Women who love violence. Should you listen to a woman or take without asking? From an excess of strength and against the backdrop of internal courage

With love and tenderness.

If he lets me take him by force, then I will take him

The goal is not to get a number, but to meet a girl... stupid things you can do when meeting someone

immediately ask for a number (you are not here for a number), judge the girl, say that she is wrong about something

You should ask for your number when you’re just about to break up after spending time together so that she’ll even fucking think “when will he ask for my number”

not everyone good mood exactly on that day when you approached her... in general it’s very easy to find a girl, but as usual we want the best and this is a big problem... to get the best you have to try very hard and you also have to be in right time in the right place...

and just an ordinary, not very pretty, plump one, etc. you can find it in 1 day... well, okay in 3 days... I even bet))) but give you the best, like most guys...

and yes, I realize all the cruelty of the last sentence... life is like that... you don’t know how to overcome difficulties, you are no one!)))) the furry world is not for an adult...

Maybe I wrote all this in vain, maybe not)))) xzz))))

When how
and depending in what sense

By the time all this reaches her, she will go deaf.
and won't make it >:(

ready to take on everything. but the girl must take part... or there will be a feeling that only I need the relationship...

I love it, but more often I have to take the initiative into my own hands

“Capricious and spoiled boys engage in violence all the time. Another thing is that girls are silent. If only because if you are capricious, spoiled, and have influential parents, a girl will not be able to prove or do anything.”

Kostya and I have been friends since we were 11 years old. Kostya is from a wealthy family. Mom is the head physician of the hospital, dad is educated at MGIMO. They also wanted to send Kostya there, but he actively resisted and went to the Chemistry Department of Moscow State University.
Kostya is lucky with the girls. In general, Kostya is cool. He can tell a banal joke in such a way that you laugh and wipe your tears with your sleeve. He is interested in photography and we often go with him to the Moscow region to take photographs. He finds interesting places, some old estates, abandoned houses.

Yesterday I met with Kostya and discussed the girl he likes now. Kostya is very interested in her: she is a high-status, beautiful girl (long-legged blonde, Kostya always liked those), but at the same time modest and shy, studying at the journalism department of Moscow State University. Kostya believes that shyness is a tactic to attract men. He says that people like these are especially popular now; punchy blondes are not in fashion now.
“I’m so jealous of her that it hurts my teeth,” Kostya confesses, “but she doesn’t seem to understand this.”
“She plays with me, and I don’t like when they play for a long time,” continues Kostya.
- So what does she want? - I ask.
- Who knows? She introduced me to her friends, and we walked, holding hands, like two lovers. But I’m a man, I can’t take this long, you know? We are people of action, we will not walk for a long time holding hands. And when I start hinting at sex to her, or move on to specific actions, she freezes. How long can I last like this?
- Why did you push into her? Switch your attention to another object if the girl is at that age when she needs walks with you on your arm, rather than a bed. Maybe she actually wants to show you off to her friends rather than be with you?

And then Kostenka looks from the TV to me, turns purple and says in a whistling whisper:
- So, she's deceiving me? Then I'll have to check it for lice.
- How is that? - I ask.
And then an ugly smile appeared on the good-natured face of my friend and good guy, which I had never seen before, and he said a phrase after which my vision of this world was shaken.
“If she doesn’t give it to me voluntarily, I’ll take her by force,” my friend told me.
And then Kostya turned away with an indifferent look, as if this was a normal occurrence for him.

I returned home, and this voice of his haunted me: “I will take her by force.”

I thought that had I really always assessed criminals incorrectly? For me, a rapist is such an evil guy-maniac, like an exhibitionist, who is interested in spoiling girls, and who should be kept either in a maximum security prison or in a cage, and shown to little boys so that they don’t take an example from him. And then it turns out that he can become a rapist nice guy, my friend, because he thinks that the girl is deceiving him.

Men, is it really one step from misunderstanding to violence? Is it really easy to commit a crime?
Women, have you encountered a similar phenomenon? Do you think that there is a rapist inside every man, even if he is kind, sweet and charming?

Elena M. Moscow

Let me make the topic a little more specific. This is not about when a potential sex partner delays the moment of rapprochement and plays “cat and mouse” with you, either agreeing to sit on your lap, or suddenly remembering that she has to get up early tomorrow and it’s probably time to call Taxi. And about situations when your regular girlfriend, whom you have already seen many times without panties and from different angles, decides to play hard to get: she starts dodging caresses and kisses, squeezing her legs, etc. Which, frankly, is not such an uncommon scenario. I even had a question on this topic from a reader in the “For advice” section:

“In my practice, I have met many girls who like to resist in sex. I was even married to one. So, I had to take my wife almost by force. No, without assault, of course, but my freestyle wrestling skills helped a lot. Tell me, where do girls get such a mania? I think a lot of them like it,” Moore wonders.

