Has life become difficult? What to do if life is hard. Why is our life so difficult

There are 5 main things that make life hard. These are your beliefs, ideals, demands (your own or those of others), unmourned losses and the desire to “get hooked on emotions.” Life itself is neither simple nor difficult. She just is. But the habit of making life difficult reliably keeps many people in a reality in which it is difficult and unpleasant to live.

A hard life is a score

I have already written about what happens when a person is sure that... But the problem is not only that we value what we have obtained with effort and devalue much that has turned out “as if on its own.” A hard life is a value judgment. The question is how the person came to this assessment:

• heavy compared to something;
• what weighs it down;
• What does the “easy life” look like and what makes it unattainable?

It often turns out that:

1. Life is hard compared to the “neighbor”. A person looks at how those around him cope with tasks, everyday life, relationships, and it seems to him that they made no effort at all. “It happened on its own, but why is it different for me?!”
2. Life becomes harder if there is a feeling of hopelessness, the impossibility of changing anything. It seems like it will always be like this. This is where life becomes difficult.
3. There is no ideal of an “easy life” or it is vague and unrealistic. For example, “everyone should love me,” or “they shouldn’t argue with me.” Any maxims spoil the life of those who expect not the optimal option, but a good enough one. impossible .

Beliefs

One of the ways a person creates heaviness is through his beliefs. They all “cling” to some unconditional values. For example, the sufferer may be convinced:

• I deserve better;
• I must be loved;
• everything should work like this and not otherwise.

As a result, belief becomes an expectation from the world, but it, such an infection, does not justify it. To do something, you have to work hard, and often you have to give up part of your beliefs and reconsider them.

Ideals

Ego-ideal is an idea of ​​myself, of what I should be. If this ideal has a large discrepancy with the “real self,” that is, with what a person does in ordinary life, in reality, heaviness appears, even to the point of .

There is only one way out - to revise ideals towards greater vitality and similarity with oneself.

Imagine a young lady whose ego-ideal is a ballerina. At the same time she has weight more than normal, she works in the gym, limits herself to food, but at the same time she can’t come close to the “ballerina” image in her head. Of course, she will have a very difficult life.

And no achievements along this path will repay the efforts spent on achieving your ideal. Which, let me remind you, exists only in the head (plus it can be partially supported by her loved ones).

Requirements – your own and those of others

Life is hard if a person follows little of his “wants” and does a lot of what he “should” and “should”. Any obligations and demands, both your own and those of others, can and should be reconsidered.

Some housewives raising small children find that it is much easier for them to earn money and pay for the work of another person than to clean the house themselves. By choosing “earn and pay,” he gets rid of the task. But at the same time, many experience an unpleasant, nagging, oppressive feeling of guilt: “I’m a bad housewife, I have to cope on my own.”

Demands lead to the fact that a person lives in a very gloomy world that brings little pleasure and joy (pleasant things), and requires a lot of effort to do something that they do not like at all. Efforts are wasted, there is less and less strength left, and life becomes a very difficult thing...

Unmourned losses

Any loss requires time to grieve. Burying is better than leaving behind a “ghost of the past.” A person who suffers from the past (from a dead cat to an unfulfilled relationship) is akin to a patient with a broken finger:

“Doctor, it hurts here, here, and here, and this also hurts!” - Pointing a finger, the patient says.

- Eh, my friend, your finger is broken! - the doctor notes.

While a person suffers, he does something big and important. internal work. Any distraction to everyday affairs, although it brings temporary relief, complicates this task and delays the real healing of the soul.

Plus, in the process of mourning, a person paints the world in black tones.

We also have to mourn strange things, unobvious losses. For example, the fact that youth has definitely passed, or health is no longer the same, or career prospects have passed by. Or - it turns out! - there is no that great and beautiful love, which a person dreamed of.

“Drama Queen”, or How to get addicted to emotions

Life is hard for those who are “addicted to emotions.” Such a person literally “squeezes” the problem out of any situation and screws himself up. Those around him can return the real picture to him - in fact, everything is not so scary. But that won't stop a true drama queen. Life is..., all the women are..., the sun is...another lantern. The problems continue, the plot gets tighter and tighter, and the person continues to complain about his hard life.

