What to do if you are married and love someone else. I love someone else, what should I do? I want to leave my husband. Should I leave my husband?

Hello, dear psychologist. Perhaps my topic will not interest you, but nevertheless I would like to hear your point of view. I'm married but I love someone else.
This is how it is. My husband and I have a friendly family; we have a 5-year-old daughter. Everything is great except for one BUT. I'm in love with another person. A long time ago, almost 10 years. But for a long time this man lived his own life, which freed him from family ties a couple of years ago. Then he “walked around” a little more and finally, he showed interest in me. He invited me to visit, charmed me and my soul rushed to heaven. We've only been dating for a few months. Everything is great. Another thing is upsetting: the feeling of my own helplessness because I am not able to break this connection, much less leave my family. Or maybe this is not a problem or a question at all, but I just need to leave everything as it is, but I’m afraid of a very strong attachment to this person, because as you know, the higher you climb, the more painful it is to fall? Thank you.

Hello! Do I understand correctly that you are not worried about having a lover and a family at the same time, but are only worried about the possible pain of breaking up your relationship with your lover?

If so, then I can say that relationships are always a risk; breaking them off with strong attachment is really painful and it takes time to experience this pain. And the person who chooses a relationship takes this risk - he admits that the relationship may not be eternal, and this makes the relationship alive. The uncertainty of the future is such a price to pay for choice. You can choose certainty, not fall in love, not start relationships and all sorts of things. in different ways reduce your own anxiety and fear of contact with another person. This can even be done in relationships and marriages. Where you do not allow a break, where it seems to you that nothing will destroy your connection, the relationship is preserved in established reactions and ways of responding and may seem “boring”.

Since I don’t see a specific question or request, I’m writing about my interest in your situation:

It seems that you feel like a slave to all your existing relationships - you are unable to leave your family and are unable to break off the connection with another man. I wonder why you deprive yourself of the strength to do this, why do you choose not to be responsible for your actions? In such helplessness, it seems to me, there is a secondary benefit. Or maybe being in constant love is something you are not interested in living without?

I also notice that you separate love and a friendly family on opposite sides of the barricades. Is it possible to combine partnership and love, in your opinion? When the first love in your relationship with your husband passed, how did you feel? And if there was no love, I wonder why you chose to get married? Is there any interest in being on the edge? - after all, it is unknown whether the husband will want to maintain such a relationship where you have a lover?

Married, but I love someone else, my husband is tired of me. I liked another man.

Not strange. And there is no need to condemn those who live with one and love another. I'm not saying this because I've been through it myself. It’s just that life doesn’t happen like that. Things happen in it, sometimes completely unplanned and not predicted by anything or anyone.

I love someone else, what should I do? I want to leave my husband. Should I leave my husband?

It all started out banal. It was pouring rain. So strong that, probably, even the largest umbrella could not have saved or sheltered him from it. And I didn’t even try to hide from the rain: I enjoyed every drop of it, which gave coolness to my cheeks, quickly rolling down all over my face.

Passers-by were fussing and rushing home. They reminded me a lot of ants. And not just me. Surely they thought the same thing about each other. That's why they smiled so sweetly when they made eye contact.

I knew that they were waiting for me at home. And they've been waiting for a long time. I have two wonderful children whom I love very much. I'm married, I have a husband. But I don’t love him, my husband is tired of him. It happened that way. I live with him so as not to destroy my family. I consider it my duty to preserve a full-fledged family. Why am I doing this? Altruism is probably to blame.

That day I realized: I am in a dead end, from which I will never escape or get out. Children, husband, family... What about happiness? He simply is not in this family circle. How I wanted that day to pick up my kids and leave…. But something stopped me. Or someone. Namely, the one who loves me and doesn’t regret marrying me one bit.