Moore, of course, slightly bent about “mania” (although in nature there are actually girls who don’t like ordinary, peaceful sex, so they make a big deal out of every copulation fighting- but this is the exception rather than the rule). However, there is definitely some truth in the young man’s words... I’m sharing my thoughts on why girls might like sex with elements of resistance, and against the background of what we are usually drawn to such things.

1. From an excess of strength and against the backdrop of internal courage

Surely, you yourself are familiar with this state: when the day is going well, you have a lot of energy, you want to jump, run and do push-ups at the same time (but you’re too lazy to trudge to the gym). In this case, it is not enough just to actively copulate. The soul requires some kind of drive, intrigue, provocation. And in this case, the game “Come on, catch up!” and “Did you catch up? Now, come on, unclench my thighs!” - that's it.

2. As an element of reconciliatory sex

Sex as the final chord of a quarrel is one of my favorite types of sex. But the transition from waving frying pans to waving thongs is usually complicated by the fact that the offended party (in 99.9% of cases - a girl) cannot just immediately capitulate, as if nothing had happened. It’s you who will stop taking her bucking seriously.

Well, or, let’s say, no quarrel has really started yet, but she walks around and furrows her eyebrows with inspiration, purses her lips and mentally calls you cloven-hoofed. You, as expected wise man, you take the first step towards rapprochement - but what should she do? She needs to breed you. Marinate. Push away. As befits a wise woman. Sex with elements of resistance - great way get rid of accumulated aggression, and at the same time make it clear to you: forgiveness (and with it access to the body) must be earned.

3. A way to feel your genuine passion

If Alzheimer's disease in old age does not threaten everyone, then intimacy, initiated according to the principle: “Well, shall we have sex?” - “Well, yes, you can” - this is what sooner or later awaits every couple. And even if something like this isn’t said out loud, it doesn’t change the essence: there is sex, but it’s somehow... unsexy. It’s as if two lethargic seals decided to rub each other’s tender places.

And without the research of British scientists, it is clear that the situation is largely explained by the fact that you have satisfied your “hunting instinct”. A woman snoring next to you is not a desired prey, but a given. But as soon as she begins to escape from your lustful clutches, all your instincts instantly come to life. And now, you are no longer a couple of seals, but two lean cheetahs, pouncing on each other with a roar and a roar.

4. Or give free rein to your own passions

The human libido is designed in such a cunning way that many of us, perhaps without realizing it, act out certain “scenarios” from the past in bed. According to psychologists, if a girl enjoys treating almost every intimacy like a martial art, such strange behavior may stem from her first sexual experience.

After all, if you think about it, even the most “peaceful” defloration scenarios, as a rule, contain a certain element of coercion: men insist, persuade, push us to bed, and we, in turn, resist, but ultimately give in. And it happens that a woman literally has this image imprinted in her brain. She can only experience pleasure if she hands over the reins to her partner. “It’s not her fault” - they took her, conquered her, conquered her. And the less such a person supposedly controls the situation, the more bright orgasms they visit her.

5. The desire to play rough sex

Sometimes we girls start playing hard to get because we are asking for rough sex. Few people would dare to say: “I want you to take me by force,” so we are trying to orchestrate the desired situation. And I won’t lie: it turns me on. Sometimes even more than regular sex, when a partner whispers all sorts of endearments in our ears and caresses us as if we were made of porcelain or something even more fragile.

Instead, we want him to push us against the wall or throw us to the floor, bite into the elastic of our panties and twist our wrists so that it hurts even a little. By the way, about pain. In one clever book on BDSM, I came across a mention of the so-called “endorphin theory”, which explains why people, in principle, get high from harsh treatment. It's all about the surge of endorphins (“hormones of happiness”), with which the human body reacts to painful sensations. In short, you may not be a BDSM person, but such games are almost always a flurry of new sensations and a splash of a whole cocktail of hormones.

Elena Malakhova

Sexologist, psychotherapist

Do you know why films with elements of sexual violence are especially popular? “50 Shades of Gray”, “Diaries of a Nymphomaniac”, “Tie Me Up” - the premiere screenings in cinemas were sold out. I myself attended one of them out of professional curiosity. There were people among the spectators different ages, but mostly women. Why is the topic of sexual violence so attractive to them?

While counseling a wide variety of patients, I found that for every second of them, the scenario of sexual violence was relevant and desirable. Why? They themselves could not explain it. It just excited them. But they interpreted the very concept of “violence” differently.