The habit of strong emotions is often almost the only thing that helps a person feel alive and real. And this means that there is the hard way to move from “drama” to the middle register of feelings. To feel that a light breeze, pleasant music and other things that are not very emotionally charged can also bring pleasure.

You will have to come down from the perverted high - otherwise, after eternal difficulties, health, work, and other important parts of life often fall away.

In order to correctly navigate the world around you and correctly find your path, sometimes you need to take a break from the everyday hustle and bustle and look at your life as if from the outside. Sometimes a person who is mired in worries and endless affairs ceases to objectively perceive his own values ​​and lives in a world of illusions.

It is important to build your life in such a way that you feel comfortable and interesting. For example, when choosing a job, do not rush to give preference to a large salary. Think about what factor is most important to you in your profession, and build on this knowledge. Follow your desires, talents and preferences; this path is the simplest and most pleasant.

Consider whether you are overloading your own life. Sometimes abundance brings more negative emotions than positive. Maybe you demand a lot from yourself, want to succeed in everything at once, strive to control everything and be perfect. For some people, it is enough to lower the bar a little, accept their own small shortcomings, give up complex but unimportant tasks, reduce the number of responsibilities, and life immediately becomes a simpler thing.

Stop complicating things

There are many ways in which a person can make life difficult for themselves. One of them is the acceptance of other people's values. Some people do not understand what they really want and are easily influenced by society. They quickly accept goals and aspirations common among other members of society and move towards them.

This creates many difficulties and problems, but brings virtually no benefit. A person becomes disillusioned with life and considers fate to be unfair to him.

Another type of people thinks a lot for others. Such impressionable natures passionately desire to receive someone's approval, but at the same time they are quite suspicious. Together this creates enough problems. Individuals of this type are tormented by doubts, pangs of conscience, guilt, uncertainty, inattention of others, and consider themselves deprived and offended.

Those who look for a catch in everything also complicate their lives considerably. Pessimistic people worry endlessly about almost everything, get upset about every event, and often complain. If you want to see the bad, find a flaw, have a problem and difficulties, you will succeed.

Don't try to please everyone. You can't please everyone. Also, don't do something you don't like just because others expect you to react a certain way.

Your actions should be determined by your interests. Therefore, it is important to clearly understand what will happen to you best choice. It should be adhered to every moment.

You don't have to worry about the future all the time. Solve problems as they arise. Some people don’t have that many real problems at the moment, but they spend a lot of moral energy to avoid some kind of illusory trouble. Live here and now.

One day after the concert of the legendary violinist Isaac

Stern a lady came up to him and said enthusiastically:

“I would give my whole life to play like you!”.

“Madam, you are late. I’ve already done that,” the violinist replied.

You probably know people who live easy: they eat and drink what they want, go to holidays and parties, spend everything they earn, in general, don’t worry! You look from the outside and think - what an easy life they have in a bright package, I wish it were the same for me.

Let's think about how easy life is for them In fact?

Is it easy for them on the beach with saggy sides?

Is it easy for them to look at people who have achieved something in life?

Is it easy for them in the morning after another party?

Is it easy for them to live on their modest money? (they don’t earn much, for this they need to think and do various things that are not always pleasant, but there’s no time)

Is it easy for them on a pension of 8,000 rubles?

Is it easy for them with poor health at the age of 30-40?

The list goes on and on.

A delightfully easy life with dire consequences!

“Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we will die” It’s not true, we won’t get off that easy) We won’t die, but turn our lives into a complete misunderstanding.

And there are people who live hard. They get up early, drink some herbs instead of coffee, make lists, goals, set strict deadlines, don’t go to parties, read boring and difficult books, and for some reason torture their body with hard workouts. Some kind of abnormal) They don’t understand that we will all die, so they engage in sadomasochism.

Look how strange a person is, for example, Brian Tracy:

« I studied commerce, management and business, in order to find out how you can ensure your life.

When I got into management, I became read everything that would help me achieve the most effective results through other people. I applied everything I learned to build a sales organization with ninety-five people, operating in six countries, generating millions of dollars in revenue each month.