I don’t think about whether the children will thank me for my heroic deed. I am sure that it is not customary to give thanks for such “steps”. They won’t even know that my heart has been beating with love for another person for a long time. Let them think that with us, with their daddy, everything is perfect, that with us - true love. This way, it seems to me, it will be easier for them to live, they will not feel guilty.

To whom is my heart given? The man of my dreams, whom I met when I was already married woman. He divorced his wife. For my sake. He thought that I could divorce my husband too. And I feel sorry for him. Both him and the children. More, of course, children: they love their father very much. Well, how can I part with their father and bring someone else’s uncle into the house? No matter how wonderful this “alien uncle” may be, no one will ever replace a child’s own father. Not only mine, but everyone in general.

D Do you know that it’s easy for me to deceive my husband and rush between two fires? It's even harder for me than you think! I can guess what you think about me. But, I will say one thing: to understand me, you need to experience the same feeling when you find yourself in a similar situation. Of course, I don’t wish such “happiness” for any of you. God grant that everything goes well with you and your husband, and that the most real and passionate love always “burns and sparkles” between you.

When I met my beloved (not my husband), I very bitterly regretted that I did not wait for the one with whom my heart breathes. She was in a hurry, she wanted to get married. Well, all normal girls and women dream of marriage. There is nothing unnatural or bad about this dream. Then it seemed to me that this was a love marriage. Oh, how wrong I was, stupid! And for my mistake I am punished by love for another person.

Dear ladies, if, as fate would have it, you are faced with the same situation, fight for justice. And justice is what your heart tells or whispers to you, which, like a cup, is filled to the brim with love... Love mixed with a sense of conscience.

Should I leave my husband? I love someone else, what should I do? I want to leave my husband.

If your heart says “break” - break the thread of the past, file for divorce, and enjoy life with the one you love and want more than life. The husband will understand everything. And children, too, as they get older. Perhaps if you don’t feel sorry for him, you will experience real human happiness.

Conscience torments- meet your loved one secretly. But your conscience will thus torment you even more. You won't be able to hide from it anywhere if you have it. She will disappear into your shadow and will follow you everywhere you go. Reminds me of the plot of a horror movie? In general, what is connected with conscience is scarier than any horror movie: you watch it, and you can forget it. And never forget your conscience. She won't let you do this.

Stop loving if you no longer have the strength to love, just as you no longer have the strength to deceive, cheat. Can you do it? I envy you with “snow-white” envy. My forbidden love has been tormenting me for several years now, and it still won’t go away. Maybe she likes me as a slave-hostage? Don't know…. So far I know one thing: I can’t live without him….

Every drop of my thought processes is saturated with his image, his voice, his appearance. I dream about him every night. Dreams are in color. And this makes it even more painful. I would love to not fall asleep, but you can’t fool your body. I tried! But even liters of coffee didn’t help. What can they do, these coffee liters? Just to cheer you up, and only for a while. Oh, if only coffee could help you forget... I don't want to do it with something alcoholic.

Many friends judge me. But their condemnations do not in any way affect the feelings that I experience for the “forbidden loved one.” Do you need to torment and torment yourself? I can’t think about the failure to restore nerve cells, about the harm to health, and about all this other “nonsense”, because all my thoughts are occupied with meeting him.

I liked another man, I love another. Yes, I love this brown-eyed brunette. And I don’t care about all the details of his past! I want to be with him and only him. And I have no desire to destroy that beautiful love, which I feel for him.

This is the first time this has happened to me. I am sharing these secrets with you not so that you will immediately leave your husbands and run to your loved ones. Do what you personally want. I'm not trying to force anything on anyone. You are an individual who has (and is) your own opinions, ideas and understandings. This is amazing! Thanks to your own opinions, you do not lose your individuality. And, by the way, many are susceptible to such loss. Don't be one of many! Be yourself!

You are the master of your own destiny. Don't you like this prospect? Do you want people to think and decide for you? The answer “yes” makes me a lot of skepticism, seriously. The heart cannot be ripped out of the chest and thrown away. This means we need to find another way.

