My wife and child left, what should I do? My wife left home with the children, what should I do?

You have lived with your wife for more than one year. You loved each other. You are connected by a long past. And most importantly, you have children. Not one child, but two, or maybe even three or more. This is a big family. It's not easy to lose her. I can understand you. But where were you before? The wife didn’t just up and leave just like that. After all, for a long time something did not suit her in your common life.

First, catch your breath, calm down. Realize what happened. You shouldn’t tear your hair out or go on binges. This won't help matters. This can only make things worse.

You realized for yourself that life without a family is impossible for you. You want them back. Well, you will need to take action.

As a rule, men who have not one child, but two or several, live very relaxed lives in that they do not believe that their wife can leave them. “Well, where will she go with two at once? Who would need her with other people’s children?” - they say. And in vain, since some women are so disgusted with life with a despot husband, a slacker, a drunkard, a fighter, that they are ready to go nowhere just to get away forever.

If you really love your family, think about whether you should reunite with them if you really are a despot, a drunkard, a brawler, and a mediocrity. What can you give them by being like this, remaining the same? Only pain, disappointment, tears, swearing, resentment, nerves. You are an adult, you cannot help but understand that all this has a bad effect on the health and development of the personality of children. And there is only one way out - either change radically or leave them alone. Sometimes just not touching your family, not tugging, not giving false hopes - this is already an act towards them. All you can do for them is to at least meet with them when you are in a good mood, sober, provide for your children, and provide support.

Well, if you are still ready to do the almost impossible - change yourself, then proceed to it. Don’t rush things, don’t try to immediately run after your wife and persuade her to come back to you. Work on yourself first. Let your family see your changes firsthand.

It doesn’t even matter how long it takes until you are reunited with your family, the main thing is the result. Your wife and children should not be disappointed in you, they should not be confirmed in their bad opinion of you, they should look at you in a new way - with admiration, hope, love, understanding.

Understand, you are the head of the family, you steer in relationships, but you need to steer in the right direction, without turning left or right, or driving at high speed. Let everything take its course, measuredly, but step by step move closer to your goal.

A man with a family behind him is responsible, balanced, reasonable, earns well, and is stable. Become like that. If you haven't worked before, find a job. Don't get hung up on your profession. Take on any job, because when children want to eat, they don’t care who their dad works for or where the money comes from. Any work is valuable. Over time, try to develop your professional skills. Maybe in your new job you will be able to make a career and earn the respect of your superiors. Perhaps over time you will find a job in your profession. The main thing for you now is

Life is full of situations that are difficult and painful to remember. And which we want to correct by any means. If you committed an act that caused your wife to leave with her child, do not despair. Any situation can be corrected. But how great are the chances of bringing your loved ones back into your life will depend only on you.

When a married couple is connected by a child or even more than one, this is already something more than just love, passion or attraction. But how can you return your wife’s love if arguments like “we must restore the relationship for the sake of the happiness of our children” no longer work on her?

In any case, the decision to return your beloved must be deliberate. It would be more honest to part ways once and for all than to torment your wife and child with constant quarrels and separations. Therefore, if you decide to save your family, be prepared to take care of this relationship in the future. Be more attentive, patient and caring than before the conflict.

How to get your wife and child back?

First, try to deal honestly with with your own feelings. What drives you? Wounded pride, love for your spouse and child(ren), or fear of living alone for the rest of your life?

Only if you really miss the people close to you will you be able to get them back. Otherwise, your wife will feel false in your actions, and your own patience will not last long. And everything could end in separation again.

And remember that only one person is not to blame for a breakup. Therefore, there is no point in blaming the wife for everything. It is better to think about your own shortcomings and actions that caused her to leave. And if you reconsider your point of view on your own actions and the behavior of your beloved, then the chances of a happy and strong marriage will be much higher.

What do psychologists advise when a wife and child leave for someone else?

Such cases are not uncommon: your wife not only left you in splendid isolation, but found care and warmth for herself and her children in the arms of another man. The situation is complicated by the fact that you need to not only win her back, but also make it clear that you are better than your opponent.