When I decided to get into the real estate business, I turned to books again. I received my real estate license and I read everything I could find on the subject. For my first project, without any experience in the field, I selected, financed, leased, built and sold a three million dollar shopping center.

I have always been interested in the topic of happiness and why some people are obviously happier than others. For answers I studied psychology, philosophy, religion, metaphysics, motivation and personal achievement.

To solve your own personal problems I studied relationships, interpersonal psychology, personality types. Having married, I read and listened to everything I could get my hands on about the art of parenting and raising children.. To improve my communication with people, I read books that helped me better understand myself and the reasons why I felt and acted the way I did.

I studied history, economics and politics to understand the past and present, to find out why some countries or regions are richer than others.

Overall, over a twenty-five year period I spent more than twenty thousand hours of study"

“When I was 21 years old, on long winter evenings I sat in my miserable one-room apartment and thought about the future. It didn't look very promising. After dropping out of school, I worked in construction, barely making it to my paycheck each week. And suddenly an insight descended on me... I realized that everything that happened and will happen in my life is in my hands. No one else will do anything for me. I am responsible for my own life." Brian Tracy

Result?“In the years since that epiphany that came to me in my small apartment, I have visited and worked in 80 countries around the world. As a founder, director or crisis manager, I have led 22 businesses across a wide range of industries. I have consulted for more than five hundred different companies and, through my lectures and seminars, have taught strategies for success in their professional and personal lives to more than two million people.”

Brian Tracy annually consults 350 firms and trainers, and also conducts seminars for 350 thousand participants. Recognized as one of the best personal development and management consultants in the world. His book “Achieving Your Maximum” was included in the list of 50 classic books on motivation and leadership, lives in a happy marriage, has four children.

“Lucky,” people around you will say. “If a person works tirelessly, constantly studies and makes his way to the top on his own, is this connected with luck? - Brian Tracy says

Let's be honest: is it hard to force yourself to go to a grueling workout? Hard. It's easier to lie on the sofa. Is it easy to go shopping for clothes, knowing that you don’t have to look for a special style that hides your excesses? Easily. And it’s also easy and fun to listen to compliments from others about your “natural” slimness.

• It’s easy to walk with a straight back when you plowed at the ballet barre as a child.
• It’s easy to go on a hike, knowing that you won’t “suddenly” have an exacerbation of any illness, because you took care of your health and you don’t have any serious illnesses.
• It's easy to go to the USA if you study English hard.
• It's easy to paint a masterpiece in 20 minutes if you've spent 30 years painting.

You shouldn't envy someone's easy life. This is either a well-deserved rest after hard work, or a squandering of the inheritance, or a path to nowhere.

What am I calling for? The next time you are overwhelmed by laziness, tell yourself: “Now I choose an easy life, and I remember where this will lead.”

We must submit - either to our decisions or to circumstances. Either we consciously limit ourselves in some ways, or life will limit us in many ways without asking permission.

I don’t want to be misunderstood, I didn’t mean that now you need to ban yourself from all holidays, rest and entertainment, and become a workaholic machine)

In addition, everything has a price - both an easy life and a hard one. Everyone chooses their own.

You asked - I answer:How to gather yourself when there are difficult periods in life, you have no strength for anything, you don’t want anything (as an option, someone in the family is sick), how to find support and internal resources at such a moment?

Yes, indeed, there are periods that are sometimes called “a dark streak in life,” when strength and desires disappear somewhere, nothing makes you happy. Such difficult periods in life can arise for various reasons: loss of a job, change of place of residence, long-term stress, a crisis in a relationship or divorce, a financial crisis, simply an internal crisis, a spiritual crisis...

What to do in such a situation?

I will answer this question from my experience. The hardest time for me was when my husband was seriously ill - he had cancer. And then his death. Although I wrote a book about everything I experienced, I did not formulate specific recommendations in it. Now, apparently the time has come to do it.

The first thing to do is accept the fact that this is exactly what is happening to you now (if someone is sick, then accept the person’s illness and everything that is connected with it for you). Realize your feelings in this situation.

