Beth had to study for her final exams, but her heart was breaking with pain.

Tricia and Beth spent a lot of time together that summer. Tricia accompanied a friend to a church rehabilitation class. She listened to her stories for a long time about her relationship with Joe and noticed that Beth was becoming easier and easier.

One day Beth remembered how she asked Joe to stop drinking. “If only he had listened to me,” the girl sobbed. Tricia listened sympathetically to her friend, asking her questions from time to time (she knew that this way the pain of loss would pass faster).

As Beth began to feel tears in her eyes, Tricia hugged her and they burst into tears together. That summer they often talked and cried.

Beth had previously considered going to college, but now felt that she was not emotionally ready for school. So she took a job in her hometown, saying goodbye to Tricia.

The latter really didn’t want to leave her friend, but she understood that life goes on and nothing can be done about it. For her, this meant going to college. Perhaps it was for Beth's sake that she chose human relations psychology as an elective subject.

Tricia's Revelation

In these classes, she was introduced to the concept of the five love languages ​​and immediately realized that Beth's primary language was undivided attention, and the second most important was physical contact. This meant that, without realizing it, she had been expressing love to Beth in her native languages ​​all summer.

This made her very happy. She also received an answer to her prayer question: “How can I help Beth overcome her crisis?” Now Tricia knew exactly what her friend really needed. She was determined that she would always return home on weekends and spend as much time with her as possible.

A few weeks later, she invited Beth to come to her campus on Saturdays and Sundays. An entire semester was dedicated to healing her friend, and by January, Beth was also enrolled in college. She was ready to move on with her life. Her heart was filled with gratitude to Tricia.

The years of student life have passed. Tricia married Randy, and Beth married a guy she met in college. The girls went to different cities and began to arrange their family life. Once every three to four months, half of the friends called each other, sharing news.

Time flew by, but at least once a year Beth and Tricia tried to spend weekends together in their hometown. Everything was going great until one summer, during my next meeting with a friend. Tricia did not admit to Beth that she suspected her husband of cheating. Her fears were justified - six months later Randy left his wife. Tricia was desperate.

But Beth did not forget how a friend helped her overcome grief a long time ago, and decided to help Tricia, after asking her husband Seth for advice. Beth knew that Tricia's primary love language was helping. They talked about this topic many times.

In addition, Tricia often complained that Randy did not help her with housework. Beth and her husband invited Tricia to move into their city, promising to find her a place to live, a job, and help her cope with the pain of rejection. Tricia responded positively.

Beth and Seth surrounded the woman with love and care until her peace of mind was completely restored. True friends will definitely come to the rescue in difficult times. And if they have learned the five love languages, they will be able to help even more effectively.

It happens that we think about our relationship with a girlfriend or boyfriend and we are tormented by thoughts that we are doing something wrong. However, we should not forget that we are all human and we all make mistakes, we just need to see our mistakes and correct them before it is too late.

What are these rules of friendship that you need to keep in mind so that your most faithful friend will always be there and brighten up your life, making it easy, joyful and happy? Let's find out.

Basic rules of friendship

1. Smile more often

Don't be lazy to change your frown into a smile for your friend. Few people like to look at a dissatisfied and sad face.

2. Listen

Listen carefully to what your friend tells you. Let him know that you are listening to him. Ask questions, ask for details. You can also use eye contact and body language when summarizing your story.

3. Visit your friend when he is sick

A friend in need is a friend. We all know this saying, but we always do the same thing. A friend is not only a person with whom you can drink beer and talk. Sometimes he needs your support.

If your friend needs support, give him a couple useful tips. But don't interfere in his life. Let him make his own decisions.

5. Keep secrets

Sometimes a friend has to share his secret with someone. If you are such a person, never reveal the secret entrusted to you. Learn to keep your friends' secrets.

6. Don't date your friends' exes.

Do not seduce your boyfriend or girlfriend, even if they are already your ex-friends. This obviously won't help your friendship.

7. Tell them when they're wrong.

It is better to hear this from your friend than from a stranger. Tell your friend that he is wrong and explain why.

8. Rejoice in your friends' victories

This great way strengthen your friendship and show how dear your friend is to you.

9. Trust each other

There are no truly strong relationships without trust and friendship is no exception.

10. Help your friend when he needs it

If you can do something well, help your friend; if he is in trouble, help him get out of this situation.

11. Give compliments and praise

All people need recognition. It's not difficult to encourage your friend and praise him for his success.

12. Don't be jealous

Respect your friend's right to have other friends besides you.

13. Don't hold grudges

Every person has their ups and downs and you have to understand that. Try to forgive your friend and not hold grudges.

14. You don't have to talk to your friends every day.

You can meet once a month or once a year, but these meetings will cost more than communicating with someone in chat rooms or with colleagues at work.

15. Always keep your promises

This will build trust in you and make your friendship even stronger.

16. Don't change your behavior towards your friend in front of others.

Sometimes two friends may talk sincerely to each other, spend time together, but in the presence of other people, one of them may completely change her behavior to impress the other person. Never do this. This can completely ruin your friendship.

17. Be sincere

Never pretend to be someone else or give up your opinion. Be yourself.

18. Don't refuse if your friend asks for something.

As I said before, friendship is not only joy. Sometimes you need help.

19. Do something together

Do what you both enjoy. Watch a movie, go to a concert, have a couple of beers, etc.