Make-believe violence

50 shades

Women who came to a sexologist’s office with their problems would like to submit to a man both in everyday life and in bed. But their decent, liberal and modern husbands, as a rule, could not give them this. And ordinary sex in the traditional version seemed insipid to these ladies.

Those who like submission in sex have certain characteristics of psychosexual development. For the most part, these are infantile women who specifically go through stages of development of their sexuality and get stuck in the platonic phase (the stage of falling in love, spiritual intimacy). They have no idea what they want from sex and relationships.

Their model of behavior was formed under conditions of strict upbringing in parental family and various taboos. As a rule, these are girls who grew up in conditions of emotional deprivation. Families of this type are called closed. They do not exchange information with other communities, avoid any contacts, reducing them to formal ones, and carefully protect the internal space of the family from outside interference. In such family systems there are rules and a strict hierarchy of power. As a result of numerous prohibitions and silences, the girl does not have the correct model of sexual behavior or it is greatly distorted. The main message of the parents to the child is “be an obedient girl,” which she successfully implements as an adult. She wants to obey, to obey. Pain, pleasure and love are welded into a single conglomerate in such women. No pain means no love.

Secretary

Often women, when fantasizing about violence, confuse the concepts. What they really want is not actual sexual violence, but rough, expressive sex. Remember the Australian film “The Little Death”, where the heroine of one of the stories asked her man to take her by force. And when he hired actors dressed as robbers for this, she got scared and backed down.

What is the difference between sexual violence and rough sex with elements of violence? Violence is forced sex. And when your fantasies come true, even if they contain elements of hardcore, then this is sex by mutual consent.

When we talk about the BDSM subculture, we are not talking about sexual coercion at all. There is even a special sign indicating “stop” - I can’t do it anymore, stop. It's funny that group psychotherapy also has such a stopping sign. And the presenter at the first session always reports about it. It is used if the participant is not yet ready to talk about something, the topic is too painful for him. There are a number of rules that clearly regulate the behavior of “master” and “subordinate”.

How normal is it to have such addictions and preferences in sex? It all depends on the severity of the manifestations. If we're talking about about elements of violence - handcuffs, slaps on the buttocks and other fetish, then this more like a game, which allows you to diversify long-term sexual relationships. If a woman likes to be beaten, tortured in a sophisticated manner, and without real pain she cannot enjoy sex, then we are talking about sexual deviation.

Violence for real

Red Riding Hoods

Let's remember the plot: the mother persistently sends a little girl into the forest alone and puts a red cap on her head so that the wolf will definitely notice her. And the girl walks alone through the dark forest to her grandmother, who lives on the outskirts with the door open, waiting for adventure...

Many psychotherapists, psychoanalysts, and even Eric Berne himself have dealt with the psychological interpretation of this plot. The hidden meaning of this fairy tale is that “Little Red Riding Hood,” violating official prohibitions, provokes a man into aggression and bad deeds, as if asking for punishment. As a result, the man, aka the “wolf,” being led into provocation, himself becomes the victim of the hunter.

The “Little Red Riding Hood” scenario refers to one of the manifestations of victimization. Victimization (from Latin victim - victim) is behavior that automatically puts you in a risk zone, making you a victim of external circumstances. Often this provocative behavior is reproduced on an unconscious level. It is these women who most often become victims of real rape. Of course, blaming the victim is a terrible sin (she had the right to walk at any time, anywhere, even in just a hat), and everyone will condemn and even punish the rapist. But this will not make it any easier for the victim.

The origins of this behavior, of course, lie in the family. As a rule, “Little Red Riding Hoods” are girls who grew up without a father, and the mother was so preoccupied with the organization of her personal life that she did not dream of sending her daughter away to the “forest.” Accordingly, the girl was unable to receive love and attention from the family and form the correct patterns of behavior. Therefore, “Little Red Riding Hood” deliberately attracts attention to itself. In her mind, there are two fairly straightforward concepts of love: “to love = desire” and “to love = to regret.” Therefore, this tale could not do without the notorious Karpman triangle: victim, pursuer, rescuer. The victim is “Little Red Riding Hood” (a woman

Think about it, how much of your height in a pickup truck depends on what girls tell you? How often did your behavior in a relationship depend not on your desires, thoughts and plans, but on what the girl inspired in you? Should I ask the girl about her desires and sex in the future? Most of us guys will have to admit with regret that often the reasons for our actions are not dictated by our own desires, but are born in the head of the woman who was nearby at that moment. Most guys have been accustomed since childhood to consider women the same people as we men are. We have been instilled with the habit of obeying our mother, grandmother, and teacher at school, accepting their thoughts and desires as our own, and often even putting them above our own desires or needs.