About feelings. Most often, we experience a lack of strength, apathy or depression, simply because we cannot recognize our real feelings and allow them to do their work, we do not live them, but resist them. Our strength is spent on internal resistance to our feelings, to a situation that we cannot accept. It takes energy to fight all this. Stop resisting, accept everything as it is!!! This alone will do several healing things for you: your strength will return, the process of awareness will begin, you will be freed from difficult thoughts and feelings.

Believe me - it's possible!

The second thing that is important to do is cry. Tears come when you experience your feelings, your pain. Give yourself permission to cry! Along with tears, tension will be released, unlived emotions will be experienced, acceptance (at least partial) of the situation will occur, pain will decrease and gradually go away completely.

It happens that you cannot allow yourself to cry, because it seems to you that then you will upset your loved ones, or you are uncomfortable crying in front of strangers, or you have suppressed your emotions so much that you are afraid to let yourself go, because, as it seems to you, you will completely lose your fortitude in this situation. Or it happens that you want to cry and there is an opportunity, but it doesn’t work out, physically and emotionally it doesn’t work out.

Ways to cry:

Third, find an opportunity to be alone with yourself. At least half an hour a day. Be sure to go outside and take a walk. It is very useful to be in the forest or at least in the park. Walk on the earth, communicate with nature. It is grounding, calming and energizing.

Fourth, talk about your feelings. If you don’t want to talk about them with friends or a psychologist, then you can just do it in front of the mirror, you can talk to God, you can write down what you feel. This is one of the ways to recognize and experience feelings. In any case, communicate with those people who understand you, who are close to you in spirit, who can listen to you and accept everything as it is.

Fifth, if you don’t want anything, then let this state be. It’s just that your energy goes to what is more necessary for you now, and not to producing desires. This is the time to let go of everything that was important and meaningful to you. Because if this happens to you, then you are probably ready to reassess your values. In times like these, it is very productive to revise and reassess your values ​​and beliefs. Everything old, unnecessary, superficial is destroyed. And something new is born. Be at peace and let the old go, make room for new values ​​and desires.

Sixth, think about the meaning of your life. It is during such periods of life that many things begin to fall into place, the undisguised essence of life is revealed - such as it is. Just think about it. Who are you in this life? What are you living for? Why are you given this situation? What does she teach you? How would you like to live your life in a global sense? Not from the point of view of physical existence, but from the point of view of a spiritual being?

Perhaps in such a state everything will seem meaningless to you, and this is normal. Then live the state of meaninglessness. Another state will come after it... Because whatever you live through is all temporary, everything passes if you don’t hold on to it. If you just accept, it comes and lets go.

Seventh, pay attention to your hobby. Perhaps there is something you enjoy doing: drawing, reading, writing, dancing, singing, sewing, studying something... whatever. Just do what you like... If you don’t have the time, energy or desire for it, then you don’t need to force yourself. But if you start doing this, you will help yourself tune in to creation, your thoughts will flow in a positive direction, bright feelings and interest will return.

Because any such activity of yours can serve as therapy for you. Therapy through creativity or work. It helps a lot.

Eighth, and most importantly! Look at yourself and the World from a Divine point of view. Look at everything that happens to you from the point of view of Eternity. Let, despite all the difficult emotions that you experience, Love grow in your heart. Turn your attention to God. Let the highest value for you be Love for God, service to God. Because we take all our strengths, meanings and values ​​from this Source. All other sources to which we are accustomed: communication, loved ones, health, future, creativity, etc. - this is all transitory, it is not eternal even from the point of view human life, not to mention Eternity. And when suddenly everything that we have relied on in this life begins to malfunction, collapse or stop working, then we become scared, very scared! Any crisis is about this. He just says that what you relied on, what your happiness depended on, is leaving, disappearing and you need to look for another support. And here it is important to find a support that is more reliable. There is nothing more reliable than God.

It is no coincidence that after living through such periods of life, many people begin to believe in God, even if they did not believe before.

Try to maintain it, even if everything around you is not going as you imagined and as you wanted. This is how the soul and spirit develop. While going through various trials in life, the task is to maintain and increase Love for God. Make it the main support in life. And everything else is just a means for this.

With Love, Tatyana Kiseleva.