What an ideal lover should be able to do. The ideal lover (a question for married men)
For a woman who is married or not planning to get married, a comfortable lover is a married man. ikaseru personally interviewed 17 women aged 21 to 30 years, who determined the criteria for a comfortable lover:
– Lack of jealousy, much less possessive ambitions. It’s logical - where to put them and implement them? And why?
Women have a much more sensitive sense of smell, and the olfactory nerve cells are directly connected to the frontal lobes, where the centers responsible for emotions are located. June "Nature" buy with the book "wise and useful". How psychology helps you live is a collection of psychological knowledge. It presents important hypotheses such as.
The book shows how psychological knowledge can be used in everyday life. This simple examples, tests, psycho-tasks that end each text. Why, the more witnesses to a dramatic event, the less desire to help? Where is the ease with which we judge others? Why do we sometimes act in seemingly irrational ways? When does a friend's success make us look sour like a lemon? Texts collected in the book Wise and Useful. Since psychology helps us live, they show that psychology gives us knowledge about ourselves, our loved ones, and the world.
– Thoroughness, confidence and experience. Indeed, if a man has a wife, then we can assume that he is aware of what should be done with female body. At least in general terms, and then it adapts.
– Talent for flexible scheduling. We are talking about an adequate and well-married person. This kind of person won’t call in the night and drag you out of bed because he’s impatient, but stopping by before work and creating a working mood or adding some piquant charm to the lunch break is his element.
We can understand the reasons for our behavior and attitudes. This allows you to create better family and professional relationships and better cope with addiction and achieve your goals. An excellent read not only for psychologists, students, but for anyone interested in psychology.
After interviewing hundreds of bachelors, Lisa Daly found out how they view the men they want to marry. Following her own advice, she married the man of her dreams after six months of tattooing. This is what puts you on the map" ideal women"in the eyes of men.
– Preliminary certification. Simple and elementary - his wife. With the modern level of development of social networks, you can easily find his page, and then his wife’s page. And even write “he’s so cool” if you’re an idiot.
– Well-mannered man will never compare his mistress with his wife, speak badly about his wife, and generally try to belittle her in any way. And in general there will be no mention of her, unless the mistress herself asks about her.
This means that you are on your feet and enjoying every day: you have a job, pay attention to your personal style and never neglect yourself. Additionally, you need to engage in and enjoy activities that define and process you, whether it's a weekly hobby or a hobby.
Men want a woman who enjoys herself first, who knows how to appreciate the little things and enjoys the same intensity on a walk in the park, and a long-awaited concert. Lisa Daly says you shouldn't expect to mean your entire existence. In other words, don't expect the person to actually start living.
From me: a wife does not guarantee anything at all, it is difficult to judge her husband by her, they can be completely different people and they can only be connected by material interests or children. As for flexible schedules, this is generally a utopia. Usually a married man cannot plan anything, he wants the woman to adjust and run, losing her slippers, if he suddenly has free time, for example, a wife went with a friend to a concert or is taking an exam at a university. And it’s even more convenient for him to meet during lunch break. I probably agree about the lack of jealousy and a sense of ownership, but this is only if there are no feelings for your mistress.
Although the topic was discussed to the point of exhaustion, there was no agreement - should women make the first move or not? When a man "hunts" a woman and suggests how and when it will happen, there is no doubt that she likes it. Moreover, if you allow him to do more “courting”, you will definitely know that he wants you.
At the beginning of a relationship, it's good not to go over the topic of "sex" too quickly. You can instigate the way you dress with a light touch on the shoulder or arm, but not too bold jokes or sexual innuendos. useful, but don't rush to reveal your erotic edge too quickly.
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Each woman has her own criteria for an ideal lover. And if a particular lover suits one woman, it is not at all necessary that he will suit everyone else. Because the ideal lover is the one who satisfies exactly your needs. For a woman who is married or not collecting...
Therefore, if you jump too fast, you may run away, given the greater importance that women give to sex compared to men. So don't rush into the "cement" link until you are absolutely sure that you are both at the same level of involvement in the relationship, and it has been time since you see it.
There are those who make a difference. And yes, and men are watching them! Are you interested in his needs, what she likes to do and what habits also make them little surprises: putting putty to wash his clothes, preparing a delicious lunch for you to take him to work or him walking the dog in the morning when you know he is too tired to wake up.
First of all, there must be a reason, you need to decide for yourself what it is: passion, love, temporary infatuation. In any case, you need to understand how to behave with a married man so that he feels superiority and joy from meetings, even if you are only interested in status in society, it is a temporary option and can simply give something valuable.
Give them a good impression of the boss if you get to know him, laugh at his jokes, be friendly with your friends and encourage their "moments of glory." Give him all your support and he will do the same. Men don't feel the need to constantly take the "pulse" of the relationship. She prefers to just enjoy it and see where it goes rather than determine "what kind of couple you are." So don't press him with questions like, "Where is our relationship going?" And by no means does this bother marriages.