Advice one. Show her that you have improved. Try to meet with children more often, show care, give nice gifts, help in difficult situations and care. It is important to show that you are ready to be a helper, a protector and a man who is ready to take care of and provide for your loved ones.

Tip two. Take the blame for what happened. Apologize, try to make amends for memories of conflicts. Might have to find new job, play sports, give up beer on Fridays and learn to be attentive and patient. But believe me: it's worth it when family happiness is at stake.

Tip three. Breathe in new life and romance in relationships with your spouse. Even if at first she doesn’t want to see you, wait for the right moment and invite her to a meeting. And instead of a banal tea party with a “debriefing”, organize some kind of romantic surprise for her: swimming with dolphins, horseback riding, a spa or massage treatments. You know better what exactly can melt the ice in her heart.

Tip four. Don't relax after your loved one returns. After all, just recently, your wife took the children and left you for a reason, but because she lacked: warmth, understanding, peace of mind, confidence in the future. And it’s not enough to make titanic efforts for 2-3 weeks, and then again merge with the sofa upholstery and turn into the old husband who doesn’t care about the family. Do you want to be happy in your marriage? You will have to work a little to build and maintain it every day.

And the most main advice , which you can get from a psychologist: before you get into a relationship, restore harmony with yourself. To do this, you may have to turn to a professional who will help you cope with the flow of grievances and accusations towards the woman you love and direct your actions in the right direction.

So one day during a crisis in family life I turned to and have never regretted my choice. Now I am happy and still married. But what could have happened if I had not asked for help in time? I don’t even want to think about it...

If your wife and child have left you, you need to carefully consider a plan for her return. However, first realize all your mistakes made in the past. If a woman is not afraid and leaves her husband, taking the child, this means that life with her husband did not suit her at all, and even for the sake of the child, she is not able to continue living with her husband as it was.

Of course, you are united by a child. You can act through it. And it will be easier for you to try to get your wife back precisely thanks to your common child. But this does not mean at all that you can relax and naively believe that you can sit with your hands folded and do nothing.

You must contact your wife and offer her help. Assure her that no matter what happens, you will always help her, that you do not want to stir up the past, but... You need to speak convincingly, but calmly. Offer to meet her on neutral territory. When meeting, be attentive, behave respectfully, provide assistance, preferably financial assistance. Give your child a toy and sweets. Establish human and parental contact with your family first. When you can calmly communicate with your wife, like friends, then you can hope to establish more than friendly relations with her. This will all happen gradually. Don't count on quick success. Your wife needs to get used to you again. She should see in you an almost new person, a different man whom she can look at with admiring eyes. It won't just happen on its own. Be patient. But this will happen if you are consistent in your words and actions.

Make arrangements with your wife to see your child. Go to her terms. If she wants you to see him on her territory, then so be it. If she forbids feeding him something specific, she knows better, she’s a mother. Be prepared for the fact that at first, out of resentment, your wife will regularly “bite” you, make claims, and cling to you.
Try to be patient and understanding. Only this can save your damaged relationship. You must understand your wife, feel her pain, understand her feelings, feel her rejection, alienation, unwillingness to be with you. When you get used to her sensations, feel her, you will be halfway to a happy future together. It’s not for nothing that there is a saying “Patience and work will grind everything down.” If you previously lacked patience and work on your relationship with your wife, now is the time to address this issue.

Love your family with all your soul, with all your heart. To do this, realize that you, your wife and child are one. How would you feel if your arm or leg was cut off? Do you understand? The pain is unbearable, and then slow death from blood loss occurs. About the same thing happens if your wife and child leave you.

Correct thinking and awareness of what is happening will help you get your wife and child back. Believe me, if you do the almost impossible - save your family, years later, when you have grandchildren who care about you and love you, you will understand what a great thing you did many years ago.

Therefore, now, when your wife has left you, leaving, taking the child, it is not a sin to cave in somewhere, humiliate yourself somewhere, turn your cheek somewhere.