Don't think that I don't like women or consider them worse than men. Not at all. I love women, I love them very much, otherwise you wouldn’t be reading these lines now. And it is this love that gradually drives a man in his desire to understand the essence of female behavior, to unravel its riddles and secrets, to find out the whole truth. And the sad truth is that those who in relationships obey the fair sex in everything, are considered weaklings by them and very often have big problems in my personal life. Girls will never desire a good boy as much as an independent stubborn guy who plays by his own rules. There are a lot of examples of this.

Women can be smart and stupid, mediocre and talented, just like men. Whatever they say about funny female logic, many women will give any man a head start here. And it's true. But! And here, I hope, I will not reveal the secret for you, but will simply reduce to a single denominator everything that you yourself noticed in women’s behavior, words, and whims. Have you ever noticed that even the smartest and most talented people lose all their intelligence when it comes to the realm of personal relationships? Why did the smart, well-read and logically infallible botanist and his female synonym - the crammer, the girl who is called the “bluestocking”, become a symbol for young people of failure in their personal lives? What I'm talking about now also applies to us guys. But this is especially true for lovely ladies.

The main mistake of men

One of the first mistakes of a beginning pick-up artist is that he transfers the property of female rationality and equality to the male sex from the sphere of everyday and official relationships to the path of love. To an inexperienced person it seems that the best way finding out a person’s desires, his readiness for this or that action of yours will become directly asked question. In ordinary life - yes. But not in matters of love. This is the reason for many failures in the seduction process. You start asking the girl’s opinion, listening to her answers. At the same time, you rely on logic and think that if a girl went on a date with you and she likes you, then to your natural question whether you can kiss her, she should answer in the affirmative. What a cruel disappointment awaits you if you do this! In most cases, the answer to such a question will be a categorical “no.” This behavior of yours can become a serious obstacle to sex in the future, for example, after a series of dates you invite a friend to your home and declare that it’s time to have sex. You think that it’s all over, since she’s dating you, and your passion will definitely agree to your proposal to please each other and get even closer. Instead, you receive a resounding slap in the face or hear an indignant exclamation: “What are you doing! I'm not like that! At best, they will reproachfully inform you that it is too early and you will feel like a beggar, over whose outstretched hand they held a hundred dollars, but never tossed them.

At the same time, the girl will want kisses, sex and communication absolutely as much as you do, but in matters of intimate relationships, nature greatly distorts her behavior and logic. Hormones are boiling in the blood, taking the form of pride, inaccessibility, flirting and similar feminine things. In fact, all this is aimed at attraction and rejection at the same time. Nature thereby tests you for strength, the presence of a masculine core, independence, and the ability to overcome obstacles. Strength and determination are expected from the male, but the female in this game is prey. Does anyone in nature ask the victim's opinion? No. By not acting on your own instinct, like a strong male, but by begging for permission to kiss a girl, you put yourself on her level, lowering yours. The owner will not ask permission for anything, but will simply take it.

Don't ask, but do

If you think that your “brazen” attempts to kiss or have sex will anger the girl or make her run away, then I feel sorry for you, you won’t see sex for a long time. Of course, some girls will react negatively to your advances, but if proper preparation soil and beautiful courtship, soon enough the strategy of “acting without asking permission” will lead you to success in seduction. If you walk around with your hand outstretched, begging for sex as handouts, then you will only be lucky by chance.

Well, quickly remember a couple of stories where the heroine would be wildly delighted and excited by a character constantly asking her opinion and begging for kisses. Doesn't work? There are no such stories. The world is full of love stories about guys who made girls feel like real women, awakening all their tenderness, and not once did these heroes of women's dreams ask permission to kiss, undress or touch a lady.

Thus, constantly consulting with your partner about relationships and wondering whether it is possible to do such and such, you will definitely sooner or later fall into the category of those who are unsure of themselves mama's boys, cute boys who make friends and let you carry your briefcase on the way from school. But they will never see you in erotic dreams, they will not whisper about you with their friends. (You can learn much more about seduction by starting to read the book “the game” by Neil Strauss.)

Conclusion

I hope you learned a useful lesson from all that was said. When courting, the main indicator of the correctness of your actions towards a girl should not be her words, but your feeling of comfort and first of all you should obey her. In most cases, when you feel good and have fun, the companion next to you experiences very similar emotions. And vice versa, if there is a sour-faced chick sitting next to you, you will not have the desire to kiss her or drag her towards you. Resisting your advances, but not walking away, agreeing to new meetings with you, the woman gives you carte blanche, wants to see your determination, how you want her and whether you can lead her. And if you don’t ask, but confidently lead her along, then she will give you her hand, her heart, and her body.