In other words, you don't allow anyone to behave inappropriately in a way that could cause you harm. So, if you do this, it will respect you more. Besides, talking to insured people, those already loved or abusive boyfriends is out of the question. A good woman knows what's good for her, simple.
Often people turn to a mistress not only for the sake of carnal pleasures, but also in order to fill life with the missing elements: affection, care, understanding, advice to mistresses will help to retain and win over any man.
It is important to adhere to those principles that are beneficial for both parties, even when a guy falls in love - it is not a fact that he is ready to say goodbye to his legal wife. The essence of relationships on the side is to satisfy the desires of the kept woman, who must clearly know how to behave with a married lover, and accordingly, please the married man.
"Bad Boys" are teenage fantasies. A woman who wants her must choose an honest man to have the opportunity. This means that you can rely on his words, and if you say, for example, over a beer with friends, you know that they found him there and not elsewhere or others.
You know that love is the main bond
When you feel, your partner's happiness becomes as important as your happiness. Your priorities and his are equal, and you know he thinks the same. This creates an indestructible bond between two people that cannot be replaced by interests of a different nature.
If the relationship is temporary, uninteresting, without feelings, then you should not apply for the place of a new wife; it is better to be an ideal before whom they bow and want to fulfill all their whims, than to be forever exhausted by everyday life, tired with a heavy moral residue. The ideal mistress of a married man receives adoration, because she knows exactly how to behave correctly with a married man in order to please him.
All three of them once held "other woman" status, providing additional "action" to the seemingly happy people in their marriages and engagements. However, as a rule, things are more complex and less rosy. At the same time, we present to you the views of women who have gone through this.
In any case, you decide to call them - mistresses, cheaters, bearers of scarlet letters - women who sleep with married men have gained a reputation that is not only positive, but also what motivates such a girl to mess around with a man already taken? Sylvia, 29, has been in a relationship for almost two years with someone he met during an event at work. Although she knew she was married, she had been in her relationship for a long time - she could not resist the instant attraction that was created between them.
Idealimage
Being the lady of a married man, you need to be able to stay in the shadows, understand that exposure can lead not only to the collapse of your relationship, but also provoke incredible problems that will leave a stigma for a long time.
Being a lover is a lot of work. You need to realize what responsibility is assigned, to know what the rules of being a married man’s mistress are. It may look funny, but, in fact, there are unwritten rules of behavior for a mistress that can win and conquer the heart of even the most callous, unapproachable macho.
Sylvia says she wouldn't put her mind to sleeping with another woman's husband, but she admits it's exciting. It brings something extra into my life. It makes me feel and desire and frees me from my normal daily responsibilities. He admits that in the meantime he has fallen in love with him, but he does not expect - or even want - to leave his wife, but wants to continue the same thing, even if it means leading a double life.
But none of these conditions involve feelings of guilt or concern about the legal marital status of the person who is sleeping. I don't regret being his partner. Don't give him what he needs or wants. Suzana Cimpeanu, a relationship coach, admits that many women justify this by blaming shortcomings in her wife's behavior. But they're not all looking for the same thing when they pursue another woman's man. While some, like Sylvia, indulge the emotional distance a man might take over her - you have sex, gifts and compliments, without having to wash dirty laundry - some are just as challenging.
Rules for an ideal lover:
- Be as simple-minded as possible, don’t interfere with whining and constant problems, complain less.
- Work on confidence, say every day: “I am the best, I will succeed,” psychologists have proven that people with high self-esteem are more drawn to.
- Passion and frankness help the male sex feel like in heaven; if he considers you a goddess in terms of sex, he will certainly want to come back again.
- Elegance, well-groomed, graceful. Few people will be interested in a young lady with a bun on her head, in a robe soaked in the aromas of food; they need thrills, a variety of feelings, a surge of emotions.
- It is most desirable to share not only a bed, but also views, values, provide support, be able to listen, and simply be a good friend.
- Why go to a place where there is constant dissatisfaction and statements? He just ran away from the house where his wife “drank the blood”, and here it is on you - to be continued. Be reasonable, restrain yourself, even if it is extremely difficult, remember that you need to be a princess from a fairy tale, and not a grumpy witch.
- He must feel that no one loves him as much as you do. Completely ignore the fact marital status.
- Don’t beg for anything, don’t reproach, don’t whine about how bad it is when he’s not there, let him be your ideal superhero, who always shows up on time and does everything perfectly.
Prohibitions
- The first and basic rule on which the further development of relationships will depend is the frequency of family discussions; believe me, negativity and unflattering statements will not lead to anything good. If you value a person, then you cannot condemn his choice, demand something, or speak in a raised voice. You should always listen, but it is better to refrain from an explosion of emotions, because the reaction can be the most unpredictable.