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2014-03-29 | Updated: 2017-10-13© Likuniya

Any woman, when getting married, firmly believes that she will live happily ever after with her chosen one, in love and harmony. This happens in many married couples. But, unfortunately, it also happens that after living in marriage for a certain number of years, a woman grows cold towards her husband and falls madly in love with another man. Why is this happening?

Family psychologists identify several reasons why a similar situation may arise in a woman’s life.

Why can a woman fall in love with another man?

A woman married without love

Alas, not all marriages are made for great love. Often women get married not because they are in love with their chosen one, but simply out of fear of being an old maid. The popular saying: “If you endure it, you will fall in love” does not always justify itself in practice. A woman’s heart yearns for love, and if a woman could not love her husband, then she will love someone else... Bad attitude husband Even if a woman married for love, if the husband often offends the woman, cheats, is rude, and does not take her into account. In this case, all the blame for the situation falls entirely on the husband. Crisis of marital relations All families, without exception, even the happiest ones, go through moments of crisis, during which relations between spouses worsen, become uneven, and conflictual. Not all married couples go through these crises successfully, especially if in a conflict situation each spouse knows how to hear only himself and does not consider it necessary to adapt to his partner. And if during family crisis On a woman’s path, she meets a man with whom she develops mutual sympathy; she may decide that her marriage was a mistake and throw herself into the abyss new love. Boredom There is a category of women who very often fall in love with other men because they quickly get bored with calm and monotonous marital relationships. Such women, when they family life flows smoothly and calmly, they begin to get bored or rush to search for new love relationships, and the risk of exposure gives their sensations even more acuteness. Probably, such women are simply not created for quiet marital happiness...

Meeting with soul mate It also happens that a husband and wife are not bad people, but very different. If a man and a woman look at life differently, have different life goals and priorities, they will never be able to be happy with each other and they will always have problems with mutual understanding. And if a woman living with a spouse who is alien to her suddenly meets on her way a man with whom she has a lot in common, then it is not surprising if she falls in love with him. Thirst for romance Catchphrase: “The love boat crashed into everyday life” turns out to be true for many families. It should be clarified that it is not everyday life that kills love, but the lack of romance, when communication between husband and wife comes down only to jointly solving current family problems. And then another man appears next to the woman, who gives her flowers, says compliments, beautifully declares his love - is it easy for her to resist?

What should a woman do who has fallen in love with another man? Lead a double life, deceiving your husband, or destroy your family for the sake of love?

Calmly analyze what happened. The reason why such a situation arose is very important. If the whole point is an unbearable relationship with your husband or a lack of marital love, then it is advisable to get a divorce not only because of new love, but also because living with an unloved person is immoral, and enduring constant scandals is pointless! But if the only reason to destroy your own family is passion for another man, then it’s worth thinking about... Soberly assess the prospect of a relationship with your beloved man. As a rule, all love relationships begin beautifully, but it’s not a fact that it will continue to be so. It very often happens that a woman begins to feel passion for another man and leaves her disgusted husband for him, and as a result, after some time, the relationship with her lover becomes the same as it was with her husband, or even worse! Before making a vital decision, a woman must realize that good is not sought from good. Be honest The worst thing a woman who has fallen in love with another man can do is start dating her lover in secret from her husband. Firstly, everything secret sooner or later becomes clear, and secondly, having a relationship with two men at the same time is simply unscrupulous. It is much more correct to honestly inform your husband about your decision to break up with him, and only then begin to build a new relationship! Have a serious conversation with your loved one Before making a fateful decision, a woman should have a frank conversation with her beloved man and ask whether he is going to join his destiny with her if she becomes free. Very much because it is so convenient for them, since such relationships do not oblige them to anything! And as soon as a woman divorces for the sake of her beloved, her beloved immediately finds an excuse to break off relations with her.

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