- It's no secret that relationships with married people are often done for the sake of profit, in fact, there is something in it... There must be some kind of compensation for patience, constant separation from another lady, listening to problems. Of course, it’s nice to accept and receive gifts, especially if they are expensive, but you need to carefully hide it, enjoy every little thing, so that a good desire arises to please more and more. Remember, no respecting gentleman will tolerate a capricious spender next to him.
- You can’t be a spineless mumbler, but you also have to leave tantrums somewhere on the side, be something in between. Turn your time together into a celebration. You shouldn’t waste rare meetings with quarrels, tears, showdowns, constantly pretending to be the victim, whining, in which case such “suffering” can easily, irrevocably end, don’t get on your nerves and don’t test the patience of others.
- Stop manipulating and instilling feelings of guilt, because this can push you to make a choice, which, by the way, may not be in your favor.
Forget about control, persecution, a person should not feel like a prisoner. - Men cannot stand fools, they try to get rid of their company as soon as possible, so throw the following things out of your head: sex is the most important thing, besides this, you need to engage in at least self-development. Don’t even try to restrain the child, if the plan works, the “happy” dad will feel like an idiot and hate you for this trick, such things must be agreed upon. Remain calm, adequate, do not make unexpected visits, do not engage in persecution or amateur activities.
- Nobody likes obsessiveness, and neither does arrogance. Show independence, do not shift your problems, troubles, concerns, do not ask for frequent help.
Killthe victim in yourself
It’s so good that we live in free time, where everyone sets their own rules, moral standards, and way of life. Is it generally worth starting a relationship with a person connected by family ties? – Yes, if you really want it, in the end, you need to listen to your heart, if it’s love, burning feelings, and maybe even mutual, then it’s probably worth taking a risk and taking active action.
I think women who have experienced powerless relationships with men at one time become overwhelmed with a sense of strength and gratitude when they "win the fight," says Dr. Quimpanu. “The fact that a person has come under the control of his powers can seem like a kind of personal victory.”
But most of them do it for the most common reason in the world: because they like the attention that an infidel overwhelms them. "If a woman skips a chapter, any man who offers it may seem attractive to her," explains the psychologist. “Also, she may eventually think that the guy truly loves her, and one day she will leave her his wife.”
The kept woman probably knows in advance what she is getting into, so in the future it is useless to create scenes of jealousy, press for pity, or put forward ultimatums. Everything is quite simple: the option is either suitable or it is not. Essentially, you are the one who invaded someone else’s life, so threatening, blackmailing, demanding is stupid. It is unlikely that you will feel compassion for a thief who has invaded your own territory and who is talking some kind of incomprehensible nonsense about how you offended him and are heavily in debt.
Regardless of the reason they do so, vowels have a reputation for conflict and are often quoted as main reason. However, Kimpenu does not agree with this presumption. Many blame them, but it is like blaming the messenger. The truth is that the problem male infidelity old since the time of the world, and since it has never been resolved, the world prefers the simpler way of blaming the mistresses.
In fact, there are also women who consider themselves victimized by their wives. Known to sleep with Jesse James, now ex-husband actress, Michelle "Bombardment" McGee, a tattoo artist and stripper, says the guilt mostly comes from "judging" the wrong person.
Of course, you can put a final end to morality, show up at home, call (by any means to run into a conversation or meeting with your wife), throw a huge scandal, but this is tantamount to signing your own death warrant; after this, not only will passion go out, but and the cruel ending of the relationship will come. Rejoice in what you have: attention, affection, tenderness, gifts.
He is the one who took the vows and signed the documents. Both Sandra and I were Jesse's victims. After meeting him and confessing, he promised to point out her relationship, says Julia. After some adventures and relationships that seemed more serious but went nowhere, Julia finally came to terms with the fact that it was over between her and her ex-husband, but she says the whole phase left her traumatized, especially since now her children must live without them.
In the end, he left her. Although she blames her husband for ruining the marriage, Julia has a "tip" for women who like to marry a married guy: Go and find your own men to play this game. Leave other women's men alone - they are already accepted!
In fact - freedom, absence of constant moralizing and everyday life. Build your life in such a way that it suits you; if something goes wrong, it means that the wrong path was chosen, for which you should only blame yourself and try to improve. Understand that not everyone is ready to make drastic changes, to leave their family, this should be accepted, and not be overly dramatic about this.
The truth is extremely simple, guys (at any age) always go where they are loved and expected. In this way, they are a little distracted and forget their daily difficulties. No matter how offensive or regrettable it may be, but a lover is needed for relaxation, demonstrate yourself in all your beauty, splendor, and certainly do not leave him indifferent.
Sometimes it is useful to show strength of character so that “Casanova” does not think that he is allowed to do a lot, because he will immediately begin to “wipe his feet” and interest will immediately dissipate. A lot of effort needs to be made to understand how to behave with a married man so that he is satisfied and complete idyll reigns.